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Thread: I need encouragement..please..

  1. #1
    cameron_keys
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    Default I need encouragement..please..

    Ok...there have been several threads and comments about my weight lately(not only here..I've gotten it on myspace and in real life as well)

    I'm finding it REALLY hard not to slip back into starving myself. Sinceeven severely restricting calories doesnt seem to make me lose...flat out starving myself though DOES show me results.

    I've been forcing myself to eat SOMETHING...even if it is only some crackers. twice a day. Mostly because if I take my meds on an empty stomach I get ill.

    I've been working out like crazy..as much as I can since I'm still a bit sick and weak.(I always get sick when I travel)

    I'm trying to keep control and not allow myself the ED feelings..but it is REALLY hard. Esp when your insecurities are constantly being confirmed by others.

    I'm currently 5'7" and @ 130 pounds. But I look SO much fatter...130 at my height should look fairly svelte...still curvy, but not fat. But it doesnt look that way on me.

    I dont know what the point of this is..other then a pity party for myself. I just need someone to encourage me NOT to starve myself again. I know what will come of it and yet, I cant stop myself.

    I'll pull out eventually I'm sure....I always do. But I'm pretty depressed right now.

  2. #2
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Well I'm 5'7 and probably around 130 pounds ( I don't weigh myself because I get OCD about it)... and it's definitely NOT fat! Starving yourself does nothing but lower your metabolism and make it easier to gain weight once you start eating again. Plus, you're not losing real weight, just water weight, and as soon as you eat again it will result in you looking bloated because your digestive system isn't used to food. So.. starving.. not a good idea. Don't over do it with the exercise either.. do things you enjoy- it should be part of your life not an obstacle.

  3. #3
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    I know everything you say is true. I KNOW it, but it isnt stopping me.

    I actually est. my weight. In the last 2 weeks i've weighed myself on 4 differant scales and I've gotten from 127-148 in no particular order. SO scales mean crap. I do know that my jeans are all REALLY loose on me at the moment...and I was about 140 (give or take) when i bought most of them..so I'm estimating at 130.

    But I'm really small boned, so every freaking pound shows up like crazy on me. At my smallest(when my mother threatened ot have me hospitalized in high school) I was about 115. But still didnt LOOK ana. She just noticed a lot of weight come off fast and never saw me eat so she caught on.

  4. #4
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    You're beautiful, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Eat. Because really, if you starve yourself, a) it's not healthy, b) at some point you're going to start eating again, and since your metabolism will be shot, you will gain weight quickly and be back in the same position, and probably in a worse state emotionally.

    I think you should really look into some therapy or counseling, because while we can give you all the support in the world, we can't help you fix the way you feel. *hugs*
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  5. #5
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Quote Originally Posted by sxybrat07 View Post
    I think you should really look into some therapy or counseling, because while we can give you all the support in the world, we can't help you fix the way you feel. *hugs*

    I am considering therapy for several issues. I just cant quite make that final step to actually calling and making an appt. It's like admitting that my problems are too big for me to handle on my own and, virgo that I am, I hate admitting that I am that out of control.

  6. #6
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Oh sweety! You are almost doing that by posting here! please please go talk to someone who can help you with this! You know what not eating will do to you, you've allready been there....don't hurt yourself again. If you are having a hard time doing it for yourself, then do it for those around you who love you. Know that they don't want to see you do this to yourself again.

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you.




  7. #7
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Oh sweety! You are almost doing that by posting here! .

    I know..but this feels more like venting to friends...not admitting I need professional help. I've always pulled myself out before without a pro...it's really hard to face the possibility that I've gotten so bad and out of control that I cant handle it myself anymore. I'm not sure if I AM that bad...I've just gotten SO many comments about my weight lately that I feel like I'm crashing. As if my fears about being fat arent just being justified...but that I'm actually much worse then even I thought I was.

    You'd think I'd be more open to the idea of therapy...I have a bachelors in Psych.!

  8. #8
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    You're so gorgeous it's crazy Cameron. Stop it.

    *swoon*

  9. #9
    zxcire
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    I know..but this feels more like venting to friends...not admitting I need professional help. I've always pulled myself out before without a pro...it's really hard to face the possibility that I've gotten so bad and out of control that I cant handle it myself anymore. I'm not sure if I AM that bad...I've just gotten SO many comments about my weight lately that I feel like I'm crashing. As if my fears about being fat arent just being justified...but that I'm actually much worse then even I thought I was.

    You'd think I'd be more open to the idea of therapy...I have a bachelors in Psych.!

    Maybe you could try to look at it in another light--by realizing that you might benefit from professional help, you are doing yourself a huge favor. If you worry you might be getting out of control, this itself a good reason not to put it off--you might be able to successfully work yourself away from a potentially worse situation.

