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Thread: Need some advice.

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    Default Need some advice.

    Ok, so there is this dancer that I've been seeing pretty often lately and I've started to like her a lot. We kiss, we DFK, and she even remembers my name. Now before you flame me, we all know, including me, that she's just doing her job and probably has no interest in me at all OTC.

    I guess what I need advice on is how do I ask her to stop leading me on without insulting her, looking like an asshole, and making things weird. (The kissing, I don't mind a bit though).

    She tells me things that I have no idea how to respond to, things that are really tragic, then she'll look really upset and like she's about to cry and so I hold her and tell her "Awww, I'm sorry..." I mean I can't really call her out on it, cause what if what she tells me is true. Basically, she gives me these BF roles which would be fine if I was her BF, but I'm not and I dont want to get lead on and hurt. I'm pretty young and naive so I fall for this shit pretty easily.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Perhaps this would help. Compliment her and tell her that you enjoy the time you spend together in the club. Then point out some of the more "personal" things (things that confuse you or make you uncomfortable) she does to/with you and do so in a positive way. Then nicely say, "please don't do that unless you mean it." This may open up a conversation regarding the topic and do so in a positive way.

    You can then point out that dancers have rules and it is okay for customers to have "rules" also. This would be a polite way to give her a warning and not hurt the business aspect of your relationship. If she does not gain anything from this conversation, then move on to another dancer. Otherwise, you stand the risk of letting her mess up your head.

    Hope this helps a bit.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by buttaskotch View Post
    she's just doing her job and probably has no interest in me at all OTC.
    And therin lies the answer... (boldface emphasis by me)

    Quote Originally Posted by buttaskotch View Post
    I mean I can't really call her out on it, cause what if what she tells me is true.
    It doesn't matter if its true or not. People who work in other hospitality industries don't heap their personal problems on their customers. I don't see why this one should be treated any differently. In any regard, the main reason that lazy dancers get away with this BS is because we let them.

    The thing is, you don't have to call her out. Just feign boredom with her antics (if you even have to) and most importantly...cut off the money. If she has half a brain she'll get the message.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by doc-catfish View Post
    People who work in other hospitality industries don't heap their personal problems on their customers.
    Except that I'd argue this is more of an entertainment industry. Not only do guys get to see the dances, the girls also provide the stimuli to appeal to other senses like hearing, smell, touch (in some cases) and taste . Dancers who are good at reading their customers will know when they have a white knight customer who likes the feeling of being a provider (be it monetary or just a shoulder to cry on). Being an actress is part of their role and as long as you keep telling her it's ok through your behavior (i.e., cash flow does not change therefore it must be an acceptable arrangement to you), everything will remain status quo.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by crizgolfer View Post
    Perhaps this would help. Compliment her and tell her that you enjoy the time you spend together in the club. Then point out some of the more "personal" things (things that confuse you or make you uncomfortable) she does to/with you and do so in a positive way. Then nicely say, "please don't do that unless you mean it." This may open up a conversation regarding the topic and do so in a positive way.

    You can then point out that dancers have rules and it is okay for customers to have "rules" also. This would be a polite way to give her a warning and not hurt the business aspect of your relationship. If she does not gain anything from this conversation, then move on to another dancer. Otherwise, you stand the risk of letting her mess up your head.

    Hope this helps a bit.
    Well, I was hoping to hear from some of the dancers, but between yours and doc's advice, I'd have to go with yours since I don't want to be an ass and feign boredom.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Ok I will try to give u some helpful advise but I have to say I think it's revolting and disturbing that she acts like that with you. Do you realise she probably does this with all or most of her customers?

    Anyway moving along.....
    Either stop going in to see her or when she starts talking about this stuff that u dont necessarily want to listen to change the conversation to something brighter.

    You are the one spending the money so u shouldn't have to sit there and listen to sob stories.

    I dont respect dancers who can only make their money by making customers feel sorry for them. I always take the attitude that I am there to increase the enjoyment for a customer not as a beggar to be given money coz I cry poor or whatever.

    Try not to get too attached to her though because you are just money to her and if this means that u have to stop spending time with her then so be it.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by buttaskotch View Post
    Well, I was hoping to hear from some of the dancers, but between yours and doc's advice, I'd have to go with yours since I don't want to be an ass and feign boredom.
    Thank you, but Doc and Jaizaines advice is also right on. I have a tendency to always deal with people in a diplomatic way first (all people, not just dancers). That is my personality. If that fails then I attempt to peacefully co-exist (and avoid said person as much as possible). If that does not work, then I become an "ass."

