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Thread: How do you calm down?

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    Default How do you calm down?

    Yesterday I worked five hours and made $15. I've paid over $200 in overdraft charges this month, my phone bill is late, and rent's coming due. I don't want to pass off the rent onto K because I already owe him over $1000 in back rent and his show ends after this week. I just got a letter from the IRS demanding their $1200 by July 16. My grandparents want to come visit next month and I can't dance while they're in town. I need money desperately and I'm freaking out because I can't find any other job. I keep sending out resumes but no one wants me, and now I can't even make a living stripping. Stay in school and get a master's degree, kids, so you can be a big fucking success like I am.

    So I keep throwing up and crying, and I've discovered that the more I NEED the money, the less I make. That was for damn sure yesterday. I need to let this go and calm down but I can't stop crying and freaking out. I could drink, I guess, but I'm trying to lose weight. I don't want to be at that damn titty bar sweet-talking losers, but I have no other options right now. So how can I calm down and get a grip on myself so I can at least try to make a few bucks?

  2. #2
    sun child
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I feel like I am in the exact same boat right now (see my post in Ladies Only). I walked out of the only club I work at here last night because I wasn't making any money and I just snapped. I'm sure I'm fired, and because I don't have an ID right now I can't work anywhere else, club or otherwise. All I can say is keep your chin up and keep trying.

  3. #3
    God/dess
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I would highly recommend some deep breathing and positive visualization. Affirmations, spoken out loud, over and over again. Whatever it takes to convince yourself that you're capable.

    Most of us have been there - panic-stricken and scared - and come out the other side, and you two will, too.

    sc, don't you have a passport or a Social Security card? You can get another ID.

  4. #4
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Our income is so volitile. This week I could not work because of my burns. It has really made me think. Last year I could not work for a couple months when I was kicked out of Canada and before I secured a visa. I know I can't really relate because I have been really lucky, always able to save. But I can relate on the nature of the industry shit. Yek, I calm down with a good run. In the begining of this week I was so upset about not making my goal. So I made an exercise goal instead (inspired by your ticker). I always think about exercise as money in the bank b/c the better our health the less it will cost as we get older. I recommend some vigorous exercise with no ipod. But tghat is just what woould work for me. I fiqure stuff out like that.

    Got anything that you could sell? All we can do sometimes is rub on the tan, go to the gym, take a bath, and go back to work wearing a smile.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    do whatever makes you feel hot. and then fake it the best you can. sometimes that's all you can do. im starting to freak out about money too, but im trying to just go day to day and see what happens and do the best that i can do for that day.

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Nothing makes me feel sexy or capable right now. I'm overweight, I can't stop crying, everything at work nauseates me, my teeth are breaking from clenching in my sleep, and I'm completely unemployable. I have a useless master's degree and can't even get a job waitressing. I can't sell $10 lapdances to illegal aliens, I can't even get an interview for a real job, and I'm painfully aware of what a complete and total loser I am. I've lost all my confidence and have no idea how to get it back.

  7. #7
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Allright, I can totally relate to this situation. My advice to you is not "politically correct," but this is personally what I would do.

    First of all, you obviously need to go to a new club. If you're not making money where you are, it's not right for you. That said, I understand not wanting to go to a new club in the middle of a financial crisis.

    I would figure out how much you need to make, and look at it from the vantage point of I am going to do whatever I have to do to hustle this until I make my goal (which in your case looks like about 2500 dollars from the original post). You need the money by July 16th so that's a very very doable goal.

    Honestly, if drinking at work makes you more comfortable, I would do it and not worry about the weight issue at this point. I feel like obviously you're in a financial crisis and need to do whatever it takes to make your money. Obviously, within reason, don't get all hammered, take drugs, do more during a dance than you are comfortable with, ETC. But this is probably the point you need to give up being a good girl, say fuck it for right now, make your money....

    Just focus on work, long shifts, every day that you can take it...

    After you make your goal, go back to not drinking, and find a new club, etc. But do what makes you comfortable for right now.