    It might help to think that by starting therapy you are just exploring an option. You are not admitting to being a failure or committing to anything. Even the most "together" people can benefit from a little soul-searching sometimes!

    Good luck with whatever you decide. BTW you're gorgeous.

  10. #10
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Yeah, try not to think of therapy as losing control, but rather gaining it. Sort of like how you wouldn't let an infection go untreated - you'd go to the doctor right? ED is a disease and something we can't really help you with here. We can offer our words of encouragement though, if that's what you need.
    You and I don't always agree about shit, but I want you to be healthy. It hurts me to see women struggle with their negative feelings, worse if it's a fellow dancer. You know you deserve to be healthy, and I hope you make the commitment to yourself to be that way.

  11. #11
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Sorry you're going through this. Is there anything you could channel this energy/control stuff into that's not weight related? Sometimes when we feel out of control in other aspects of our lives, we compensate with things we think we can control: namely weight. But you know that, and I don't want to reiterate what we all know. Healthy exercise can be a good outlet (not ED-fueled). Perhaps consider a new activity that you've never tried....martial arts lessons, etc. But if not possible due to health, then a hobby or something of that nature might divert the bad feelings.

    As others have said, there's nothing wrong with therapy, no shame in it. The right person can help you identify why you feel the way you do, and help you develop effective coping mechanisms. I understand how you feel...in this business we have to confront our own perceptions, along with those of others, on a daily, hourly basis. After all, the images we project make us money. Without clothes, we're literally exposed.
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

  12. #12
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Thanks everyone(including those who have PM'd me).

    I hate feeling so self centered, but I think I just need to be reassured that I am not the cow I've been made to feel like lately. I just got really depressed because, even though I've been losing weight and WAS feeling pretty good about myself..all of a sudden I have had a bunch of people commenting on how fat I am. It makes me feel like I need to take extraordinary measures to lose since everyone seems to see me as this huge sloppy mess.

  13. #13
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Do I need to wander south and hug the crap outta you woman? I'm 5'3" and 146lbs and you look SO awesome I could scream. I cant WAIT to be at your build. Seriously.


    YOU

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  14. #14
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    Do I need to wander south and hug the crap outta you woman?

    Hell yeah you do! A Paige hug would make it all better!!

  15. #15
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    You're beautiful and fun and funny and hot and wonderful. No matter what happens, we love and support you. I also recommend getting into a support group and/or speaking with a counselor.

    I don't know if a 12-step program is right for you, but its been very helpful for me in my own compulsions: http://www.anorexicsandbulimicsanony...13131250880575

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    You are a beautiful woman and there is nothing wrong with seeking help. It is a sign of strength. It's time for you to be strong and get the help you need. I know I've had times where I felt like my life was outta control and counseling did wonders. I was able to understand why I am the way I am, and now that I am conscious of it all I can move forward in a more positive direction in life. Make the right choice for yourself, treat yourself with love and respect because you deserve it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

  17. #17
    Veteran Member TheLioness's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    I agree with everyone else. I think you're absolutely beautiful I hope you'll consider counseling more. I also know that there is nothing that anyone else can say if you're determined to loose a few pounds. I've been there. We definitely don't want you to starve yourself, as sxybrat said, it can cause all kinds of problems including a much slower metabolism causing you to gain more back when you do start eating properly.

    You said that dieting doesn't produce results, but starving yourself does. To me that means that you're obviously burning more calories than you are taking in, which is virtually none. Have you tried eating negative calorie foods? When you eat these foods, your body burns more calories digesting them than the amount of calories the foods have in them. Check out this website to see a list of some of them. http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Negative...-List&id=71441. I googled "negative calorie foods" to get that list so you may want to research more.

  18. #18
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    ^^ Hey, thanks for the list. I knew celery was "negative calories" but I had no idea about the others..and some I eat a LOT....like tomatoes. I put tomatoes on EVERYTHING!

    But I thought tomatoes were carbs...I know the annoying people I know on Atkins say they cant eat them...so how can a carb be empty calories?

    What to eat and not eat to lose weight changes freakin' daily. Thats why I swear fasting is the only sure way.

    I think fasting is the only thing that works for me because of all the damage I've done to my metabolism over the last 20 years...dieting to the point of borderline ED, diet pills..including massive amounts of ephedra, etc....

    Right now I'm eating @ 600 calories a day and burning off at least that much. I was seeing a differance(I see my hipbones again after a while of them being buried unde ra layer of fat...my clothes are all pretty loose...stuff like that), but so many comments about my weight lately makes me second guess if it was just wishful thinking....

