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Thread: OTC attempts by any means possible

  1. #26
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    I do see your point, I was just trying to avoid being cruel.
    So then what's your advise for the next time he asks? I want to make it clear but I dont want to be mean.

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    Featured Member maximvsv's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Just say "no" or "no, thanks". You don't have to growl or anything.

    If you try to get more elaborate by saying "that's sweet" or something of that sort, don't be surprised if he keeps at it, though.
    ED E’ SUBITO SERA

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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    To him, you are already doing something socially inappropriate by taking off your clothes for him. Sure, he gets off on it. But because you are already pushing the limits of socially acceptable behavior (and this isn't a put down, but I bet his mother, sister, girl next door, etc doesn't strip) why wouldn't he believe that sooner or later you will do the "inappropriate" thing by seeing him OTC?

    He sees you as a free spirit, a non-conformist, not caring what others think just by the nature of your job. Of course he's going to think that you are the same outside of work as you are in the club. He thinks he's special. YOU have made him feel that way. Somehow the fact that he PAID you to do it has escaped him.

    I think a reminder that he is a customer and this is your JOB might bring him into reality. Of course you'll lose him as a customer but what's the alternative?

  4. #29
    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post
    I have what I think may be a better explanation. When a regular starts bugging a dancer to see him OTC, 95% of the time it means he wants to see her OTC.

    It's already bad enough that he's doing the asking. When it comes to OTC, the dancers do the asking. But we've covered that before.

    Anyway, the last thing in the world this guy wants is to walk away from her. It's taken him six months to cross over into certifiable RIL territory, and now he's convinced that they have a "relationship."

    She needs to break the "relationship" part of the fantasy as soon as possible. That's what's most disturbing and uncomfortable to her. My guess is that she'd be just as happy to be rid of him altogether, money and all.
    i agree completely. i think that sometimes, when regulars start wanting to meet "OTC" relentlessly, it's because (in their mind) you've formed a relationship. i also think that many of them "keep asking" because they honestly think your reasons for saying no are because you're afraid of getting hurt, afraid they'll be like "everyone else" and etc... not purely because you're "not interested in them".

    iow.. i think some of them keep asking because they assume you've been asked before and they want to "prove to you" that "they're different" than those other guys. kind of a "i know if she got to know me OTC her feelings would change".

  5. #30
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post

    iow.. i think some of them keep asking because they assume you've been asked before and they want to "prove to you" that "they're different" than those other guys. kind of a "i know if she got to know me OTC her feelings would change".
    Oh that is soooooooo true. Many of them think we must have been treated badly by men in the past etc. Which in many cases is just not true.

  6. #31
    Veteran Member Smokeless's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    I agree with TOO. He's asking to go OTC because he wants to. Eventually he will stop after the umteenth NO. Unfortunately we don't know what "umteenth" really will be.

  7. #32
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    TOO, I would prefer him to stop coming in because I dont want to have to hurt his feelings he is a nice guy. I just think he isn't very experienced in the dating game. So I dont know where to go from here, do I just leave it up to him to give up and stop coming in?
    Well, that's sort of like leaving your umbrella at home in the hopes that it doesn't rain, don't you think?

    This guy is going to rain all over your parade as long as he thinks he has a "relationship" with you. The fact that he has very little dating experience makes this even worse -- there is absolutely zero chance that a real-world relationship will rescue you from the "relationship" fantasy he has constructed in his mind. As far as he's concerned, you are it.

    I know you want to let him down easily, and that's kind and admirable, but it can sometimes make guys just dig their heels in harder. So, for example, telling him about your boyfriend or husband often won't work because he will try to outdo him or "charm" or spoil you in order to change your mind. Classic RIL behavior.

    The best method here is a standard breakup. Explain to him that you've become uncomfortable with the way things are going, and you are no longer comfortable doing dances for him (or seeing him in the club at all -- your choice).

    A middle-ground alternative is to start off with the boyfriend/husband routine, but be sure to follow up with the breakup so he doesn't immediately jump into competition mode. The nice thing about starting with the boyfriend/husband routine is that it allows him to shield the part of his ego that is being rejected -- in other words, he can tell himself that he's not really being rejected, it's just that you are already taken. Since you feel he's a nice guy and you don't want to let him down too hard, this may be your best option.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes!

  8. #33
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Thank-you that really is great advise.

    I cant believe I have to "break up" with a customer LOL, this just seems insane but I do think it might be the only thing that will work. I certainly dont want him going into competition mode and trying even harder.

    I will post an update

  9. #34
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Quote Originally Posted by xdamage View Post
    I
    p.s. as for the dignity thing, /shrug. Sometimes the guys with the greatest sense of dignity just figure WTH, no risk, no gains, and if it doesn't work out, oh well, nothing lost. Unfortunately there is something lost if it makes you uncomfortable, which is not cool to do to you. Also while that may also lower your opinion of him, it doesn't necessarily lower his opinion of himself or for the most part other people's opinions of him. This is really just a boundaries issue between you and him, not an issue of dignity or lack of.
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  10. #35
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Gotta agree with the advice that many guys don't understand NO if you try to explain it in any other way than "NO". Have to treat them like simpletons - just say NO and leave it at that. Of course, the easiest way to get rid of him is to simply ignore him when he comes in. If you're still going to him and dancing for him when he comes around, he takes that as encouragement.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  11. #36
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Well I cant speak for all men but I think its hard for some to realize a woman is not interested because we try to think positively, and on top of that ambition and determination often override any sense of dignity preservation or logic. Partly because sometimes a gal will say no, then the next time she says yes. So he's probably just taking his chances with that.

    Handle it however it works best for you, but I would worry less about his dignity and more about your own. Just tell him politely no, and I'd just keep doing that unless he gets stupid or weird. If he has any interest in maintaining his dignity, he will stop eventually, hopefully.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    I have had a regular for about 6 months.

    He never asked for OTC until recently.

    Now it's constant invitations to take me out for dinner, to the movies, shopping (and offers to buy me stuff). All have been politely declined.

    The latest attempt for OTC was on the weekend when he asked me if I would mind giving him a lift home from the club so that he could save money on a cab!!

    Why is it so hard for some men to realise when a woman is just not interested? Isn't it worth preserving what little dignity he has left?
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    I think it's pretty simple... Just be honest with him- he'll respect you as a person and it will eventually make this simpleton more educated for a future in dating other people... Tell him that you are flattered that he would like to see you OTC but that you're just not into him. Tell him it's not the end of the world and that there are guys you've liked who didn't reciprocate. Tell him that's life, but it's hard. If he can deal with this you will have done him and yourself a huge favor. You won't have to deal with him being creepy anymore, he'll totally respect you more for your honesty than trying to string him along, and you will make him get off his ass and do something in his life that hopefully will make him into a more appealing person- one which women wanna go home with. Cause honestly doesn't playing games blow...

  13. #38
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    Update:
    well it looks like he has given up.....
    I have not seen him for weeks now at the club. He used to come in at least once a week, sometimes twice.

  14. #39
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    Default Re: OTC attempts by any means possible

    He has probably spent to the level where he feels he needs just a little more like a dinner Maybe the only appreciation you show him is a thank you at the end of the night. That’s all it really needs to be but sometime we look at it as “are you getting your monies worth.” We all know it should only be for the good time that night but when your in for thousands you just need a little extra with out going all the way. He is looking for just a little extra. Buy him a card and say something nice. I bet this will back him off for a while. Don’t go to long without saying something nice. Not everyone will take it as a sign of something more. You should have a good feel as to how he will take it if you say something nice. Were just looking to be number one in your life, if only for that night and that moment.

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