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Thread: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    I work at a health vocation school, which offers training in things like massage therapy, medical assistant, medical secretary, etc. A woman came in to enroll for the massage therapy class. While she was filling out the forms, she talked about how her husband died in a car crash leaving her and her 8-year-old kid, he had no life insurance, and she had to move in with her parents. She had stayed home with the kid until then, and although she had a degree in English, she was starting from scratch. Thank goodness she had her parents. Poor woman, losing her husband was hard enough. Having to totally reconfigure her life and go into juggling mode is extra stress.

    Ladies, especially stay at home moms or women who don't work outside of the home, but please look after yourselves. Even dependent people aren't definite. Always have a backup plan, or a job skill, or something of your own that could fall back on in case of an emergency. Don't even feel 100% safe with a life insurance policy, because he might not die. He might leave you, he might go into a long coma a la Terri Schiavo, he might die after racking up a fortune in medical bills that sucks up a large portion of the insurance.

    This woman has made me appreciate what I have, and what I have done to secure myself. I have sworn that I will never assume that I'll always have someone to know what to do.

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Thank you so much for posting this. I am one of the few single girls at work who lives on my own and pretty much takes care of myself... most everyone else is either contributing to bills but filing as "dependent" or simply dancing temporarily until they find someone to "take care of them..." i.e. a long-term bf or rich husband. Not only does this go against everything this feminist believes in (obviously), but it shows the complete lack of planning that these ladies have... just as you say, hatshepsut, something can ALWAYS go wrong. and often does. Divorce, medical emergencies, break-ups, accidents, you name it... why bother taking a chance. Be independent. Always be ABLE and READY to take care of yourself and your own.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    The other week, I blew a tire. I can change tires, as well as minor auto work. It turns out that the locking mechanism for my spare had rusted on, so I arranged for my mechanic to come. We decided to get a bunch of other stuff done while we were at the shop, so I spent the day looking over his shoulder as he taught me the basics of car maintenance.

    I later told my boyfriend about it. He was shocked, and said, "Hatshepsut, you are the only woman I've dated who could take care of herself like this. All my other girlfriends would have called me up panicking and would have expected me right then and there to drive across town and help them." Wow, it never occurred to me to call him. I just knew what to do and had the resources to get it done. I apply this to everything in life: Always know what to do without depending on someone.

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    God/dess
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Good post. It's very easy to get used to a lifestyle and never think about what could happen.

  5. #5
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    'Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out."

    everybodies free to wear sunscreen.


    i swear that song has a line for everthing lol

    your right tho^^ people do need to learn to look after themselves too

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    Always know what to do without depending on someone.
    at the same time... no one ALWAYS knows what to do. simply not gonna happen. That's what friends are for. I don't have a BF. But things OFTEN go wrong with my bike, for example (it's italian, it's finnicky) and I am very slowly learning the basics of motorcycle maintenance/repair. The people that have been helping me learn? guys. guy friends. same one all the time? no. do i try to engage in learning so maybe i can do it myself next time? hell yeah.

    I just had a lot of dental work done. my parents helped me. I'm extremely gracious and i couldn't have done it on my own.

    To ASK FOR or RECEIVE help is not a bad thing... please do not make it out that we are fragile, pathetic creatures if we engage in getting the occasional hand from people. to EXPECT it is the problem.

  7. #7
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    I started thinking about a lot of this stuff recently too (for obvious reasons - hehe). I think it's important for BOTH spouses/partners to have health and life insurance, especially if there are children involved. It's about looking after those you love and being responsible. Too much shit can go wrong without it.
    A really good book that covers this stuff is 9 Steps to Financial Freedom by Suze Orman. It tells you all about trusts, wills and the various types of insurance that people should have according to their circumstances. It's crucial information.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Oh yeah: If there's a kid, ALWAYS have life insurance!

    Another reason to have your own resources is so you have your independence and power. If he cheats on you or is abusive, you don't want to be trapped.


    Embyr, what I meant to say was don't always have someone to look to for answers or take care of life for you. I mean, I depended on my mechanic to come and pop the spare out of the rusty holder. I just had to ask my mom to help me with the cost of replacing my windshield. What I DON'T HAVE is a MAY-UNN who I call up and he takes care of everybody. I ask my bf for advice, but I make my own decisions. It's okay to lean on someone for a bit, but not use them as a crutch. Basically, I don't assume that money magically appears in my account, or that there are little gremlins who maintain my car for me, or that I'll have a bf/major domo to run my life for me while I run happy-go-lucky.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    See, I don't understand this 'my maaaaan will save me' bullshit. Michael can support me, financially. I won't let him. I need my own money, my own rules... and y'know what, I changed my own tyre, too!! I figured out how to replace drive shafts and change the idle speed of my own car because I really wanted to know. It's useful!

    This, "But I never expected him to xxx" crap baffles the hell out of me.

