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Thread: WTF? Yeah Right!

  1. #51
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Some mental images come to mind- a cat playing with a mouse, fish in a barrel, bear trap. That stuff doesn't just happen to animals, you know.

    You're not the first young woman to get wound around a loser's finger & you won't be the last.

    All things considered, I know you're independent enough to take care of yourself, so why are you putting up with this?

  2. #52
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Ok Mr. Corsica, I would also like to add another suggestion for you to consider about "friends and family" who are TRULY interested in your well-being, and not just carrying a chip on their shoulders because of bad personal experiences, or fanning some bad flashbacks to you of your past in an "I told you so" manner...

    The ONLY people who know THE TRUTH about your relationship is YOU & YOUR WIFE. Don't listen to Joe Schmuck your high school buddy who is single and needing a drinking buddy because he is not in a relationship <Misery loves company> . Don't listen to your aunt Sally who "could see it coming from a mile away".

    Only YOU truly know your wife and only SHE truly knows you <think of all the ways (non-sexual) you know each other in ways that others WILL NEVER KNOW you, NO MATTER how close of a friend / family>.

    Trust your heart, trust yourselves and trust your wife. Most people get bad advice from people who have had horrid life experiences, and this reflects in how they apply that irrelevant bad advice to their own relationship.

    You cannot rely on others' generalizations. Every relationship is unique. Love is a gift - DO NOT let others generallize, and in effect trivialize, your gift.

    I hope this helps.


  3. #53
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hot2Trot View Post


    DO NOT curl up into a ball and die; STAND UP and fight this battle and LIVE, or you might not only lose yourself, but your loving companion in the process.



    Where is that loving companion of mine? He's missing....

  4. #54
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    It sounds like you already know what you need to do. I'm shocked that he'd jack your account like that. What is he, 12?

  5. #55
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by xbloodydewdropx View Post
    ...If anything is going to improve, you have to work together....both accept responsibility for your own faults, and work to resolve them...such a thing can only come when both people are willing to see things for what they are. I'm sorry you're going through this. No one is perfect, no one is blameless, but he doesn't appear to even THINK that something is wrong from his end. In short, unless he admits that he has some things to work on, these problems won't get resolved.
    completely agree.

    i was trying to say something like this but dewdrop said it perfectly.

    edit: hot2trot's also dishing some very good advice imho.

  6. #56
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Oh, he is also on this kick of "I know you want me to follow this dream life of yours of becoming a Porn Star Stripper, but I won't.."

    I don't know where he gets some of these things????

  7. #57
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    I find myself starting to wonder if I have any good left in me because he tells me I'm mean, nasty, manipulative, etc. So I come on here and ask for honest opinions. Apparently any time I consult a 3rd party, it's just me being an attention whore and trying to make him look bad. He has the innate ability to make me feel worthless when he wants to, but swears he doesn't mean it.

    Don't get me wrong here; I am NOT perfect! But all close people in my life except for him are saying I'm good and kind, but somehow him as the one person who tells me otherwise is the loudest.

    I swear I don't dare tell him this stuff anymore; it would just feed his power he has over me. And honestly when I've talked about this briefly with him; he makes me feel foolish, intentional or not.

    I feel so fucking stupid. He goads me into arguments and I stupidly play along. But sometimes I won't engage him and he'll say I'm the one who wants to argue. And he puts words in my mouth!
    *Knocks CorsicaFire over the head with a brick to punish her for suggesting that she's anything other than a sweet, honest, hardworking girl.* BAD GIRL, no cookie for you.

    Of course you're not perfect, but don't think that you deserve abuse. One thing that got me stuck in abusive relationships was, "I'm not perfect, and I'm lucky to have someone who can point out my flaws and help me fix them." Real friends won't try to change you or take it upon themselves to fix you. They will tell you tactfully what you are doing wrong, and will leave you alone if it gets so bad that they suffer. Manipulators see you as a lump of clay/scratching post.

    Even if you did have serious flaws, they he would have no right to abuse you like that for it. In stead of finding someone to change into his ideals, he should be with someone wo he actually likes for who she is.

  8. #58
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Cf, please don't get mad at me, but from other people mentioning other drama, I went back and read all your old posts. It kinda feels like an invasion of privacy, and I apologize, but I wanted more knowledge of the situation so I could make a better judgement of the situation. Espicially since other people mentioned all kinds of other drama.

    I think you should go back and re read all your old posts. They may open your eyes. You have matured a lot since you joined SW, and I think re reading, and just reflecting on the past few years of your life will give you a lot of insight.

    One more thing...Did you get my pm with my phone #? I just realized that he came on and posted as you at about the same time I sent you a PM. Kinda worried he got it instead....

  9. #59
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Constructive criticism is helpful and appreciated. Verbal abuse is unsolicited, condescending and has self-serving ulterior motives. Being called “na&#239;ve” and being told, “I’m trying to help you become an adult,” are neither compliments nor philanthropy. Fuck the people who claim that they're making you a better person. Who asked them, especially if they're condescending and act like they're doing a huge favor by telling you that you're inferior to them? Real friends are honest with you, but let you grow up on your own and simply leave when they feel like they're being disrespected.

