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Thread: Male friends=bitchier than women.

  1. #1
    Tart
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    Default Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Ladies, I think I'm going to have to choke out a male friend.

    I've been friends with this guy not too long. We began befriending once another around 3 or 4 months ago. Nice guy it seemed. A lot in common etc. It was someone local that wasn't friends with my BF or someone I worked with. IE he was all my friend. I kinda need that shit right now.

    At any rate.over the last few months he's gotten progressively stranger and stranger.

    We don't hang out in person much at all, due to the fact I'm either at work or with Chris when he's home from tour. My schedule is sorta around those two factors. However, Chris was gone on tour and he asked if I wanted to go hang one afternoon and since I didn't have work till later and nothing else going on I agreed. But I said " hey when you figure out when and where you wanna meet up let me know " I said this via AIM ( I have a sidekick so it's always on. ) He doesn't have a cell phone ( yah i know..) so I sorta needed him to IM me with the info . He said "okay " and signed off.

    Well when the time drew closer and closer ,with no IM i just went ahead and went into work early. As soon as I got there he sent me a msg. I told him., " yo I can't hang..I waited and nothing so I went on to work. ".

    He writes back " I can't control when you get your msgs! "

    I was kinda floored because it was not only rude but totally weird to even say. I told him I was aware of that. Then he came back with " maybe we can be friends when I get a cell phone "

    The dude is 28 years old. There is NO reason for that. Not only that but a few weeks ago I saw he was online and I said " hey whats up " and he wrote back. "whatever" I said " what" and he put in all caps " I SAID WHATEVER"

    I had let that go because seriously we all have our bad days. I'm starting to think this dude is fucking crazy. OR just an over all prick. He's suppposed to be my friend. So why so mean? I've not said anything back at all. Because why argue with a friend. Isn't the point of having em' ..not have argue and to have fun. I think he has issues that are far out of my capability to handle.

    Totally bums me out though, I won't lie. People just keep fucking disappointing my ass.
    So should I say something, or just block him on AIM, delete him from myspace and figure he doesn't really deserve a response ?

  2. #2
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Let him go. He's being a passive aggressive jerk.

  3. #3
    Tart
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    ^ yah I think he's angry about a lot of shit and I'm sure it's nothing I've done. Considering I've not done shit .

    Here I go to delete

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    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    i have a guy friend that i have been friends with for years. He was really fun to hang around with in the begining but the past 2 years he is wanting to turn our relationship nto something "more" he doesn't out right say it but i know he does. anyhoot, he has become a bitch and complainer. everytime we hang out he always brings up how he thinks hes ugly and how he'll never get a girlfriend, and complains about how crappy my bf is. i find myself constantly reassuring him that he is good looking and he will get a gf etc. to me he is more of a hassle anymore a hassle to hang out with so i distance myself from him. i know your situation is different but my advice is just to distance yourself and try to unattach him slowly.

  5. #5
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Sounds like bipolar, or just being stuck on Planet Me, where everyone can read his thoughts.

  6. #6
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Huh. My dad used to always say, "Boys don't want to be your friend."

    I protested this mightily when I was younger, but now I kinda believe it. Most of the "guy friends" I've had couldn't take the ego slight (i.e., if you're willing to hang out with them, but don't show any particular interest in having sex/being with them).

    It's a shame, but I think a guy friend has a shelf life roughly the same length as a strip club regular in most cases... and for pretty much the same reasons.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Tart
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    I think a guy friend has a shelf life roughly the same length as a strip club regular in most cases... and for pretty much the same reasons.
    wow. ^ great analogy. And 99.5% of the time I think you are correct ..of course considering that the man is straight.

    My now ex-friend has stated before he was on meds growing up however hasn't been for the last year. Because he can't afford it. Well, he can't afford it because he doesn't have a job and doesn't want a job. He lives at his mothers and has for a few years. I assumed when we first started hanging out that it was a temp thing. As in it just happened. Because he had mentioned how hm and his gf were on the outs at the time. I assumed,they had lived together and he had to move in with this mom till he got his head right.

    Apparently not. He doesn't have a car either. I assumed ( yah I know ) that the car he drove around was his.,but it's his moms. No cell phone either. I've actually threw all of that in there one day when he mentioned how he always feels crappy and like he doesn't have shit going on. I said " well get somethings going on for yourself, like a job and what not and the rest will start to fall into place". He did NOT like that at all.

  8. #8
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Most of the "guy friends" I've had couldn't take the ego slight (i.e., if you're willing to hang out with them, but don't show any particular interest in having sex/being with them).
    This is exactly right, in general. Maybe this is how men are hard-wired?

