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Thread: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

  1. #1
    Kaylinn
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    Default Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I didn't know what entitlemoo meant, so I googled it, came up with this website, and you know..some of these terms are hilarous.
    Please, Don't be offended. I just thought they were funny.

    Such terms as:

    Fartling, floor monster A child. Also snot monsters, snot miners, yard apes, rug rats, nose miners, linoleum lizards, pablum pukers, droolmeisters.

    Crib lizard A baby.

    Crotchcricket, crotchfruit, A child.

    Small Humanoid Vermin (or SHV) Child.

    Snotgoblin One of many intentionally derogatory terms for a child, usually a bratty child.

    Waahmbulance A hypothetical emergency vehicle that can be called for when the self-esteem of a child or parent is tragically harmed by the terms above or the even more offensive word 'no.'

    Like I said, please don't get offended if you have kids. I just thought it was funny. I mean...I could see myself calling my kid a snot goblin or crib lizard.
    And Waaahmbulance? Classic, yet still funny. ( of course, I have the sence of humor of a 5 year old.)

  2. #2
    Veteran Member ExtacyInDaytona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I have kids and didnt take offence some of these are funny but to think that people actually make a point of child bashing is kind of disturbing to me!

  3. #3
    Senior Member ChubbyChaser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    My own mom would call me "the devil's spawn" or a brat, or something fairly creative and derogatory but not profane when I acted out in public. Her favorite was, "I hope you have a kid just like you!" lol. Parents should try to keep their sense of humor. At 53, mom still doesn't have a grey hair.
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  4. #4
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I love Waahmbulance....uselful in so many circumstances....

    "You mean i DONT get a hand job for my $20???"

    "Aww...sorry..let me call the Waahmbulance for you"

  5. #5
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I don't know why these are called "Childfree" slang. They're hilarious, and I think most parents can [or at least should be able to] see the humor in them.

  6. #6
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    ^^ well...I didn't post the ones that I thought would be offensive. If you go to the website and read through them all, there are some that would be offensive.

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    God/dess Roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    oh man, I laughed a good little bit! thanks!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    I just got hollered at by a CUTE guy, at dusk, in my car, in gym attire and hair. Word?
    Picaresque is the shit, I loooooves her!!!

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    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Nice, Kaylinn-those are pretty funny.

    BUT

    MY Gosh, that list. I had to stop reading cause it was hurting my eyes!

    Who knew there were so many 'terms of endeament' for kids and parents??!!

  9. #9
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    See... I love my childfree pals. I do. And I'm all for doin what you want. But to call a child names simply because you don't want one of your own is rude. I can see getting annoyed at bad parents, or even at overly obnoxious kids... but kids in general? Nah. Sorry, I'd be pissed off as hell if half those words got used out loud near me, and I don't even have kids. But then again, I'd be the same way about name-calling anyone who has done nada wrong to you. And seriously. Who has all the spare time to come up with all those terms? And if we had 327628768712187511 not-so-endearing terms for childfree people, including a wiki entry, the fur would fly, I'm sure.
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    Veteran Member ExtacyInDaytona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    See... I love my childfree pals. I do. And I'm all for doin what you want. But to call a child names simply because you don't want one of your own is rude. I can see getting annoyed at bad parents, or even at overly obnoxious kids... but kids in general? Nah. Sorry, I'd be pissed off as hell if half those words got used out loud near me, and I don't even have kids. But then again, I'd be the same way about name-calling anyone who has done nada wrong to you. And seriously. Who has all the spare time to come up with all those terms? And if we had 327628768712187511 not-so-endearing terms for childfree people, including a wiki entry, the fur would fly, I'm sure.

    THANKS MY POINT EXACTLY!!!

  11. #11
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    People come up with terms for everything that annoys them. And,love them as you will, children do have their annoying moments.

    I have terms like this for my pets (birds=flying rats, cats=poomonsters...)...and I love them to death.

    And I'm SURE there are many terms like this for the child-free. As there are for men, women, blondes, etc...etc....the list goes on and on.

    They are meant to be funny...not offensive.

    Some people take things WAY too seriously. If you cant laugh when things annoy you(including yourself) then you'll go insane.

  12. #12
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Some people take things WAY too seriously. If you cant laugh when things annoy you(including yourself) then you'll go insane.
    No doubt.

    I defy anyone to try to offend me with a list of funny slang about the childfree lifestyle. Really...please try. I could use a laugh!

