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Thread: I'm being a jealous ho

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default I'm being a jealous ho

    I feel weird about my boyfriend, C. and his new female friend, L.. I actually think she's very sweet and nice and cute, and at first I was all for hanging out with her. I still like hanging out with her, actually. I just keep having little stirrings of jealousy. I've never been a jealous person, so this is strange for me.

    This weekend we went on an overnight road trip together -- her, me, my boyfriend, and her room-mate. We all had a great time. On the way home, we stopped to have lunch with her parents, who live out in the country and own ATV's. The four of us were supposed to go riding, but there were only two ATV's, so C. and L. were going to drive, and L's room-mate and I were going to ride behind. While the room-mate and I were putting our shoes on to go outside, L and my boyfriend took off together. They were gone about twenty minutes. Then they came back and got us. I'm sure it was all perfectly innocent. I honestly don't think that anything at all inappropriate happened while they were gone. But I felt really odd while I was waiting for them to get back. Just sort of sad, and...left out.

    C. doesn't have many female friends, and those he does have all have boyfriends, so I've never dealt with this before. They go to school together and met in one of their art classes. All of sudden I'm dwelling on the fact that they probably see each other on campus all the time, when I'm not around. I never thought about that before.

    I'm annoyed at myself for even having these thoughts. C. and I are really close. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how attracted to me he is. I'm pretty secure about our relationship...or I thought I was. We've always been really open with each other, but I'm not sure this is something I even want to talk with him about. I'd be embarrassed to even admit that I'm jealous. He's never done anything to make me feel that way.

    Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

  2. #2
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    whoops. I meant to post this in "Ladies Only." Can someone move it?

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    Veteran Member xBlackBettyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    You're a woman and it's totally normal...At least I think it is and I do this too.
    Ultimately, if you trust him just let it go and don't even bring it up to him. He sounds like a good guy, but sometimes even the good ones have that dark side.

    That's where it gets hard to give advice. Don't lose your cool, but just watch for body langauge and flakiness on his part. Is he calling you less? Does he not do somethings he usually would? Was he around a lot, and then gone a lot? Is it harder to get ahold of him?

    As stalkerish as those sound, I find 95% of the time those start happening is when they're interested in someone else and just don't have the heart (or the balls) to tell you so you can save some face at least. I would let it go, especially if they spend limited amount of time together - better yet, do you have a nicer looking male friend you like to spend time with? I'm not saying fight fire with fire, but it might make a subtle point without having to say anything.
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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    i had a male, married friend all through law school. we were close in that we shared all the shit that was going on at home, but heaven forbid anything untoward would *ever* happen.

    completely, 100% platonic are we.

    all comes down to how much you trust your d00d and what this girl is like. if she is a flirty-pants with him... beware.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Girl, you got to talk to your man if you feel insecure about the relationship at ALL. Communication is important. It's probably just nothing, but if he gets a chance to address your feelings, you might feel more at ease.

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Yes, talk to him.

    (PS It's not always the pretty flirty chicks that are man-stealers. The ugliest wanna-be tomboy at my last regular job was banging one of our co-workers when he was going through issues with his wife. She definitely acted odd around him at work...Takes two to tango though, remember that too...)

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Some things I probably should have mentioned: C. and I have been together 3.5 years. We're engaged and live together. We have a somewhat open relationship and have been in threesomes with one other woman (a good friend of ours) and two men. I know he thinks L. is attractive because he once said he thought it would be hot to see us together.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    PS It's not always the pretty flirty chicks that are man-stealers.
    Eh, if she were a big-time flirt I wouldn't be at all worried. C. has not time for girls like that. It's because she's quite cool and nice and down-to-earth that I'm even thinking like this. He's got good taste.

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    so... you guys should bone her and get it over with??
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Nautilus, I think I love you. Seriously.


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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    If he doesn't have many female friends, he might feel flattered by her attention. She's a cool girl, she's nice to him. Of course he wants to be around her.
    But, that's probably as far as it goes.

    Just keep your eyes open for changes, and other than that, relax. Oh, and maybe if you like the girl work on forging a rapport with her as friends. If she does have her eye on him, it might make her feel guilty and back off if she feels that you are her friend too.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Quote Originally Posted by Nautilus View Post
    so... you guys should bone her and get it over with??
    Don't think it hasn't occurred to me.

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    I know he thinks L. is attractive because he once said he thought it would be hot to see us together.


    This is the part that concern me. You know he thinks she is hot. Only due to the fact he told you! Yet they have this friendship, and they seem so close. What I am getting from your post. You feel like your relationship is threaten. Why because you boy has found someone thats is proubarly as open as you are! ( assuming this is why he dose not have any female friends). Yet he also physically attracted to this woman. He even express how hot it will be for you two to get togethier! Than he ran off with her for 20 uncounted minutes along with her!

    I dont think you are jealous, I think your gut is talking, and just maybe you should have a talk with him! This girl and him proubarly dose have this great vibes togethier that you are protraying in your posts. Yet you need to talk to him about this gut feeling!

