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Thread: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

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    Default Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    Hi Everybody

    I don't think I have it in me to dance anymore. I've been under alot of stress for a long period of time. I know u guys all know the negative aspects that come with dancing. Especially the having to block out alot just to get by. My boyfriend doesn't support me dancing. He has just about convinced me that there is no way to have a healthy lifestyle nor respect if I dance. I am pretty weak right now and beat down. over the past couple of years I have had alot of legal-law issues, and now I am in the clear. I just feel really weakened by some of the events of the last year. It is hard to get motivated when I feel shame for the life Ive led. For so long I blocked out reality-I was naiive and able to dance. Now that I am 29, I feel too old. Yeah I look younger then my age, but inside I feel dead. I also feel like no regular job will hire me. I have no resume-dancing for 11 years doesnt look too good. I think honestly I have lost alot of hope. I really dont know what to do. people recognize me from dancing and have nasty things to say I just really hate living here and want to escape everyone. I was good at dancing, I just cant deal anymore. I have come more into reality and I dont like what I am seeing. In alot of ways the relationship Ive been in isnt helping. I dont know where to turn anymore. I have one close girlfriend almost everyone else has shunned me. Its just the way it is. The repercussions are killing me. I know I need to get a grip but all I want to do is run away.

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    Senior Member destiny2980's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    I completly understand how you feel about dancing. I quit completly about 6weeks ago and I havent looked back. I just felt like it was time in my life to move on. Dancing was a stepping stone to something better and the longer I danced I felt that I would loose my chance to move on. Because your right you cant put that on your resume and its hard to get started in something else.

    Keep your head up and change your situation. If you feel you have nothing left your going to have to find something, anything, to get you motivated. I know from experience that if you dont like what is going on in your life it is up to you and nobody else to change what you dont like in your life.

    If you found the strength to dance for 11years you can find the strength to move on. Strippers are strong women and we dont give up. Not just anyone can do what you did for 11years. Good luck and stay strong!

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    I think if I were you I would consider any or all of the following:

    1. dumping the boyfriend who had me beaten down and convinced that my lifesytle was "unhealthy" instead of supporting me and helping me to be healthy.

    2. moving away from a place where everyone knew I danced and couldn't accept me and my decisions.

    3. going to school or a training program and getting the credentials to do something other than dance.

    Granted, executing any of these choices would probably take some money, and you might have to keep dancing to make that money. But having goals for dancing DOES make it easier, rather than just dancing to survive. And you might be able to dance more happily if you got rid of the people in your life who are trying to put their shame on you.

    I feel you, cause I've been wanting a break myself lately. However, I have concrete goals for what I want to do with the money I make dancing, and that makes it easier to go to work than if I were just getting naked to pay the cable bill.

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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    Hey,
    I was feeling about DONE with it a month ago also...

    No one knows your situation better than you. This is a tough biz. I find that how we feel insides counts loads (cuz ya have to let so nuch roll off). I'm 32 been dancing for 7 years so I get the feeling iold part but it can be an asset. You know how to speak to men well I assume. That's what I sell most.

    A friend of mine recently quit after 11 years. Her exit plan was to take courses and become a paralegal. Then she would only work on the weekends for extra cash. Now she has just stepped off. She made sure she had a few years of experience at law firms first. So that was one exit I saw executed well...

    My boyfriend is of the your my woman and I don't like it mentality. But when I question him about what his real issue with it is he admits it's mostly his imagination...he knows who I am and what I stand for. That's his work to stop his imagination. He'll either get it or he will leave me. I have no control over that. There are too many good men in the world for me to be bothered. Unless he is willing to completely support me $$ while I build my other career, this is my best option for now. I can never make THAT demand of anyone. I like taking care of me.

    Take some time off to be still and be open for options and answers. Amazing revelations can come from our stillness. What do you like to do? If you had 5 million dollars what would you do with your life? ...or what job would you do just because you find it interesting? Make a list of 100 things you could do besides dance to make money.

    I dunno why people don't see this is just a job, man!!

    Hope this helps.
    "Whether YOU think you can or YOU think you can't you're right!" -Henry Ford

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    Senior Member seishibella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    Dancing is rough, especially if it's just for the money...If you do it for too long things will get to you, it's hard to not notice or be affected by it. It is just a job, but a job that involves a lot of risks and mental stability, which can be very difficult to have consistently.

    The huge downfall is obviously starting into it as a quick fix, then getting stuck into it for way longer than you wanted...You can't put it on a resume unless you want to work elsewhere in the industry. One way to combat this is try getting a better position at a club, like manager or bartender...Turn your negative into positives and don't let other people's negative views harm you. You don't need to have people making you feel bad, it won't help your growth.

    Of course another hardship is the boyfriend, it's very difficult for any man to accept stripping as just a job, whether it's his own insecurities or just that he wishes you didn't have to do to that to make a living...Truth is you have to look at it from his position as well, but keep in mind if he isn't paying your bills or making effort to change your situation other than offering negative comments...What else can you really do? It's difficult for people to understand that it's most important to care for yourself, how else are you to care for someone else if you can't take care of yourself? It's not selfish, it's realistic. It's difficult as well, but you have to pry that inner strength and do what is best for you and your mental well being.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you will get where you want to be.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Living in Sin around Eden's Trim

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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    I really don't agree with the most men can't handle a stripper girlfriend/wife thing. Think about it. What is it they can't handle? If these guys are involved with a girl who works this business like a traditional job, doesn't get drunk, smoke, or do drugs, has money saved, good credit, and is with a guy who is the entrepreneur type, and ambitious, there should be few problems.

    Many dancers DON'T live the lives I mentioned above, just live hand to mouth, smoke, get drunk and do drugs, only work when bills are due, and live a personal lifestyle of hanging around and partying with lots of friends, that makes the boyfriend/husband feel insecure. Plus since these dancers are not ambitious, they tend to attract guys in their lives who aren't either,and together they don't live their life as an upwardly mobile team.

    You really have to be of a self-employed mentality to dance and be successful with it. And you need a boyfriend of the same mindset.

    We've all made bad choices in life and with men while dancing, and while we were not. You've just got to start setting some goals and staying committed to them.

    As far as friends go Shift 6X, how many people really have more than one good friend anyway? Possibly it was your behavior that got you into trouble, that ran off the others, and not the dancing.

    I'd say focus on making and SAVING money, stop worrying about what people think about you, and do some serious soul searching as to what other types of work you could do when you phase out of dancing. A traditional job does not have to be your only option, so don't worry about not having a resume.

    Stay strong!

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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    ^^^Awesome.

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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    I just had a really long reply for u guys and it got erased. Fuck!!

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    Default Re: Can't Dance anymore(Lost the Backbone)

    Thank u all for trying to reach out to me. As for school, I only have 9 more classes after this semester and I will have my Associate's in Business Administration. I am trying to focus on me right now and not so much the bf or dancing-although it is a daily struggle. I just wish I didnt have a co-dependence problem with the bf..then I could walk away. Once I get close to someone it's really hard for me to let go. I keep so many people away from me that the ones who do get close I really really care for.

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