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Thread: WTF? Yeah Right!

  1. #76
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    He's scaring me; I don't know who this person who has taken over R's body is! WTF?

    PB, he says that THIS (thread)is talking shit about him.

    Talking shit is what he has done with his family and friends, trying to rally them all on his side and make you out to be the bad person.

    Whats taking place here, IF HE ACTUALLY READ WHAT WAS WRITTEN, is many of us stating what is blantently obvious and even giving suggestions of ways for the two of you to try to work things out. That there are two sides to it all and you both have to learn to see and understand the others perspective of it all. And in that process, you have to truly look at yourself. And none of us know him face to face, we are just opinion, the people he is talking to are family and in your daily lives.

    Mr. Corsica, you as a person are not under fire here, it's not a public hanging, it's your actions that are being judged. Advice is being given. Use it to save your marriage. Or continue on as you are, refusing to see yourself or hear whats being said. The loss in the end will be yours.

  2. #77
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I am at my parents house right now. I have to house sit for them the next 3 nights, so I figured I'd just stay over here anyways.

    And my latest reply to his rantings (yes I know I should not reply, but I wanted to say something):

    "Ok dear, you take the time to cool down. I'll talk to you when you're
    calm, if that ever happens.

    Yes, if my indecisiveness means I have problems, than you've got that
    right! I really don't know what to do in this point in time. You seem
    to believe I say I'm perfect, when I know and have said that I am NOT
    perfect. It doesn't exist.

    Oh well. I had a feeling this would still be going on HOURS later with
    the hostility. I won't come home to that to talk about anything.

    Remember when we promised that if it should ever come to an end
    between us that we'd be civil and considerate of each other? I need
    that atmosphere to talk ANYTHING, because that was a promise we made.
    It's not there. Plain and simple. And constantly shouting for me to
    grow up only makes you look less grown up yourself. Just stop and
    think instead of reacting.

    How are you really expecting me to respond to you? Reverse the roles.
    Would you be receptive? I think not.

    I stated that I will not apologize for the accusations you put forth
    last night because they simply aren't true; I never said I wouldn't
    apologize for quite frankly laying the bitch to your asshole
    behaviour. Neither of us is without fault for anything. NEITHER.

    "

  3. #78
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    This thread is talking shit about him because he hijacked your account like a psychopath. Seriously--who does that shit? We are just responding to what he himself has shown us about him. But I love his attitude of victimhood, though. We're just MEAN WIMMENZEZ.

  4. #79
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aine View Post
    Mr. Corsica, you as a person are not under fire here, it's not a public hanging, it's your actions that are being judged. Advice is being given. Use it to save your marriage. Or continue on as you are, refusing to see yourself or hear whats being said. The loss in the end will be yours.
    Unfortunately, this IS what he's seeing, and telling me I'm attention whoring again by gettng the "strippers" to gang up on him.

    Gosh, does he think I'm deaf, dumb, and blind? He's worked in attention whore into every email like I haven't seen it. He's trying SO hard to force me to think his way and think he's right.

  5. #80
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    He's scaring me; I don't know who this person who has taken over R's body is! WTF?

    PB, he says that THIS (thread)is talking shit about him.
    In that case, you are not dealing with the "R" you know and love....rather his diseased self, mentally ill or not, he's unpredictable and possibly dangerous. I remember from previous posts of yours that you're helping him through a bankruptcy , pretty much taking on many issues of his. Do you really want all of these responsibilities in your young life? Helping the man you love is one thing, as long as he is willing to work at it too. But, I think the more pressing question is, what do you want? What do you, personally, want out of life?
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

  6. #81
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    He keeps telling me to "Grow up" "Get help", etc. And then he has the balls to talk about how "my mom helped me limp past my molestation in the past, but I'm still fucked up".

    Um, how is being cruel going to get the results he wants?

  7. #82
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Mr. CorsicaFire,

    I hope you will read my posts with an open mind and at least consider the content.

    P.S. Personally, I am not bashing you.

    .

  8. #83
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    No no no, it's not a bunch of "strippers" ganging up on POOR Mr Corsica, it's a bunch of "HUMAN BEINGS" in relationships or our own who see him all too clearly. Were not ganging up, were calling him out on his own actions.

    And attention whore? YOU? Corsica? Not a chance! Your an attention whore because you came to friends who you only know by name for advice and an ear to listen? WHATEVER! And him trying to FORCE you to this think his way and think he's completely right is just more of HIS manipulative emotional game play! He's in total victim mode and isnt hearing anything right now. Time to just let him stew in his own shit for awhile....

  9. #84
    Veteran Member Hot2Trot's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Corsica, I just PM'd you.

    .