  13. #13
    Veteran Member Christian*Doll*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I call my friends kids "chittlins"
    I call my cats "ho's"
    I Luv my Daddy

  14. #14
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I see it as the same as calling my husband the old "ball and chain"

    does it mean I dont love him or wish I wasnt married? no...it's just a joke

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    Veteran Member Christian*Doll*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I call my bf "daddy" but I dont want to screw my real dad.Its just fun to say
    I Luv my Daddy

  16. #16
    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    I love Waahmbulance....uselful in so many circumstances....

    "You mean i DONT get a hand job for my $20???"

    "Aww...sorry..let me call the Waahmbulance for you"
    Hell, I've been using "Waahmbulance" forever. Love that freakin word.

  17. #17
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Hilarious! They left "sandwich grabber" off the list , though! That's what my cousin called his two boys when they were about 2ish--when they were just old enough to toddle around and reach up to the countertops and grab anything they could.

  18. #18
    God/dess Roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I think it's interesting what people find offensive and what they dont. When I was young my mom called me a Hood. (like hoodlum) it was a term of endearment, always said affectionatly when i was doing somehting I probably should, but it was cute. One of our friends heard her say it to me and was utterly appaled... He was so offended.

    When I was a baby I guess i was a shitmachine and my dad called me Pooper. My grandmother flipped out. He wasnt being mean about it, it was just a nickname. it got changed to Thumper. Hell I knew a kid growing up who's father called him Pencildick!!

    I think it's kinda silly to get offended about these things unless they really are offensive like what is that terrible thing people used to say? Oh yeah 9I hate saying it now, but It's to show my point) tar baby for a black child. That is WAAAAY offensive (to me at least), it is a racial slur. Now I didn't read all of the terms yet, so maybe there are racial or ethnic slurs in there, but I havent seen any that are offensive... Everything I've seen has come from some sort of reality, and are just funny because you can see the truth in it...
    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    I just got hollered at by a CUTE guy, at dusk, in my car, in gym attire and hair. Word?
    Picaresque is the shit, I loooooves her!!!

    Disclaimer - I DO NOT EDIT MY COMMENTS
    It hate to re-read things I write
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  19. #19
    Banned LatinaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Quote Originally Posted by ChubbyChaser View Post
    "I hope you have a kid just like you!"
    My mom says this too! And when my pregnant friends mom asked her what she was having and she said, "a girl", her mom just started laughing! Like, I know exactly what you're in for!!

  20. #20
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    I have terms like this for my pets (birds=flying rats, cats=poomonsters...)...and I love them to death.
    I call my cats "fluffy assholes."

  21. #21
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    In another thread, a member (lilithmorrigan?) called kids "fuck trophies." There were some members that were offended by that, but I got a good laugh out of it.

  22. #22
    God/dess Roulette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    ^^^ hahahahaha how is that offensive?! I dont get it!! It's better than being the "after sex shame" or something
    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    I just got hollered at by a CUTE guy, at dusk, in my car, in gym attire and hair. Word?
    Picaresque is the shit, I loooooves her!!!

    Disclaimer - I DO NOT EDIT MY COMMENTS
    It hate to re-read things I write
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  23. #23
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    I dont think there is any group within society that do not get jokes told about them whether it's blondes, particular races, fat people etc. Children are not immune, no one is.

  24. #24
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    My favorite is fuctuplets, which is used by childed and childfree alike. Fuctuplets (fucked-up-lets) are the litters of babies that are the result of fertility treatments. Many have severe health problems due to prematurity and the fact that the human womb was not meant to hold litters.

  25. #25
    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny stuff- Childfre slang

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    See... I love my childfree pals. I do. And I'm all for doin what you want. But to call a child names simply because you don't want one of your own is rude. I can see getting annoyed at bad parents, or even at overly obnoxious kids... but kids in general? Nah. Sorry, I'd be pissed off as hell if half those words got used out loud near me, and I don't even have kids. But then again, I'd be the same way about name-calling anyone who has done nada wrong to you. And seriously. Who has all the spare time to come up with all those terms? And if we had 327628768712187511 not-so-endearing terms for childfree people, including a wiki entry, the fur would fly, I'm sure.
    I'm childfree myself and I tend to agree. Not wanting and/or particularly liking children doesn't have to translate to that kind of nastiness directed at kids and those who have them.

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