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Thread: WTF? Yeah Right!

  1. #26
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Honey...i know this sounds harsh..but get out. This is extremely immature, controlling, manipulating, borderline abusive behavior. I've seen it too may times...this is textbook progrression of an abusive relationship.

    I know it is hard...but you are SO much better than this.

    and BTW...if you posting for advice and support is "attention whoring"..what the hell would you call him posting as you??

  2. #27
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    How faithful has your husband been? Usually when an accusation like that pops up out of the blue it is because the accuser is the one who has been cheating.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  3. #28
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    You are not attention whoring. This is your support. These people are your friends. Real friends. You lean on your friends when times are tough. Like when your SO is exhibiting distrubing behavior, for example.

    Truly disurbing.
    He says that you all are just a bunch of strippers on a forum, and that he has family and friends agreeing with him, etc and says "So who do you think is more credible?"

  4. #29
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    How faithful has your husband been? Usually when an accusation like that pops up out of the blue it is because the accuser is the one who has been cheating.
    As far as I know he's been faithful; however I've had no inclination to even check up on him.

    His last wife left him for someone else; he thinks all women will do that.

  5. #30
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Is he a paranoid schizophrenic or something? I mean, this is even beyond insecurity. This is completley irrational. And he "likes to hold divorce over your head"? WTF kind of relationship is that? I say let his spooky ass go and say good riddance. I'm sorry, but there's no reason you should have to spend your life walking on eggshells for a jealous freak who threatens you.

  6. #31
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    How faithful has your husband been? Usually when an accusation like that pops up out of the blue it is because the accuser is the one who has been cheating.
    I was thinking the exact same thing. Not only did he accuse you once, but twice -

    That's crazy suspect to me girl .

    But beyond that:


    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Although....It's deeper than that. He should trust you and believe you. You shouldn't need to prove anything.
    Agreed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissy68 View Post
    threatening divorce and lording it over you is so effing manipulative...
    Not only is it manipulative, but it is both eXtremely MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, as Cam pointed out:

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Honey...i know this sounds harsh..but get out. This is extremely immature, controlling, manipulating, borderline abusive behavior. I've seen it too may times...this is textbook progrression of an abusive relationship.

    I know it is hard...but you are SO much better than this.
    So Agreed.

    .

  7. #32
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    As far as I know he's been faithful; however I've had no inclination to even check up on him.

    His last wife left him for someone else; he thinks all women will do that.
    I posted after reading the OP and not scanning the rest of the thread, yet. After reading everything else, this makes me think of a Jr. High crush gone bad.

    My best advice is to move in with a family member for a while, like a month or so, to kind of cool the emotional jets for a while. Then get into some marriage counseling (even if he won't join you). It sounds like you guys are in a vicious pain cycle...meaning some needs aren't being met on both sides so the other person's emotional needs are withheld from the other causing more tension and pain on both sides.

    By separating for a bit will stop the pain cycle. I think you two would need to avoid any angry communication during that time, as well. Act as if you are the shallowest of acquaintances speaking of nothing more pressing than the weather. This will give you both breathing room to really understand your own feeling about the other.

    But, really, get to marriage therapy. Unfortunately, there isn't a manual to teach us how to have a good marriage, so therapy will get you back on track.

    This website is a good start. Be prepared to cry as you are reading through it, but there is a lot of great advice.

    Link to Marriage Builders.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  8. #33
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    WTF? Talk about coming out of left field! How shitty. All you did was send pics to a wrong e-mail...