    He is abusing you and trying to configure the world to his whims. He can't control the world, so he controls you. RUN, RUN! PLEASE!

  10. #60
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    Oh, he is also on this kick of "I know you want me to follow this dream life of yours of becoming a Porn Star Stripper, but I won't.."

    I don't know where he gets some of these things????
    I am oddly reminded of my ex who was a porn addict but freaked the fuck out when I did my first set of BIKINI pics with a local photographer...while we were split up for a month...
    & Then when I used the word "intimate" while discussing a guy I met on the bus to another town, he sneered, "'Intimate'? What, did he eat you out?"

    These guys often can't deal with the fact that they're not able to extend the same freedoms/courtesies they demand to their partners...It's called Borderline Personality Disorder.

  11. #61
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Some justifications to watch out for that you might be making:
    -“He loves me in his own private way because he’s not like other people/under a lot of stress/doesn’t know any better/not socially graceful.” Child molesters, sex offenders, and domestic abusers love people in their own private way because they’re not like other people/under a lot of stress/don’t know any better/ not socially graceful.
    -”But our relationship isn't like other people's relationships.” See, “He loves me in his own private way.” Some universal qualities of a good relationship are trust, respect, acceptance, and empathy. If you’re not getting any of those, then you’re not being treated right. I've known some pretty unconventional relationships, like swinging, S&M, the male being the dominant one, etc. but the good ones all had these qualities.
    -“He’s trying to help me become a better person. I’m lucky to have a boyfriend who won’t blindly, desperately accept me for who I am even if I do have faults that need to be pointed out.” He’s trying to mold you into his ideals, and he’s managed to find a girl who will allow it. He should be looking for someone he does like rather than condescendingly trying to mold you into his ideal for his own convenience and tastes. If he’s doing it to feel paternal and mature, then he’s an emotional pedophile who needs to feel power. There's nothing wrong with having friends who love and accept you for who you are specifically.
    -“But he’s so sweet after he’s done wrong.” Doesn’t it piss you off when little kids give you big Bambi eyes and act cute and give you a kiss when they know that they’re going to get spanked, trying to weasel their way out of punishment? Emotionally manipulative guys are like those kids, but decades older. Does he actually apologize and mean it, or is he just trying to lift the cock blockade?
    -”But he's trying so hard to change.” Is he actually changing his abusive ways, or is he ostentatiously moaning about the efforts he's undergoing? Actions speak louder than words, and excuses and justifications invalidate any efforts he's claiming to make.
    -”But he's really going to make an effort this time!” Just like the last hundred times he's made promises? Are you the one always making changes? Do you change in attempt to prevent him from doing things, which in turn makes you the one who is controlled?
    -”But it's my own fault for not loving him for who he is and being such a nag.” Find yourself a decent guy rather than this broken one who tries to fix and control everyone but himself.

  12. #62
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Cf, please don't get mad at me, but from other people mentioning other drama, I went back and read all your old posts. It kinda feels like an invasion of privacy, and I apologize, but I wanted more knowledge of the situation so I could make a better judgement of the situation. Espicially since other people mentioned all kinds of other drama.

    I think you should go back and re read all your old posts. They may open your eyes. You have matured a lot since you joined SW, and I think re reading, and just reflecting on the past few years of your life will give you a lot of insight.

    One more thing...Did you get my pm with my phone #? I just realized that he came on and posted as you at about the same time I sent you a PM. Kinda worried he got it instead....
    Yeah I got it.

  13. #63
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    First off, NOBODY is perfect. You never said you thought you were and he is not either. EVERYBODY has their own shit, I do you do and HE does. The blame does not fall fully on you and it doesnt fall fully on him. It takes two to tango!! And until he can learn to stop projecting everything off on to you and can learn to see himself and his own short commings, and can see what the things are that HE does to contribute to the way things are, NOTHING will change. Corsica, you don't deserve to let anyone make you feel as if you have no good left in you. And the only power you let him have over you is what you LET him have. Don't let him have that. Since you can't get counseling, try this. Each of you, write a list of 10 things the other person does that you feel is tearing your marriage apart. Then write a list of 10 things that the other person does that are a plus to the relationship. And not just a list like, your inconsiderate, you can say that, but give an example of it and how it makes you feel when the other person does this. When you do this or say this it makes me feel this. Then each of you read each others list, but the only rule is, you cant get mad and you cant yell. What each of you feel is VALID to you, therefore, it is VALID period. And until you learn to see things from the other persons persepective, your not getting the entire picture. This process not only helps you to see yourself but to fully see the other person. And if you can't do that right now, then perhaps time apart will help, and help to give some persepective all the way around. My hubby and I have been married for 15 years. Right after the 9th year we split and got back together just before the 10th year. Doing this was crucial in saving our marriage. And crucial in allowing our relationship to be what it is now. We did the list many times, till we worked out all of our issues.

