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Thread: Bad Judgment Call

  1. #1
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Bad Judgment Call

    I've gotten to know this customer this past year... he usually comes in once a week, spends anywhere from $100-200..... not hardcore money, but whatever.. he gave me his business card about a month ago and i decided to text him a nonchalent message.... Well, hes getting extremly clingy and keeps asking me out on dates, and is trying to pursue some sort of relationship... Its starting to freak me out....... I wish i never would have texted him now... Have any of you ever regretted giving your number out.... Its just really starting to bother me... i guess I read him wrong... I thought he would be the type to differentiate between real life and fantasy.... i guess not.... Any advice?????

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    Senior Member LapOfLuxury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Quote Originally Posted by KamrynAnne View Post
    I've gotten to know this customer this past year... he usually comes in once a week, spends anywhere from $100-200..... not hardcore money, but whatever.. he gave me his business card about a month ago and i decided to text him a nonchalent message.... Well, hes getting extremly clingy and keeps asking me out on dates, and is trying to pursue some sort of relationship... Its starting to freak me out....... I wish i never would have texted him now... Have any of you ever regretted giving your number out.... Its just really starting to bother me... i guess I read him wrong... I thought he would be the type to differentiate between real life and fantasy.... i guess not.... Any advice?????
    Yes. Tell him the dates are just not going to happen. Period.

  3. #3
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Okay - not for nothing, but if you didn't want to confuse "the boundary between reality and fantasy" why'd you message him in the first place? Like, yes we message customers all the time for a variety of reasons - some as innocuous as scheduling and some involving a little more maintenance. But when we start messaging for anything outside the bald and blatant "I'm at this club at this time" we are absolutely feeding into the idea that we "really" like them, that we are interested outside the club, that we are thinking of them when we are not there, etc., etc. I mean, that is the point of it, right? That is what "maintenance" means, isn't it? Like, if he was a steady regular, why did you move there in the first place?

    I mean - keep in mind that the nature of the strip club notwithstanding we really ACT like we like these people. We do it pretty convincingly. When you start adding out of the club contact... I mean this "confusion" isn't coming out of nowhere.

    Not trying to browbeat you, and I guess you already said it was a bad call; it's just that nothing drives me more crazy than those girls at work who are all "I don't know why he keeps asking me out..." and on the inside I'm like "Maybe because every time he does you say "Sure... but not until next week..."
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  4. #4
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Lose his number and ignore him. $100-$200 a week isnt worth it, and if he's pushing THAT hard for OTC..he isnt going to spend it anymore anyway.

    If he comes back in and asks why you are ignoring his calls..tell him the truth. That you dont date customers(you can say because the club doesnt allow it or that you just prefer to keep the two parts of your life, ITC and OTC separate) and that his coming on so strong freaked you out.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    i agree. if he's getting that pushy you're going to lose that money soon anyway. i'd just be real firm with him and tell him to stop asking you to go out. reaffirm that you only have a dancer/customer ITC relationship. if he stops spending on you because of it, oh well. so goes the "cycle".

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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Well, I doubt your customer has any regrets...you contacted him. Plus now he has your number as well. But since he's not a huge spender and is crossing your comfort line and is being persistent about it, you should get firm with him and let him know OTC is off the table. If he won't accept that then just drop him and make the $100-200 off someone else.

    Years ago, I gave one of my business cards to a dancer I had been hanging out with ITC. The card had my company name, address and phone number. Dumb, dumb, dumb. She already had my pager number (this was back in the day when cell phones were relatively uncommon) so I don't know why I gave her the card. Anyway, the dancer called me at my office one day while I was out. Fortunately, my secretary intercepted the call. She gave her name and described herself as "FBR's friend in Indianapolis". Yikes!

