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Thread: I don't wanna

  1. #1
    Kaylinn
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    Default I don't wanna

    Go to work tonight. I have effectivly put it off and it's 2am. I'm gonna try to get there at 3am. Maybe 4. My hair isn't even done yet, and Im sittin here in a robe. I worked 1 day this week. Yesterday. It seems 1 day a week is all I can manage anymore. I hate this job. I hate everythign about it. I keep sayin I wanna stick with it and pay off the bills, but I cant pay off shit if I never go to work, and dont work when Im there. Yeah, my attempts are half assed. But even the half assed attempts take everything out of me. Its just soo draining....

  2. #2
    Banned LatinaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    been there girl! you need to visit somewhere less stressful, hint hint!

  3. #3
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    That is exactly what I was thinking. Working in Vegas is stressful. Everywhere else is so much easier...

  4. #4
    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    I couldn't make myself go in either.

    I HATE weekends in Las Vegas, they are full of young cheap LA guys trying to look cool.

    I realize this attitude will guarantee me lot's of money

    Anyways, I usually do better during the week. So, tomorrow I will be refreshed, bright eyed and ready to go!

  5. #5
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Before I saw that you worked in Vegas, I was like, "You go to work AT four in the morning?!" Yikes, I don't think I could ever pull that off!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  6. #6
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    I suck.

    I actually made it to work......and kept driving.....
    I'm actually writing up a list of my stripper clothes now and figuring out prices. Keep an eye out in the for sale section, Im gonna put my stuff up for sale in the next few days. I might try ebay first and see how they sell there. Tons of gowns and short outfits, and cool shoes.....
    I'm finished stripping. I used to have it, I used to be a damn good stripper, but it isnt in me anymore. I stll have the skills, but no motivation, no drive. I only dread it. Its never fun anymore, even when Im making tons of cash, its not fun. Im finished.

  7. #7
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    This dress is on ebay...I can't bring myself to list everything at once, I'm gonna start small. It's one of my favorites.
    Last edited by Kaylinn; 05-30-2007 at 10:56 PM.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    It's natural to hate work!! Especially the job we do. I don't know if it's the same for you, but for me, the mental stress kills me more than anything physical. All I can tell you is that the only thing that helped me overcome this is by setting goals for myself every week. For example, say I set a goal of $3,000 a week. If I make this in 2 days, my week is officially over (by my rules). I can choose (after that goal is met), whether to work or not. But I keep working until that goal is met, even if it means working every day. Since I don't want to work 7 days in a row, I get myself motivated to make the money I need to in the least amount of time.

  9. #9
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Aww, Kaylinn, I know the feeling. I suppose I was just having it right now too, except I could bring myself out of retirement. Just didn't wanna!

  10. #10
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    ^^ yep. You know exactly how I feel. It's like being a stripper just isnt in me anymore....

    I regret ever comming out of retirement, exactly a year ago. I had a good job as a cocktial waitress, and I hated the steady work, I hated working 8 hour shifts, 5 days a week, I hated beign on a schedule, I hated not beign able to make as much money as I wanted. I miseed the freedom of dancing. So I quit my job to be able to set my own schedule, to be able to work as much s I wanted to make the money i wanted, to be able to take days off when I wanted.....and I just never did well dancing sicne I came back.
    Sure...I've had thousand dollar nights on occation, I still knwo HOW to make money...but I just cant seem to want to do it. If I actually tried to work when Im at work, Im sure i can make a lot of money. Ive been workign 1 daya week, and makgin about 200 bucks without even trying, working 3 hour shifts.. Think of what I could do if I applied myself....but I just can't seem to want to apply myself....

    I just want out. Im done.
    Now the grass is greener on the other side...I want a steady job with secure income, where I can know if I work tonight, I will make money. I want job benefits, and insurance....

  11. #11
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Well, lots of different jobs in Vegas, right? How does boyfriend feel about it?

