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Thread: Who here is Childfree, and why?

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Who here is Childfree, and why?

    NOTE: Please do not flame this thread. I am respectful of other people's choices, so please be respectful of mine. Please don't start defending your choice to have children, or accuse us of hating children, or tell us that we're horrible people. I especially don't want to hear, "You'll change your mind someday," or, "It's different when they're your own." Maybe it will happen, but you don't know that. No lectures please. You have your lifestyle choices, we have ours.




    Who here has decided that they don't want to have children? I've decided not to have children, and here are my reasons:

    I'm the first of six children. It's a common misconception that people who have tons of kids love children so much they can't get enough of them. In reality, these people are often in love with ideals, and tend to get upset when their kids don't follow these fantasies. Kids aren't programmable manifestations of ideals, they are humans.

    The reason my Dad had 6 kids was because he felt he owed it to the world to spread out his philanthropy. He claims that so many unfit people are breeding that he had to counterbalance it. God, that makes me so sick. That is so arrogant on so many levels. Other people are breeding? Pot, kettle, black. People should only have kids IF THEY CAN RAISE THEM. He had all these ideals of smart, obedient, Christian, Asian children (he married a Japanese woman because he wanted to instill his children with "Good morals and brains"), so he married my mom. He was shocked, just SHOCKED, when he found out that 1) Kids are expensive. My dad also had all these kids knowing that he couldn't afford them, and that he has a debilitating disease that will force him into retirement soon. 2) Kids tend to have their own free wills due to being human and might not be grateful for all the ideals he has, especially if their feelings are swept under the rug in hopes of patching things over so the image can be kept.

    My mom had 6 kids because she had no self-worth or identity and tried to fulfill herself as a mother (I have nothing against moms, but if you try to invest yourself in others, it's doomed to fail). She also didn't want to work, ever. There's nothing wrong with that, but don't fucking have kids as a way to "earn your keep," as they will suffer for your insecurities. She has borderline personality disorder, panic attack disorder, and spent most of my childhood being pregnant or having mental breakdowns. Guess who ended up paying for this idealism of a Brady Bunch? Me. I was 8 when I really had to grow up and start being a mom. They always bitched about being a good example and that I had to be mature, yet told me that I was their child and that I was to obey. Talk about being pulled both ways between a child and an adult. They called me selfish when I told them that I was missing gymnastics and orchestra because none of the kids were old enough to stay at home and my mom hated hitching them up into the car just so I could be gone for one hour. I suffered a lot for their idealisms, and I was punished for not going along with this facade. They didn't care about the fact that there were problems, or that they were responsible for a lot of them. Rather, they were upset that the apple cart had been upset.


    However, my motives for Childfreedom aren't just based on bad experiences. I am very aware of the freedom that I have because I don't have children. My money is my own, my vacation days are my own, I can go out without having to find a babysitter, I can spontaneously schedule a weekend vacation, I can move to another state on whim, etc. I don't have to worry about terrible twos, teenage years, teen pregnancies, custody drama, etc. Also, just because I'm Childfree doesn't mean I don't like kids. I love kids. I love to play with them, and give them back to their parents. I just don't want to have the responsibility of having one. I'm going to be an auntie several times, over, and I fully intend to be the cool aunt who spoils them rotten and takes them on cool vacations.

    Oh yeah, about the, "Who's going to take care of you when you're old?" Kids are no guarantee that you'll be cared for in your old age. People have their own lives, and by the time people are old, their kids and grandkids often have their own families that they have to worry about. Coupled with the fact that people are living way too long nowadays (you survive the heart attack only to have a long, painful, strung-out death from Alzheimer's), families probably won't be able to take care of you due to extensive health problems.

    Also, it seems kind of entitlement-minded to have kids just so you'll have a future. I worked in a nursing home, and there were a fair share of people whose kids wouldn't visit them. I did see entitlement in there, especially the nasty ones. However, there were some people without kids. They tended to be a lot less bitter then the people with kids. They also tended to be much more active, having their own activities and passions rather than expect other people to entertain them. They were aware that they had their own lives, as did others. I plan to be like that. I'd love to be one of those sweet old ladies who gets honored for her thousands of hours of community service and is loved by many because of the way she goes out and touches so many lives.

    In short, I am Childfree because it keeps me free to do the things that fulfill me.
    Last edited by Hatshepsut; 05-12-2007 at 02:25 PM.

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I wanted no part of having children until I was 27. Then I did a 180. I am almost 29 and I want babies.
    Before I did not want to comprise my life. I felt that the world was already a host of too many people. I did not want to contribute to the problems of this world nor raise a child on a planet that is doomed.