    I've certainly found it challenging when I'm single and hanging with a woman I like without having romantic feelings crop up. In general, the close women friends I have are those I've dated. (Having gotten THAT out of the way, we can be friends. Weird but true.)

    And, yup, I lost an amazing woman friend last year because I couldn't square the circle of her wanting me as an intimate friend but not wanting to be intimate with me. Still very sad about that one. Still trying to learn from it.

    Regarding the OP: Maybe he's just a low-achieving prick with his own issues? No cell and no car? Wow.
    Last edited by Chicagoeditor; 06-29-2007 at 12:13 PM.

  9. #9
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    Most of the "guy friends" I've had couldn't take the ego slight (i.e., if you're willing to hang out with them, but don't show any particular interest in having sex/being with them).

    It's a shame, but I think a guy friend has a shelf life roughly the same length as a strip club regular in most cases... and for pretty much the same reasons.
    yep. which makes me feel , because it's happening with one of my best friends now. We met while I was with my ex and he was in a long-distance relationship, so no romantic feelings. But then she left him, and then he started acting all distant and weird, practically stopped calling me and made excuses not to do things with me, and was actually pretty rude to me when we did talk. Until my ex and I broke up...then he started acting normal (except for when he was trying to make out with me or get me to mess around with him, but after awhile he seemed to get that I loved him as a friend but didn't want to date or have sex.) So things were good for about a year...but now that I'm interested in someone again, he's back to ignoring me, acting weird and rude and yeah...it disappoints me. I already lost most of the friends I had when my ex and I broke up, just b/c they were mutual friends and I had to get away from that whole social circle. Now I lose one of my best friends b/c he can't deal with me seeing another guy? bullshit.

    Anyway Tart, my thought is that it's the same thing with your friend...wants you, but can't have you and so is being passive aggressive and treating you like crap. blah.

  10. #10
    Tart
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    I guess Im blind because I dont think he does want me. He's never made a move or mentioned anything ..but then again maybe he isn't good at that shit so being a dick is what he does best.

    Then at the same time I'd like to add, that if a good looking.."sweet" straight man remains single ..and never ever can land a date or get laid..SOMETHING is goiing on

  11. #11
    Featured Member Paintbaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Lordy, I have lost so many male friends this way--- I mean guys I considered like brothers. Hurts, but nothing you can do.

    Men are a lot more romantic-minded than they like to let on---eventually, they all want to be more than just friends. I have a good friend now who I met on an internet dating site a year ago----no sparks, but we are hanging out more and more and I know it is just a matter of time before things start to get awkward. Friendships with guys definitely have a shelf-life comparable to a jar of mayonnaise. Don't take it personally Tart, and don't try to fix it. Just enjoy what it brought to your life while it was good, and realize that when it starts to affect your energy and weird you out, it's time to let it go.

    It also sounds he might be a Nice Guy(TM) with a roaring sense of entitlement. Hence the pooish, passive-aggressive behaviour. Either way, it's doomed.

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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    I agree with Red. He sounds as if, deep down, he was expecting something (even though it's clear you gave him no reason to) and now he's resenting that he won't get it. He is handling it in a weird way that gives him an escape route--a way to say no, he never had that in mind, even though I think that is precisely what he had in mind.

    We come to a sexual crossroads, men and women. We can acknowledge it with humor and move on and be friends, or get caught up in it and get things all screwed up. He's screwing this up--not your fault. Would have been a lot better if he said, "I've had some feelings, but we can move past this," no?

    But he wants more. And I have the sense that he is complicated, and (forgive my saying so) you don't know him as well as you think you do.
    JK Jim

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    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Sorry to admit it but I can only be friends with a girl I am not sexually attracted to or have already slept with. If she is cool and I am sexually attracted to her and she feels the same I usually look to make her my GF. If she is cool and I am sexually attracted to her, but she doesn't feel the same about me I move on.

    Sounds like he is too insecure to try anything or tell you how he feels and knows he has no chance. I hope deep down for his sake he never comes out and professes his love for you in a drunken stupor. hehe He sounds like how a middle schooler would act facing unrequited love. Maybe some direct real talk is in order on your part. Kinda like, "Look bro. I don't know what is going on here, but I think you need to chill out. We are just going to be friends and only friends. If you can't deal... kick rocks."

    P.S. You have to cite me though if you use my quote.

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    Senior Member sleepyboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.


  15. #15
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tart View Post
    So should I say something, or just block him on AIM, delete him from myspace and figure he doesn't really deserve a response ?
    The latter. Ignore him for a while so he has a chance to figure out why he's being such a dick. Maybe you can talk to him in a few weeks, but for now just leave him be.