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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    ignore those haters saying anything about your weight. I really doubt they are being serious, and whoever it is probably doesn't even know you. I think you are one hot lady!

  20. #20
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    I'm in the EXACt same position you are, being a normal and healthy and pretty weight, but being small boned, so it shows up more.

    I know EXACTLY what you're going through with this... Remember my thread about teh photographer?

    You need to break the tape. You know that recording in your head that says(to you) and projects(to others) "i KNOW i'm not thin enough" Smash it with something... you'll be SOOOOOOOO much healthier and happier if you try to see yourself the way WE see you-as a beautiful, intelligent, and freespirited woman. NOT as teh conventional sylph of beauty. You've ALREADY done rather well for yourself in a very difficult and appearance-centric field, and have the potential to push that standard even higher!

    To be fair, I'm probably not one to offer advice or comfort, since I've struggled with an eating disorder for years, and all it takes is a couple of well placed comments to send me crying to the toilet, swearing not to touch anything but carrots ever again. What's helped ME the most has been being able to be open with someone about it, for you it may be a counselor... for me it was my boyfriend. I say something really abnormal, and he throws it right back at me until I laugh. Some of our weird tendencies ARE rather funny when looked at another way...

    at any rate, i hope you feel better, and can use your stregnth to seek counseling... If you want to talk, or bitch to someone, I'm here!

  21. #21
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Regarding the not eating much and still not losing weight. Do you exercise much? If you just stop eating then the metabolism slows down making it hard to lose weight.

    If you eat a healthy balanced diet and exercise then your metabolism will spike. About 20 minutes of exercise in the aerobic zone will burn a certain amount of calories (depending on intensity), but it will also spike your metabolsim for 6 to 8 hours (burning even more calories). If you do work out once a day, then perhaps cut those workouts in half and do one in the morning and one in the afternoon. This will spike the metabolism twice.

    Having said all this....I already told you what I think of you as you are...

  22. #22
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Quote Originally Posted by crizgolfer View Post
    Regarding the not eating much and still not losing weight. Do you exercise much? If you just stop eating then the metabolism slows down making it hard to lose weight.

    If you eat a healthy balanced diet and exercise then your metabolism will spike. About 20 minutes of exercise in the aerobic zone will burn a certain amount of calories (depending on intensity), but it will also spike your metabolsim for 6 to 8 hours (burning even more calories). If you do work out once a day, then perhaps cut those workouts in half and do one in the morning and one in the afternoon. This will spike the metabolism twice.

    Having said all this....I already told you what I think of you as you are...

    Yes I work out quite a bit. Several times a day..weights, treadmill, etc...etc...I suppose I could step it up even more..

  23. #23
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Cam, you are beautiful. Honestly, I don't think you are 'thick' or anything like that. Your curves are hot, and I would rather see a curvy girl than a stick thin girl any day of the week!

  24. #24
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Well.. I felt a bit better last night and managed to eat a veggie burger, carrots and a little bit of potato that hubby made.

    It'll be a day to day thing to force myself to eat...but thanks for all your kind words. I really needed it. I'm still working to lose weight...but I need to do it right and not try to drop 20 pounds by next week.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: I need encouragement..please..

    Guy here...so I know that it's difficult for me to comprehend the pressures you're dealing with, but I have 2 sisters that dealt with ED (one was much more serious than the other, and she went to a therapist). I know others have said it, but therapy is really critical. Lord knows me and my family love and support my sisters, and encouraged them no matter their weight, but it really wasn't enough without professional help.

    As for your calorie intake, well I'm no professional but I can tell you what my personal trainer did for me that worked (at least while I was still seeing him). A lot of these are sort of common knowledge now, but I think they're all good advice:

    (1) He would never put me on a diet for more than 10 to 14 days. You can't be on a diet forever, you will eventually break it; and once your body starts getting used to reduced calories it will be more difficult to burn the increased calories. You never want to permanently condition your body to reduced calories;

    (2) He never eliminated carbs completely. He did reduce them, and eliminated them at dinner during diet periods, but they were always a part of the diet;

    (3) He was a big proponent of smaller meals with snacks in between (so we were basically eating 5 small meals a day) in order to increase metabolism;

    (4) He never tried to eliminate extremely fatty foods...just remove them from the daily rotation so that pizza, fast food, etc. were a treat instead of regular sustenance.

    (5) He would never let us lose weight too rapidly. When I started losing weight a little too quickly during a diet period, he "adjusted" my diet to include a handful of gummy bears.

    Also remember that muscle weighs more than fat, so your weight can go up, even though your body shape is improving. Good luck, and fuck anyone who calls you fat (who does that anyway?).

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