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Thread: I think I have a drinking problem :(

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default I think I have a drinking problem :(

    I'm pretty sure I have a drinking problem.

    I don't know when to stop, how to drink in moderation, how to say "no, thanks" when a customer asks me if I'd like a drink, etc.

    I really want to stop, but I don't know how. I know it's negatively affecting my life, but I've lost basis for comparison because it's such a part of my day to day life. If I'm not at work drinking, I'm off for the night at my boyfriend's... drinking.

    I'm starting seven days without drinking today. That's the longest I've gone without drinking in a few years. I hope I can do it.

    I don't want to be an alcoholic like my father. I'm scared and ashamed, but I finally admitted it.

    I need to stop. I want help. Where do I start?
    Last edited by ViolaStrings; 07-16-2007 at 07:43 AM.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Well they say admitting is the first step. I think saying 'no' for seven days is definitely a great idea. And I totally understand about how it's hard at the club, etc. I've learned the hard way from getting fines that I need to control my drinking at work. My solution is to drink a bottle of water or take a virgin drink in between real drinks. The bartender even makes me fake shots, so the customer has no idea I'm not drinking with him. I just tip her, and she doesn't even charge me for the shot!
    And at home, I'm a sucker for wine. Half the time, I can't even pick out a good bottle, because I know nothing about wine, but there's always some in my kitchen, and always a glass on my nightstand. But I rarely drink in excess at home.

    Good luck in everything, sweetie! Don't be afraid of what your father was. You are not him. This is going to be a better, healthier chapter in your life.

  3. #3
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    If I'm not at work drinking, I'm off for the night at my boyfriend's... drinking.
    Dating an enabler is a big ol' problem, in my opinion. I recently ended a new relationship because, in part, she never seemed comfortable--with herself or me--without lots of booze. Her ex, not surprisingly, was a serious drunk. My various hints about wanting to scale back the drinking ("I am gaining weight" or "I feel like hell after our night last night") fell on deaf ears. The last straw came when I informed her I wasn't going to be drinking with her and she said, "That's fine. But I'm not quitting! <giggle>." I should note that this was a very accomplished, professional woman and a mother of one small child.

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyCurlieQ View Post
    My solution is to drink a bottle of water or take a virgin drink in between real drinks. The bartender even makes me fake shots, so the customer has no idea I'm not drinking with him. I just tip her, and she doesn't even charge me for the shot!
    It's not that I haven't thought to drink fake drinks, when asked if I'd like a drink, I know I should say no or order a fake, but I just don't I feel powerless. I want to say no, but I can't.

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor View Post
    Dating an enabler is a big ol' problem, in my opinion. I recently ended a new relationship because, in part, she never seemed comfortable--with herself or me--without lots of booze.
    We get along great, it's just that I work 4-5 nights a week, and when I take a night off for him it's a "party". He doesn't think I have a problem. He just thinks I'm a lightweight. We had friends over for dinner last night and even though we all had about the equivalent of a bottle of wine, I drank so much so fast that I was passed out by 10:30. I don't tell him how much I drink at work and how stupid I act when I do. We have to take a breathalyzer to be able to leave, but I just don't valet my car, don't give my keys to the housemom like I'm supposed to, lie about my breathalyzer results to the housemom (I blew a .10 and told her I blew a .6 on Friday), if they see I blew over the limit I just leave with all the other girls and hope they don't notice I didn't take a cab. I drive drunk pretty often, and I am always late paying my car insurance and have no health insurance or savings. I feel like I'm walking a tightrope, if I slip up just a little bit I'll fall, but I'm asking for it. I know in retrospect that it was really stupid, but I can't stop.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    There is no point to that breathalyser since people can lie about it. I had a similar problem awhile back. PM'ing you.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
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    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
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  7. #7
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    I drive drunk pretty often, and I am always late paying my car insurance and have no health insurance or savings. I feel like I'm walking a tightrope, if I slip up just a little bit I'll fall, but I'm asking for it.
    Print out the above and post it on your fridge.