    Giving out my cell number hasn't been a problem. It's fairly anonymous and if a dancer gets too pesky, I just ignore the calls.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    It's scary when customers start idealizing the time that they spend in the club. Sorry you're going through this! Being "firm" with him, as others have suggested, is a good idea. Is he the type that would listen to reason? If so, you can be firm but also appear sympathetic. In other words, let him know your feelings, but do it calmly and rationally (it keeps some guys from getting defensive). However, there are men who will perceive this sympathy as "hope," in which case you might have to be a bit more vocal. Based on the behavior you've observed thus far, how do you think he might react when you "break the news?" You want to make yourself clear, but not to the point where he'll get antagonistic and even more clingy. A delicate balance.
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

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    Featured Member The_Oceans's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Bit of a personal reveal here...

    A few years ago I was under the impression I'd struck up a "friendship" with a dancer back in the States, and she gave me her cell number & told me to keep in touch. So I did - I'd call her a couple of times a month, and I let her know when I'd be back in town. *She* made the offer for a non-club visit (during the day, casual, not for pay), and we arranged for a date & time. When she didn't show I tried calling her cell because I was genuinely worried. When I finally reached her she just hung up on me. It totally frustrated me at the time...in looking back I could see where I may have been "clingy" for having only met this woman twice before. I left this encounter thinking it would've been better if she hadn't given me her number, and would've preferred she be straight & firm with me at the start.

    Bottom line is, be clear with him and don't give him an inch of room to think he might have a chance to see you OTC, if no such chance exists.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    I'm sorry that happened to you Oceans. You are a genuinly nice person. However, I can relate to your story Kamryn. Once I let a club cust browbeat me into giving out my cell. Don't lecture me, I have no backbone sometimes. He called and called and called. I never answered the phone. He didn't give up. Finally I answered and told him to never call me again and that I had no interest whatsoever. So he stopped.

    That's what I suggest you do.

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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Oceans, been there done that as well. In my early years I had one stripper who I was "friendly" with. We hung out at the club for pay and talked from time to time on the phone. Anyway, one day she didn't show up at the club as planned. I asked around but no one knew anything. Over the course of a month or so, I called her several times but got no response so I quit. Eventually, I ran into her at the club. In retrospect I should have ignored her and acted like I didn't give a shit but instead I inquired about her absence. She got all pissy and accused me of trying to be her dad or something. At the time I was shocked at her venom but looking back it was a great lesson.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Jenny nailed it as far as what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future. I guess there is a fine line between maintenance and confusion, and really no way to know which customers are going to confuse a good ACT with reality, but I agree that messaging a customer OTC is risking crossing a confusion boundary for some.

    As for how to fix this case, I agree with the suggestions above.

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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Shit, look no use regretting it, too late u did it so now u need to resolve it.
    Just ignore the calls and he will get the message. If he mentions it ITC just say that u would prefer if it was just u messaging him to let him know your schedule. If he asks u out just say no. I learned this the hard way. I have lost (I think) my regular who used to spend $200 per week visitng once per week) on me. He kept asking me out and I should have been more direct with him, I was saying "no because..." instead of just "no".
    He hasnt been in f0r weeks now.

    I think once it gets to the point where they are asking u out u have pretty much lost them as a proper customer.

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    Member Crush Solid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    shitty situation...but you did initiate it.

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    Default Re: Bad Judgment Call

    Quote Originally Posted by KamrynAnne
    i guess I read him wrong... I thought he would be the type to differentiate between real life and fantasy
    So who's perfect? You made a little mistake, so what? Some of these guys put up a good facade of being normal, secure men who can be trusted not to act like fucking geeks over a little text message, for chrissakes...

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    However, I can relate to your story Kamryn. Once I let a club cust browbeat me into giving out my cell. Don't lecture me...
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazaine
    ...no use regretting it...
    Exactly, don't listen to dipshits. We are all human, and this is a rough business. It's easy to make a little mistake now and then. From reading your other posts it is quite apparent you have it together.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jazaine
    I think once it gets to the point where they are asking u out u have pretty much lost them as a proper customer.
    Eventually, a large proportion of regulars will come to the point where they start wanting to ask you out or take it outside the club, and then you lose them. It's just the way the business works, unfortunately. I know a lot of dancers who just don't cultivate regulars for this reason, but then there are some regulars who can be handled safely and profitably.
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