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Thread: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Angry Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I am so hurt right now I am lost beyond words. Ok, in my family I have 2 sisters, and 1 brother. When I was about 8 years old, my mom was going to marry this guy (my brothers dad) Anywho, pre-stepdad had a kid, we'll call Chris. Over the years, I have treated Chris like my own brother.

    I'm now 24, and he's 23. He's been caught up with selling drugs, and did a few months in jailtime in the past. He is currently on probation so he regularly has to check up w/ his p.o. lady.

    Whenever he needs something (money for the bus, to eat, job interviews whatever) I'm the one he calls since no one in his family really gives a dam. So anyway, he came over yesterday, and I gave him money for a police check for this job. He comes by today to inform me that he got the job. AWESOME right~

    So while I'm in here on the computer, he uses the bathroom, and at some point steals my brand new ATM card from the envelope (it had the pin activation and everything in it) I had never used it, so I thought nothing of it til I went online to see if my money I night deposited had posted to my account.

    Anyways, it says that at 2:01pm (he left my house a bit before 2 today) he withdrew $60 then at 4pm he withdrew $20. Why the hell would you do that to someone, the ONLY person out there who really gives a fuck whether you live or you die??!

    I called my bank and she asked if I want to press charges..I dont know what to do at this point. I put a block on the card so he can't use it anymore, but right now I'm just so hurt and lost...

    Thoughts, suggestions? What would you do?







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I'd press charges. He has no hope of growing up and getting better if he never has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Theft is theft! Press charges and let him know that you will be there for emotional support but there will not be a single penny coming from you again, EVER. And then stick to that.

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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I wouldn't press charges but I would tell him to stay the fuck away for a long while, perhaps forever ! If he knew he could ask for it - I just don't get it . We have or had one of those in the family .

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I'd press charges. he will never learn otherwise. he will think he got away with something, and keep behaving like that. he will keep leaning on you and it'll be a lot harder to say no if you dont put your foot down now.

    im so sorry CK. i know how it feels to be totally betrayed, and this seems like it's above and beyond. just smile and look at kitty to make you feel better, heh. but really, im so sorry honey.

    Love it!

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Try asking him what he wants you to do. He just asked you for money, he knew you'd give it to him, and he's withdrawing very small amounts (most of the time if they are just banking on the fact that you won't press the charges they will withdraw the max). He obviously knew he was going to be caught - I mean, geez, ATM machines have cameras. I think he is probably trying to tell you something.

    BTW - I wouldn't press charges unless that is something he is looking for or he says something pretty compelling. I mean he just applied for a job with a police check - you probably don't want to be the reason he can't get a job like that in the future over a matter of $80.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  6. #6
    miss marina
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I wouldent press charges. I would just never speak to him again.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post

    BTW - I wouldn't press charges unless that is something he is looking for or he says something pretty compelling. I mean he just applied for a job with a police check - you probably don't want to be the reason he can't get a job like that in the future over a matter of $80.
    Yes, this is exactly why it's all so freaking hard for me. I feel exactly the same way you do Jenny, but then the other side of me is like EFF that, he did this to himself..he didn't give a dam about me at all. He snuck in my room, and took the card.

    I also feel like he didnt' give a dam about his future, his probation, or me by stealing in the first place ya know..

    CuriousJ, thats what I don't understand either. Why wouldn't he have just asked me for more money. He called me this morning for $20 til he starts the new job next week, to hold him over..if he needed more, why not ask for more?







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Are you absolutely sure the job even exists? Sounds like another excuse to take money, if you ask me. I dunno what job would require a police check and then hire him while he's on probation with a history of jail time.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Are you absolutely sure the job even exists? Sounds like another excuse to take money, if you ask me. I dunno what job would require a police check and then hire him while he's on probation with a history of jail time.
    It's through a program for people who have been to jail. It seems like to "creative" of a job to lie about..







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    WOW.........I am so sorry to hear this. You have every right to be pissed the hell off. You really can't afford to have him around you--physically. He's probably got a habit.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I'm really sorry to hear about this, CK. I know the girl situation is already hurtful, you recently posted about your sister disrespecting you as well, and now this.

    Well, in my my family we don't call the law on one another. We're just old-school like that. Like someone said before, you don't want him to have a violation on his probation and all that. Yes, he fucked up. It's all his fault. But he's your family. I wouldn't do my family that way, but that's just me.

    I would talk to him and tell him that you know he stole from you and ask him why. See what he has to say. Tell him what you've told us: that you're the only person in the worl who gives a damn about him and you're hurt and disappointed beyond description that he would do this to you.

    If he tries some kind of manipulation or other bullshit tell him you're done with him until he can get his head right. Then cut him off. Not forever--these people saying forever--I don't get that. He's 23! He's a kid! Everyone has the capactity change. But you sure don't need his lying, stealing, possibly drugging ass in your life at the moment.

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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I'd confront him and demand to know why he did it. I'd also bring up that you have the option of pressing charges, and let him sweat alittle bit. I'd make him pay me back within a few days or have him show you what he bought. I hope he isn't going back to the "gang banger" life. I would get him out of your life though. He will learn soon enough to not burn bridges.