    I say this because I have really bad anxiety and sometimes get extremely panicky about going to work. If I really have to go, I have to drink to relax on those days. Again, I know this is a bad solution and I no means do it every day, but if for whatever reason I'm having a panic attack and absolutely have to go to work, that's what I would do.

    Don't drink and drive though, and don't drink to the point you don't know what you're doing.

    Just my very un PC advice.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I need more money than that, and that's not doable at this bar. But nowhere else will hire me as long as I'm still this chubby. Yesterday I had a goal of $250 and I went home with $15 (and I had to beg to keep that; they were nice enough to not charge me a house fee). I was so disgusted by the guys and the other dancers that I was actually retching yesterday and I spent the whole shift crying, throwing up, and snapping at people. How do I let it go? I couldn't even stop crying long enough to go to the gym this morning. I'm such a fucking loser.

  9. #9
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    First of all, you are not a looser. You're just going through a bad patch. And trust me, I've gained a lot weight too recently, so I understand feeling fat.

    One trick that works for me is to just make a joke out of everything that bothers me. It's something I learned in therapy to help deal with my anxiety.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Well, I'm not going today. K is loaning me enough to get my bank balance up to a positive number, and I'm going to spend the day trying to score a teaching job. Maybe if that goes well, it'll get my confidence back up for the rest of the summer.

    And I just took a shower and noticed in the bathroom that I have, at least, lost some weight.

  11. #11
    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I can totally relate to how your feeling. Due to car issues that used my savings, I am in the same boat this month. Do something that makes you feel good.
    For examples: do your nails

  12. #12
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I'm sorry to read this...and I can totally relate. Right now I am about to have a baby, but we are so broke that I have no idea how I'm going to come up with my car payment in a couple of weeks. I owe the IRS $2300, several bills are unpaid and I have a traffic ticket I have to pay $200 for right around my due date. I can't seem to get a phone sex call to save my life. I tried making an appointment for an online session but I had to cancel because I couldn't be here when they painted the apartment.
    I try so hard not to worry about money so that I can relax and focus on my health and my baby, but there are times when I just start panicking and my heart races. I sometimes cry about it too. I don't want to rush going back to work but I might have to just so we can pay our bills. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It seems as though because we are not among the upper class here, we are getting pushed farther and farther down into the lower class. Honest and decent women in the sex industry don't do very well here I guess.
    I can tell you that one of the only things that helps me chill out is getting into water. I take a bath, let myself cry if I need to but I keep reminding myself that crying doesn't solve the problem, only releases the inner tension. Then I start brainstorming how I might come up with extra money. If I don't find an answer, I just keep my eyes closed and think of all the positive things in my life, and I remind myself of how I've made it this far and I'm still alive - I have my health and my friends and family and my self-respect. I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and those are the important things/people in my life. Keep repeating, "Money does not control me".
    It's worth a shot...and good luck with everything. You know you ARE lucky - think of those things and you might feel just a little better.

    ...and if all else fails...you do drive to COI pretty often...I don't wanna suggest anything that you're not cool with but if you think you could do it, there is probably a really good chance you'll make that money pretty quickly.


  13. #13
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    This may sound stupid...

    Sing the ABC's when you feel nauseated.. It'll most likely make you laugh. Then, once you hve the smile in place, do susan's advice with the deep breathing, and affirmations. Stop and sing the ABC's if you start crying again.

    I can't think of anything else to do... Best of luck though, you have a tough situation!
    *hugs*

  14. #14
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Thanks, y'all. I couldn't bring myself to do it today and I got dressed up in a respectable fashion and went to a few different schools I'd sent teaching resumes to, just to say hello in person and hand them a hard copy of the resume. One of them seemed quite interested, so I hope and pray one of those goes through. Hopefully that hope will keep me up for more skeezy titty-bar action tomorrow.

  15. #15
    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I find solace in playing video games

  16. #16
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Like many others I can relate. My trip out here has made me about a third of what I expected. I'm getting to an age where dancing and the adult industry isnt going to even BE an option for much longer and I have no idea what to do next. It seems that every time I find something I think will be my salvation..it fizzles and dies. I've had many very long moments of extreme depression lately because I have no idea what to do.