  12. #12
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Bf wants me to strip. He doesn't understand how I feel about not having it in me anymore, he thinks I should just be able to suck it up and go to work like any other job....but stripping...its hard for me to pretend to like it when I don’t. Its hard to act like Imp enjoying talking to men and dancing for them when they make me want to vomit. Its hard for me to go up to guys and try to talk to them when that is the last thing I want to be doing. I can suck it up and talk. But it is soo emotionally draining for me anymore, after a few hours, Im worn out completely.
    Matt just doesn't understand. He says I am a good stripper, its not a skill you lose, he thinks I still have it. he thinks that the only reason I don’t want to do it anymore is because of the financial stress I’m under. right now I feel like even if I go to work, and make a grand, its still not enough. It wont get us out of debt. I was always a want it now girl. I hate waiting, or having unfinished business. If I knew I could go to work tonight and make the 15 grand we need..Id work all night until I got it, but if I cant make the 15 grand RIGHT NOW, theres no point in trying. I know my thought process is fucked up, and anything is better than nothing...but I just cant think like that. I want it fixed NOW. I don’t handle stress well at ALL. Fuck, Ive given myself IBS and an ulcer since the financial stress started.

    Anyway... he thinks Im stupid for wanting to quit. HE wants me to dance. He thinks Im good at it and can make a lot of money. He just doesn’t understand that Im finished. I have been for a long time. I made a mistake coming back. If I had an itch to strip, I should have done it on my days off, not quit my job.

    I can get a job next week as a cocktail waitress. I have connections and experience. he will support my decision to change jobs. But he would like me to make stripping work. How odd is it? most men don’t want their girls to dance...my man would rather have me dance than anything else. LOL. He knows I like the freedom of the schedule, and he knows I like working 3-4 days a week, and setting my own schedule, he don’t think I will like waitressing. Hes right. I don’t care for it.....but right now I just miss the reliability of a steady job. The stress of what I make will go away. I will just go to work, and make money by default. Not have to pay $100 to work and then wonder if I will make it back or not....

  13. #13
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Well, good luck to ya.

    I know all about "wanting it now". My husband is more like that than me even! He's like "unless you can make it all in one night, why put yourself through the stress?" And while things don't come overnight, I agree with him. Why put up with that kind of stress when I might not have my sanity long enough to make what I need?

  14. #14
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Exactly. So if I cant do it now..why do I continue to stress myself out, dig us in deeper, when i can remove the stress, dig us out slowly, but at least steadily....and when the shit is done hitting the fan, and settles down, maybe I will get my stripper self back. I alwyas made more money when I didnt care about the money. When it was just fun to dance.

  15. #15
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Bf wants me to strip. He doesn't understand how I feel about not having it in me anymore, he thinks I should just be able to suck it up and go to work like any other job....but stripping...its hard for me to pretend to like it when I don’t. Its hard to act like Imp enjoying talking to men and dancing for them when they make me want to vomit. Its hard for me to go up to guys and try to talk to them when that is the last thing I want to be doing. I can suck it up and talk. But it is soo emotionally draining for me anymore, after a few hours, Im worn out completely.
    Matt just doesn't understand. He says I am a good stripper, its not a skill you lose, he thinks I still have it. he thinks that the only reason I don’t want to do it anymore is because of the financial stress I’m under. right now I feel like even if I go to work, and make a grand, its still not enough. It wont get us out of debt. I was always a want it now girl. I hate waiting, or having unfinished business. If I knew I could go to work tonight and make the 15 grand we need..Id work all night until I got it, but if I cant make the 15 grand RIGHT NOW, theres no point in trying. I know my thought process is fucked up, and anything is better than nothing...but I just cant think like that. I want it fixed NOW. I don’t handle stress well at ALL. Fuck, Ive given myself IBS and an ulcer since the financial stress started.

    Anyway... he thinks Im stupid for wanting to quit. HE wants me to dance. He thinks Im good at it and can make a lot of money. He just doesn’t understand that Im finished. I have been for a long time. I made a mistake coming back. If I had an itch to strip, I should have done it on my days off, not quit my job.

