Well I flew into chicago just after 6 and I don't board to my destination until about 9:30...
See, I'm working on comedy, more passively now than ever, but in the past months, I've really found a niche for it so I like to explore it, again passively. I do this in some form of Ice Breaking.
Now since it was an airport, I figured I'd never see any of these people again, and also I had this dream once that I worked in a Detergent Factory and I peed in the worlds supply of Tide Concentrate. This helps me even everything out since I can tell myself that I'm better than the person I've talked to because they've washed their clothes in my Pee.
My intention was to start conversations off on an equal plane with everyone but to talk about THEM to initiate in a way that wasn't awkward. But get THEM to reveal something about themselves that they would like.
Some conversations of note:
1. I noticed this guy was looking at the lights, had a very very mean disposition on im about it (in chicago there are these evolved art displays under the ground where the terminals connect)
<M>"You have to wonder what pays for all this."
<Person>"No Idea."
<M>"That's cause you're involved."
<Person>"hahaha What?!"
<M>"I saw you over there changing the bulbs and turning the music up while laughing. You just wont take blame for it cause you know everyone on autowalk would jump gate and kill you. What the hell is this music anyways? Sounds like Kenny G as covered by Ducks being stepped on."
<Person and a few onlookers break out laughing>
<Person>"I'd use my engineering powers to tear this down."
<M>"Oooo you're an engineer? What do you engineer? If you answer it smart, I'll give you that girl's number" *points at the girl who was watching*
<Girl>"He doesn't have my number!"
<M>"Yet, You're next."
<Person breaks out and is all red>"I work as an engineer in a welding facilities designing new m joints for freighters" (we went into detail from here, but score.)
2. I noticed a lady looking at an overly beautiful poster of a luxurious getaway, walking past her with my coffee.
<M>"Hell I'd go too."
<Woman>"By yourself"
<M>"Hey, I'm a sure thing."
<Woman snorts her drink>"Ok, THAT was funny."
<M>"There's humor in truth, I mean TELL ME that provided the opportunity, you WOULD not go there."
<Woman>"It'd be nice, but I've always had a thing for Maui."
<M>"I prefer rigatoni, but I'm talking about THERE."
We had a couple more cheap laughs and I went on my way. Score.
3. Then, there was a a few failures, but really none all that funny, but the starbucks fiasco was great and lead to a few signatures.
I went into starbucks and ordered a cinnamon dolce latte, the lady said
<W>"I want a grande cinnamon dolce latte"
<M>"No, I want a cinnamon dolce latte."
<W>"saywha?" *smiling since I am*
<M>"Now really, is that even a WORD?"
<W>*Beginning to laugh*"What do you mean YOU want"
<Guy next to me who caught it>"YOU said YOU wanted the cinnamon dolce latte"
<W>"Oh, hah, HE want's a cinnamon dolce latte"
<M>"Grande"
<W>"Grande"
<M>"please"
<W>"What?"
<M>"I don't want him blowin a snot rocket in MY coffee cause you can't be polite"
*smiling to make it CLEAR I'm joking*
<W> *Goes and gets boss/manager*
No shit, this totally happened
<Guy next to me laughing as the people gathering>"Do you do this everywhere?"
<Manager>"What?"
<W>"Who is this guy?"
*she's in tears at this point laughing so hard*
<Manager>"What's the issue?"
<M>"Nothing, I just want her to say PLEASE after my order so the gentleman making my drink doesn't blow snot rockets in it"
At this point I realized "snot rockets" is the funny trigger
<Manager>"You mean like that guy over there?"
<M>"Sense of humor. I like that. You hear that sir?"
(We both notice the guy had apparently been listening as he had blown his coffee on himself laughing mid sip)
<M>"I just don't understand this city. Apparently 'Polite' flies out of this concourse." *leaning over to the guy next to him speaking just loud enough* "the real problem is I don't have the money for the coffee I'm going to spill on myself and sue for, so I'm trying to get it comped" "I'm very upset"
<Manager>"Ok, who are you, are you from some sketch comedy or something?"
<Guy with drink on him>"He's the best pre-9am entertainment I think I've ever seen."
<M>"wait till you check your bank account. You paid for it, and Baby, I ain't cheap"
<W>"How much for a ticket to your show"
<M>"Going rate is 225." (Homage to emily)
<W>"Shit, I ain't gonna pay that"
<M>"For you? A free coffee"
<Manager>"But do you REALLY have a show?"
<M>"Hell no, I'm just a goofball."
<Guy next to me.>"He's lying. If he isn't he'd do well with one. Get his signature now!"
And we joked a bit more and I signed four signatures. Weird. hahaha it was a good time.
I feel really bad about the good humored gentleman that spilt coffee on himself mid laugh![]()



Reply With Quote
You're in Chicago?


Bookmarks