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Thread: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

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    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    I debated on posting this in ladies only, but know we have some guys here who I beleive are lawyers.

    Okay - so let's say that a girl's stepfather molests her for years. She's too chicken to do anything about it, moves out, starts stripping, eventually gets to legal age, and tells him to fuck off. Never speaks to him again.

    She goes to therapy to start working on her issues, and comes to the conclusion that she needs to tell her mom to fuck off, too, cause her mom knew what was going on and wouldn't fix it. So she does.

    Then she starts to panic, cause now her little sister isn't allowed to talk to her either. There's like, no way to check on her, cause she lives in another state entirely. She can't get through - her emails/myspace/cell phone are monitored, and due to her being in another state, and having been for a couple years, she doesn't know any of the little sisters friends' numbers.

    Then she's flipping out - like, what if he's doing it to her too? She gets this huge guilt trip about not calling the cops on him when she was still living there and it was going on. And freaking about what if he's doing it to other little girls, besides her little sister. Cause those kind of guys don't just stop, do they? I mean, like, it's a pattern thing, yeah? So what if there's other little girls he's doing it to? Cause she didn't say anything?

    Is there any way at all that the girl can get the stepfather put in jail after the fact?
    Cause, that's an awful heavy burden of guilt to be carrying, not to mention being flipped out over her little sister.

    Hope someone can help me out here. I'm going nuts.

  2. #2
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Well..firstly ther eis a statute of limitations.

    If that time has no texpired yet, there is still the issue of proof. It would be very hard to prove molestation after so many years.

    Psychiatrists can testify, but still they usualyl need col, hard proof to put the scumbag in jail.

    So..you go searching for other girls who may have been a victim, because the more girls who can testify the better, cause it strenghtens the case.....



    My opinion.....
    which I should add I have no legal knowledge

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    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    That's what I thought - that it would be a he-said she-said.

    I just feel so guilty. I know how bad it fucked me up. I can't imagine doing it to someone else - which is what I did by not telling. I feel like utter shit.

  4. #4
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Call the councelor of the school the little girl goes to, explainthe situation, and explain why it has to be kept quiet. Tell her what went on, and what could be going on.

    it seems like the easiest/best way to find out if the girl is safe.

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    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    ^^ She's homeschooled. I was too, for a while. It's my stepfather's preference.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Or try calling the local authorities in their state. Have them go out and check on....even if their presence is felt it may keep the scumbag on his "best behavior" (what the rest of us would call normal behavior)

    But I do like the suggestions by LolaRose-call the school.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    oy...this is a tough one.

    How old is the sister? I am assuming she's a minor...but can you let me know? My answer would be predicated on how old she is right now.

    Also..one more question...how many other family members are available to help out and that can be trusted?

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Call DCFS and hotline them. Have someone go do a check-up on them.

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    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    She's 14.

    The problem with just calling and having them checked on is I know from experience it makes things worse.

    In a freak display of motherliness my mom called in on him once, and then she backed down, and so they just did checks (two of them) randomly. He didn't get busted for anything (even though I had bruises) and it made things worse.

    That's why I am posting, I guess. I wanna have my shit together so that if I can fix it, I can fix it right and not make things worse for her by blundering around.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Hey Cherry_Sin,

    I'm an advocate lately of the Women's Crisis Center route, after I took a friend of mine to one when her husband was beating her--they were able to pull her out of the dangerous mindset that somehow she could "reform" him and she divorced him in three months. First of all, I'm SO sad this happened. I wish I was a lawyer and knew something from that direction. But I'm sure something can be done, and a good crisis center may be the place to start. Do you remember recently that Terry Hatcher was involved in something similar--she was concerned about a relative who had molested her, and now was doing it to another, younger girl. She managed to help nail the guy, but I don't remember the specifics of the case. I understand your worry about making the situation worse, but talking to these people can't hurt and truly, could you make this worse? This is a time to be firm and form a plan with someone in the crisis field that you trust, with the interests of your sister in mind. What a hell of a thing--to be staring right into the darkness that you came out of. I admire you for biting this bullet and going after it.