  10. #85
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Sigh. He abuses you, you get rightfully angry, and then he takes the upper hand by suddenly going into adult mode. How mature. Being an adult requires being in adult mode at least 98% of the time.

  11. #86
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    He keeps telling me to "Grow up" "Get help", etc. And then he has the balls to talk about how "my mom helped me limp past my molestation in the past, but I'm still fucked up".

    Um, how is being cruel going to get the results he wants?
    Telling you to grow up and get help, etc... hmm... well isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black!

  12. #87
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aine View Post
    Telling you to grow up and get help, etc... hmm... well isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black!
    That's the pot calling the kettle black, metal, cookware, etc.

  13. #88
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I dated a guy like this---absolutely batshit crazy. Yet, I was the one who had the problems. He would often tell me that his "friends and family" all thought I was crazy and "needed medication"---something he would hurl at me whenever we had an argument, and I would remain cool and calm while he foamed at the mouth. Oh yes, I was the crazy one. Oh, how I lauuuuuuughed. I laugh now, just thinking of it.

    The tricks manipulators and damaged men use. There ain't a new one among 'em. *sigh*

  14. #89
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    God, if only I was mean enough to post this shit he's emailing me......

  15. #90
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    ^Keep it so you can take it to court.

  16. #91
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    ^^^ What she said. And make several copies, to go to various family and friends. That way, if he finds and destroys your copies, you'll have others.

  17. #92
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    ^^^ No, it is none of family and friends' business. Just keep it in case it becomes necessary in court. Just because he's dragging unrelated parties into it doesn't mean she needs to do that too.

  18. #93
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Yeah, I'd only keep them to show to court if I went, nobody else needs to see those....

  19. #94
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Regardless of what happens, if it comes to divorce, "I" at least am going to keep my promise to keep civil and not screw him like his ex wife did.
    *hmph*

  20. #95
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Family violence prevention advocates often advise women leaving their abusers to leave copies of documents that could prove to be valuble in court with friends and family members---in a sealed envelope is fine. Also, the more people in her circle who know about this situation, the better, if she decides to leave this marriage. He is an emotional abuser, obviously, and it could escalate to physical. Controllers tend to freak out when thier object of control is no longer under their control. Plus, Corsica has nothing to be ashamed of here, and thus nohting to hide. If she decides to leave, then she will need support from her family and friends.

  21. #96
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorsicaFire View Post
    Regardless of what happens, if it comes to divorce, "I" at least am going to keep my promise to keep civil and not screw him like his ex wife did.
    *hmph*
    How do you know that this is the case? It's common for manipulators to paint ugly stories. If she's not batchit insane, it might be a good idea to contact her to see if you're falling into any other traps.

  22. #97
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Apparently he's tired of my "insults and denial" (me trying to speak reason with him), so the emails have stopped.

    He's really pissed that I won't admit to all of his accusations.

  23. #98
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    How do you know that this is the case? It's common for manipulators to paint ugly stories. If she's not batchit insane, it might be a good idea to contact her to see if you're falling into any other traps.
    Because I was with him for the majority of the whole divorce proceedings.

  24. #99
    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    Just some food for thought.....

    What is emotional abuse?
    Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

    Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser. You have already begun letting his words and actions affect how you see yourself and make you feel your not deserving and a bad person. Which is totally NOT true!

    Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

    Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, ACCUSING, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.

    Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised and "helping." (And he wants to help you become and adult, correct??) Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, proving, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental "I know best" tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships. This and other types of emotional abuse can lead to what is known as learned helplessness.

    Oh, and the jab at the molestation abuse you went through when you were younger, is what is called Emotional Blackmail. The constant threat to leave the marriage falls under this too. The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, giving you the the "cold shoulder," or using other fear tactics to control you.

    Another big thing happening here is invalidation. The abuser seeks to distort or undermine the recipient's perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient tells the person they felt hurt by something the abuser did or said, the abuser might say "You are too sensitive. That shouldn't hurt you." What you think or feel is wrong, and they are right, and they want you to see it there way.

    So, how familiar does all of this sound? It's one hell of place to be, I know, cause I've been there myself. And once I got out of it, I have refused to ever let myself be put there again. Your stronger than you know Corsica. And your not crazy. And were all here for you no matter what. I've even offered you both ways to start working through the issues you have. But you both have to be ready to even start that. And if one of you is not, then theres not much you can do at the moment, other than give distance and space and take care of YOU.

  25. #100
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: WTF? Yeah Right!

    I just read something and every single point described him so perfectly that it scared the shit out of me...

    ETA: That was scary too Aine.

    he keeps telling me it's all me dammit! "I" am the one who doesn't want it enough! It's all "My" fault!

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