  9. #34
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Wow, CF, I'm sorry. *hugs* I was in a relationship like this once...stayed in it for a long time. It gave me ulcers and permanent anxiety, and has fucked up relationships since. I agree with Paris, get to a marriage counselor. I also agree with her on living with friends/family for awhile to sort things out (that's what I did in my current relationship, moved out for a year, and it gave us a chance to fix things without being on top of each other all the time). Good luck to you, pm me if you wanna talk
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  10. #35
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Wow, the drama. Best of luck to you Corsica, you are a very nice girl. And of course we are going to support you here, we know you, and you are a huge proponent of being faithful, as far as I recall. Oh well, men....insecure men.... Being single isn't so bad.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  11. #36
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Yeah, well, you can let R know I'm a NON-Dancer (retired for many many years) and I think HE is the one who's got a problem here. So he can take that as CREDIBLE. You said his last wife left him for someone else, he needs to learn to take his insecurities from that relationship and not put them off on you. YOU are not her. And the photoshop thread has been here for awhile. Not even the moderators can alter an entire thread like that, muchless just a board member. It was on your part an honest mistake. But apparently he cant and wont see that. It's like he's just looking for something, anything, to make a mountain out of a mohill anyway. And he's so quick to throw it all away and say it's over. Perhaps he's looking for a reason for an out? If thats what he wants then be man enough to just do it instead of playing this game. And if it was me in your shoes, I would have to seriously reconsider my entire relationship and think about if I wanted to stay with someone who is obviously so insecure. You sending the email to the wrong address is embarrassing enough, muchless having to deal with all of these accusations because of it. Other than hitting the wrong address on an auto-populate email drop down, have you done anything to make him feel this insecure? I mean are there hot and heavy email correspondence between you and the attorney guy to substantiate this? Or is this everything thats happened to him in his past before you being transposed off on to you? And to second and third what has already been said, you two need marriage counseling. If your relationship has ever meant anything to either of you, it will be worth it to you both to do the work to save it. If neither party wants to work it out, then the one who doesnt want it, wanted out to begin with. I wish you both the best of luck with all of this!

  12. #37
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Nope, no "hot n heavy" emails with lawyer. Just an email titled "More Photos" that was supposed to go to Kaylinn.

    The problem is he swears he isn't insecure. And he likes to play this game:

    *Argument starts. Screaming soon follows*

    Him: I can't live in a marriage like this. I don't want a wife like this. I do all the work in this marriage, and you do nothing to show you even care about it.

    Me: That is very untrue. If I didn't care about this marriage, I wouldn't hesitate to walk out the door. A long time ago. But I'm here.

    Him: I don't want a marriage like this. I don't see this getting better because YOU won't try.

    Me: Ok then, if that's what you really want. We'll split up. I'm not going to defend myself from your untrue statement; I'll get nowhere.

    Him: Oh, so you aren't even going to try? Well fine, if that's what YOU want, we'll end it. I mean I'm fully willing to try to make this work, but if you want out then fine. Get out.

    That's the gist of our huge blowups. I'm usually sitting there with my mouth hanging open in disbelief. It's like he says he wants one thing, I call his bluff by saying maybe he's right, and then he turns it into ME not pushing for it to work! I've been pushing too dammit!

    Oh the mind games! They're exhausting!

    I love him. I really do. But I just don't know if this can be fixed, and we don't have enough money for counseling. I know I'm no lightweight, but he has sooooooooo much baggage.

  13. #38
    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    That's very hard in a relationship when someone is always trying to pass the blame. Those are stupid games and you're very young and shouldn't live in a crappy relationship.

    Even if I weren't a stripper I'd say the exact same thing.

  14. #39
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I'm not one to say, "Divorce the fucker already," as marriage is a promise, but I suggest that you run as if your heels were on fire and your ass was catching. Throw a few grenades over your shoulder for extra measures.

    I'm seeing red alert after red alert. He is manipulative and abusive, and his perceived victimhood ("All women are going to leave me.") makes him feel quite entitled to do so. It sounds that you mistook pity for love, and tried to help him. Sweetie, if people want to change, they'll do it for themselves. Even if he can be fixed, it's been at the cost of you.

    Read Heartless Bitches' Manipulator files for some empowerment, and realize how much you are being manipulated. He has no sense of reasoning and logic. There is nothing that you can do except walk away.

    Oh, it's a very common tactic for the manipulator to "Put the ball in your court." That way, he can pass the blame and make you look like the abusive one, and it takes the responsibility off him.

    I wish you luck. You deserve so much better. *Hug* Threatening to divorce when he's not getting his way and saying shit about your job are horrible. At least physical abuse leaves enough evidence to possibly get him the punishment he deserves for his abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse are the lowest of the lowest. It gets you where it hurts, and it doesn't leave any physical evidence.

    GET. OUT. NOW. Please. Men like this will temporarily crawl on their bellies like snakes when in apology mode (it's not real apology, it's a way to wash their hands of responsibility) to get you back, then go back to their old ways because you let the dog pee on the rug.

