Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 28

Thread: I shouldn't report him, right?

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    I shouldn't report him, right?

    Wow, nothing like baby brothers to teach you about child rearing.

    My brothers are 16, 15, and 12. It's funny, from the moment he was born we've always known it would be the middle one, Josh, who would get into trouble. Sure enough, he's the one that's really popular, athletic, etc. He makes excellent grades, he's a social butterfly, the girls all love him and the guys do too, and his teachers think he's the shit. He just scored in the seventeenth percentile of all French students in the USA - nationwide, and he lives in Tennessee, and it was his freshman year. He's a good kid but he's too popular for his own good.

    I was never popular in high school, and neither are my other brothers. It's just this one. So last week my mom took all three of my brothers to spend the summer with her in Vermont. She's working as a nurse for two months, and my two older brothers have applied for jobs at Putt-Putt, and my baby brother is supposed to catch up on his reading. (My stepfather is keeping up the house and working back in TN.)

    So Josh snuck out this week and skipped the country while Mom was at work and our other brothers were sleeping. He met some girl his second day in Vermont, and spent the entire night across the border in Canada drinking beer. He's fifteen. He didn't know anyone else at the party and he totally got away with it. He told me what he was up to but implored me not to tell Mom.

    I don't want to tell Mom because she's very strict and she'd tear him to shreds. But I don't want him to think it's cool to skip the country to get drunk, either. Do I rat him out or what?

  2. #2
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The middle of a field in the south texas countryside...
    Posts
    4,186
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 13 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Mmmm. Just rip on him yourself. Sounds more like one of those things to tell mum 30 years later...

  3. #3
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    718
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Jeez, Yek--as if you don't have enough things on your plate already. I've been through a few things like this, as an older brother (and he's turned out great, as I knew he would--has a wonderful wife and kids). I always tried to remember that part of this was just being an American kid. But it will probably mean a lot to him if you tell him how serious it might have gotten, how screwed up his and other lives might have gotten as a result of this. He will respect your seriousness about it, I think. It probably will mean a lot to him, too, that THIS TIME you're not saying anything...but if this is a chronic problem with him, maybe your mom does need to know: one slip, I think you can just let him know how close he came.
    JK Jim

  4. #4
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    718
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Yek--I didn't write that well...tired. Wanted to say that the big secret was to always believe in my little brother--I always did, knew that his heart was good, and that all, eventually, would turn out well. The attitude you take in these things as you approach them makes all the difference. Good luck with this!
    JK Jim

  5. #5
    Kaylinn
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    He sounds like a good kid overall. I wouldn't tell mom on him, just have a talk with him yourself.

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Arrrrghhhh. He didn't learn anything, I know that for sure. Now he's on the Instant Messenger asking me for a "favor" next time I'm in town... he wants me to buy some booze for him and all his buddies so they can go get wasted in a field somewhere. Of course I don't want to do this, but I don't want him to think of me as an untrustworthy adult either. I'd rather know what he's up to than not. But I definitely don't want him out getting trashed with strangers.

    Fuuuuuuuuuck this. I don't even have kids, I shouldn't have to deal with this shit. I wish there was some anonymous way of tipping off Mom so she could raise her own damn sons for once. I've been the responsible female adult in these boys' lives since they were babies and I really don't need it.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    718
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Ok, that's different, Yek. You've got a lot going on now in your own life, and I think you need to pass this one to your mom. Why are you worried about the explosion on her end? Does she make everything into a drama to make it look like she is doing more than she is? Is there a way to call her quietly and tell her, mom, we have a problem developing here, and we have to set up some clear boundaries.

    You're right you can't be buying him the booze--that'll just help mess him up more, 'cause who knows who he'll be with? I had a feeling you've been the responsible one--but you need to transfer this responsibility to mom, and maybe make clear to her that the "strict" route will just get the kid in more trouble now. She needs, for her son's sake, to think this through. You, also, need to start setting some boundaries, because if you keep being surrogate mom, and sister, and friend it will not stop and your little brother is old enough to know and be told about the burden he is putting on you...he needs to know that, to mature--to understand that his fun is not the center of the universe.

    I mean this with love, having been a caretaker in my family as well--
    JK Jim

  8. #8
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Cocoa Beach, FL
    Posts
    10,220
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 52 Times in 37 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    I would drink at 15, with pals.... it's almost a rite of passage anymore.


    BUT.... I never left the country. That's a whole other mess and a half. I'd totally rat when it comes to something as nuts as that.


