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Thread: This is really awkward....

  1. #1
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default This is really awkward....

    Okay...I know I am an adult, and my mom should be able to talk to me like I am an adult....

    But...

    She found out her boyfriend - basically my stepdad - of 8 years, has been cheating on her for months. She won't tell anybody else besides me and she's trying to gather evidence to confront him and stuff....I don't want her to not have anybody to talk to about this, but why me? Why not one of her sisters or my older sister...I'm a better listener than my sister, of course, but....

    It makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like its too much for me too deal with. I have been through big stuff before, but it was my stuff, and I had to deal with it, but this is just...weird, and awkward. And if they end up staying together how awkward am I going to feel around them being the only one that knows.

    Eh...

    I just wanted to share. I feel really weird about this...

  2. #2
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    Pooks, that is strange. have you asked her why she chose you to talk to? i think maybe that will explain it all... but i think she probably chose you bec you are the least judgmental. i mean, her sisters will probably judge her, esp if she stays with him, and maybe you are more open minded. but for sure you are not judgmental. so.. that's my thought. but wow. how'd she find out? be strong for your mom pooks, esp with mother's day here.. you should get her somethin relaxin like a massage or somethin.

    Love it!

  3. #3
    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    I've noticed that as I get older, my mom talks to me more about her personal life. She's even told me how she tells my dad she's on her period when she doesn't wanna have sex....ok, TMI...lol. Of course it makes you uncomfortable because growing up, moms usually don't share that kind of stuff. But, your mom might be starting to look at you as her best friend now. I feel good when my mom shares her stuff with me, it makes me feel like she trusts me enough to tell me everything. I would look at it that way if you feel uncomfortable...she's talking to you as a friend, so be there like a friend should!!! Good luck

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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    I'm the only one in my family who I think consciously realizes what my dad does (how unfaithful he is, and probably has always been). I've seen him MAKE OUT with other women in front of my own eyes. All I wanted to do was talk to my mom about it, since it's her husband, but it was impossible to breach the subject. She was in such denial. I agree, it's an awkward thing. You want to be honest, but can't. It's a shitty secret to carry around. A big ugly elephant on the sofa.

  5. #5
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    Its hard when that "mom daughter" boundary is fuzzed up....


    My mom has been treating me as her therapist since i was 11 or 12, she'd ask me for advice disciplining my younger sister, or talking to my dad when he consistantly took my sisters side, when her own friends were having problems, etc.


    That on top of her "homeschooling" me and my sister(read that "my sister screaming at my mom trying to help her, adn my mom begging me to teach her instead, and my doing it and then going and doing my own work") means I didn't have much childhood...

    While it IS good that she trusts you, and that you're friends, there are some things that she really shouldn't have brought up with you.

    The best thing might be to talk with her about this, just remind her that your glad shes being open, but this puts you in an uncomfy situation with your siblings, and with your almost-stepfather. Maybe pull up the name of a good therapist or marraige counselor, and recommend that she try that as well.

  6. #6
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    She has to tell someone. You can feel complimented that she considers you adult or mature enough to talk to. And yeah, as kids grow older, and things settle between them and their parents, it often results in stronger bonds forming. Usually, this comes from the kid approaching the parent in adult ways and the parent gladly accepting. In this case, the mom's crisis impelled her to approach the kid (you).

    When people need to talk, they rarely just talk to one person. So often, it's a case of saying "I trust you. Don't tell anyone else" to a close number of people. You don't really know if your mom is telling, or will eventually tell, your sister or your aunts - I mean, you're not in a position to bring it up. But people do need to talk, they do need their confidences, so it's best to respect the one-on-one confidences that your mom is having with you.

    I'm sorry it's awkward for you. Family matters do present their own dynamic. If it were the workplace, or a partnership, or something, there could be some rules to follow. Families don't have that type of structure. You can't go to HR and say, "There's a problem with....."

    The awkwardness that you feel with your stepdad - well, that's bound to occur. No different than if your hypothetical mate had issues, you told your mom, and the issues resolved. Your mom's view still would be altered, while you learn to live with things. In this case, your view is altered. It gets better over time, and the more time that goes by without further hurt, the more healing can occur. Time heals wounds, true, but not necessarily scars. I think the best you can do is support your mom. If she finds it within herself to forgive the guy, then that's something you should respect her to do, as an adult, unless it becomes clear that she's only fooling herself.

    Life doesn't hold easy paths. Good luck with this one.

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    My mother confided in me that my dad looks at porn and that it bothers her. That was one conversation I wish she had NEVER breached. Ugh, TMI overload...

    I am sorry for your dilemma. Good luck and stay strong for your mum.

  8. #8
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is really awkward....

    Quote Originally Posted by PookaShell View Post
    I don't want her to not have anybody to talk to about this, but why me?
    I have strong objections to parents using their children for emotional support. It's backwards. There around 6.5 billion people on the planet. Of those two people are our parents, and a handful of those are our kids. It's a special relationship and there are plenty of other people to fulfill other roles. Adults should seek out other adults in their own peer group for emotional support. Often times when an adult places this responsibility on their children it's an indication that the parent has significant issues of their own when it comes to relating to other adults. IMHO, parents should not leave their children feeling like they are responsible for their parent's emotional well being.

    p.s. you wrote "I don't want her to not have anybody to talk to ...". As an adult, it's her responsibility to find people of her own peer group to talk to about this. She will if she has no other choice in the matter. I don't feel it's fair or right to leave you feeling like if you don't do it, nobody else will.

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