  16. #16
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    He's into you and he's a loser. There is no way he couldn't want to hit THAT fine everything of yours. Male and female friendship is very tenous, and almost impossible to maintain long-term.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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  17. #17
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    I only really feel safe with guy friends if they have girlfriends. Excuse me, make that good relationships with girls. I've had guys see me as the greener grass when things got rocky with their gfs.

  18. #18
    Tart
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    I wish I could agree with everyone in that he like(s) me. But,honestly I just don't feel it or see it. Usually I can tell. And had I been able to tell I would at least have had a heads up. I personally just think he sucks. He has no motivation , no job..no life to be real honest.

    I've offered up suggestions for him to feel better or live a better life in some aspect. He just shrugs it off.

    The only thing I can say,is that having talked to him etc is that I've gained an understanding on what my bf goes through when he tries to explain or suggest things that would make me happier in life,and I just hush him.

    it's a pity. This guy is hot and can be super nice. I just think that his underlying issues make him a shitty person to be around.

  19. #19
    Tart
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    So here's an update.

    He wrote me the other day,asked why I had deleted him etc. A friend of mine and I were out he was out as well. We all met up and ended up hanging out. He acted happy and nice. Basically the guy I knew and had liked as a friend. So we both invited him to hang with us on the 4th at her sushi party she was throwing at a mutual friends house.

    We all meet up today, eating sushi etc. Hanging out pool side. And he acted find. A lil' quiet at first but no big deal. The sushi and the beer he would be drinking later this evening was all catered by the friends. He didn't have to pay for anything. Including the smokes he bummed.

    By 9pm I was ready to bounce as was my friend . ( we were at a mutual male friends apt who had his own friends showing up in a bit.) Me and my gf decided to go. We couldn't see the fireworks from where we were anyways. We weren't drinking so it seemed pointless. The male friends apt which we were at let my friend ( the one I"m complaining about) know that he had to go too. Not in a mean get the fuck out kinda way. But in the " hey I have other friends stopping by. Thanks for hanging " etc etc. So we go to leave and my bitchy male friend says " god fuck that guy man. What a douche" I sat there in astonishment because here had hung out 5 hours, drank up this mans beer..ate free sushi ( not cheap btw ) and played pool etc. And he has the nerve to call my friend a DOUCHE?!

    We ride the elevator down and by the time we got on the street he was full on bitch mode. " I coulda gone to a bbq you know" ... all infront of the girl that threw this. I was so fucking embarrassed. My friends are nothing but amazing and nice people. Who bend over backwards for anyone to make sure they have a great time. The last thing they deserve is to be treated like an asshole. I went to say goodbye ...

    and he wouldn't even hug good bye he sorta just stood there.
    What a fucking DICK.

    I mean..c'mon.

    That's it for real this time I'm done. It's one thing to be a lil' bi polar to me But it's another to bitch infront of people that did nothing but be great hosts to you. Fuck that. what a fucking asshole.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Dude, fuck that noise. You don't need it. Let him be pissy alone.

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Yeah he wants you and can't have you and so he's pissed at himself but can't handle it, so he takes it out on you and other people instead.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

  22. #22
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    [quote=Tart;1131809]and he wouldn't even hug good bye he sorta just stood there. What a fucking DICK.
    [quote]

    Why didn't you bitch him out then and there? That's pretty outrageous behavor. Plus, I think your friend would have appreciated it. As everyone else has recommended: Dust the looser.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Ya I think it's time to move on the guy doesn't seem to appreciate any good situation .

  24. #24
    Tart
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Im still disagreeing with him wanting me. I seriously don't think that's it. I think it's more his emotional issues. He's said before that he's been on meds, for being bi polar. Without a doubt what I witnessed yesterday was that shit going down.

    The reason I didn't say something right then and there,I honestly didn't want a huge production on the middle of the street in old town ( which is a rather nice area of the city ) Now on my side of town lol it's expected.

    I wrote about it on LJ ( my live journal ) although the post is made for friends only. So you'd have to make an account. There are more details etc.

    I keep kinda waiting on him to sign on and say something so I can just let it all be known.

    Seems a lot of work for someone that was only my friend, which is kinda why i'm not too sure if I should even say shit to begin with or just never respond to his IM's or calls.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Male friends=bitchier than women.

    Well you either hang with him or don't - if you think he's being a dick and repeating the process why would you want to be around him ? You have very little time put into this friendship so no big loss ( hope that doesn't come off as cold ) . Why so much contemplating about this guy you seem to be so direct with most of your issues ( and I like that ) .

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