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Thread: Is this a compliement?

  1. #1
    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Is this a compliement?

    In the past couple weeks, three people have said to me, "When I first met you, I though that you were a bitch. Now that I know you, you're pretty cool, and I like that you're direct." I'm kind of scratching my head on that one, as it's a mean thing followed by a nice think.

    Granted, my first impression of these people was during the group project, in which I was appointed manager. It was my first time doing management ever, and I was stressing like crazy because nobody even knew how to do APA format and were all coming to me for not just help, but for me to do work for them. However, I don't know whether to be insulted for being seen as a bitch (even though I'm proud that I asserted myself for getting everyone on their asses without micromanaging), or complimented for being pretty cool despite first impressions.

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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    I think what they are trying to say is that they were intimidated by you, but now that they know you better they understand you better and appreciate you even more. I think that's a compliment!

  3. #3
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    Its a compliment in my book (-:

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    God/dess
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    It's one of those things that people only say to women, because if you were a dude and direct they wouldn't notice it, but if you're a woman and don't trip all over yourself to avoid accidentally insulting someone people think you're a bitch. forget about it.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    Oh, I love those compliments. I get that all the time. "You're such an asshole, but you're okay." Perfect. Keeps people on their toes around me
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    in the setting you note i would say it's a very good compliment. in a crisis (project startup ) environment, there needs to be a leader who makes difficult (unpopular) comments/decisions/critiques/etc. you're not making friends necessarily, you're doing your job.

    the best validation of that is if your project succeeded or your team realizes/believes your way was the best way. and it sounds like it was a success and your methods proved correct so the ends (kinda) justified your means.


    otoh, it could've crashed and burned too. then you would be the bitch! i keed, i keed.

    but in a true "friend situation", imho, something like that should only be said in an aside and with clear understanding that it wasn't/isn't meant as an insult. like constructive criticism of someone's personality that can be very touchy ime.

    it is a helpful bit of advice even if it's meant as a backhanded compliment though imo. because it's a honest appraisal of how you handle "initial impressions" and maybe you need to work on that. sometimes poor initial impressions can scuttle a project or relationship before it even starts (or you have a chance to prove yourself/skills, hence my "crash and burn" comment).

    so brushing up on "initial impression" skills is very valuable. you only get one chance for an initial impression. thankfully, this time, your overall skills were given the chance to overcome that initial bad impression.

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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    I get that A LOT. It used to upset me, because I hate that everyone's first impression of me is that I'm a bitch. But I guess that's just a vibe I put off, I think I'm friendly, but what can I do? I am who I am, and I am definitely a bitch when the mood strikes. Oh well.. at least these people are realizing that you're not a biatch, and that you're cool.

  8. #8
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    A compliment because if you remained on the" Bitch List " you would of never had the second opinion option.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    There are times when it's appropriate to be a hard-ass or a bitch, other's not, so it really comes down to if others see you as bitchy/hard-ass in general, or during times when it's reasonably appropriate. As for when it's appropriate, that's debatable of course, but it falls somewhere between always-no-matter-what, and never because one is too afraid to stand up for themselves. In certain job settings it's necessary frequently, other's less so, depending on how much is at stake, and so on. Sometimes people's feelings have to come second, the job at hand (or beliefs being fought for) takes priority. OTOH if it's just done for the sake of drama, that's a problem.

  10. #10
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Is this a compliement?

    Totally a compliment. I have gotten this one many times from customers, co-workers (in and out of the industry), and even some of my closest friends. I have also gotten variations of this compliment. IMO, it's another way of someone telling you that they like you just the way you are!

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