    But that's just me.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Why are you worried about the explosion on her end? Does she make everything into a drama to make it look like she is doing more than she is?
    That's a great way of putting it. She'd scream and shriek and ground him, but she wouldn't do much else, and the only thing that would come of it would be his realization that he can't tell me anything.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    718
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Okay, so this is a tough one. I have a sense of what is happening, though without knowing the specifics I may miss on this some. So because of mom's drama, you are the lightning rod in the family, and the one who people keep coming to, draining your energy when you can least afford it. That isn't right of mom, because it is WAY too much for you to take on (and believe me, Yek, if someone gets seriously ill in your family, these family dynamics really come to a head--I hope you haven't been through that, but I mean to say that the more you hang on the cross for everyone the more it will be expected. There is some honor to that, but eventually you are doing everyone a disservice, because your mother needs to know how to handle her sons, and they need to grow up and respect other lives).

    In the short term, I would e-mail your brother and tell him the position he is putting you in--that it isn't right of him to do it. It's probably not the greatest thing for him to be drinking at this age anyway. You could tell him you're drawing a line with him and asking him to respect you and himself--and that you're doing it this way because you know your mom will go ballistic and you're trying to save him from that.

    Then I do think you need to talk with your mom. In a way, her explosions are a kind of denial, and she will lean more and more on you to save these situations. I went through that, Yek. It fell largely on me as my father was dying to hold my family together, and I was holding down two jobs as well. I did it, most of the time, but I am also left with many nightmares (literally)...and my mother has been in her own world for so long that I couldn't talk about any of it with her if I tried. Something like this is in your future if you don't begin correcting it now. I think a talk with your mom at a calm time (not now, with all of this going on), and then subsequent talks, will get this to sink in. But believe me, you need to make sure you are not forever the yoke in the family, saying "put a lid on me." You're already resenting it, and that will get worse and even affect your own romantic and social relationships.
    JK Jim

  11. #11
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    718
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    I meant "put a load" not "put a lid." Put a lid sounds poetic, but I don't know what it means.!
    JK Jim

  12. #12
    cameron_keys
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Tell him honestly that you have a lot of stress right now, and dealing with an underage brother doing illegal and potentially dangerous things is beyond your scope right now.
    Tell him that you are extrememly disappointd that he would put him self and ask you to put yourself in this situation...that everything he has achileved could go down the drain if he gets arrested or addicted or otherwise pulled down by a bad crowd.
    Tell you that you dont want to pull mom into it....but if you feel he is putting himself or you in any danger(physically or legally) that you will do everything possible to stop it.
    Tell him that it is HIS choice whether to pull himself together and be a bit more responsible(as in..dont leave the country illegally with strangers) and that you sincerely hope he will make the right choice.

    If he has another major screw up...bring in mom.

  13. #13
    aussiepunkshocker
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    I wouldnt tell. Id make sure he knew who to call should he do anything like this again and get into trouble.
    My sons 15 - I cant imagine him doing anything like that, but if he did, I dont really think Id be that angry. I was no angel at 15 (-:

  14. #14
    Senior Member Buggs's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    117
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Don't rat out your brother if you want him to trust you. He's old enough to have some fun...

  15. #15
    sun child
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    My brother is 15 and he's selling weed and having sex. It's shocking but I was just as bad when I was 15. Ultimately he's going to have to make his own mistakes, and you're not his mom.

    However...if my brother tells me something fucked up he did, I sort of scold him for it. I am, after all, 8 years older than him and have been there through every step of his life (and encouraged him to continue his sax playing and goal of being an Eagle Scout). He's a good kid, but he's got that rebellious teenage itch. Sounds like you're brother, what with the 17th percentile French stuff and general likability.

    I would follow cameron's advice. Let him know that he's fucking up, and there will be consequences if he gets caught by the authorities. I find that the more honest and straight up you are with guys that age, the more they will respect you and ultimately, do what you say. Good luck. I shudder to think that my little brother's friends are doing drugs, drinking and having sex, but I have to remember that I desperately wanted to get laid at 15 and some of my 13-year-old friends were doing LSD.

  16. #16
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by aussiepunkshocker View Post
    I wouldnt tell. Id make sure he knew who to call should he do anything like this again and get into trouble.
    My sons 15 - I cant imagine him doing anything like that, but if he did, I dont really think Id be that angry. I was no angel at 15 (-:
    I'd be amazed he managed to leave the country from here! *cough*

    Anyway, I don't know what I'd do! I'd probably rat, but that would be because I don't want him to ever come to me again so that I'd have to be an authority figure in his life like he's forcing you to be now. That, and because I could finally stick it to mum on just how much she fails at children.