    I was able to help put my friend in a decent situation, partly because the director of the Women's Crisis Center is a dear, dear friend of mine. This is in Massachusetts: if you would like me to ask this director about people in the area where this situation is I shall be glad to do it (feel free to PM me).

    Again, I am so, so sorry you went through this. Outrageous. I will keep the faith that your spirit and the spirit of your sister transcend this terrible behavior. You deserve so much more.
    JK Jim

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Quote Originally Posted by cherry_sin View Post
    I just feel so guilty. I know how bad it fucked me up. I can't imagine doing it to someone else - which is what I did by not telling. I feel like utter shit.
    first, you were a victim too. anyone who should feel like shit is the monster that's married to your mom.

    second, yes your mom's culpable too but i'm assuming she's in an abusive relationship there (her retraction of the accusation).

    lastly, i WOULD call DYFS (or whatever it's called in the region/state you're talking about). when it happened with you there probably wasn't an alternative home other than foster care for you. if you call it in now, maybe you can step up and fill that role for your sister. you should confer with them and tell them that's an option in this case.

    good luck and i hope your sister's alright, as well as you.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    FYI:

    I'm not sure if this table is up to date, but the statute of limitations varies by state, and some states are quite lenient in terms of how much time you have to file after you reach 18.

    http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/statutestable.html

    Forgive me, but you've listed your own age in your personal profile on this site, and it appears you are still quite young yourself. In other words, if that info is correct, and depending on what state you live in, chances are you could still file charges.

    I am curious then, your question implies that you would pursue charges against him (i.e., you asked about putting him in jail), so do you know for a fact that you can't file charges? or is that your question? I'm not a lawyer so I can't advise you, but the little bit of info above suggests you probably still can file charges against him. Like I said I'm not a lawyer, being in another state could complicates things in terms of where he would be tried, if you will be required to travel to testify against him, etc., But those are all separate and secondary questions. The first question for you to figure out is if you can file charges.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Thanks, guys.

    I beleive I am going to try to talk to my Mom about it. I think if I gave her the option of going through the courts or signing Rahbekah over to me, she'd take the latter.

    I talked to a crisis center hotline and they said that if I wanted, I could file charges but I would be hard pressed to actually throw him in jail unless he admits it.

  14. #14
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    ^^ The problem I see with filing charges so late is that there is no physical proof of abuse, so it would be very hard to prove abuse in court. All they would have to go on is testimony from her and her psychiatrist. If she could get her mother to testify against him...that woudl change everythign, but I think from what she has said, that is very unlikely. That may not be enough proof to put him away. If she coudl find other girls who were molested by him, that would help the case tremendiously.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    imo, the concern right now should be getting your sister out of there asap. whether or not the sob gets jail or dies mysteriously in some hideous accident is incidental now.

    yes, it would be great to toss him into the meat grinder/jail but getting your sister out of danger should be the main issue you concentrate on right now.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    14....ok..she needs protection...she's not old enough to handle this alone.

    1-Is there anyone in the family that you can contact that is in her area that can help?
    2-If not, you might contact whatever Human Services agency is in that area and express your concerns
    3-I believe even home schoolers are regulated to a degree...find out what the regulating body is and see what resources they offer for help with something like this

    after that...I'd guess the cops are your only resort.

  17. #17
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    hmm..
    Maybe you could call or go into her school, and have a chat with the counsoler. Tell her your concerns, and the counsoler( sp?) Can call her to the office and talk to her, or call her when you are there so yuo can talk to her, without the parents knowing.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    This sounds like a good idea, Kaylinn--there are a lot of good ideas here. Sounds like what we're all saying is that the fourteen year-old needs to get out of the situation, no matter what--that she needs to be the center of this, and the relationship (between mother and stepfather, whatever troubles are there) is secondary to simply getting that girl out.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Well..firstly ther eis a statute of limitations.
    statute of limitations does not apply to crimes against the person. I am in Australia but I would imagine the same would apply in the US.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    statute of limitations does not apply to crimes against the person. I am in Australia but I would imagine the same would apply in the US.
    This varies state by state, but SoL sometimes does include crimes against the person.

