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Thread: Cheating?

  1. #1
    Callyish
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    Default Cheating?

    Okay if a guy and girl are dating... the girl is completely Bi-Sexual and wants to be able to still play with other girls once n awhile and have threesomes... is she cheating on the guy shes with by wanting this?

    Basically this guy I was seeing said that its cheating to fool around with other girls. It pissed me off because I told him that I was like this when I met him and he said he was cool with it.

    Well the guy did turn out to be a nut lol.

    He also said its impossible that couples who swing could be in love because you dont fuck other people when you love someone

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Guys have a fucking double- standard! I had the something similiar happen with my ex. He used to constantly tell me his fantasies about me being with another woman and then when I finally did it...he got so FUCKING PISSED at me!!! He even kind of stalked the other woman, giving her dirty looks, and calling her a bitch and a whore! WTF??? Maybe it was because he wasn't involved in the action! Who the hell knows??? Men can be so hypocritical. Also...I've heard of women forgiving men for cheating on them, but when the woman goes out and does it...THE MAN WILL LEAVE YOUR ASS FOR GOOD!!! I'm not a swinger...so I don't know what to say about that part. This should be an interesting thread.



  3. #3
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    :rofl: Okay. First of all...WRONG!

    K, if you get together with anyone, while in a commited relaitonship, that you BOTH agreed woul NOT be open, then yes, you are cheating, no matter what sex that person may be.

    And people who swing most certainly CAN be in love! Swinging is not for everyone, and that's fine. But a closed relationship isn't for everyone either! And that too is fine.

    For some people, sex does not = love. I make love to my man, and sometimes I even just fck him...but when we swing, we're just having sex, because it's fun!

    Blah, I hate it when people make assumptions about a person's personal life that they know nothing about. Grrrrrrrrrrr!

    But, as far as him knowing you liked women from the get go, and him saying it was okay, and then turning around and saying it was not okay....well screw that!

    If you are kind enough to give someone that information up front, they should be kind enough to really think about it before saying they are okay with it all, why waste someone's time like that?




  4. #4
    buffie06
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    IMO it depends on the feelings of both people in the relationship. I do not feel it is cheating as long as my husband feels the same way. Also I have been with my husband for 11 years this month and we have been swinging for almost 2 years, having 3somes with girls for way longer, but we are madly in love and best friends. Find someone who shares your opinion on the matter, it's really important that you and your SO are on the same page. And if he met you and knew the deal, he's a jerk.

  5. #5
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    ^Okay Buffie, we have WAY too much in common!




  6. #6
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    I think I understand how your boyfriend feels so I'll try to explain. He sounds like he finds the girl-girl thing hot, but I bet he's bothered by not being involved, or at the very least not even knowing about it beforehand. There's a big difference from bringing another girl home and having a threesome, and having sex with her without him there or even knowing it was going to happen ahead of time. Not involving him and letting him know after the fact is kind of a cruel teasing and feels more like cheating than a fantasy brought to fruition.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    ^Like I said...He wasn't involved in the action!



  8. #8
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Some times people fantasize one thing, but when reality hits them in their face, then it becomes another. If he isn't down with it, he probably won't be. You must either respect his opinion, or cheat, or end it. But is he open to sharing another girl with his involvement? I bet he is!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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  9. #9
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    As a swinger who is madly in love and been married for 7 years, together 10...I can honestly say that is BS. Yes, there are swingers who arent in love...but there are plenty on monogomous cpls that arent in love too. One doesnt cancel out the other.

    On the cheating thing..if everyone knows and is ok with it..nothing is cheating. If you have to hide it ..then anything can be considered cheating.Its all about honesty and respect. Dont do something you KNOW will upset your partner..whether that is sex, kissing or getting a lap dance. Respect their wishes or you cant expect them to respect yours.

  10. #10
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Cally, he may have been in denial when you told him. Or maybe he thought you were just doing some dirty talk to get him horny. Or perhaps he thought you two would be "so good together" that you wouldn't want to have sex with other women and now when faced with it he can't deal with it. And remember, men, generally, want to be in control. And if you are getting it on with another woman, he loses control because he truly doesn't know how it feels for you two to be together because he doesn't have a clit or vagina.

    Whatever the case, it's a problem if you intend to do it and he doesn't want you to. Good luck.

    As far as my definition of cheating, if both parties know and are in agreement, it's not cheating. Even if only one of you does something. But if it is behind the back or against the sincere wishes of the other, then it's cheating.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish View Post
    Okay if a guy and girl are dating... the girl is completely Bi-Sexual and wants to be able to still play with other girls once n awhile and have threesomes... is she cheating on the guy shes with by wanting this?
    He's not the only one you've met with this attitude. I know another person you've met that thinks the exact same way...Brad.

    You saw that he's ok with flirting and having fun; but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, it's a no-go. He thinks it's cheating.