    You have a few different perspectives given here. Use what is most comfortable for you.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    I agree with everything jazaine said, exactly. No need to add more, she stated it perfectly.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    How about a different slant.

    When I've gotten close to a dancer in the past, I want to know if there is something there. I've met some wonderful ladies, some light fun relationships, I've also had some heartache. I think it's worth it, at least for me.

    This IS what I would do FWIW.

    I'd bring up that she and I have gotten close in the club and I enjoy the friendship we're creating. Then I'd ask her if she'd like to meet for coffee or for a drink. If she says no, I'm done and moving on. She's just working on your emotions. If she says yes, pin down a date and see how it goes.

    At least this way, you will know where you stand. If you don't want to take this risk, move on.

    Rick

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Ok I will try to give u some helpful advise but I have to say I think it's revolting and disturbing that she acts like that with you. Do you realise she probably does this with all or most of her customers?
    YES. why do you let her kiss you? you obviously realize it's her job, so why would she kiss you and not other guys? if she's doing it with you, there's a pretty damn good chance she's doing it with other guys, and that's plain icky.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rick1 View Post
    I'd bring up that she and I have gotten close in the club and I enjoy the friendship we're creating. Then I'd ask her if she'd like to meet for coffee or for a drink. If she says no, I'm done and moving on. She's just working on your emotions. If she says yes, pin down a date and see how it goes.

    At least this way, you will know where you stand. If you don't want to take this risk, move on.

    Rick
    The problem with this is that she prob wont be up front and just say no. She will make excuses and say that she will meet up but then she will cancel and say oh why dont u just come see me at work instead. He is money to her, she wont let him go that easily, she has the upper hand and she knows it.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    YES. why do you let her kiss you? you obviously realize it's her job, so why would she kiss you and not other guys? if she's doing it with you, there's a pretty damn good chance she's doing it with other guys, and that's plain icky.
    I was just assuming the kissing thing was an exception since we didn't start kissing until recently. I've been seeing this girl since around March at about once a week, so theres been at least 4-5 visits where we didn't kiss. Maybe she got to know me or maybe she does do it with a lot of guys. I mean, it just doesn't seen all that different to me, I mean if I start dating a girl I met at a real club, chances are she's made out with other people too.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    The problem with this is that she prob wont be up front and just say no. She will make excuses and say that she will meet up but then she will cancel and say oh why dont u just come see me at work instead. He is money to her, she wont let him go that easily, she has the upper hand and she knows it.
    Yea, this is dead on. What should I do?

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by buttaskotch View Post
    I was just assuming the kissing thing was an exception since we didn't start kissing until recently. I've been seeing this girl since around March at about once a week, so theres been at least 4-5 visits where we didn't kiss. Maybe she got to know me or maybe she does do it with a lot of guys. I mean, it just doesn't seen all that different to me, I mean if I start dating a girl I met at a real club, chances are she's made out with other people too.



    Yea, this is dead on. What should I do?
    The difference is in a normal club there is no exchange of money.

    Read my previous post. I think you should either accept the situation for what it is - dancer and customer and be happy with that or move on.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Her behaviour seems a little weird; she could be on something. I've been seeing strange behaviour lately from young dancers (under 24), and I know it's not booze, it's something else (probably meth, heroin).

    When she brings up some drama, ignore it and/or change the subject, she'll get the hint.

    If she's DFK you it's because you're probably young, halfway decent looking, and she might like you a little (or she's on dope). I doubt that she's DFK some 350lb slob or someone with one foot in the grave.

    Oh, all dancers are leading you on in some way, it's how they make money.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by James Bond View Post
    Her behaviour seems a little weird; she could be on something. I've been seeing strange behaviour lately from young dancers (under 24), and I know it's not booze, it's something else (probably meth, heroin).

    When she brings up some drama, ignore it and/or change the subject, she'll get the hint.

    If she's DFK you it's because you're probably young, halfway decent looking, and she might like you a little (or she's on dope). I doubt that she's DFK some 350lb slob or someone with one foot in the grave.

    Oh, all dancers are leading you on in some way, it's how they make money.
    For what it's worth, we both just turned 21.