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I am Childfree because my reproductive organs are afflicted and it appears I won't physically produce my own. I can't wait to adopt children though. My life has shown me there are many kids who need stable homes & normal families.

    I also had an upbringing similar to Hapshesut's, but my father divorced my mom. She was the kind of person who thought having a bunch of kids close together would make her better or happier. Uh, no.

    I also have a petite good-looking body & don't wish to destroy it by bearing children.

  4. #4
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    At this stage in my life, I do not want children and do not see me ever wanting them.

    I'm not entirely sure why. I just don't like kids, and I really dislike babies. They irritate me, and I'm far too lazy and selfish and unorganised to donate such a huge part of my life to someone else. I have far too much I want to accomplish in my life and children do not fit into that plan at all.

    Even as a kid, I never ever had a doll of any kind. I had heaps of plush animals, but never dolls, I hated them. And even in kindergarten I used to adamantly state that I did not ever want to have kids.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Maxine, I'm not being elite or anything, but you are Childless, not Childfree. You don't have a choice. Childfree is a choice.

    Kudos on adoption! Your experiences will make you a great mom.

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    Senior Member ChubbyChaser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I don't have the time/money/patience/partner/home/responsibility or anything else a kid would need. Not now, and probably not for several more years.
    Sex for money? Never! For jewels, and furs, and revenge, like a lady! But not for money!

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    Senior Member burnedrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    oh goodness...

    I, personally, am childfree. Now, I hate identifying myself as such. Mainly because most childfree people I come across are child-haters and wish nothing to do with parents or children. I love kids - adore them! I love that parents are getting more into breastfeeding, which is healthier for the body. I love how mothers are getting more and more aware of hospital births and how they arent as safe as at-home births. I am happy for my friends when they are pregnant and have children - no matter how old or young they are! They are fufilling a dream of motherhood! good for them. I have just made my own personal choice never to have kids. I dont think I would make a good mother. Ive already had one abortion and wouldnt hesitate to get another, but luckily, my IUD prevents that from happening!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Well I'm 19, and so that's why. But I don't plan on having children, I'll be a great Aunt, get to experience all the bad stuff, I'll leave the bad stuff for my sister. I have dogs and they satisfy my "motherng urges." Right now and probably for the next 10 years I know I've got other plans.

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    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I have diseases that are passed on through genetics and I take medications that cause severe deformities. I know it would be selfish and wrong for me to have a child. I would not want to put another person through some of the things I have gone through.

    Like Maxine, I would consider adopting a child down the road.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Quote Originally Posted by burnedrose View Post
    oh goodness...

    I, personally, am childfree. Now, I hate identifying myself as such. Mainly because most childfree people I come across are child-haters and wish nothing to do with parents or children. I love kids - adore them! I love that parents are getting more into breastfeeding, which is healthier for the body. I love how mothers are getting more and more aware of hospital births and how they arent as safe as at-home births. I am happy for my friends when they are pregnant and have children - no matter how old or young they are! They are fufilling a dream of motherhood! good for them. I have just made my own personal choice never to have kids. I dont think I would make a good mother. Ive already had one abortion and wouldnt hesitate to get another, but luckily, my IUD prevents that from happening!
    Don't bash the Childfree or feel ashamed to be one of us. Most of the people who are vocal about it are the ones who feel so dogmatically about it that they're not ashamed to state shocking things, or jsut want to get in people's faces. Plenty of child-lovers are Childfree. My best teacher was Childfree. Heck, lots of good children's authors like Dr. Suess were Childfree! Most of us don't make a big deal out of it (nobody makes a fuss when people decide that they want to have children, why should we make a fuss of the mirror image of the choice?, or we stay quiet because we don't like the "You'll change once you have your own, "lectures. What defines Childfree is that we just don't want to have kids. You can be a teacher, a pediatric nurse, a daycare worker, etc and still be Childfree!
    Last edited by Hatshepsut; 05-12-2007 at 03:11 PM.

  11. #11
    Cally
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Im sitting on the fence...

    A part of me wants a kid because I want to play dress up, go to sporting events and watch him/her play and all that 'fun' stuff(trust me I know there is a hell of a lot more to kids then the fun stuff lol)

    But also I really dont want to deal with the way the world is today. I would be scared shitless to send my kid off to school knowing there is a chance that a classmate may have a bad day and bring a gun to school and go on a killing spree. I would be scared to let my kid walk down the street because of all the pedophiles ... just all this shit makes me scared to have a kid. Also I cant stand a screaming kid... and I have no tollerence for tantrums and all that other kid stuff you have to deal with.

