Now here is the thing about stripping. Any other job - hell, even when I'm in school, I have to do it whether I'm tired and irritable or not and I just blink at people a lot (in my imagination I'm a very communicative blinker). Stripping not only CAN I skip, but I know damn well that I'll just wind up not making money because... well, I'm irritable.
I can't sleep, and I lie in bed staring at the ceiling (I turn on my ceiling fan so I have something to concentrate on, and then I turn it off because I'm cold). Then I close my eyes and stare at the backs of my eyelids. I intersperse these activities with, like, chronic, mechanical masturbation (like, this is supposed to release chemicals of some kind that are sleep inducing, right? Or is all this masturbation for no reason?) Either way, I'm not happy. (Hey Cally(ish), do you still have the insomnia? Maybe we can do some 24 hour Toronto. We can eat some french fries and make fun of homeless people or something). I used to go out and walk around and stuff... but I don't really like walking around the new neighbourhood at night. It's not exactly that I feel unsafe, but I feel sort of uncomfortable. I'm not that interested in TV and I can't concentrate on movies, and I do feel, deep inside, that sleep is there and if I lie still long enough I'll catch up to it.
Alright. I'm going out. I'm buying some valerian and if I don't sleep for 4 consecutive hours tonight I'm going to my damn doctor. Okay. It's decided. This was my rant. It is unfocused, but... such is my mental state right now.



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