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    Senior Member Danielle_4370's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    ^^Age means nothing.^^
    Go to the Hustle Hut and read a few threads there. You should see a trend going. I suggest you find another favorite. Probably at a different club.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    I always find it interesting when the women here say ALL dancers look at ALL customers as walking ATMs. I'm sure that's true in most cases, and that there is no reason to give someone false hope as it's more than likely they're being played, but are there no examples of a dancer falling for a customer and it leading somewhere? None? Ever? C'mon. And no, I would always assume it's just part of the job, but unlike most guys, I've turned down more women in the real world than I've had, and the latter number is still in single figures. This isn't because I'm rich or handsome or funny, it seems to be because they think I'm playing hard-to-get when I really just value my alone time, and this turns on some sort of wanting what they (most likely) can't have syndrome. I have never had a one-night stand or picked up a woman at a bar. Likely will never do either.

    I've known guys who have had sexual relationships with strippers (and didn't pay for the privilege) who they met in the club. However, I've never known anyone personally who ever had a standard "relationship" with a dancer. It has to happen once in awhile though. The odds demand it.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Skywalker - you're right. We're troping a little bit. Generally when guys ask "does she really like me" our response is "no" because she PROBABLY doesn't, and we've all heard and seen all the behaviour that you guys think are exception to that ("but no, with me she....")

    So the answer would be "it is statistically unlikely but go ahead and make your move and see where it gets you."
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    "it is statistically unlikely but go ahead and make your move and see where it gets you."
    THAT should be added to each of these threads, automatically. And added to all Magic 8 Balls as well!!!
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by buttaskotch View Post
    I was just assuming the kissing thing was an exception since we didn't start kissing until recently. I've been seeing this girl since around March at about once a week, so theres been at least 4-5 visits where we didn't kiss. Maybe she got to know me or maybe she does do it with a lot of guys. I mean, it just doesn't seen all that different to me, I mean if I start dating a girl I met at a real club, chances are she's made out with other people too.
    true, but in the same day? that was my point.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    The problem with this is that she prob wont be up front and just say no. She will make excuses and say that she will meet up but then she will cancel and say oh why dont u just come see me at work instead. He is money to her, she wont let him go that easily, she has the upper hand and she knows it.
    Going in to this a man needs to have his eyes wide open. See it for what it is, if she makes excuses, SEE IT. Then move on.

    I mentioned heartache, it took some of this for me to understand and I'm a lot older than 21. So this young man is doing the smart thing asking the question here.

    For me I'd still want to see if anything is there. I've had some wonderful friendships, still stay in touch with some. Had some great times & if I hadn't taken chance it wouldn't have happened.

    Rick

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    The truth is...most dancers are not shy people. Chances are...if she does actually like YOU (as opposed to liking you as a customer)...you wont have to ask.

    I've certainly met a few guys over the years that i genuinly liked. A very select few even became OTC friends. And they all knew exactly how I felt.

    So if you have to ask...chances are the answer is no.

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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Well Buttaskotch....you are getting a lot of advice. And the points made are right on. There are a lot of very nice looking ladies in a strip club, but only a few that can attain ATF status (that is how it is in my book). It can be hard to let go of one when you find her.

    I have had similar situations in the past and it was pretty much a business tactic on her part. I have become pretty good friends with a couple dancers (platonically), but that was the vast minority.

    What do you want out of this? Do you want her to remain your ATF? Then let her know that she is making you uncomfortable and see if she backs off. If not, then move on to another dancer.

    Do you want her to be your real GF? Nothing wrong with that, but tread cautiously. Even if she says she wants something outside chances are she is playing you for the money. But then again, maybe not.

    Either way, dude, don't forget to lookout for yourself. Take care.

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Just another case of a dancer praying on an apparent "nice guys" sympathy. I have seen dancers fake tears in order to get $$$ from their often "sugarless daddys". It is their JOB to manipulate men for $$$ and many of them belong in Hollywood being actresses! Sad thing is the guys I have known sincerely cared for the dancers and none of the dancers would likely even attend the "custies" funerals if they were to die.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by laplover69 View Post
    Just another case of a dancer praying on an apparent "nice guys" sympathy. I have seen dancers fake tears in order to get $$$ from their often "sugarless daddys". It is their JOB to manipulate men for $$$ and many of them belong in Hollywood being actresses! Sad thing is the guys I have known sincerely cared for the dancers and none of the dancers would likely even attend the "custies" funerals if they were to die.
    I am so over hearing that it is our job to manipulate men for money. I provide a service in exchange for money to consenting adult men (and the occasional woman). If they read too much into that then that's their problem.
    I never bullshit anyone out of money. I dont play the sympathy card because I am not a beggar. I provide great dances or conversation depending on how they want to spend their money.

    So don't tell me it's manipulation - I didnt force them to walk inside the club.

    As for the funeral thing well that would be classified as OTC wouldn't it? LOL just kidding. But what's your point anyway? That we are all cold hearted bitches?

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