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Thread: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

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    Default :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    Not sure where to post, but here goes. Im really upset, home alone, and have been balling my eyes out all fucking day

    So I've had it. I've been with this guy for a year now, and its been pretty downhill lately. We had a fabulous relationship in the past, and he's turned me into a boring housewife, which is pretty good I guess. I used to be a party animal, college dropout, running the streets drinking & doing lots of drugs. When I met him, I settled down a bit, and began to love the boring life.. or normal life I guess...Im back in school, taking mostly online classes at the community college here and doing GREAT!!! Anyways, we got into a huge arguement last night over me not wanting to give him my myspace account password for him to go snooping.. not that I have anything to hide in there.. but sometimes u cant help it if you get messages from exes or random guys asking you to fuck or wahtever else??? In which, of course I DO NOT REPLY!!

    ((Just a little background: We live together. When I met him I had a brand new Lincoln LS, I had gotten on my OWN in MY name, and my OWN house.. Shortly after moved to his town, and we got a place together. My car started to give me problems, so I had a lot of trouble with the dealership and finally made arrangements with them for them to take it back for what i owed on it. In the meantime he bought "ME" an escalade, which is in his name of course...))

    So we sleep in different rooms, he gets up at 8 am starts throwing stuff around, packing stuff for his fishing trip this weekend... So I get up after he leaves and look for my phone.. Both of my phones are gone, including my keys and my TRUCK!!! So I use my neighbor (his uncles) phone to call him and ask him wtf is he doing?? Im supposed to work tonight and have friends over tomorrow night to go out. I just cant believe he'd put me in SUCH a fucked up thing like that... Im stranded here all weekend, with NO food, NO phone, no vehicle.. and I just cant believe he'd do it to me!!!

    And to top it all off.. The club where I work at here in NOLA, I LOVE, absolutely LOVE, and make tons of money and have been there for a few years now... Well most of his friends gfs, cousins, and family work there.. So if we broke up, they would all give me HELL working there.. I just know it.. And I could get my own place, its a pretty big town, and work somewheres else.. but I just cant be here anymore.. If we're going to breakup.. I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! I either want to do one of those contracts and go to Guam or find a decent city I can relocate to fora month, or a few months, until I decide what I want to do with my life. I have finals in 2 weeks, so then Im wanting to get the hell outta here.

    I dont know, I love him, and I honestly cannot imagine life without him, but a part of me just thinks, you're too strong for this shit, and you dont need to take it, and you DONT DESERVE IT!!! HELP!! Please!

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by GrlWithTheMost View Post
    ...I could get my own place, its a pretty big town, and work somewheres else.. but I just cant be here anymore.. If we're going to breakup.. I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! I either want to do one of those contracts and go to Guam or find a decent city I can relocate to fora month, or a few months, until I decide what I want to do with my life. I have finals in 2 weeks, so then Im wanting to get the hell outta here.
    Well, the money is very good here in Key West, lol...

    I know it was much easier for me to break up with two of my SOs when we were in different parts of the country.
    Obviously you need to get out of the controlling situation.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    He's a controlling asshole. Pack your stuff and head out, and don't look back. What he did sends up a huge red flag. That is abuse. Abuse doesn't always involve being physical. It can be verbal and emotional.

    You do not deserve to be treated this way. Like you said, when you first met, you had your own things....a car and a home. Now he has you in HIS home driving HIS car. He has slowly put power over you and may as well have you on a leash.

    Do you have a friend you can stay with?

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinder View Post
    He's a controlling asshole. Pack your stuff and head out, and don't look back. What he did sends up a huge red flag. That is abuse. Abuse doesn't always involve being physical. It can be verbal and emotional...
    WORD.

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    it can only get worse.

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  6. #6
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    Holy shit, he took your phone, keys and truck???? WTF??? As soon as he gets home, run!

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    God I know that deep down inside.. and it HAS only gotten worse.. I just think of the good times u know, and I keep thinking wow hes a totally different person now. Its just soo hard u know.. to uproot and start over.. But I know this is for the best...

    I have places I can go.. Im just trying to sit down and think of a gameplan. Where to go, What to do?!

    Thank yall for the responces, I guess I just needed someone to vent to.. talk to. I just feel like I made him top priority in my life and kinda put everyone else off.. He was my rock, my everything.. never really go out or hang out with friends anymore u know.. I guess I just needed to HEAR it!
    Last edited by GrlWithTheMost; 04-20-2007 at 09:54 PM. Reason: added stuff

  8. #8
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    Get packing and leave asap - thats fucked up! If he wont give you youre phones back report to the police that he has stolen them.

    For the record I thought it was fucked that he wanted your myspace password, but the rest absolutly takes the cake.