    And BTW...the clubs here are stupid. You are beautiful and sexy. I know what it feels like when you are being compared to 19 year olds who barely weigh more then a safety pin...but dont think for a MOMENT that you are anything but gorgeous. Beauty comes in many forms and you definatley have one of those forms!(it took every bit of strength I had to not throw you down on the Tiki Ti Bar and have them pour alcohol all over us until everyone stopped screaming!!TORO!! LOLOLOL)
    Last edited by cameron_keys; 06-26-2007 at 07:04 PM.

  17. #17
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    ^^^ Aw damn, I really wish you'd done that!!

    I was thinking the same damn thing but here I was trying to be a pleasant hostess and not a pervert. Bwahahaha. Anyway, thank you. I've got some decent leads on good teaching jobs, so hopefully one of those will come through. One of them seems interested in me!

  18. #18
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    For a second I thought I got drunk and didnt remember posting this...I know how you feel.

    Big time.

  19. #19
    exotisch23
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    If you moved to Vegas you could probably get a teaching job very easily, they are in high demand here. 1,200 teachers short right now. I believe it's 50K a year starting out, with a Masters.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I know how you feel Yek...I'm going through a rough patch, too. It sucks, but we'll make it through.

    Feel lucky that you have the option to go into work right now, though. I, myself, can't right now because I've got severe ear infections and my body is just utterly exhausted from fighting them. I have yet another doctor's appointment to attend tomorrow...and hopefully they will be able to refer me to a specialist and I will be on the permanent healing track and be able to go back to work.

    I've been dipping into my savings to pay all of my bills and I don't want to end up in the negative numbers, either.

    I miss sweet-talking to the losers.

    You'll make it through...and best of luck with your job hunt. In the meantime...just breathe...take a warm bubble bath...take a drive...or do some excercises...this always works for me. That and the anxiety meds I'm on! LOL. PMSing sucks, too, dammit!!! Best of luck, sweets, and keep us updated!!!



  21. #21
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post

    So I keep throwing up and crying, and I've discovered that the more I NEED the money, the less I make.

    This was always my case too. What if you get a part time on the side (just for the basics) and dance too so that is your "extra" cash. I know its easier said than done but its the only thing that worked for me. Now I dont feel as though dancing is the 'only' source of income ya know? How about trying a different club? Maybe the change of scenery will help?

    I hope things pick up soon!

  22. #22
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Congratulations on having that interest the first day out, Yek! All will be well--I'm sure of it. Keep the chin up.

    If you happen to look at this post I'm curious what your field is--I think you've said it elsewhere but I'm not sure where the post is.

    You've surely made a gain today. Perhaps there is another one to make tomorrow. A brick at a time, then a wall, then a house. I'm rooting for you.
    JK Jim

  23. #23
    Newbie m_v_v's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I think the best thing to do is to completely pack your schedule. Wake up really really early, work out, run errands, look for a new job, go to work and don't come home until you're entirely exhausted. That way at least you'll be able to sleep instead of stay up all night with an anxiety attack. Don't allow yourself a free minute unless it's for sleep. During the rest of your time you have to invent things to do to stay busy and get them done! Kick your own ass worse than the IRS would if you didn't pay your taxes.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    I, too, can relate. Quite frankly, Yek, you sound a little clinically depressed in that you have no energy and are not seeing things clearly (by that I mean that you are obviously very smart and very pretty! Not a loser as you say). If you are depressed, and take this from someone who knows, get help, get help get help. It'll only get worse. And do NOT drink. Booze is a depressant. You'll only get melancholy drunk and then be even worse off when it wears off.

    Hang in there. This'll pass. You're a tough cookie and you'll find a way.

    Siber
    "Maybe you'll ask me to come back again and
    Maybe I'll say.... Maybe"

  25. #25
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you calm down?

    Thanks, everybody. And yeah, Siber, I've battled depression my whole life but drugs make it worse and I can't afford counseling so I just have to suck it up. I'm feeling a little better today, thank G-d.

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