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    Veteran Member Habinairo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    [quote=snoopy;1124398] or dies mysteriously in some hideous accident is incidental now. quote]

    Just be careful when posting stuff like this though, they can trace you back to anything, and if for some really freak accident did happen, they could look for you. It's stupid but things sometimes work out that way. I just want you to cover yourself too, to look pretty much infallable until it all gets settled.

    It will work out though. She'll be okay.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    hmm..
    Maybe you could call or go into her school, and have a chat with the counsoler. Tell her your concerns, and the counsoler( sp?) Can call her to the office and talk to her, or call her when you are there so yuo can talk to her, without the parents knowing.
    Sorry, this won't work. When a child is registered, schools get a list from them of adults who are allowed to visit or check the child out. This is a protection against kidnapping by a noncustodial parent or running away with, say, an adult boyfriend.

    Talking to the counselor is a good idea, but the counselor can't do anything because it is considered "hearsay evidence" and in this case it is conjectural. (He did it to me, so he is doing it to her.) It will give the counselor a "heads up" so she can talk with the girl, and if she gains her confidence, she might tell her if anything bad is going on.

    However, this girl is homeschooled, so there is no counselor. Your only hope here is to contact DCFS or whatever name protective services goes by in that state. Your statements alone will not be enough to prompt an intervention, but there may have been other reports by neighbors and friends, and all taken together, it might be enough.

    Lastly, on YOUR recourse: in Utah, the statute of limitations starts when an adult stops repressing the memory, not when the act took place. You may still have recourse. And that is for criminal charges. I don't think there is a statute of limitations on civil charges.

    As someone said about, I am so sorry that this happened to you and I hope you will be able to triumph over it.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    This varies state by state, but SoL sometimes does include crimes against the person.
    Must differ in the US to here then.

    Some men brought charges against an elderly paedophile who had raped them 40 years earlier here and he was found guilty.

    I think it's wrong for SoL to apply to sex offenses because victims can take years to get up the courage to report it esp when it;s within the family.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    I have a sister who is 17, and if I had reason to believe that she was being molested, especially by the asshole who did it to me, I would kidnap her, and I would be willing to go to jail over it. What better job to have than a dancer when you want to skip out of the state and not be found.

    I'd go to their house, find a way to talk to her, and if she admits she's being abused, we'd be gone.

    I'm not a lawyer, but beyond pressing charges against the step father, the best idea is to file for custody of her. You can testify that the step father harmed you, your mother allowed it, and you have reason to believe that he is doing the same to your sister. The bad part is that being a dancer probably won't give them a very positive impression of your reliability or moral character, as crappy as that is, we know how it goes.

    I would suggest talking to a lawyer.

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    Default Re: I have a question... (sensitive topic)

    Ok, I AM a lawyer and an ex DA to boot so here's what I know.

    First: In Massachusetts, where I am a member of the bar, the law is similar to that in Utah. The statute of limitations is ten years from the victims 18th birthday OR when memory about the abuse returns. Thus, since you are younger than 28, you could go to the police yourself, and I would reccommend doing so. Here's why.

    Second: counselors can and do testify. What you say to them is privileged, but that is there to protect YOU, not them. If you waive confidentiality, they can be subpoenaed just like anyone else. As can their notes, which are great evidence.

    Third: It may well not be a he said/she said. I have prosecuted child molesters and what oftentimes happens is that one person coming forward enboldens others to do the same. If this guy has other victims, or has scared your mom into silence, they may be as hesitant to come forward as you are. But if you make the first move and get this guy arrested, these other people with knowledge of his crimes might then think that it is possible, if not their duty to testify as well. I've had cases where the initial victim thought it would be he said/she said, and once the arrest was made we had ten witnesses in a week.

    Fourth: Even if it is he said/she said, in my experience juries are remarkably sympathetic to victims. People REALLY don't like child molesters. This isn't dope possession or something. When a juror hears that a child molester is on trial, they get their blood up.

    So go to the police and press charges. One tip: Make sure you tell your story the same way every time. If the cops/DA are good, they'll only ask you for it once. Make sure it matches what you told your counselor. Any discrepancies will be harped on by the defense attorney.

    I wish you and your sister the best of luck. Please feel free to PM me with any further more specific questions.

    Siber
    "Maybe you'll ask me to come back again and
    Maybe I'll say.... Maybe"

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