  14. #64
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    CF, im sorry i thought you went back to dancing after moving back from Germany.

    i just read the last posts and wow. i dont want ot advocate leaving him but he needs maturing. like, desperately. from what he wrote, it reminds me of a friend i had way back. he would go on in poetry like that, and it was for his OWN serious need of attention. it sounds like R is really attn whoring here, not you. it seems like his insecurities have gone above and beyond, and you need to vacate for some time, get some clarity. seriously, spend some time away from him, no contact. at all. and you will gain some seriously needed clarity.

    Love it!

  15. #65
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    (This is from my friend): Lady Gwen thinks he sounds bipolar. Perhaps you should talk to his ex and find out more about his past. There are usually patterns.

    (Alcohol makes bipolar disorder worse...Maybe you see flare-ups in his behavior if he's drinking?)

  16. #66
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I'm sorry you are going through this, Corsica. You are a lovely, beautiful woman who deserves better than a paranoid, insecure man who is emotionally abusive and manipulative. His issues are his, not yours---which means you can't fix them. Ever. Only he can, and it looks as though he thinks he is blameless here.

    Marriage counselling might be worth a try if this is a relationship you really think makes your life better, and not worse---you are the only one who can guage this for yourself, though. But is sounds as if there has been some uneccesary drama in the past because of his issues--so is this really something new, or just more of the same old same old?

    This whole situation reminds me of a saying my grandmother had. "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit." And the creepy poetry thing just seems to hint at a looming break from reality. Keep yourself SAFE.

  17. #67
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    OK, so the emails have started again, along with the accusations. Apparently he says he has NOT done any wrongdoing, and says Im childish because I said I would not apologize for something he accused me of that I did not do.

    Why would I?

    Sure, I will fully admit to having a piece in this marriage of miscommunication, pain, etc. I will NOT however apologize for anything he accused me of doing last night because they simply aren't true. No, I will not.

    I told him I wasn't going to argue, he can take some time to think alone.

  18. #68
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    (This is from my friend): Lady Gwen thinks he sounds bipolar. Perhaps you should talk to his ex and find out more about his past. There are usually patterns.

    (Alcohol makes bipolar disorder worse...Maybe you see flare-ups in his behavior if he's drinking?)
    Yes, which is why when he starts drinking, I freak the fuck out, anticipating....

  19. #69
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    You can't "fix" him and he can't "fix" you. The only person who can fix themselves is them. And they have to be able to "see" themselves in order to even begin that.

    And he wants to help you become an adult?? We grow in to adulthood of our own accord, we are not GUIDED or MOLDED in to it. And honestly, he doesnt sound much like an adult himself!!

    Victim menatality... everything that has ever gone wrong in my life is because of this person or these external factors. SURVIVOR and adult mentality... these things happened in my life and I am responsible for them happening because I did this or did that. But I live and learn from my mistakes.

  20. #70
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aine View Post
    You can't "fix" him and he can't "fix" you. The only person who can fix themselves is them. And they have to be able to "see" themselves in order to even begin that.

    And he wants to help you become an adult?? We grow in to adulthood of our own accord, we are not GUIDED or MOLDED in to it. And honestly, he doesnt sound much like an adult himself!!

    Victim menatality... everything that has ever gone wrong in my life is because of this person or these external factors. SURVIVOR and adult mentality... these things happened in my life and I am responsible for them happening because I did this or did that. But I live and learn from my mistakes.
    Amen, amen, amen.

  21. #71
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Also, the fact that he talks shit about you to his family and freinds. Hello, LOYALTY??? Where is it? Talking shit about your spouse when there is a problem betweent the two of you isn't cool or mature, and this is what he is doing--making you look worse, so he can look better. He just wants you to be WRONG, so he can be RIGHT.

    Bleah. Don't waste your youth or beauty on this.

  22. #72
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    He's scaring me; I don't know who this person who has taken over R's body is! WTF?

    PB, he says that THIS (thread)is talking shit about him.

  23. #73
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    OK, so the emails have started again, along with the accusations. Apparently he says he has NOT done any wrongdoing, and says Im childish because I said I would not apologize for something he accused me of that I did not do.

    Why would I?

    Sure, I will fully admit to having a piece in this marriage of miscommunication, pain, etc. I will NOT however apologize for anything he accused me of doing last night because they simply aren't true. No, I will not.

    I told him I wasn't going to argue, he can take some time to think alone.

    And you should NEVER apologize for something you DIDNT do!! Why should you apologize for him being insecure and twisting things in his own head??? His issues are his own right now, you've done nothing wrong. So let them be his and let him deal with them.

  24. #74
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Corsica, you are better than this. He is subjecting you to emotional abuse, he is immature and paranoid, he probably doesn't trust you because he knows he is untrustworthy himself, and he disrespects you to his family and friends. That is not a loving husband and it's not a real man. If he's willing to fix it, fine, but it doesn't sound like he is, which makes me wonder why you would be willing to put up with this.

    You can't change him; you can only decide what to accept in your life. And I can't think of any reason to accept this kind of treatment. No decent man treats his wife that way. And what the hell kind of father would he be? You wouldn't subject your children to this man as a father, would you?

  25. #75
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    SAFETY FIRST! Are you? Do you have someone to stay with? If he is scaring you, stay away from him--don't answer his calls or emails, and keep all records of messages, especially if he starts threatening you or saying bizarre things.

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