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Thread: The Dreaded Bed Death.

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    The Dreaded Bed Death.

    For a screenplay I'm writing...

    Ever have a relationship that ended in bed death (gradually becoming too bored or distracted or stressed for sex, until "not tonight" becomes "not this year")? Ever survive bed death and get all hot for each other again? Got anecdotes to share? I'm here for any and all of your Bed Death musings!

  2. #2
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    oh you mean fuck you sex? Were you walk past each other say "fuck you" "fuck you too" and.....you're done...

    yeah been there with the ex. We had sex about every 4 months the last year or two. And all I could think of during those 5 minutes was...at least I'm done for a few more months....

    theres a reason he's an ex...

  3. #3
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Ugh. I dated a guy that was so awful in bed, it was too much of a chore to try and have sex with him, so I just never gave him the chance. I kept our schedules totally opposite, and hung out with friends he hated knowing that he wouldn't want to come along. Yes, it was that bad. There was a period of more than a month that he didn't even sleep in the bed the same time as I did.

    He was a douchebag too, so that helped things along as well. Thank the gods for bed death!

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Thanks, y'all, big help!

    What if it's someone you do care a lot about and want to stay with, but you just don't feel like sex?

  5. #5
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Im experiencing that at the moment. I dont know if my experiences are relevant coz I think it's largely caused by a combination of being on BC for years and also being on anti-depressants for years.

    I love my boyfriend, I am also very attracted to my boyfriend but sex just doesn't interest me 90% of the time.

    Occasionally (like the other night) we will have great sex. But he has to really work on the foreplay.

  6. #6
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    My boyfriend and I go through these spurts. Usually, I have a much higher sex drive than him (and most of the world's population) so he's not in the mood nearly as much as me, and it is frustrating for me. But when I was going through my funk recently, my sex drive became almost nonexistent. Since I was also stressing him out, his sex drive went down to. It got to where I would say " Im not in the mood, bt we haven't done in in 2 weeks, we should fuck just so we feel normal, cause this isn't normal"
    That does not make for good sex. Neither of us would want i, we just did it cause you know...we are 24/25 year old people who shoudl have sex more often than once every 2 weeks.

    But like I said, it goes in spurts. Sometmes we'll do it every day for a week, then not again for a month( that's more him tho, Id do it every day for the rest of my life if I could)

    You know what always reignites the spark?
    A threesome.
    Gaurenteed after we have a threesome, we will be on each other liek rabbits for months. I don't even care for the threesome part. It's not really my thing, but for some reason, it makes me so hot afterwards, I can almost cum just thinking about it.

    We also go to strip clubs almost every week, and get drunk. It's not the strip clubs do much for us, but it's fun being out together, and spending tiem together, and when we come home and have drunk sex, it's alwyas good. My usually laid back reserved boyfriend is a freak in bed when he got liquor in him.

    We try to take small trips away a lot to, which we havent done in a long time, but we will just go to different places in the aea and stay for a night or 2, just for a change of scenery.

    Anyway...that's what keeps us going

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Littlelo's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    I've been with my husband for 11 years and sometimes, I honestly could go for months without having sex. Its not him at all, he's wonderfull. Its just....well, I'm not in the mood. To deal with this, I just make sure I give him sex at least once a week. Sometimes I won't want to at all, but by the time we get going I'm screaming and panting. Sometimes I'm just glad to get it out of the way. Its important to keep the physical connection, but don't beat yourself up about not being in the mood. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. I find the things that do get me going are reading erotica, (pm me if you want suggestions or links) exercise and roleplaying. Its cyclical though, it might be gone now, but it'll come back. If you love the person, you'll pull through, but don't withold the lovins for too long.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    ^^^ Whoa, not for me! K and I still fuck like cats. This is for a screenplay.

    Thanks, everyone. This is a big help!

  9. #9
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    ^^ Cats? Bad example....For cats, sex is actually pretty pai....waitaminute...I suppose you DO fuck like cats.


    Hmmm Bed Death, I've experienced this...

    It helps you discover amazing things, like stripperweb...

    Seriously (I assume it was me, my ex had been around the block QUITE A BIT) I was so bad in bed, she used to demand I stay away from her, and once screamed at an advanced...that was it for me. I'm not a rapist.

    I only hope I've improved! My hand work is sooooo much better these days too!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  10. #10
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    My Bf experienced it with his ex wife.... from what He's shared with me, she really didn't like it, she said he hurt her b/c he's to big in anyting other then missionary, she wouldn't try new things..... never wanted him to touch her or anything, didn't want to touch him..... and was very self conscious.

    he's told me that what he enjoys most about sex with me is how much I enjoy it, hearing my sounds.... feeling me be into it, touch him.....

    so, basicly, it dwindled to being a 1x a month chore...

    (btw- he was married for 5 years, the majority was like this....^.... in fact, I gave him his first real BJ!!!!)

