Since March, I have had 5 exes contact me. I'm only okay with one of them, as he was really nothing but a magnesium flare of hot sex during the couple weeks before he got deported. However, I would love for the other four to die of amoebic dysentery. Goddamn Facebook and Myspace.
Shit lister #1: The guy I lost my virginity to in high school who told everybody that I smelled like fish afterwards. He contacted me courtesy of MySpace with a horribly misspelled message. Ignore!
Shit lister #2: My high school boyfriend who once left a skid mark on my chest and was overall a clingy, whiny, attention-seeking, mom-issues-ridden (she'd bathe with him till he was 12 and spoiled him because she felt bad about being such a shitty parent), possessive little ass. He sent me a couple messages about how he'll always love me and thinks well of me. I wrote back telling him about how upset his wife would be if she found out (he confessed that she's an insecure clingy girl with no friends and a history of sexual abuse. Read: basket case in need of an enabling daddy figure), how I hate him for many reasons, especially because he lied to me about getting tested for STDs. I hit him where it hurt, taunting his codependency issues that drive him to be with chicks who do things like get pregnant with other guys' babies. He got pissed, and got all his chick friends, his baby momma, and his wife to flame me.
Shit lister #3: My college freshman year boyfriend who is a pretentious film industry worker. He was an evil, manipulative bastard who kept trying to mold me into his ideal, called me stupid a few times in front of his friends, cheated on my with his ex several times, and was overall a narcissistic film major. Most annoying of all, he contacts me every year or so to try to "make peace" due to his inspirational hype du jour (translation: I've found a new way of thinking that I'm going to convince everyone else to adopt so I don't have to change). I'd shoot him down every time. This time, he says that he doesn't like me at all, and I'm a cold-hearted bitch. The only reason why he's not blocked is because I can write some really cathartic hate emails whenever he contacts me.
Shit lister #4: My most recent ex-boyfriend, a bipolar bear riding the bipolar express. He saw nothing wrong with the fact that he was too fat and unhealthy to have sex, that he had disgusting body acne that left little pinpricks of blood on the sheets, that he had such bad swamp ass from lack of nether region hygiene that I had to Febreze his chair a few times a month, and that it took me a year to get him to clean his ass before asking me for sex. He is now into S&M as a domme, which I think is stemmed from frustration at his shitty love life. He told me in detail his love of pissing on his sub. He's entered a series of shallow relationships based on nothing but S&M, trying to rub in my face how superior his sub sluts are to me. Yeah, I know that S&M is just a preference, but I strongly suspect that this is a way to passively get back at all the women who have dumped him.
Where can I hire a hitman? It's only a matter of time before they'll try to "make peace" again.



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Literally a Shit Lister...Eww....
You know what's funny too, a lot of people told me I picked such rotten men because "there was something wrong with me too." Actually though, it was because I was raised with "good values" like : turn the other cheek, no one is perfect, you have to give second chances, blah blah blah. I wasted an entire decade of not listening to the inner voice that said His dick is too small, he's too broke and he doesn't stop saying stupid shit, he probably never will....
Go fucking tell somebody that gives a shit!!! I swear...could you look even more pathetic????

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