    Finally, treat yourself like a Skinner rat. There are behavorial "triggers" that send you off on a drinking binge. So give some thought to the triggers, find ways to short-circuit them, and avoid that first drink entirely.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    i'm really glad you posted this. not that you have a problem of course, but beause i'm interested to see the responses.

    the first thing i have to say to you is DON'T DRIVE DRUNK. i am exactly like you in this respect. i was drinking every day, i felt pretty shitty most of the time, i couldn't turn down drinks, and even when i bought my new car and asked the bartender to cut me off 3 hours before close, i later lied and told her i was getting a ride so i could keep drinking. the first day in my brand new car i drove home drunk. once i start drinking, i don't stop. i've caused myself so many problems because of this. a very large majority of my problems are caused by my drinking and could easily be eliminated if i stopped.

    all of that ^ was in the past tense, but it shouldnt be. none of those things have gone away, except for the fact that i havent had a drink since wednesday night, when i got a dui. i always thought it would never come back on me because i got away with it so many times, driving way drunker than i was the night i got stopped. so please.. use me as your example. i know it is easier said than done, but you will be kicking yourself if you end up in my shoes.

    i dont know about your area, but could you switch to a club with no alcohol? (ha, i know if someone said this to me a week ago i wouldve made every excuse in the book. so dont worry if you cant/wont/whatever else.. i understand.)

    have you considered aa meetings? i know i need to go, both to prove to a judge that im taking my offense seriously, and because i guess i need it. i'm terrified, however. part of me doesn't *want* to change. i don't *want* to stop drinking, i just want to be able to do it in moderation, not every day, not to the point where i'm blackout drunk. i don't remember a LOT of things that have happened in the last year or so because i'm that drunk usually. it's totally my crutch. scared about going out with a new guy? have a drink (turns into 2 then 3 then you know the rest). nervous at a new club? oh, the manager will buy me a shot. bad day? i'll feel better if i drink. i don't know if you feel the same way i do on this, but could you get a friend to go with you? or go to one out of the area so maybe you feel more comfortable? seeing a therapist might help, too, and imo that's easier than aa meetings.

    sorry this is getting long, but i feel like i'm in your exact shoes. my grandfather was an alcoholic, 2 of my aunts were drug addicts, and i know i have a very addictive personality. i'm going to be following this thread closely and if you ever want to talk, pm me.

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    i was drinking every day, i felt pretty shitty most of the time, i couldn't turn down drinks, and even when i bought my new car and asked the bartender to cut me off 3 hours before close, i later lied and told her i was getting a ride so i could keep drinking. the first day in my brand new car i drove home drunk. once i start drinking, i don't stop. i've caused myself so many problems because of this. a very large majority of my problems are caused by my drinking and could easily be eliminated if i stopped.

    Yep, we're totally in the same boat.

    i dont know about your area, but could you switch to a club with no alcohol? (ha, i know if someone said this to me a week ago i wouldve made every excuse in the book. so dont worry if you cant/wont/whatever else.. i understand.)

    I work in Atlanta, all clubs have alcohol!

    have you considered aa meetings? i know i need to go, both to prove to a judge that im taking my offense seriously, and because i guess i need it. i'm terrified, however. part of me doesn't *want* to change. i don't *want* to stop drinking, i just want to be able to do it in moderation, not every day, not to the point where i'm blackout drunk. i don't remember a LOT of things that have happened in the last year or so because i'm that drunk usually.

    Yep, I didn't remember having sex with my boyfriend on our second date. Happens to me all the time. I want to be able to drink in moderation, but I just don't think it's possible. I think I need to stop altogether.

    sorry this is getting long, but i feel like i'm in your exact shoes. my grandfather was an alcoholic, 2 of my aunts were drug addicts, and i know i have a very addictive personality. i'm going to be following this thread closely and if you ever want to talk, pm me. [

    Let's go to an AA meeting together! We're definitely in the same shoes.

  11. #10
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    I have no real advice. I don't drink much, nor do I go out much. But that has been slowly changing. On Friday night I went out to a bachlorette party. And everytime people offered me a drink I couldn't say no. I was supposed to drive home, but I had to have R drive an hour into town to get me, and he was drunk too. Not good.

    Good luck honey.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    Yep, I didn't remember having sex with my boyfriend on our second date. Happens to me all the time. I want to be able to drink in moderation, but I just don't think it's possible. I think I need to stop altogether.


    Let's go to an AA meeting together! We're definitely in the same shoes.
    if we lived in the same place we'd so be on our way right now, haha. i went out with this guy for the first time the other night, passed out in his bed at about 10, and woke up at 5am with no clue where i was. and he still wants to hang out again.. its scary.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    I think that if you really want to stop (or cut back, or whatever you want to do) you can. Not everyone has to go through a program, some people can do it on their own. I think that what you surround yourself with makes all the difference. I was never a big drinker until I met my ex who always pressured me to drink. It just became a habit. That relationship lasted two years and now I'm with someone who's moderate and who doesn't need to drink every day... and his friends are the same way. It has made a HUGE impact on my drinking habits.