    I can get a job next week as a cocktail waitress. I have connections and experience. he will support my decision to change jobs. But he would like me to make stripping work. How odd is it? most men don’t want their girls to dance...my man would rather have me dance than anything else. LOL. He knows I like the freedom of the schedule, and he knows I like working 3-4 days a week, and setting my own schedule, he don’t think I will like waitressing. Hes right. I don’t care for it.....but right now I just miss the reliability of a steady job. The stress of what I make will go away. I will just go to work, and make money by default. Not have to pay $100 to work and then wonder if I will make it back or not....


    I could have written this whole post. Especially the part about the boyfriend. I know C. would support me if I decided to quit, but dancing is pretty much the only thing I can do that will make the money to support both of us until he finishes school. Doing this is a decision he and I made together, and I can't back out. But I'm really tired of it right now. C. doesn't really understand what's so hard about dancing. He think I should be able to shake off my negative feelings and just do it. I kind of agree with him. I feel like I'm being a big ol' wuss sometimes. But God, I am so sick of this.
    Last edited by xoxoGracexoxo; 04-23-2007 at 12:49 AM.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member Maisumi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Hugs to you Kaylinn, I know exactly how you feel.

    I still go to school so during the entire week I've got that and my second job, and I only ever work once a week on Saturday. After having a gutfull of crappy Saturdays for a while now, I voluntarily took last Saturday off because I just couldn't hack it anymore. And this is a person who only works one night per week!

    Trust me, I'm in no position to take it easy and treat myself to a night off as I still have an ever-growing pile of bills and debts to pay, but at this rate I seriously cannot think of a fate worse than going into my club when there's like 30 girls roaming the floor and probably 5 guys sitting at the bar.

    I've just come to a point where I'm so burnt out with everything in life and having to put all that effort into driving to work, getting dolled up and talking crap to losers (not to mention dealing with stupid management and their new rules at the moment)... It's just not worth it.

    I really hope this phase will soon pass because if it doesn't then the only option left is to quit. But I can't see myself going back to retail or hospitality now that I know how much potential I have to earn as a dancer. Or there's the option of moving to another club where there's money to be made but "more" to do. Gah! I'm losing it.


  17. #17
    God/dess
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    I could have written this whole post. Especially the part about the boyfriend. I know C. would support me if I decided to quit, but dancing is pretty much the only thing I can do that will make the money to support both of us until he finished school. Doing this is a decision he and I made together, and I can't back out. But I'm really tired of it right now. C. doesnt' really understand what's so hard about dancing. He think I should be able to shake off my negative feelings and just do it. I kind of agree with him. I feel like I'm being kind a a wuss sometimes. But God, I am so sick of this.
    Aw, I've been through the burnout period before, where I've thought, "Damn, I wish my man would be a little less completely cool with the stripping, because I'm not too cool with it right now." Of course moving to a wonderful new city and finding fun new clubs cured that in no time flat. And I have not been responsible for anyone else financially.

    But I do feel for you two (Grace and Kaylinn). It is really hard to explain just how draining the work can be. "But you only worked three nights this week - how can you be so tired?" Hah.

  18. #18
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Men will never get it.

  19. #19
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    This one gets it. I've seen way too many cases of burnout, especially in the last club, where it required a lot more acting ability to put up with horrible shit from nasty fucking guys and still try to smile, much less go onstage and actually put on a show.

    I spent the vast majority of my time and energy in that last club trying to convince dancers to go onstage anyway, or that it might be fun up there, or somehow rewarding, or get them to stop crying, at least.

    Sometimes they would be mad about a specific customer or situation, or a bad night altogether. But sometimes they would just cry for no apparent reason.

    It didn't take long to see that it's a very stressful occupation, and that some can tough it out easier than others. There's no shame whatsoever in having the kind of sensitivity that makes the Hustle completely unappealing after a while, and downright depressing if it's forced.

