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Thread: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

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    TheSexKitten
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    Last edited by TheSexKitten; 10-07-2008 at 11:30 PM.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    My mum is bipolar. I have anxiety and sometimes depression.
    I have similar concerns about potential offspring.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    i am bipolar 2 (slightly less sever i think) and have genralized anxiety.

    im usually anxious about people staring at me, or just an overwhelming sinse of bad things are going to happen.

  4. #4
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    I wouldn't worry. My mom & a couple of her sisters are all twacked in the head (my mom has schizo-affective disorder, my aunts can be very mean) but most of my siblings and cousins are sweet as pie & pretty mentally healthy. Maybe BECAUSE of growing up with bad examples and bullsh*t from our female role models (& we take after our dads..Thank God...)
    IMO most people suffering from personality disorders use it as an excuse to abuse others. I've noticed when people fight back or deprive abusers of their power, they chill their sh*t out pretty fast.
    I think you're too nice to to your mom & if you let her go without your kindness and generosity for a while, she might stop her bad behavior. Let her ride the bus to the store & haul her stuff around in a cart. I'm sure she'll have plenty of time to think about NOT being mean to you.

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    A lot of times people with more than one major emotional disorder can't help their outbursts... You can either get used to it and suck it up cause she's family, or walk away completely. It's very hard to only do half in situations like this.
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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Most of the women in my family are nuts. Some claim that it's bipolar, but I honestly think that a lot of it has more to do with their denial and have no interest in getting help. My mom has severe anxiety and what I suspect is borderline personality disorder, but sent me to a shrink and made me take meds even though she'd sometimes spend days in bed. There's a lot of emotional diarrhea fits. I've managed to avoid a lot of it with self-realization and taking control of my emotions. Counseling helped a lot, but the biggest thing that keeps me sane is my aunt. She's a BPD nutcase who has no qualms about shitting all over people and usign her pop psychology bullshit to justify it. She's a great counterexample, and makes me fully realize how much people suffer from the actions of others.

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    i FULLY understand this one. My mom has borderline personality and bipolar too! my grandfather also was bipolar. so, i fully understand. sometimes it's SO difficult to deal with her but i have to take the high ground, and just let her be her, knowing that truly she does love me and doesn't mean what comes out sometimes, as cruel as it can be.
    if you need to vent more, feel free to PM.

    Love it!

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    A lot of times people with more than one major emotional disorder can't help their outbursts... You can either get used to it and suck it up cause she's family, or walk away completely. It's very hard to only do half in situations like this.
    Bipolar is a disease, and should be treated like one. I compare it to diabetes. Diabetics cannot control their blood sugar. However, there are things that they CAN control. Sometimes, like with type II diabetes, all it takes is behavior and lifestyle modifications like diet and exercise. In type I and more severe cases, insulin is necessary. However, the people who need insulin are still responsible for their diets. The little shot doesn’t cure everything. While the physiological functions are beyond their control, they can still take responsibility and actions to take control of the situation. Bipolar and other mentally ill people CAN likewise take control of their situations with behavioral therapy and if necessary, medicine. The people who just wallow in self pity, lash out at others, and take no responsibility are no different from the diabetics who continue to eat pie and ice cream, never measure their blood sugar, don't take the meds, have severe health problems, and scream that they’re going to sue the doctor because they need to get their gangrenous extremities amputated even though it’s their own damned fault.

  9. #9
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    So far, as these bouts of bitchiness have come and gone with her, I simply stop calling her until she calls me in a calm manner. Then I'll chat or whatever, and maybe bring up the issue and ask for an apology, but then she always says she forgot or this or that and never apologizes. It's just annoying!
    I've noticed with my mother & sister that they never apologize because they're the type that will bring up old grievances whenever they feel like busting your chops...They think you'll do that to them if they concede you have a point/ legit complaint about them.

    I just don't talk to my mom & sister anymore. The rest of my family laughs at them behind their backs. It's more fun to keep them in the dark about why nobody calls them...

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Keep in mind that you cannot win with these people, and the only thing you can do is walk away, perhaps permanently. They are not logical, not even the biggest clue-by-four could placate them, and you cannot win. They are angry people with few, if any, inhibitions about their emotional diarrhea, and they need outlets.

    I discovered this trick last Christmas, and it has made an adult out of me. I love my grandma to death, even though she is prone to fits of emotional diarrhea. She'd go from sweet to a sudden outburst to bitching about how I was stupidly spending all my gift money that she had given me (says the one who only shops at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's and owns a Hermes scarf, pot kettle black). At first, I'd try to placate her and assure her. Then, the day before I went back home, we got into an argument. She told me to apologize, and I did not. She then called my mom (I'm 22, for chrissake), tattled her version of the story, and ordered me to apologize. I told me mother that this was between me grandma and me, bade her a good evening, and hung up. My grandma was livid. She even tried to grab my arm, screamed that I could take a cab to the airport and other mean things, such as shit that had happened almost a decade ago.

    At that moment, I had a revelation. I realized that nothing I could do would make her see logic. All she wanted was an outlet and power over me. I turned my back, walked to my room, and locked the door. She was shocked, and the next day, it was like nothing had happened.

    This little revelation has seriously changed my life. She now knows that I will not put up with shit, so she's less likely to start on me. I've used this same "Be the adult in the situation by walking away" trick on all the crazy people in my family, and it is seriously the only thing you can do.