    Im sorry that youre having a shitty weekend, but use it wisely so you can have brighter future times!

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    This does not bode well at all. Have you gotten ahold of him? Why did he take both phones? Whatever he says his reasons are, he's hurting you on purpose and trying to make you feel helpless. Probably re-asserting his own power over you after you pissed him off by guarding your own privacy. You know... "Bitch thinks she's so independent, I'll show her she's really at my mercy!"

    This is abuse and it's going to lead to physical abuse. Every woman who has been killed or injured by domestic violence has a story just like this one before the attacks turned physical. Get out now and don't look back. And don't let him know where you're going, either... he sounds like the kind of control-freak that might hunt you down.

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    So I myspaced my sister who only lives about 30 mins away, shes goin to come get me and take me to lunch and we're gonna talk about everything. Im also going to start reading "Hes Just Not That Into You" book.. again.. Everytime I get into some sort of fucked up relationship situation, I pick it up, and it always helps!! If you havent read it.. Then you NEED to!! Just really liberating, and motivating!!!

    Anyways, just wanted to say thanks for listening and your replies. Honestly, Ive been balling my eyes out all day, just wanting someone to listen to me and for advice... So I know we dont "really" know each other, but you've all helped more than you can even imagine! Great karma too all of u! <3

    Thanks ladies!

  11. #11
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    OT, but R doesn't understand why I won't give him passwords to accounts on forums, myspace,etc either. He says he will gladly give me his, but I don't want them either! People deserve privacy and that doesn't necessarily mean they're hiding something!

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    it's your house? or do you not have your own house any longer? i'm confused on that part... if it IS your house, kick his ass out. call him and tell him that he needs to get his things out of your yard, or they will be transfered to the garbage in no l3ss than 24 hours.

    if it's YOUR phone (in your name) report that as stolen, turn them off, and get new ones. also report the phones as stolen to the police and tell them who has them!

    nothing really you can do about the truck... unless you were making payments on it and can prove it.

    take that power back from him, and make HIM the helpless one. if you're worried about any sort of violent repurcussions, get some homeowners or renters insurance (to make sure your property is covered) and stay at a friends house for a few nights. also letting the police know that you feel threatened by him, so it's on record.

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    He sounds incredibly insecure and jealous, so not attractive in a man (or a female). Good advice already given, so good luck dealing with this asshole! I'm sure everything will work out for you, sounds like you deserve a lot better.

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    We just recently bought a house TOGETHER, which is the fucked up part... So I really dont know what to do. The truck is in HIS name, so Im screwed on that one... I already contacted my cell phone providers and had them suspend my lines til I can get them hopefully later today when he gets home.

    Ive never seen this side of him until recently.. Hes like Jeckle and Hyde sometimes lately.. Incredibly nice to me, I wanna be with you forever and take care of you, run my bathwater, take care of me when Im sick, spoils me rotten, listens to thinks I like and want, and does them, or gets them for me, like I really have WHATEVER I want, has always previously treated me with kindness and respect to where Ive had friends say "Wow you're so lucky, Im so happy for you, I wish I could find someone lilke him" ... or "U better treat him right or youll loose him" and Now its like, this is coming from left field.. I just dont know how to comprehend it?!

  15. #15
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    He's acting like a little boy and throwing a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted. Unlike a little boy, this big boy can and has exerted his dominance and control over you. This isn't acceptable in an adult relationship, so tell him he either grows up and treats you like an equal (including no controlling behavior like this) or you're out of there.

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    Member Corian62's Avatar
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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    I am sort of in the same situation. So my advice would be finish school first as stressful as it will be dealing with him home being a d***. Start a new life somewhere else. It sucks his family runs your job, but there are other cool assed clubs to work. It will be hard, but look at all you had and now you don't. Yeah you calmed down, but not because of him. you calmed down for yourself because you wanted to. I am in the process of moving right now and leaving my boyfriend. I am scared, but if I dont do it I will never live to my full potential. I do love where I live now, but I cant afford to live on my own. It sucks and I am embarrassed but I have some family to help. ~Let me know If I can help~

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    Default Re: :( Need Of Serious Advice! Help!

    He's insecure and trying to see how important you'll let him be. If you let him give and take things away at a whim, versus what limits you will or won't accept.

    For instance, the thing that would freak him out most in this sort of situation is if you stayed there and someone else started providing you a car and phone. That would put him in at least a third place behind whomever was providing them and behind yourself for not providing them yourself.

    Whatever the reason, he's got a problem with his self-image. With some people, it stops with the first few tantrums, if the expected argument doesn't ensue, because if it can't generate the argument, it loses its value. Others end up with the guy hurting someone.

    I'd say you're better off dealing with it from a distance, or at least having another vehicle within a couple of days.

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