    But he told me this from the beginning and I respect him for it. And before you judge this guy too harshly, maybe he thought he'd be ok with it, but found out he just couldn't live with it?

  12. #12
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Ahaha yea it really pissed me off. Like royally pissed me off.

    He said if I was with other girls that made me a whore and he couldn't touch me.

    I asked him why when we first met he said he was okay with it, he said its because he didn't believe me and he said it was cool to impress me

    I kinda freaked on him though when he said swingers arnt in love because thats really not fair.

    I was madly 100% in love with my ex and he let me fool around with other girls and all that fun stuff and it didnt effect us at all.

    So when I broke it off with this guy I told him we're too different and I have sexual needs that he wont let me have. He goes 'fine you whore go fuck other people, im too mature for you'.

    Oh god I almost died when he said he was too mature for me... the guy is 26, lives at home with his parents, works as a janitor at a high school, never lived on his own and im the first skinny girl he was ever with. Ahaha... oh never mind he used to be a total coke head, lied compulsively to me... has pulled knives on his friends when he gets pissed off... almost got me fired from my club... the list goes on...

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    ^^^AAAAKKK! You're sooo better off without a wingnut like that! Glad you found out sooner, than later.

  14. #14
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Yea I found out all this shit after I started seeing him... im so much better without him..

  15. #15
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish
    Oh god I almost died when he said he was too mature for me... the guy is 26, lives at home with his parents, works as a janitor at a high school, never lived on his own and im the first skinny girl he was ever with. Ahaha... oh never mind he used to be a total coke head, lied compulsively to me... has pulled knives on his friends when he gets pissed off... almost got me fired from my club... the list goes on...
    Cally LOL You were willing to forgive and put up with all these sins and are only now mad at him because he doesn't want you to have sex with other women?

    I think you are being too selective regarding his faults.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  16. #16
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    LoL the sex thing wasn't why I left him... there were many many many many reasons... really... the lying was the main thing..

    It was just his view point on the swinging thing was bugging me and I wanted to read some view points on it..

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Sounds like a L-L-L-LOSER, Cally. HHHmmmm......Next!



  18. #18
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Cally, Cally, Cally.

    I'm so glad you put this guy out at the curb in your blue bin.

    Lots of good thoughts on here. I particularly like the way Cameron put it:

    On the cheating thing..if everyone knows and is ok with it..nothing is cheating. If you have to hide it ..then anything can be considered cheating.Its all about honesty and respect.
    Cheating is not about what you do, but about what your arrangement is with your SO. I've had a bunch of lovers in the past year, and not once was I cheating on my wife, nor was she cheating on me with her other play. Because it's all up front and agreed to. And as you know, we love each other hugely.

    Your ex-guy agreed to it, but didn't mean it and then reversed himself and then got abusive. Which brings up an important point. A swinging, or even quasi-swinging relationship requires a lot of maturity from both parties, and freedom from the ugly concepts that love = ownership and jealosy = love. You need/want the freedom to play with girls, so you need a guy with real maturity (and self confidence).

    So when I broke it off with this guy I told him we're too different and I have sexual needs that he wont let me have. He goes 'fine you whore go fuck other people, im too mature for you'.
    I think Buddy missed an important two-letter syllable in this quote.

    -Steve
    p.s. Remember hun, go forward, not back.
    To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. -R. Heinlein.

  19. #19
    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    I'd hate to see what he'd think of my situation. I've got two husbands, a wife, and a girlfriend. ROFL.

    Aside that, though, I'd not put up with it. That would seriously make me cry. Find someone more compatible with you. Giving up your whole life for someone is a huge deal.

  20. #20
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    TWO Husbands? A wife AND a girlfriend? Hot damn... I really want your sex life cherry The more I hear about it the more I want it!

  21. #21
    Banned cherry_sin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    You can always move to the midwest. We have plenty of room.

  22. #22
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Damn Cally...It's high time you got someone worth it. It gets me cause...well, you're good looking, and pretty easy going. If your relationship has enough affection in it, you see, like the type to stick through anything. Sorry this happened.

    "Cheating" is not relationship specific. It's the result of a translated action. The translation of that action is built on trust and security.

    If you're dating a guy that is insecure in the relationship, he may see you telling a cashier they're sweet for bagging your groceries as "Cheating". The INSECURITY is the problem.

    When he signed on, he knew what he was getting into. It sounds like he was trying to validate himself and his value to you to see if you'd see him as so amazing that you would change your world for him instead of losing him.

    Thousands like him.

    Mast.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Hey Cally, want to catch a movie?
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    If my g/f wanted to fool around with another girl i wouldn't mind. If she wanted to fuck with another man then i aint having that....im gone.

  25. #25
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating?

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish View Post
    is she cheating on the guy shes with by wanting this?

    Basically this guy I was seeing said that its cheating to fool around with other girls.

    .............mostly..........he's an idiot.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

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    -David Daye

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