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Thread: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

  1. #1
    Cally
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    Default Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Holy fucking hell!!

    I just spent the better half of my day wandering around downtown Toronto with our lil Mastypants...

    Starts off with him wandering by one of those sidewalk cafe type places that take out the window so its open by the sidewalk, he stops and looks at these two girls and goes 'theres no window there!' they're like 'no just us' so he reaches over and starts waving his hand in front of their faces then goes to stick his finger in the one girls water lol...

    Next stop... Sex Shop... umm... walking in he goes 'I'll take one sex please!' then wanders over to the dildos, vibes and fake pussies... oh god... I couldnt stop laughing... I will have to let him post the whole story because I dont want to miss details lol... though one topic was how fake pussys should be used for sex education the staff in the store couldnt stop laughing...

    Seriously I never knew Yonge Street could be so entertaining... well again though not a moment goes by with Mast that isnt entertaining

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Snowles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    OK, when I read "I'll take one sex please!" I seriously burst out laughing. Mast is awesome
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob_Loblaw View Post
    As a side note, I'd love to be able to order a naked, writhing slut muffin from Tim Horton's.

  3. #3
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    You lucky girl you!!!

    Soo, did he get "one sex"? And did he take it to go?
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  4. #4
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Ok, recollecting the stories here's how they go.

    #-- The Window in the Mist --#

    We were walking down Yonge and I saw this HUGE restaurant opening and it was surrounded by BIG windows, so I was really curious if it was clean so I reach out to passively tap it.

    Nothing.

    So I go back and look at it, making sure I don't look like a fool, and I am really per plexed...so I put my hand out.... and one of the patrons makes eye contact with me. "There's a window here, is there not?"
    "Nope just us"

    so now I look like a doofus, and I decide to run with it putting my hand closer to her and she starts laughing..

    "NO! I swear there is a window here!" and I make it look like I'm going for some food on her plate. Her friend laughing, offers her water glass to which I stuck my finger in it and licked my finger. Making it sound like I was totally refreshed by this experience.

    (the water was RIGHT there laughing too or I would not have felt so bold)


    #-- Sex Shoppe a la Merde --#

    "I'll buy one sex please!"
    *everyone looks and stares at me*
    "And while I'm here I need one fake Ver-Gine-Ah and a Dildo. My god-fearing son needs to learn about sex" I think I may have said birds and the bees but I don't remember.

    I was totally perplexed to see a sex shop with more than one employee, So I verbally noted an irony "Why is it that women generally look down on sex shops the most but 90% of the merchandise appears to be for them?" And this dude and I were talking about it

    Without recollecting every moment, we talked about how successful a lightsaber-hilt dildo would be, antics of the ordinary sex shop. Andhow embarrassed some customers must be.

    By this point all the patrons had moved to ear shot, and I was literally playing out some of the practicalities of the toys. LIKE A DILDO SHAPED LIKE A PHAROAH'S TOMB. And chocolate penis casts.

    I literally thought.... How funny would it be to have my penis cast in chocolate, then cut it up in indiscernible pieces and serve it at a dinner party.

    Servings: 1.5 ppl. (not much would be in that bag of chips ahoy)

    then I thought how hilarious (this was the killer in question) how creepy it would be if *grabs a fake pussy*

    "Now I know it's prom night...and things can get a little explorable son, so your date jane, will mostly prostrate herself before you and may show you something that looks like this dependent upon usage and experience.... now you will show her your phallus...we'll use this one since it's to scale...."

    etc etc etc.

    It just all goes down hill.

    The most enjoyable part though was cally's fire performance! Well done! I also enjoyed some fantastic dances from the kitty! That manager, was the SHIT. He and I got along too well.

    I had a great time with Cally, and Kitty. Hope you're all doing well.

    Now, in classic form I was informed we're celebrating a birthday today in 4 hours so wonderful! *sigh*
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  5. #5
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Oh by the way. I'm an easy drunk.

    4 sips of a Daquiri? (my spell checker just laughs at me)
    and an amaretto sour seems to be enough to make me easily accessible to all types these days... I'm probably a father and don't even know it.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  6. #6
    Featured Member Miss_Luscious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Oh I WISH I had been there. Sound like too much fun. When are you coming down to DC Mast? We have a few sex shops you can peruse.
    "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand." - Bertrand Russell

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    Ya'll bitches need to calm down. Cerously.
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  7. #7
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    I love it! How fun. I want to hang out with Mast and Cally!
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

  8. #8
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Oh, LORD! This I gotta see in person. Mast, you MUST come to New York!
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  9. #9
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Oh by the way. I'm an easy drunk.

    4 sips of a Daquiri? (my spell checker just laughs at me)
    and an amaretto sour seems to be enough to make me easily accessible to all types these days... I'm probably a father and don't even know it.

    ahhh mast time is fun
    im jealous tho.. mast AND cally, now that would have been a blast!!

    Love it!

  10. #10
    Cally
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    ROFL!! God in still laughin at the whole day.... poor Mast about gave the dude in the comic book store a heart attack lol.... he really didnt know what to think of Mastypants...

    I had a serious much needed day of laughter and Mast bless his heart even tried to get people to start tipping for my show... but tipping here is seriously not common at all.

  11. #11
    Veteran Member lwtex52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    You lucky girl you!!!

    Soo, did he get "one sex"? And did he take it to go?
    He's the kind of man who would walk into a convenience store, point at the "Single Beers: $1.09" and ask "And just how much are the MARRIED ones?"
    My latest conspiracy theory: I am convinced that Dick Cheney is, in reality, Elmer Fudd.

  12. #12
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mast + Sex Shop = OMFG!!!

    No police raids on this trip, Mast? You're slipping...
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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