I've really had it. I used to love dancing. Not that it was ever the reason I got out of bed in the morning, but it WAS the reason I had a nice bed to get out of, and a nice place to do it. I used to love the bar atmosphere, the fun and excitement, the sexuality and the immediate gratification. It was one of only a couple jobs I ever loved.
But lately . . . I dunno. The lack of actual money is making a big impact on me. I never worked in a top-shelf place, but I used to make as much in about 12-20 hours in my little rinky bar, as I made teaching school all week. That gave me a lot of freedom to be with my husband and kid. I was happy with what I made, in spite of the fact that I wasn't getting rich.
This is not your usual summer slump. I have weathered those before. There is more going on here.
For one thing, most of my customers are in sales or construction, both of which are in a big slump around here right now. The cost of living is going up, too, and the county has just raised the cigarette tax again. The Chicago market is one of the most expensive in the county for gas, electric, and heating gas. So people are really really broke around here. This has been going on for months.
Now I am not only frustrated and broke, but also bored and defeated. Each day at work seems like an exercise in futility.
For another thing, and I think this is worse, not just my bar, but the whole neighborhood is infiltrated with extras girls. There are still a few of us who try to give clean dances, but I know all of us have had to lower our standards. We really have no choice. Other girls are getting fingered or giving hand jobs for the price of a dance.
I made the decision to pull my son out of school and begin home schooling him next year, under the assumption that I would be able to work as I have been for several more years. As it stands, with the amount of time I have to commit to working and driving, I would not have enough time to spend with him on lessons to make this feasible. Hence, one of the main reasons I continue to dance, my time-freedom, no longer applies.
I need to get out. I'm no longer happy dancing. Trouble is, I can't figure out how to make time to go to school for something useful and at the same time, earn enough money to live. My husband works, but he makes enough, not an excess. And because of the way his 401K is funded, it makes sense for him to continue working where he is until next summer, when he will have been at his job 5 years.
I have nothing else to add. I would say "/end rant" except, I can't get up enough energy for a good rant. The whole situation is making me feel defective and defeated and pathetic and sad. I think I'll go have a good cry now.![]()



Reply With Quote

But I guess there is a time when you just need to know when to let go and move on..I'll always take what I learned with me!!!


Bookmarks