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Thread: A Stripper's Rant

  1. #1
    Tasty
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    Default A Stripper's Rant

    I don't know if this has been posted before but I have to share this! Please, add on to the list.


    Stripper Rant

    1. Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

    2.You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin -ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on you hard-on (which always feels like a sharpie pen- fine point)... fuck you.

    3.You with the thick--ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    4. Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

    5. Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    6. No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

    7.Yeah, my tits are real. As my affection for you.

    8. If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame -ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

    9. Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    10.Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overwieght, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

    11. Don't bitch at me more about the $10 non-alcoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    12. My horniness is in direct portion to your income.

    , you CAN"T SMOKE. Dumb Ass.

    14. Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of 's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

    15. DON'T SIT IN THE FRONTROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!

    16. "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

    17.STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

    18. SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!!!

    19. I had a feeling your weren't going to tip me, so I took the extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

    20. Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to " Desperate Houswives" instead. It will save us both a lot of upleasantry.

    21. Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

    seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

    23. NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

    24. Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

    25. I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

    26. It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

    27. Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    28. Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    29. DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

    30. Girls -- what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    31. Girls -- stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

    32. Girls-- if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    33. Girls-- drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse that the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

    34. Hey DJ! You Suck!!

    35. Girls-- may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

    36. Girls-- some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.


  2. #2
    Veteran Member Laylas's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Stripper's Rant


  3. #3
    Banned LatinaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Stripper's Rant



    I wanna print this out and put it up in the dressing room! I love posts that actually make me laugh really hard out loud, thanks for posting.

  4. #4
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  5. #5
    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Stripper's Rant

    Imma put this on myspace...I hope you don't mind!

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