    Also I am so unorganized in life... I like being spontanious and hopping a plane to fly across the country and just bum around working... I enjoy having my own life. I am kinda selfish I guess *shrug*

    As it stands right now I am fairly certian I dont want a kid in my life ever. But the unexpected can happen and I may end up with a child.

    I use protection... I am safe with sex... but if I were to ever become pregnant I would carry to term and raise the child as it should be raised because I dont believe in abortion unless its for a damn good reason(ie rape, medical problems etc)

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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I will never have kids. I just...don't see the point? I feel like I was born without that drive to reproduce and have little offspring things running about. The thought sickens me a little, actually. No offense, just being honest. I've had horrible nightmares about being pregnant...

    I don't have patience for kids either. They frustrate me. I know I would be a very shoddy mum, so I'll leave the child rearing to the maternal types. Kids deserve someone who loves to be around them.

    It feels like a huge, huge thing to have a child. It's physically and emotionally taxing. I couldn't devote my whole life to someone else's like that. Also, the idea of bringing another life into the world is huge...the power of creating another being is pretty incredible, and something I don't take lightly. I'm a big fan of not having kids unless you're very sure, very ready and very able to care to them.

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    Senior Member Esco!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I dont want kids and for that reason I got a vasectomy.
    I know that sounds selfish but I'm just not a kid-person.

    Also bringing kids into this crazy world borders on being child-abuse.


  14. #14
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I am childfree and always will be. I love other peoples kids(well..most of them anyway..lol)and i make a great auntie....but I have no desire to be a mother.
    reasons?...
    1) I just dont have a huge maternal instinct. rainsing kids is not something I've ever wanted to do

    2) I have physical issues that a) would prob mean I could not have kids even if i wanted to and b) I would not want to pass on to any offspring

    3)my lifestyle is not particularly child-friendly. I travel a lot and if i had children i would literally have to change just about everything in my life and ..selfish or not..I'm not willing to do that

    4)I honestly think the world is overpopulated as it is. And there are SOOO many children languishing in orphanages and forster care around the world that to deliberately bring another into the world..to me..would feel very selfish. If I ever changed my mind(which I very much doubt, if the desire hasnt kicked in by the age of 33 i dont see it happening..but I've learned never to say never)I would adopt.

    5) I strongly believe that raising children is one of the most important things someone can do and it should not be taken lightly. If you dont TRULY want kids..you shouldnt have them. Too many people in the workd have children for the wrong reasons....it's expected, to save a dying relationship, they feel lonely, etc...etc.... I dont think it's right to be so blase about something so important.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Circe View Post
    I will never have kids. I just...don't see the point? I feel like I was born without that drive to reproduce and have little offspring things running about. The thought sickens me a little, actually. No offense, just being honest. I've had horrible nightmares about being pregnant...

    I don't have patience for kids either. They frustrate me. I know I would be a very shoddy mum, so I'll leave the child rearing to the maternal types. Kids deserve someone who loves to be around them.
    ::Kiss::

    Thank you. Kids should only be born to parents who will love and want them. This is why I get so mad at people who get pregnant but keep it even though they don't want it. They don't want the kid, but won't get an abortion or give it up for adoption. The kid is the one to suffer.

    I've also had nightmares in which I get pregnant. Gah, they're so literal too. I've had dreams in which I lived through the whole thing, or got an abortion, of got left by the boyfriend.

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    Veteran Member CupCake's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I truely don't have the patience for kids....Everytime I hear a child screaming in a store I imagene myself going up to thier parent and slapping them....Everything kids do irritates me. I'm selfish and I like it that way. I don't feel like carrying around a slobbering little nugget. I don't hate kids, they just really aren't for me. I don't think I could mentally take raising a child, nor could my finances. I think I would just rather adopt a teenager or something, there are so many kids in the world I just don't think it would be fair for me to pop one out. Plus I don't have the "maternal" instinct. My boyfriends brother just had a baby and he asked me if I wanted to hold it...I said no. lol Babys just don't envoke little feelings or love and excitment in me...I think I'll stick to my doggies for now

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    Featured Member gameover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    well, i've tried, but ...

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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    when i was about 14 i provided my mother with two full written pages of all the reasons i would NEVER have children... EVER.

    some of those have been included above. most of which was that i didn't seem to have a maternal instinct, and kids seemed to be the biggest pain in the ass AND expense i could possibly imagine.

    something changed, despite my brain STILL occasionally providing me reasons why i shouldn't. the brain is still functioning and aware of the pitfalls, and can provide misgivings about being pregnant whenever i want them. the body on the other hand is in some kind of crazy nirvana.

    primal purpose or some shit.
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    No kids for me.

