so i guess it's time for my first official "burning out" post. it's been about 2 years since i started dancing, and it's getting -really- hard for me to go to work anymore.
i thought taking a vacation would help. i went away for the week (to coachella). when i came back to work, instead of feeling refreshed, i felt instantly irritated. i wasn't even going into it with a negative attitude. it was dead as hell the day i came back. i talked to as many customers as possible with the best attitude possible and they were mostly all "just here for a beer" or "what am i gonna GET?" guys. i made a whopping 7 mother fucking dollars that shift. my worst shift -ever- since i started dancing. i could have stayed home and finished my school work. the girl who made the most made 100 bucks. wtf? usualy i'm a top earner and usualy guys are there to spend money, but lately.. not so much. anyway, i call the day a bust and go back the next day.
same bullshit. i do ONE dance the entire shift and the guy is handsy as fuck and trying to lick me. i made 35 dollars. oddly enough, my SECOND worst shift ever... and both happened in the same 2 days.
today i go back ... and i make more than anyone else there. you know how much that grand total was? 120 bucks. >>>>_<<<<
it's not just the terrible money of this week. it's everything. i'm tired of the hands. i'm tired of dancing for the men i believe are the downfall of our american society. i'm tired of dealing with sexism, racism (i'm white.. but i'm tired of HEARING racist comments), homophobia and just general "RAWR I'M A DOMINANT MALE I FUCK WOMEN DUR DEE DURR" bullshit. don't get me wrong.. i don't think anything is wrong with men wanting to see naked women. fuck... ---i--- enjoy naked women. i'm just tired of most of the men in this country and this city. i'm tired of their mentality that they "deserve" to do certain things to women, or that they "own" their women. i hear girls talk about clubs in other countries or even other states that sound wonderful. i get so jealous. i don't want to "do nothing" for my money either. i work hard at what i do. i -love- performing, teasing, dancing, stripping. i just can't deal with the lap dances or the bullshit hustles anymore. i work at one of the cleanest clubs in tampa. in fact, i came there BECAUSE i was burning out. at first it helped, and honestly it's much better than anywhere else i've worked, but -still- it's killing me inside. i used to do higher contact for more money, but i couldn't live with myself. i can't go back, but i can't be fucking broke either. i'm still in school and i simply can't afford a "normal" job money wise or "time wise". *sigh* i think this business is eating away at my soul.
i mean, it's so bad right now that every time i hear any of these following lines, i want to literaly punch someone in the face..
"you girls just want my money"
"i'm just here for a few drinks"
"why would i pay for a dance when i can get a blowjob for 20 bucks somewhere else?"
or any of the rude comments about anything else. i'm also fucking tired of new girls (whores) coming in and ruining my fucking shift for a day or two before they're discovered and fired.
it seems like the good customers are few these days. *sigh* i just want to be a real stripper. you know, the kind who slowly removes clothing and artfully teases. don't get me wrong, i don't give "air dances" either. i give light contact, but i assure you i give great dances. i wouldn't say that if i didn't truly think it. my dances have gotten better and better the longer i've worked, but guys don't give a shit anymore. they just try to push me down on their laps or fucking dry hump me. or they try to slobber on my neck while i'm leaning back on them.
i'm not going to start drinking heavily at work or doing drugs, but i swear i understand why some girls do now. i -need- to dance to make money, but i don't know how to do that anymore without going completely insane.
i don't want to be felt up by men i hate anymore.
and
i don't want to be poor.
someone please tell me how both of these are possible here in tampa?
sorry for the ramble. i'm sure none of it was in order or made much sense. i just kind of started typing. i had a bad day at work today (and the last 2.. as stated). so, i get home and decide the only thing that will properly cheer me up is baking myself some chocolate chip cookies. so, off to the store i go. literaly 2 minutes after i leave my house i get pulled over. i didn't even know why. apparently i "barely" ran a red light turning left. something about my car being some ammount of feet (not enough) past a white line. the cop gave me the macho tough guy talking-to-me-like-i-must-be-retarded-since-i'm-female bullshit.
he gave me a warning, which i'm surpized of because i practicaly threw my registration and insurance at him after he talked down to me. i was pissed off at the whole day and then i became embrassed because i started crying for no reason. i don't ever cry in public. i rarely cry at all actualy.
maybe he gave me a warning because he thought i was a nutjob. heh... anyway... yeah...venting.i'm normaly a damned strong person too.



i'm normaly a damned strong person too.
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