    But then, I'm not a fan of your mum from what I've heard. :x


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  17. #17
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    As for him wanting you to buy him alcohol, I would flat out say, "I love you and because I love you this much, I refuse to supply you with alcohol. If anything were to happen to you or your friends, I would be the one responsible. And, if anything did happen and I was responsible, I could never live with myself."

    He's going overboard...but you're not his mother (or his supplier) and you need to let him make his own mistakes. He'll never learn if he has someone keeping him safe and he'll just keep doing it. Let him cross the border to Canada enough times, and he'll get caught. Then, it's calling mom and telling her that not only was he illegally crossing the border, but he was doing it to get drunk.

    He may never get caught...but the odds are against him. Just remind him to never, ever drive drunk. Ever.

  18. #18
    aussiepunkshocker
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    He could possibly go to NZ for a weekend or further even. He has his own passport and all the legal stuff saying that he can travel without his parents. I just doubt that hed (a) think of it and (b) want to. Hes already seem more countries than I have and has decided thats enough for now.

    Interesting that you think its failure as a parent. I dont see it as that way at all. I just think some people are far more free spirited than others. Wonderful parents can have all sorts of children - and vice versa of course!



    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan View Post
    I'd be amazed he managed to leave the country from here! *cough*

    Anyway, I don't know what I'd do! I'd probably rat, but that would be because I don't want him to ever come to me again so that I'd have to be an authority figure in his life like he's forcing you to be now. That, and because I could finally stick it to mum on just how much she fails at children.

    But then, I'm not a fan of your mum from what I've heard. :x

  19. #19
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    9,746
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 50 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Meh - I'm actually a fan of the school of thought that you are an adult and he is a child, and she is his parent and maybe it is her job to determine how to raise and discipline him. Unless she is abusive, of course. I mean, why did he tell you this?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  20. #20
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,887
    Thanks
    169
    Thanked 171 Times in 131 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    I wouldn't snitch, tell him this time you'll let it go but next time you want nothing to do with it.

  21. #21
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Yeah, I think I'm gonna let it go for now but if he asks me to buy him booze or brings up drinking again, I'm gonna tear him a new one. It might make him decide he can't tell me anything, but at least there's a chance he'll consider what I say. As for Mom, well, he's bound to get caught at some point and she'll really rip him down. If I were to call and tell her about this, not only would my brother be in for it, but she'd lash out at me too for making her feel like a "bad mother." She's better off finding out on her own, or if one of our other brothers rats him out.

    He did make sure not to get too wasted and to have a sober person drive, or at least so he says. I hate to say it but I'm less freaked by this than I would be if he were a girl. There's not as much risk; if he gets wasted and passes out, or gets into a car with strangers, it's pretty unlikely he'll be raped or assaulted. I just keep reminding myself of our uncle, who was a total fuckup as a teenager but is now a responsible, successful business owner with a beautiful house in the country, a gorgeous wife, and a wonderful little daughter. My brother will hopefully take the same route.

  22. #22
    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    198
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    I would not sweat a 15 year old boy who got wasted one night. Every weekend, yes.

    In terms of crossing the border from Vt to CN, it is no big deal up here in New England.

    I WOULD NOT buy him booze. In addition to moral issues, you are right, anything happens and it is your ass that is nailed

  23. #23
    goldengrl69
    Guest

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    I wouldn rat him out. I'd tell him how dangerous what he did was. Id also punish him myself i.e. (mow the lawn, clean the garage) If he compains let him rat himself out to moms.

  24. #24
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2006
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Posts
    3,174
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 54 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    the only thing that would come of it would be his realization that he can't tell me anything.
    Ding, ding, ding!!!! This was my thought exactly.

    My brother was 16 when he started asking me to buy beer for him and his friends. He's now 20. He's a shecky, no doubt about it, but he's a good person. He has turned out ok. And he never lied to me because he knew he never had to. I loved and cherised that.

  25. #25
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2005
    Location
    a safe place for dancers, just ask me
    Posts
    2,132
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I shouldn't report him, right?

    man, no one likes a squealer. :-p

    he sounds normal to me - and i bet there's a bunch of stuff he's done that you don't even know about.

    next he'll be boning 30 year olds under your mother's roof....

    don't rat, yek! he's fine. if he gets into trouble he brought it upon himself. you can start worrying when he gets brought home by the cops. then you get to bust his ass.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. You shouldn't be here!
    By ghostinpa in forum Dancer's Discussion
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 05-09-2008, 11:14 PM
  2. Should I or shouldn't I....
    By fishnet in forum General Board
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-25-2004, 01:14 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •