Right after my divorce, I was new in Hollywood and had just moved into my own apartment. I was all set and ready to enter The Dating Scene. While doing some returns for a movie I'd just worked on, I met an okay-looking guy who said he had tickets to the Pixies at the Greek Theater and asked me to go. I accepted, gave him my number, and made the date. I only talked to him on the phone once or twice beforehand, and never for long as I don't like talking on the phone.
So for all intents and purposes, this is a blind date. He arrives on a purple-and-yellow moped. Yes, I said moped. I decided I would drive us instead. We went to a nice Indian restaurant, where I had to order the wine because he couldn't read the wine list by candlelight, as his bifocals weren't that good. It turned out he was older than my mother, he had assumed I was about 18 (I was 25), and he spent most of the dinner exclaiming over how young I was and trying to offer fatherly advice. We finally went to the concert, where he kept insisting I was way too young to remember the Pixies. He also spent most of the concert trying to paw my ass, hoping I wouldn't notice. At one point he asked me if I'd ever had a margarita and offered to buy me one, like it was a really huge deal.
So finally the concert ended, and we went to a nearby pub. We ran into a friend of his there, and the two of them were all but high-fiving each other over me. His friend kept calling my date "cradle-robber" and giving him lewd nudges. When I'd had enough, I said I was ready to leave.
We got back to my apartment, where I discovered he had brought an overnight bag. Oh yes, an OVERNIGHT BAG on a blind date. Toothbrush and all. I went to the bathroom and came out to find him in his undershirt and whitey-tighties, ready for bed. I told him I wasn't looking for an overnight guest; he whined that he lived all the way out in Topanga and he'd been drinking, so I consented to let him stay but told him there would be absolutely no sex. Next thing I know, he's climbing into my bed, and he got very confused and offended when I banished him to the couch.
In the morning, he wanted to go out for breakfast. I could NOT get rid of this guy. I made up an obviously fake story about all the things I had to do that day, but he simply refused to leave until I went out for breakfast. So I let him buy me breakfast, and then refused to let him back in the house. He made such a production about the goodbye kiss that I finally kissed him just to shut him up, and he was AWFUL.
He then proceeded to call me several times a day and leave little gifts on my door for the next several weeks until I had a deep-voiced male friend answer my phone and tell him to piss off. *shudder* I was beginning to despair of ever being shot of that guy...
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