    If there's anything I learned growing up, it's that NOTHING is constant and you have only one person you can trust - yourself.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  10. #10
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Lilith, you spelled it wrong. When embellished like that, it's spelled MAY-UNN.

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan View Post
    If there's anything I learned growing up, it's that NOTHING is constant and you have only one person you can trust - yourself.
    Amen, sister, amen. You are the only person who will definitely be with you your whole life.

  11. #11
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    No, it's MAH BAYBEE DUHDDY!


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    Basically, I don't assume that money magically appears in my account, or that there are little gremlins who maintain my car for me, or that I'll have a bf/major domo to run my life for me while I run happy-go-lucky.
    ahhahah if anything i assume the gremlins will EAT my car.

    then i have a question... is it wrong to refuse a joint checking account?? If/when I do get married, I refuse to have a joint checking account. My $$ is my goddamn hard-earned cash... I am not entitled to someone else's dough, nor they to mine.... is it wrong of me to think this way? (is "wrong" even the right word or am i making a financial issue into a moral one....)

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    God/dess
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    .....
    Last edited by Deni; 10-11-2008 at 10:40 AM.

  14. #14
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    My dude and I share money, but we have our own separate accounts. Basically we give as is needed since we live together. Expenses come up on either side and we help each other out. I don't think it's "wrong" per se to want your own financial resources, but it usually isn't as convenient for both parties if you are living together from my experience, maybe even less convenient if you share expenses (kid, car, mortgage, etc). To each their own though!

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    ^I think that it's very smart not to have a joint account. If anything, it'll prevent paranoia and trust issues. I have money nervosa, as too many people in my life pulled the, "I pay the bills, I make the decisions," bullshit that made me realize that your own money buys independence.

    If I get married, we will both have our own accounts and each pay for certain things, but there may be a joint account that we both contribute x amount to.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    I started thinking about a lot of this stuff recently too (for obvious reasons - hehe). I think it's important for BOTH spouses/partners to have health and life insurance, especially if there are children involved. It's about looking after those you love and being responsible. Too much shit can go wrong without it.
    NOTE: I am not bashing stay-at-home-people in any way. However, it's undeniable that you're screwed if something happens due to being dependent on someone else's money.

    The reason I'm telling this to ladies is because we're more prone to being in these situations. With the exception of trust fund babies and Kevin Federline (the ultimate BAYBEE DUHDDY), men know from a very early age that not only do they have to support themselves, but that they will also have to support others. There's also negative stereotypes about men who stay at home, from K-Feds to granolas to sissies. Basically, they're doing it for survival, and I'm sure that this stronger incentive is one of the many reasons that men make more than women. Women, on the other hand, aren't given that message as strongly. Even with the career woman movement, we still get the message that we can always stay at home and be a housemom or housewife. Therefore, the push to thrive and survive is not as strong, and there's not as much stigma about women staying at home.

    Yes, everybody should ensure themselves, but women are especially prone to falling into this, so I posted this thread.

  17. #17
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    If I get married, we will both have our own accounts and each pay for certain things, but there may be a joint account that we both contribute x amount to.
    I think that's a smart way of doing things. House bills/joint bills (or, like alexxa said, car-if-applicable, certainly mortgage) would be good things to have a joint account for... a "we contribute equally" account... but personal bills should be a personal account. and savings are mine mine mine mine (*goes into two yr old mode)

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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    If I get married, we will both have our own accounts and each pay for certain things, but there may be a joint account that we both contribute x amount to.
    This made me think of one more thing (not really related to the original topic, but related to your post)...the mom and dad-in-law don't share any of their money in any way/shape/form, and all they do is argue about paying each other back if one pays for something or one "borrows" money. It drives me batshit insane to listen to them rant continuously about money..."You better pay me back!"..."That isn't all my change!"..."I'm not giving you any money!" I've talked with Mox about it and I know it gets on his nerves, too, so that's why we've decided to have a some money that's shared for bills and other stuff. We've been together over 8 years, of course, so it's not something I'd recommend for someone in a new relationship or anything!

  19. #19
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    The reason I said "BOTH" is because I know for me personally that I will be bringing in more income than my partner when I return to work. I think this is true for a lot of strippers, and since this is a stripper message board, I know I'm not alone.
    If my partner and I become accustomed to living in the lifestyle that this money provides for us (and we will - since I don't keep my money all to myself), then it will be very hard for him to continue in the same fashion with baby if something were to happen to me.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Yeah, it does sound best to distribute our money like a Venn diagram. Independence, yet trust.

  21. #21
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    *looks around tiny studio apt. w/ evil grin and is glad she lives alone*

    sha....ring???


    thank god marriage is most likely a good 7/8 years off. i like being a selfish little schmear right now.

  22. #22
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies: Always have a Plan B!

    Another reason for a backup plan: He might get sick or injured. Even if he has a pension or disability, it's generally meager.

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