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Thread: I have to give back my kitty

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default I have to give back my kitty

    I'm so sad. I have to give up my kitten on Thursday. His name is Waffle. Boy and I adopted him a little while ago and he's gorgeous. He's also sweet and cuddly and playful. And he purrs like a chainsaw.

    And he hates/fears my fiance. Hides whenever Boy is home. Cowers in fear or hisses at him when he's in the same room. He swipes at him, too. Bit him a few times.

    Before you wonder, no, my fiance has not done anything to warrant this kind of behavior. We've tried bonding exercises. Several, in fact. Hasn't worked.

    I don't want to give Waffle up, but I don't want for him and my fiance to be unhappy. He's still kitten-sized, so I know he'll have a good chance of being adopted. And the humane society I got him from does not euthanize. But, um... waaaaaaaaaaah. I want to keep him so badly. I love the weird little ball of fuzz.

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Search you must, there are ways to overcome this.

    makes me so sad. Especially when I want a cat but can't have one.
    I've come a long way since I believed in anything, and I've come half way around the world.

    Where you come from is gone.
    Where you thought you were going to was never there,
    and where you are, ain't no good unless you can get away from it.

    -Quote from a mix of Ministry's "Jesus Built My Hot Rod"

    Help this cat on his quest for World Domination!

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    God/dess
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Why do you have to get rid of him? Poor Waffle...



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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Well, I either have to give up Boy or Waffle. I have a feeling I'm supposed to choose my fiance over my kitty. Seriously, I'm at my wit's end. I don't understand why Waffle hates him.

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Is Boy a cat person? Maybe Waffle senses this???...That's the only thing I can think of.



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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    We already have one cat, Smokey (Fatass), who just adores him. Like, crazy adores him.

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Well...the only other thing I can think of is a bad thing. Maybe another Boy was mean to poor Waffles before you adopted him? Other than that, I don't have a clue?



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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Rozz, I have a few suggestions.

    Who spends the most time in proximity with the cat?

    I would suggest behavior conditioning that will allow Waffle to reframe your fiance. Ex. Make sure Waffle ONLY gets fed by your Fiance and ONLY when Waffle comes to the bowl WHILE your Fiance is offering it. This will get easier for Waffle over time.

    Make sure the Fiance is doing ALL the work for Waffle, changing the litter box etc. etc. etc. Scent and Familiarity can be very helpful here.

    Also when you're in places where Waffle would normally join you, make your Fiance join you so if Waffle wishes to participate, he must join.

    ONLY on rare occasions should the Fiance, unsolicited, reach for Waffle. Let Waffle warm up to him. When your Fiance initiates contact, he risks putting Waffle into aggressive defense.

    Waffle sees your Fiance as intruding on his territory, and scaring Waffle because Waffle feels powerless to it. Seek to neutralize that by having Waffle observe and interact with your Fiance in events that are critical to Waffle's routine. Mainly feeding.

    Also, USE YOUR AFFECTION with your Fiance's. If waffle is sitting on your lap, do not pet him. If he lets your Fiance pet him, then you pet him too. Things like that, but not necessarily that. Reward Waffle when he begins to warm up to Fiance with a TON of affection so that he realizes he's in a comfortable environment with your Fiance present.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  9. #9
    miss marina
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    good advice mast. I say give it some more time if you can. one of my cats didnt warm to anyone for about a year and a half.

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    ^^ yes! dont give up your poor kitty just yet! my kitty took some time to get used to me, longer than "normal" and for the past 2 months we have been living with my parents and he hates my mom for some reason! she goes in and lays on the floor next to the dresser that he hides under and she'll talk to him, try and pet him, anything, and he growls or hisses at her. my mom says shes never been around an animal that didnt like her, and ive never seen one that didnt! we had a cat when i was little, 2 dogs now, and my cat cant stand her. for a while he would run away from me too if he even heard my moms voice. but that's stopped, and you can tell that he's gradually, *slooooooowly*, easing up on her.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Mast, would you believe I've tried all that? I do so dearly love this little demon. I just feel it's not fair to Waffle and it's not fair to Boy to keep him any longer. I don't want to send him back to the adoption agency after he reaches the end of kitten stage. Full-grown cats are rarely adopted, everyone knows it.

  12. #12
    miss marina
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    aw, poor waffle. If you were in FL i would have taken him =(

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    there's no reason you -have- to give the cat up. all behaviors can change, and it's still just a kitten. i agree with mast (you have to work on it).

    maybe you need to check your -reaction- to waffles hissing/spatting, you might be encouraging him without knowing it. i'm sure there's plenty of cat behavior books and articles you can look up.

    no offense hon, but people give up pets too easily.

    you take this kitty to a shelter, and it's going to be traumatized with more strange people and animals. it won't make the situation better and he might wind up somewhere else with a person who's even less willing to work on it. maybe he'll wind up back in the shelter again or worse.. just get put out on the street.

    it's not "fair" to waffle to let that cycle continue. i highly doubt he just hates "your boy". he has issues that need to be resolved for him to make a good house kitty. as far as what's fair to your boy.... i'm sure he can handle it. i mean, it's a -kitten- after all.

    i hate to sound preachy, i've just seen too many "given up on" animals. i also want to say again that kittens, puppies, babies of al kinds have unwanted behaviors. -many- of them are outgrown.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    I know, I guess I'm still trying to think of ways around this. I just want everyone to be happy. Dammit, why can't he like Boy?

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    ^ he might just be one of those cats that is like that! mine certainly is and i cried over it and posted for help on here a million times and didnt know what to do but i can tell he's getting better.

    how long have you had him?

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Almost four months. Seriously, this kitten will not move from under the bed while my fiance is home. Not even to eat or use the litterbox. I need help.

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    I know, I guess I'm still trying to think of ways around this. I just want everyone to be happy. Dammit, why can't he like Boy?
    i added a bit more to my last post btw...

    and there -are- ways around it. is the kitty neutered yet? sometimes that helps to reduce aggresive behavior.

    also, if waffle likes you and gets along with you, there is definately hope.

    i adopted my my oldest cat (shes 9 now) from a vet when she was 5 weeks old. they needed someone to adopt the 2 kittens they had so they could be fed in the middle of the night (too young to leave the mom yet). i adopted one and another girl adopted the other. the mom was killed by the kids (two boys) that lived in the house that previously "owned" said cats. 3 of the other kittens were killed as well. a neighbor got fed up and took the 2 remaining kittens to a vet.

    when i got her (zoe) she was so tiny, weak, and scared to death. i nursed her back to health, but she continued to hate strangers -esp- men. she loathed my boyfriend at the time. she would swipe feet, kiss, cower, etc. i worked with her on it for the first year i had her and eventually she grew out of it. she still didn't -like- strangers, but she would only hide. no aggression. now she likes some people and still fears others, but she's the best cat i've ever had in my life. i love her so much it's ridiculous.

    my point is, there could be a reason for your cats behavior, and 9 times out of 10 agrression like that is based in fear.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Waffle has been neutered. There's no obvious cause for the aggression, at least, none that I can see.

    Thanks for the help, PP. I'm just losing hope fast. I'm trying to contact the foster mother, but she's been on vacation. It's just a bad situation all around. I know I'm a good cat owner, as is Boy, so I know this is killing him. Whenever Waffle swipes or hisses at him, he just looks like he's going to cry.

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    that just sucks so much. i dont want to tell you what to do by any means, but my cat is the exact same around my mom. wont eat, use the litter box, nothing. does your fiancee want you to give him away?

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    Mast, would you believe I've tried all that? I do so dearly love this little demon. I just feel it's not fair to Waffle and it's not fair to Boy to keep him any longer. I don't want to send him back to the adoption agency after he reaches the end of kitten stage. Full-grown cats are rarely adopted, everyone knows it.
    Well a learned behavior may not pay off until months of consistent effort. You HAVE to be consistent to a T in the routine for the roughest of animals. But 2 points:

    If you return the cat, odds are, it may not even be RE-adopted until full adulthood

    By adulthood the cat may naturally simmer down anyways.

    Have you talked with your Fiance to come to a decision together? I mean, if you both decide it's what is right for the cat, then there's really no point to counter that. If you BOTH can't see a future together with Waffle, returning him is the only option as extending the trial period will only make matters worse.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    My dad rescued a Hurr. Katrina refugee a few years back if you all recall. Camilla was severly traumatized by being caught in a net by a rescue group. She NEVER let anyone get near her but my mom, just refused. They tried everything they could until dad had to give away Camila to a household with female children. It just sometimes happens that way.....

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Rozz, did you try locking Boy and Waffle in a bare-room for a couple of day?

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    Senior Member lolitachick's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Why can't you just get rid of the fiance instead? The kitty probably eats less....

    jk, jk, of course...
    Jesus paid for our sins...SO LET'S GET OUR MONEY'S WORTH!!

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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Boy needs to take it a little less personally. I spent a month of my old roommate's cat jumping on my head, biting my toes in bed, jumping into my dinner plate and generally being a huge beatch to me until we came to an understanding. If he keeps reacting to Waffle like that it feeds his fear of the Boy, because the boy is sad, or hurt or possibly a bit angry at the cat. He needs to react less. No pouting, no yelling (not saying he yells, but sometimes male voices are very loud to animals), no looking rejected.

    And some cats just have issues as well. My grandma's one cat never ever leaves the bathroom cabinets when people are there, until late at night. Then he eats and whatever. He only feels okay around my grandma, no matter what.

    Rose Leigh

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    Veteran Member scarletfang's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have to give back my kitty

    Quote Originally Posted by lolitachick View Post
    Why can't you just get rid of the fiance instead? The kitty probably eats less....

    jk, jk, of course...
    heh...that was my first thought, but i've made it clear to every boy i've ever been halfway serious about that no human will ever mean more to me than my cats...

    how does Waffle respond to other people? does it differ if they're female rather than male? a LOT of animals, especially those who have been through less than ideal conditions tend to be quite fearful of males...partially because of their deeper, louder voices, but also because there is that instinctive drive to be the alpha male in any group...this usually resolves partially after they've been neutered (although it can take as long as a few months for that to help)...you can also ask your vet about a product called Feliway...I've not used it personally, but the clinic I work at sells it, and I have heard a lot of good things about it...i believe it's pheromone based, and works kind of like one of those plug-in air fresheners...I've known it to be used to help with fear, aggression and anxiety, as well as some other behavioural issues...

    if all else fails, maybe dip the boy in catnip?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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