  15. #40
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    To think, I was going to post a nice post about what a great man, husband, etc. he was and how he had one job offer in Phoenix and another strong possibility in San Fran last night while we were at separate houses. I'm so fucking proud of him!

    But this? I am supposed to proud of THIS?


  16. #41
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    I'm not one to say, "Divorce the fucker already," as marriage is a promise, but I suggest that you run as if your heels were on fire and your ass was catching. Throw a few grenades over your shoulder for extra measures.

    I'm seeing red alert after red alert. He is manipulative and abusive, and his perceived victimhood ("All women are going to leave me.") makes him feel quite entitled to do so. It sounds that you mistook pity for love, and tried to help him. Sweetie, if people want to change, they'll do it for themselves.

    Read for some empowerment, and realize how much you are being manipulated.

    Oh, it's a very common tactic for the manipulator to "Put the ball in your court." That way, he can pass the blame and make you look like the abusive one, and it takes the responsibility off him.

    I wish you luck. You deserve so much better. Threatening to divorce when he's not getting his way and saying shit about your job are the lowest possible. At least physical abuse leaves enough evidence to possibly get him the punishment he deserves for his abuse.
    I feel so confused. He tells me that I'm only telling one side, I'm lying for sympathy, I'm manipulative, mean, controlling, etc.

    I always got the distinct impression he was projecting his own faults on to me.

  17. #42
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    you can't afford counseling but it seems what you really need is a moderator/3rd-party (family and friends do NOT count in this category). i'm talking about a pastor or priest or something similar that has no vested interest in either party.

    at least he's talking (albeit it's argueing and yelling). but if it's past even that rudimentary point of communication, as in "none", that's when i say divorce is the only option. (excluding violence, of course)

    very often, churches will offer some kind of counseling service. some do it for free (donations) others offer a very modest fee schedule. i'm definitely not preaching religion here (that's the LAST thing for me ) but just a 3rd party to listen to both and offer an outsider's viewpoint/suggestion.

    he shouldn't be resistant to this. it's counseling and it shows you are trying (to him). you can even search for the service together to agree on whatever denomination etc. hth

  18. #43
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I'm posting this for everyone to see so he doesn't go through your PM box and do something rash if upset.

    You've done more than enough. I read your old blog before you got married, I noticed that troll BS with Candy82 or whateverthefuck that was on here....Him webstalking you & recruiting a 3rd party to help....This stuff only happens in movies, right?

    Well, I've lived with crazy people, I've had crazy boyfriends. We can try to shove everyone under the "mentally ill" umbrella but really, all he is a manipulative, sad man who doesn't deserve the devotion you're doling out.

    Find someone who deserves the good you have to offer. Don't waste your life and let some man damage you.

  19. #44
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Ok; I have been keeping up with this thread because Corsica, I can appreciate that you and your husband are going through an extremely diffucult situation. Financial stress usually puts a stress on any relationship.

    As for Mr. CorsicaFire, although I do not condone his false and hasty accusation of Corsica, I wonder if perhaps he is isolating himself in this situation because of all of the pressures he is feeling to be a provider and a good husband to his wife. Sometimes, these pressures can warp even the most well-intentioned individuals -

    <Even steel bends under pressure> .

    Mr. Corsica, we, Corsica's virtual buddies, implore upon you that you take a minute to consider that isolating yourself from your PARTNER, your wife, will only cause you to grow apart, further alienating you from her and in turn, your teammate who helps you reach your successes.

    Your finances DO NOT define YOU as a person. They are not a reflection of YOU. Your soul is your reflection. How you treat others is a reflection of your soul. Everything else is just paper.

    NEITHER OF YOU HAVE FAILED AT LIFE - You have merely run into a tall hurdle and you should be supporting each other crying in each other's arms ; then giving each other a lift over the challenge. Sure you can do it alone, but you have and love each other; Why should you have to?

    Single or committed, Life will present valleys and peaks. The peaks are designed to encourage and increase motivation and the valleys are encouraged to increase your strength and stamina for your Victorious climb up to the summit. Although you may not see the peak from the valley, once you put forth the effort and understanding, you will not only conquer the peak, but look down into the valley from where you came, look to your side and see your loving teamate, your wife, and think, "Wow, we made it through THAT !!! We can make it through anything! Bring on the next challenge ..."


