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Thread: i thought i would be happier...

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default i thought i would be happier...

    i have not danced in 6 months. i got a job learning to tattoo. i was lucky enought to earn a payed apprenticeship.

    however since quitting dancing i feel ugly unattractive and worthless, i miss the adoration and attention, even if it is fleeting and for one reason only.


    i hate being groped and and propositioned, but without dancing it has made me suicidal and depressed. its not the money, i dont mind being broke.

    has anyone else gone through this???

    i used to feel importent, now i feel gross and worthless

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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    You are important no matter what you do, and it is miracle that you are in the world. I'll bet you have helped many people you don't even know about--with a smile, or a kind word when it was most needed--and if they knew how you were feeling they would tell you how important you are.

    If you are feeling depressed don't hesitate to reach out--in South Carolina you can go to http://suicidehotlines.com/southcarolina.html or call 1 800 273 TALK.

    I would think now also of people who will be positive with you--people you can count on to get your spirits up, and communcate with them as well. Don't be alone in this. If I can help please don't hesitate to contact me.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    it's stripper-withdrawal and will pass with time. the thing to understand is that we live in a rather poisonous culture that tells women they aren't worthwhile if they aren't pretty and getting lots of male attention. and that is simply not all that you are. you're more than your looks and your nudity and you do have value beyond that.

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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    Hi i.breathe.in,

    Just wanted to check on you and make sure you're all right. Let us know, okay?
    JK Jim

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    This made me feel sad reading this.

    You do not need to strip to be worthwhile or get attention from men.

    The attention is mostly just drunk men who tell everyone they are hot anyway, I take it with a grain of salt.

    By all means go back to dancing if you think you really want to but you need to learn to love yourself for who you are.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    im fine i just posted that when i was drunk, but its true, i miss the adoration and "fame"

    the apprenticeship is going good, my boyfriend is great to me, but i just feel so..i dont know.....

    i feel like dancing was the only thing i was good at. bah. but i know if i go back ill be pissed off and sick of it.

    it doesnt help that i recently switched to xanax from ativan, and im having a hard time adjusting.

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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    This made me feel sad reading this.

    You do not need to strip to be worthwhile or get attention from men.

    The attention is mostly just drunk men who tell everyone they are hot anyway, I take it with a grain of salt.

    By all means go back to dancing if you think you really want to but you need to learn to love yourself for who you are.
    I think Jaizaine has good advice here...I'm really glad to hear that you're okay. Hang in there, and take good care of your heart--I look forward to seeing your voice here again.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post

    i feel like dancing was the only thing i was good at. bah. but i know if i go back ill be pissed off and sick of it.
    I'm sure you're good at many other things you may just not have the confidence in yourself to believe you are good at those things. I'm sure you quit for a reason and probably those as you stated in your OP. Once you have the confidence in yourself that are you good at other things I'm sure this feeling of yours will slowly go away.

    Also, its probably time to do some soul searching. There are strippers on the board that are good at stripping but also good at many other things as well. I think its time for some self exploration.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Veteran Member calliope7's Avatar
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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    Quote Originally Posted by miabella View Post
    it's stripper-withdrawal and will pass with time. the thing to understand is that we live in a rather poisonous culture that tells women they aren't worthwhile if they aren't pretty and getting lots of male attention. and that is simply not all that you are. you're more than your looks and your nudity and you do have value beyond that.

    I think Miabella is right on the money. Since I quit stripping I definitely feel less attractive. But at the same time I don't have the economic incentive stripping offered to properly maintain myself like I used to (tanning, hair, acne treatments, watching what I eat, etc.).

    I feel really self-conscious sometimes. And its so weird to go from one extreme to the other. But its so important to remember that who you are is so much more important than how hot random strangers think you are. Our culture instills this in women so easily, and stripping further re-instills this. Its really important to differentiate between the fantasy that you used to portray and the reality of who you are as a person. I hope that makes sense.

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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    i liked the fantasy me much better. i wish i could make her take over in civillian clothes, but alas, it does not work. gaaaahhhh. i guess after 6 years in the biz, i got a little "institutionalized".

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: i thought i would be happier...

    I know how you feel.

    I think that quitting is just not an easy thing to do. The only explanation that I can come up with is that the fantasy we got used to selling is potent for everyone involved, not just the customers. I often think that if they could bottle the rush of a good night stripping, no one would ever bother doing other drugs again.

    To make myself feel better when I'm struggling with the whole retirement thing, I tell myself that I would have had to quit sooner or later anyway, and it's better to get it out of the way now so that I can move on with my life instead of later when it's too late. I'm sure there are happy dancers who want to do nothing but dance until the day they retire wealthy, but I faced the fact that I was just not one of them when I was evaluating whether or not to continue dancing. So I just sort of ripped the band-aid off...

    When I was dancing, I used to be happy that my boyfriend saw me as just some normal girl who cared about him instead of whatever the men at work saw me as. Now, it kinda pisses me off, LOL. I'm like, "But look at my TITS! And ASS! Aren't you going to tell me they're AMAZING?!?!"

    Now that I think about it, I don't think switching careers is easy for anyone. But yeah, it does really really suck sometimes.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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