  11. #11
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    I had this issue with my fiancee for a bit. We broke up, I had hurt feelings, and wanted nothing to do with sex while we were trying to repair our relationship. It's something we both still struggle with, the lack of time and energy. We got back into a better sex routine when we made an actual effort (like panty shopping, dressing up, role play, etc) to improve it. It's MUCH better now
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    Veteran Member Cyndi08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    I have this right now, but I'm not in a committed relationship with the guy.

    It especially sucks that he's so boring in bed, he has a massive penis that could do so much good. I tried guiding him to do the right thing, but he just can't use it. I have to do all the work *sigh*. I give up on him.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member Littlelo's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    ^^^ Whoa, not for me! K and I still fuck like cats. This is for a screenplay.

    Doh! Missed that line. lol My bad!

  14. #14
    Alaska
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    ... in fact, I gave him his first real BJ!!!!)
    Oh, dude! What the fuck is wrong with ppl? Getting all hitched without even having "real sex". That cracks me up to no end.

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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    I experienced bed death with my first bf. We were living together and we could go 2 months without sex. It was incredibly lame and boring even when we did. I'm surprised I didn't cheat on him just cause I was so frustrated. I would try to get on him all the time and it was not happening.

    Even when we first got together the sex was predictable. We'd watch TV til 11, the news would come on, and we'd turn off the TV and start doing it. So dull.

    I ended up sleeping on the couch for the last couple of months we were together. There's no point in sleeping in the same bed if you don't want to touch each other.

  16. #16
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Thanks, y'all, big help!

    What if it's someone you do care a lot about and want to stay with, but you just don't feel like sex?
    Let's just say, Annie Hall was a woman after my own heart.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  17. #17
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    LOL! I love that movie.

    Alvy's Therapist: How often do you have sex?
    Alvy: Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
    Annie's Therapist: How often do you have sex?
    Annie: CONSTANTLY. I'd say three times a week!

  18. #18
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Thanks, y'all, big help!

    What if it's someone you do care a lot about and want to stay with, but you just don't feel like sex?
    Then, you're married.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  19. #19
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    ^^^ LOL! Dennis Miller says that marriage is what you do when you look at your partner and think, "I'm completely sick of having sex with this person... but what a great insurance plan."

    As a divorcee, well... I'm not gonna say he's wrong!

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Here I was thinking that I didn't have any examples - but I just thought of one that might count. Not sure if it fits at all into ideas you're looking for, but for whatever it's worth:

    I was engaged to someone (the one and only time I've been engaged) who was transgendered but hadn't completely figured it out yet. Thought s/he was just a crossdresser, and deep down hoped that meeting the right woman would put all the other fantasies away for good.

    As you can guess, I was not the magic solution. The sex was never good to begin with, but it got more and more awkward as time went on, he (I say "he", because at the time, yeah) clearly got more and more frustrated by the act of sex itself, which, in retrospect, I can understand completely. It must have felt horrible to be trying to connect with what you, in a sense, wanted to be, and 'failing' at it.

    So once we started moving in the direction of gender dysphoria counseling, everything fell into place for her (I know, it's confusing), but the sex ground to a halt. Hormone therapy started while we were still living together, but no longer sleeping together. This went on for months and months.

    Happy ending! We are totally on friendly terms (not that we ever weren't, just an exasperating situation for a long time), and she is now a fully transitioned post-op transexual, well-adjusted both professionally and personally. Oh, and she's lesbian-identified, in case you're wondering (orientation was not the issue, purely identity).

    But GODS, that sex was doubleplusungood.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  21. #21
    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    i dont particularly like sex, but just to make him happy i gave us a schedule lol! i like it once we get going, i just dont like thinking about it all day! so our schedule is like one day ON and 2 days OFF

    ex:

    Monday-yes
    Tuesday-no
    Wednesday-no
    Thursday-yes
    Friday-no
    saturday-no
    sunday-yes
    monday-no
    tuesday-no..............................

    and so on lol


    does that count as "bed death"?????

  22. #22
    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    forgot to mention that i am getting better about this......i guess i was just in a rut for a little while there lol

  23. #23
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Oh Lord, that is TOTAL bed death. I can't imagine anything unsexier than a schedule!

  24. #24
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Oh Lord, that is TOTAL bed death. I can't imagine anything unsexier than a schedule!
    Unless you add in expressions of disinterest during the "yes" days.

    The message being, " We're on a schedule and I hate it".
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Dreaded Bed Death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post

    What if it's someone you do care a lot about and want to stay with, but you just don't feel like sex?
    That was my situation with my ex, but luckily he moved on to a crack whore that was an even bigger loser than he is and he knocked her up. The sad part is if he hadn't knocked her up I probably would have taken his sorry ass back since he was talking to me about getting back together the whole time he was with her until she told him she was pregnant.

    At least now I'm with someone who isn't a loser and who I really, really like fucking.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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