  20. #45
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    I feel so confused. He tells me that I'm only telling one side, I'm lying for sympathy, I'm manipulative, mean, controlling, etc.

    I always got the distinct impression he was projecting his own faults on to me.
    That is usually the case. Again, read Heartless Bitches. That page made me cry because it made me realize that all the stuff that "Wasn't quite right" wasn't just my imagination.

  21. #46
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Also, be careful about counseling. Some people are so good at manipulation that they can even fool the counselors, especially if the manipulator has convinced the abused one that she is at fault, and the manipulator will look like the one trying to make all the efforts.

  22. #47
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    I feel so confused. He tells me that I'm only telling one side, I'm lying for sympathy, I'm manipulative, mean, controlling, etc.

    I always got the distinct impression he was projecting his own faults on to me.

    Exactly...that's what Hatshepsut is saying. Since he's "projecting" all of the blame on to you, he believes that you are at fault for all of the problems in the marriage. With that type of dynamic, he won't change because he doesn't see any reason to....all of the burden will be on you. It's denial, plain and simple. If anything is going to improve, you have to work together....both accept responsibility for your own faults, and work to resolve them...such a thing can only come when both people are willing to see things for what they are. I'm sorry you're going through this. No one is perfect, no one is blameless, but he doesn't appear to even THINK that something is wrong from his end. In short, unless he admits that he has some things to work on, these problems won't get resolved.
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

  23. #48
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    In difficult situations, it is instinctual that in the interest of self-preservation we isolate ourselves in order to minimize damage to our own egos, and understandably so. I mean, sometimes, things straight-up SUCK, and it's normal to feel sad or hopeless - No one is telling you not to FEEL.

    However, the difference between a winner and a loser is that a loser will throw himself a perpetual pity party, invite everyone to wallow in his sorrows and expect them to drown in his boat of melancholy with him.

    A winner on the other hand, would have a good cry, get that dirt off his shoulder, shake it off, do 20 push-ups, get hype and amped and start rowing like a mutha toward the safety of the shore.

    The difference being that the perpetual self-pitier never employs the perspective to realize that they can be PROACTIVE in the situation and contribute to their own Victory, rather than participate in their own demise. DO NOT curl up into a ball and die; STAND UP and fight this battle and LIVE, or you might not only lose yourself, but your loving companion in the process.

    You are in this situation together and Marriage means putting your spouse and family before yourself. This means that if you are stressed and worried, imagine how your wife feels? You both have to be strong for each other and you both have to be a shoulder for the other to lean on and cry.

    Pain is not an indication of weakness - FEAR IS. You are both afraid, but you have each other.


  24. #49
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I've been with crazy people, and I think that this is the point past trying to repair things. If he's low enough to call her a faulty woman due to being a stripper, or that he's used to threatening to divorce, and if he's set in his opinions about how people are always going to treat him badly (Hint: if you keep having the same problems with not one or two people, the common denominator is YOU!), then she's going to always be the one making the sacrifices.

    Also, CF is probably going to constantly need a constant defense that can go up at a second's warning, as well as a constant paranoia about if (excuse me, not if. WHEN is more like it) he's going to pull this shit ever again. Is that any way to love?

  25. #50
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    Find someone who deserves the good you have to offer. Don't waste your life and let some man damage you.
    I find myself starting to wonder if I have any good left in me because he tells me I'm mean, nasty, manipulative, etc. So I come on here and ask for honest opinions. Apparently any time I consult a 3rd party, it's just me being an attention whore and trying to make him look bad. He has the innate ability to make me feel worthless when he wants to, but swears he doesn't mean it.

    Don't get me wrong here; I am NOT perfect! But all close people in my life except for him are saying I'm good and kind, but somehow him as the one person who tells me otherwise is the loudest.

    I swear I don't dare tell him this stuff anymore; it would just feed his power he has over me. And honestly when I've talked about this briefly with him; he makes me feel foolish, intentional or not.

    I feel so fucking stupid. He goads me into arguments and I stupidly play along. But sometimes I won't engage him and he'll say I'm the one who wants to argue. And he puts words in my mouth!

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