    The only time it remotely appeals to me is when I feel it would be nice to brainwash my own little army. For purely selfish reasons of course. Otherwise, I don't like children nor do I want to be around them.



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  20. #20
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Haha, Im almost child free - only 2 and a half more years and my son will officially be an adult, hurray!
    I dont recomend parenthood to anyone. Ive been extremely lucky. Ive had heaps of help and time has flown. I have a fab child,he rocks, when I say Im lucky I am not exagerating. BUT, Ive also remained young in body and mind. I have no regrets, but fuck its a huge thing to take on and I admire all you women who have decided to never have children. I always say to people dont do it - there are so many other things which you can do in life - at least rememeber that you can hav e kids later in life rather than earlier, theres no need to rush! (-:

  21. #21
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post

    Oh yeah, about the, "Who's going to take care of you when you're old?" Kids are no guarantee that you'll be cared for in your old age. People have their own lives, and by the time people are old, their kids and grandkids often have their own families that they have to worry about. Coupled with the fact that people are living way too long nowadays (you survive the heart attack only to have a long, painful, strung-out death from Alzheimer's), families probably won't be able to take care of you due to extensive health problems.
    That's what long term care insurance is for! I am terrified that one of my parents is going to need some kind of old age care because I will not be able to do it. They for sure will have to go into state or county facilities because THEY did not prepare for old age financially. It is not my responsibility to take care of someone just because they decided to have me. I don't think I "owe" them. If anything, they owe ME and I owe my daughter too. Seems a lot of parents have that kinda switched around.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esco! View Post
    I dont want kids and for that reason I got a vasectomy.
    I know that sounds selfish but I'm just not a kid-person.
    That's quite the opposite of selfish if you ask me.


    This is a really interesting thread. I don't have anything to contribute personally right now but I am enjoying the points of view.

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    Veteran Member redvelvetrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx View Post

    I'm not entirely sure why. I just don't like kids, and I really dislike babies. They irritate me, and I'm far too lazy and selfish and unorganised to donate such a huge part of my life to someone else. I have far too much I want to accomplish in my life and children do not fit into that plan at all.
    Yep, that's me ^. When it comes to babies, I can't help but be immature and think, "Babies are stupid." Literally. I'm only 19, but I really don't think I ever want kids. Too much work, too much being unappreciated, etc. And I don't wanna clean up poopy diapers at 3 am because the baby won't shut up. Immature view, yes, but I just really don't think I'd be a good mother. I also just don't really have much affection for babies and small children. Not to mention there's so many things out there I'd rather be doing and experiencing, rather than raising kids.

    I also do NOT want to go through pregnancy. I'm vain, I guess. The weight gain, stretching of certain body parts, PAIN, physical discomfort, etc... that's something I never want to experience! If I ever did mature and want kids, I'd probably adopt instead... which leads me to my main reason for not wanting kids.... I think the world is getting WAY overpopulated. I don't really feel the need to spread my genes around and contribute to overpopulation.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Esco! View Post

    Also bringing kids into this crazy world borders on being child-abuse.




    Sorry, but I find this statement ridiculous.
    We all choose to come here. Otherwise, we would not be here.
    This world ain't perfect, but what would be the point of life if it WERE perfect?
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    Member Samantha Coyle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I grew up assuming I wanted kids. I just never really examined my true feelings on the matter. Then I was presented with a choice - take this medication and risk HORRIBLE birth defects, or don't take it and have seizures daily.

    I decided not to have seizures, and not to have kids. It turns out my husband never wanted them either, but it was still a pretty tough decision.

    Although, I do admit that my life is nowhere near being set up for babies, and it may never be. I long ago got over thinking I was selfish for that. What would be worse to me would be having kids and not being able to take care of them.
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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who here is Childfree, and why?

    I do applaud you guys for your choice. I know parents who didn't want kids but had them anyways and they wound up abusing/neglecting their children. Sometimes the cycle of abuse/neglect continues into the following generation, sometimes it doesn't. But anyhow...there is nothing selfish about not wanting kids. You are being truthful with yourselves. If I felt that I would have been a bad mother, then I would not have had my son. But I felt I would be a good mom, I was excited to have a baby, so I had him. Best thing I ever did. Yes it was a great choice for me, but that doesn't mean it is for everyone.

    You are right about kids being the hugest responsibility. Don't do it if you don't want to.
    Kudos to you guys.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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