    Also remember that abuse is abuse is abuse. She doesn't deserve any special treatment because she is your mother. In fact, she probably sees it as an excuse to give you more shit.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    ^Yes, not being dependent on the person makes all the difference in the world. In fact, these experiences have made me swear NEVER to be dependent on another person again. I have sworn that I will always have the resources to walk away from a bad situation. This can mean having enough money in the bank to quit a bad job, or having the ability to get a rental car or hotel room if my grandma has an episode, or being able to break lease.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    What are you usually anxious about? For me, it's always that someone's gonna break into my house or victimize/abduct me or someone I love. It's really irrational.
    SOmetimes its just generalised anxiety and i dont even know what causedit. But it's usually worrying that something bad will happen to the people that I love.

  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    I have to absolutely remember to remind myself NOT TO FEEL GUILTY about anything. She is an adult and can handle herself. If not, she can get put on a damn conservatorship. Back to the no favors, minimal visits rule I guess.
    The only thing that made my mom take her meds & "behave" was being put on conservatorship. Not surprisingly, the people at Mental Health kept saying she was SO well-behaved and obedient... That's because she only takes advantage of people she knows she can jerk around...The threat of incarceration was looming over her if she went against any county workers so she "behaved."
    Now when I have to talk to her, she sounds the same way that Janice Dickinson described her abusive dad talking to her ("The Rat Bastard").... through the Lithium and Klonopin she starts snarling and talking shit....Like Satan rose up out of her colon or something...
    I'm in the process of making sure I never deal with her again until I pay for part of her funeral.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    You are not your mother's keeper. Do not let her walk all over you, it will only bring you down.

    Seriously, imagine if she was diabetic. Would you be driving her to the hospital every week if she went into regular ketoacidosis from an uncontrolled diet and never did blood sugar checks or insulin? She's doing pretty much the same.

    IMO most people suffering from personality disorders use it as an excuse to abuse others. I've noticed when people fight back or deprive abusers of their power, they chill their sh*t out pretty fast.
    Yes! YES! YES! I have dealt with mentally ill people, and they will treat you like shit, but act sweet as pie to the higher-ups. This happened when I was working in the nursing home. Now only can dementia bring out the worst in you, but they weren't very selective and sometimes took "mainstreamed" mentally ill people. They would scream at me, threaten to have me fired, even beat the shit out of me, but be totally sweet when the nurse manager came in.

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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    I can totally relate..... My mom is bipolar, violent, and manipulative. Just in the past couple months did I decide to completely sever ties with her. As family you want to be there for them, but they're completely unmanageable. It took a big toll feeling responsible for somebody like that. She'd be so nice one minute, and a completely different person the next. Maybe that's why I'm so guarded with people as an adult

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Can someone please explain a conservatorship? I know what it is, but not the details.

  17. #17
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Conservatorships vary by state and situations. They differ for mentally ill patients and elderly patients.
    In California (for example, my only experience to refer to)- if your friend or family member is suffering from a mental or physical health issue that impairs their ability to care for themselves, you can call your county conservator for advice on how to make a conservatorship happen. The county can take possession of the person or someone can petition to become the guardian of the person in question.
    Long story short, if you know someone who refuses to take care of themselves and hurts other around them in the process, you consult the conservator's office or a lawyer. NOLO press sells how-to books on conservatorship.

    (Generally speaking, the arrangement entails the county or guardian managing the person's funds/property, ensuring they get the medical treatment they need, ensuring that the person's living situation is safe and clean, and making plans for future independent living OR long-term care without the issues or constraints that caused the conservatorship in the first place.)

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    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    Conservatorships vary by state and situations. They differ for mentally ill patients and elderly patients.
    In California (for example, my only experience to refer to)- if your friend or family member is suffering from a mental or physical health issue that impairs their ability to care for themselves, you can call your county conservator for advice on how to make a conservatorship happen. The county can take possession of the person or someone can petition to become the guardian of the person in question.
    Long story short, if you know someone who refuses to take care of themselves and hurts other around them in the process, you consult the conservator's office or a lawyer. NOLO press sells how-to books on conservatorship.

    (Generally speaking, the arrangement entails the county or guardian managing the person's funds/property, ensuring they get the medical treatment they need, ensuring that the person's living situation is safe and clean, and making plans for future independent living OR long-term care without the issues or constraints that caused the conservatorship in the first place.)
    They can put you in a conservatorship in Tennessee just to make sure you take your meds. Not fun. Sometimes necessary, but never fun.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    SexKitten, I PMed you with some info on a support forum for those who have a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. I hope it helps. The behaviors you describe are very common among those with BPD, and I do hope you'll find some support for yourself on a forum that specializes in it. 99.9% chance nothing you do will help your mom, but you can save your own sanity.

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    My mom is bipolar and she uses to her advantage she get disabilty and sits in apt the goverment pays for and complains. I don't have much to do with her it gets old after awhile.

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    Default Re: So my mom got diagnosed as bipolar...

    Quote Originally Posted by krchab99 View Post
    My mom is bipolar and she uses to her advantage she get disabilty and sits in apt the goverment pays for and complains. I don't have much to do with her it gets old after awhile.
    You do realize that being bipolar is a disability as defined by the SSA, right? If she really is sick to the point that she cannot work, she totally deserves to get disability, even if she complains all the time.

    Getting disability a few years ago is the only thing that kept me off the streets. The only thing that kept me from being homeless was assistance from the government. They still pay for my meds, because even though I can work now, I am uninsurable. If they didn't pay for my meds I would not be able to get them, because they push 4-5 grand a month, and the homeless cycle would start again.

    /rant over.

    ETA-I am not bipolar, I'm schizophrenic, but I have to spend time with people who are bipolar on a regular basis. They are both serious illnesses.

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