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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    personally, I would confront him, maybe there is more than what meets the eye.

    Granted money is money, when i was young (10-12) i was saving alowwance, and my bro took 200 from me, hes 3 years older. But over the years he has repaid me back in other ways.

    I think if you ask, confront him about it, see whats up.

    If you have the feeling no lessoned was learned, which, I think is the case then I would say to him that he has lsot the trust and support of the last person that cared about him, and wipe my hands of him.

    Might be cold, but, i can turn off people like that....

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    I'm really sorry to hear about this, CK. I know the girl situation is already hurtful, you recently posted about your sister disrespecting you as well, and now this.

    Well, in my my family we don't call the law on one another. We're just old-school like that.
    Yea, my family is like that too. I'm just so freaking torn and stressing out. It's like everything bad always happens to me, and I'm such a nice person. Sheesh, maybe if I started to become a mean, evil person my life would become easier I dont have the heart to be a mean person, but shit, I wish I could be sometimes..

    I just can't believe he'd do me like that..







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    sorry babe, I once thought my brother had stolen from me until my bf reminded me I had (drunkenly) given it to him the night before.. Basically my philosophy is the same as yours, if you need it, ask for it, if I can give it to you, I will.
    I wouldn't press charges either, just give him a hell of a talking to. Hopefully the guilt will teach him, if not, he'll dig his own hole in a different way..
    *kisses*
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    I just can't believe he'd do me like that..
    He doesn't know how lucky he is to have you. Someday he will grow up and you will be there to welcome him back with open arms because that is the kind of person you are.


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    God/dess sassysummer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    press charges.

    you help him out and this is what he does...stole not once, but TWICE! he KNOWS what he's doing is wrong and chose to steal the card, and make 2 separate withdrawals hours apart.

    unfortunately, unless he REALLY learns, then he'll do it again and again.

    (((HUGS)))) and don't stop being nice!!!





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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I don't know what I would do. I probably wouldn't press charges, mostly because the justice system just fucks with everyone way too much.

    I'd definitely start with a good long honest talk with him, and, depending on what he says I'd be prepared to offer him some support (NOT money), distance myself, cut him off completely, or maybe even press charges.



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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Well update:

    He just called 2min ago. I tried my best to keep a nice calm voice. Dam was that hard to play off. He's coming over my house tomorrow around 12pm so that will be my time to talk to him. I'd much rather see the shock and shame on his face in person than over the phone. Hopefully I can get my point across w/o breaking down and crying..







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Must update. I'll be thinking about you.
    Last edited by Dottie Rebel; 06-22-2007 at 12:28 AM.

  21. #21
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    I wouldnt press charges, but I would have a seriously serious good talk to him.
    I personally think jail does more harm than good.
    Dont be hard on yourself either, this definatly doesnt mean he doesnt like or respect you, it just means his own life sucks.

    Edited to add:
    Dont you dare change either, we love nice Cinammon!
    A lot of people who have no family and no long term friends often expect that the one or two genuine people they do have in their life to not stick around either. Im not saying let him off completely, Im just saying it might be possible to build on this rather than letting this be a continuation of a downward spiral.
    I hope its a positive outcome when you see him!

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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lena View Post
    I don't know what I would do. I probably wouldn't press charges, mostly because the justice system just fucks with everyone way too much.

    I'd definitely start with a good long honest talk with him, and, depending on what he says I'd be prepared to offer him some support (NOT money), distance myself, cut him off completely, or maybe even press charges.
    ditto.

    don't be his crutch anymore but i also wouldn't be the one to cast him back into the justice system (he's on probabtion, right?).

    also, be careful tomorrow. he is NOT the little kid your grew up with, at least not anymore.

    if he's a drug-user or whatever and is willing to easily cross the line and betray your trust like that, do NOT give him the trust you used to.

    do NOT assume you'd be safe with him, alone. especially since you'll be confronting him with such a situation of guilt/shock.

    good luck, ck.

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    Member Crush Solid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    some times reality checks work nice...call the cops on him.

    Better yet beat his ass with some of your 6 inch stripper heels.

  24. #24
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    You're having him back over to your house? Why on earth? He'll just steal something else.

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    Default Re: Brother stole $$ from me: WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    I'd much rather see the shock and shame on his face in person than over the phone. Hopefully I can get my point across w/o breaking down and crying..
    sadly... there is a possibility he has anti-social personality disorder, in which case there is no shame or shock, just acting and maneuvers to use others Many of us have relatives that have personality disorders, and coming to grips with the reality of it can take a long time. I don't know him, but take care... these people really do exist, and they just don't get it. If that's the case, all you can do is protect yourself. ASPD is a real disorder and no matter how much you try to shame them into understanding right from wrong, they really don't get it, and won't get it unless they make a choice to get some help. I hope that's not the case with your bro, but for whatever it's worth, there are people other there who have family members with this disorder and it often takes them a long time to come to grips with the reality of it. Whatever happens, he has already shown that he is willing to steal from you, and make little effort to hide it. Be careful going forward. You can't fix/change your brother - only he can do that, but you can protect yourself, and sometimes you have to, sadly even from family members

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