    If you can't go to another town and dance (which would be my first advice), try to get a job that would let you strip occasionally, when the mood was right, and you felt like hustling again.

    "But you only worked three nights this week - how can you be so tired?" Hah.
    And this one I get, myself, lol! Being upbeat and cheerful and the life of the fucking party for eight hours straight is not always an easy thing to do.

    I have worked every kind of job imaginable, and never yet have I been so exhausted as I sometimes can be at the end of the night after DJing, especially in a new club, or one I don't like anymore, haha.

    It can be completely and utterly draining, sometimes.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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  20. #20
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    Aw, I've been through the burnout period before, where I've thought, "Damn, I wish my man would be a little less completely cool with the stripping, because I'm not too cool with it right now." Of course moving to a wonderful new city and finding fun new clubs cured that in no time flat.
    That's encouraging to hear. I think I'll bounce back eventually, too, but I need to find a way to take some time off. I didn't work last week, while I was out of town visiting my brother and his new baby. It was a nice break, but I didn't feel totally ready to go back this week. Had a couple of good nights, which was nice...but it's not even an issue of good and bad anymore. I made decent money -- more all the time -- but that doesn't motivate me like it used to. The only thing keeping me going is sheer old cussedness. I go to work because I'd kick myself if I didn't. That's all.

    I can imagine liking it again in the future, though. Do you think you'll ever want to dance again, Kaylin, or are you through?

  21. #21
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Ive been dancing for 5 years now...I have quit and gone back several times, I just seem to get an itch after Ive been gone for abit, but this time, when I came back..I never had my hustle back like I used to. Im gonna go out of town for afew days and see how that works for me. I dont WANT to quit. I want to make it work... But then when I wake up, I dread going to work more than anything....
    Blah. I dont know what to do.

  22. #22
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    ^^I hear you. On a day (like today) where I've told myself I have to go to work, I can spend the whole day obsessing about how I don't want to go until I'm completely depressed. I try to catch myself thinking negative thoughts about work, and remind myself how lucky I actually am, and how fun the job *can* be. It's not easy, but it does help. Still, it's no substitute for a good, long break.

    What would you do if you weren't dancing right now, Kaylin? I'm kinda lucky in that I've got a dayjob, though it pays probably a quarter of what I make dancing. I've also been thinking about doing a paid medical study. I'm a little creeped out at the idea of being a lab rat, but it sure would be nice to get paid a few K to sit on my ass for a weekend.

  23. #23
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    What woudl I do if I werent dancing?
    Ideally, be a nurse, but unfortunatly, that's just not possible right now.
    I do plan on going back to school and finishing my bachelors degree for nursing...but without my certifications, the pay just isnt enough for me. I have all the knowledge, but no piece of paper.....

    I may be a cocktial waitress. That pays really well in Vegas...Im not sure...I have been getting a ton of modelign jobs lately, and if I take a real job, i dont have the flexibility to model as well. So I may have to suck it up and keep dancing for right now.....
    We'll see. I'm still undecided on what to do right now...

  24. #24
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Be a nurse! You should totally do that. Nurses are in high demand and there are all kinds of programs to help you with tuition and placement and such. If you can get enough help financially you can go to school and work at a lower-stress job. Go for it -- a nice fat semester busting your ass in school is an excellent antidote for stripper burnout.

  25. #25
    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't wanna

    Cocktail waitresses sure do make a lot of money in Vegas! Especially, the ones that work in the strip clubs.

    I know all about burn out, I have been dancing on and off, for a long while.

    I find that now, being really good about spending, saving money, and setting financial goals totally helps. And allows for time off when needed

    As dancers, we can learn to easily give in to immediate gratification and that also, causes burn out.

    I have done other things and even graduated form college with a degree.

    However, here I am dancing again. I love the flexibility and of course the money!
    I make more now than I ever used to, and I sure don't throw my money around anymore after doing the corporate 9 to 5.

    Taking a break or going to a new club will help.

    Good Luck!

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