    You guys have been togethier for 3.5 years. I think you know when something just do not feel right! We women see these thing yet we choose to be blind sometimes.
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    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Eh I think there is a reason you are jealous...I think you need to get him to open up to you about what he really wants. It seems like he was dropping hints with the "you 2 would be hot together."

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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    i agree that if you're usually not jealous, and you have a funny feeling this time, there might be a good reason for it. talk to him, and let us know what happens!

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    I'm never worried about the flirty-pants ones either. It's the cool, "ooo, I'm a tomboy and I love obscure bands, and just LOOK at how low-maintenance I am" ones I gotta watch out for. Shut up and go listen to Kings of Leon and fuck some random drummer, bitch.

    Who me? Bitter?

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    ^Yup.

    I'm feeling better now. I'm very secure in this relationship, really. I'm pretty awesome, and so is my boy, and we both know we have it good. It's never even occurred to me before that he could be seriously interested in anyone but me...but we've been together a while and he wouldn't be normal if he didn't start to feel curious about other girls. Novelty is a powerful aphrodesiac for me, so why would he be any different? Just as long as his interest in her stays in the realm of imagination, where it belongs.

  18. #18
    Featured Member X Evan X's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    As someone who has been riding motorcycles and offroad vehicles most of my life... an inconsiderate 20 minute warm up ride is very easy to do. For some strange reason the concept of time seems to completely disappear once you get on a bike, jetski, or 4 wheeler.

    -E
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  19. #19
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    ^^Oh, I know. I never thought they were off snogging. They got excited and zoomed away, like little kids. It was just seeing him have so much fun with a girl who wasn't me that made me feel weird...

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Quote Originally Posted by X Evan X View Post
    As someone who has been riding motorcycles and offroad vehicles most of my life... an inconsiderate 20 minute warm up ride is very easy to do. For some strange reason the concept of time seems to completely disappear once you get on a bike, jetski, or 4 wheeler.

    -E
    hahaha i was thinking the same thing/ if you ARE going out riding toys of any sort again, make sure she has her own. riding 2-up is a really close bonding experience- don't let her have it. But yes, do talk to him- sounds like something may be fishy, but you have a solid relationship and now is the time to act on the trust you've been building and talk to him.

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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Yeah, why weren't you and him together on the same bike?! I am not the best one to comment one this, even though I work in the adult industry. I am so hypocritical! As I am one of the most jealous women ever. I would never let my boyfriend do this! At least not without a fight! lol! I'm sorry to say (this may only be my opinion) but this is exactly how alot of cheating begins. Now always, a little flirting is always good for the soul, lol! But men are so different from us! I can always turn it on and off. Who doesn't like the attention, but the moment I think that I would do more, I turn it right off and go home.

    Sorry, this is a little of the off-night-at-work-drunken-post! lol.

  22. #22
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    I was recently told I was a very sweet gardener. Are there two of you in my shed?

    (commented cause things are looking better. Sorry I missed, but glad to hear all is well)
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  23. #23
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    ^^?? ??

    Well, to be technical: there were two bikes. When they zoomed off, he was on one and she was on the other. Her room-mate was supposed to be riding with her, and I was supposed to be behind him, but then they took off without us. After they came back, we went out again, and I rode with him. (Her room-mate chickened out and didn't go.) It was hella fun and I'm glad I didn't pitch a jealous fit and spoil it. On the other hand, I don't wanna be sooo tolerant and understanding that it verges on denial, ya know?

  24. #24
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Grace, I was just making a play on words with the title "ho" v. "hoe" I joked ONLY because you seemed like you got this all sorted out. I just apologize I didn't see it to throw my, often off, relationship-ethical hat in the ring.

    Nice way to ride with it though!

    In all cases (regarding denial), denial in relationships is when roles of the victim turn into the defender for the attacker. What you need to do is monitor your "understanding" and make sure you're not LOOKING for reasons why it's ok. The reasons should be obvious. If they aren't obvious, you shouldn't have to look for them, cause in cases like this they should be OFFERED.

    Grace, Imma re-read to make sure I'm all on track here.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being a jealous ho

    Ok re-read, your predictions of the future of him involving this woman should be based on his history of consistent action regarding women in similar situations.

    What I'm saying is, you're right to feel insecure. If you're in territory unfamiliar to you, you are GOING to feel nervous. Seeing your boy connect with another woman (lets be honest, "having a boyfriend" doesn't mean anything. I'm not saying that negatively just that, the truth is, it's about choice not the label. It's not a bad thing.) and being challenged by it, is not odd. And this wont be the last time it happens.

    Your post #19 is the perfect expression of the problem. History or relevance to the situation is not needed. Just the fact that THAT bothers you in this situation.

    What you need is a proper outlet for these things. That being conversation. TALK about it. These things fester. As you watch things grow with them (even if they cap at a friendship level) you'll still instinctively feel a decrease and gain a perception of growing more inferior to her because you're not offering the problem up to him to fix.

    Not that you should, he should be picking up on this. But helping him see he's hurting you is part of teamwork and thusly being in a relationship.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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