    I'm not saying to dump your boyfriend or friends who drink a lot, of course. Just try to spend more time with the ones who don't. Or, get yourself out of the house on your days off and do something that doesn't give you the opportunity to even drink (like a yoga class at your local gym).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  14. #13
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    All of the above is fantastic advice, so I have nothing to add except that I'm behind you! It took alot of courage to talk about this and if you can muster up that strength, you can stay sober for 7 days.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Oh sweetie, I think it's great that you posted this. It's funny how sometimes, putting something in writing makes it real, where as before it was easy to ignore.

    All of the above advice is great, I really think you should find a meeting group, or a private counselor, whatever makes you feel more comfortable and you'll stick with.

    As for the Seven days thing, take it one day at a time. Seriously. Don't pressure yourself about the next two days, focus on the ONE day you have to deal with right now. Make it through that day. Then when you wake up tomorrow, do it again. And post here, LOTS! My ex had a drug problem, and while I was trying to work with him one of the things his couselor told him to do, was be honest about every day. To face it full force, and tell me if he had a good day or if he slipped up on a day. I thought that was a great idea.

    And maybe try having a friend be your anchor. If you are having a hard time, someone who knows what you're trying to do, and you can call that person and talk to them. It should be someone who wont be wishy washy about it though, none of the "well, one won't hurt, go ahead, but AFTER that don't!" That's not going to work.

    VS, you are such an incredibly beautiful, smart and witty woman. And from your posts I think your are a strong woman too. You can do this. If you truly want to, you can do it. And if you want help, you know we're here for ya.




  16. #15
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    To face it full force, and tell me if he had a good day or if he slipped up on a day. I thought that was a great idea.
    That's worth remembering, too. You may slip up. It happens, particularly in the SC environment. But you CAN do this. I know a bar owner who is in AA and hasn't had a drink in years and years.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Viola- You said there are no clubs in Atl without alcohol, but there is one. Boomers has no alcohol, but their business is slower and it's 18 and up. But, I knew a girl who moved there because of the same problem you have, and she's been there for over a year. I don't think alot of the dancers there have a whole lot of experience, so an experienced one who knows what they're doing could make money there. I'm not sure about permits there, but you should definitly check it out if drinking at work is a problem. *Hugz*

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Thank you everybody for your support. I'll definitely keep you posted. I'm currently getting ready for night 1 of 7 with no drinking whatsoever allowed.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    You can so do it! You of all people? I have total faith in ya. I also suggest meetings if you want to go totally sober.
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    StrayStripper
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    It's not that I haven't thought to drink fake drinks, when asked if I'd like a drink, I know I should say no or order a fake, but I just don't I feel powerless. I want to say no, but I can't.
    I say "Oh, not just yet, but thank you." If they push it, I flat out tell them that I used to have a problem ... which is a lie. I work the recovering addict angle. As you already know, I'm full of shit.

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    Senior Member Buggs's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    You might want to consider this hypnosis program.

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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Stay strong beautiful! You will control this. I have a drinking problem as well. It is genetic. My dad is an alcoholic. I never knew I had a problem until I saw a therapist. He told me the symptom of alcoholism is blacking out, which I was doing monthly before that. I became proactive in treating my illness by admitting and accepting I had a problem and began saying no when someone offered me a drink outside of work. It didn't happen overnight though. There have been relapses in blacking out again since then, sometimes harder than before I knew I had a drinking problem. These relapses are expected and maybe needed happen to continue the road to recovery. Other methods I have used are making "rules" for myself. Because of the line of business we're in, it makes it hard to follow rules of drinking. My first rule started out as "I will not drink unless it is bought for me", then when that didn't work, the new rule became "I will order "fake" drinks", then when that didn't work, my new rule now is "I will not drink unless I'm in VIP". This rule system is working for me so far. I'm sure there will be a time where this rule will be modified again, but it helps in the steps to recovery, and recovery for me is to be in complete control of my drinking. I hope my experience and advice helps. Good luck hun! You can do it!
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    I think it's really brave of u to have admitted this to yourself and to make a public post about it.

    Maybe u can try the 7 days without drinking and update this post and then try not to drink for even longer.

    I think it will be important for u to tell your bf that u want to stop so that he doesnt drink around u.

    Best of luck to u babe.

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    Veteran Member ellebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    The easiest drink to say no to is the first one. Once I start I don't stop until I fall over pretty much. So I allow myself certain days when I am allowed to drink, and some when I am not. Slowly over time there are much more non-drinking days then drinking. I find it much easier to say no to that first drink if I know I can have one another day soon. Whenever I try and quit AA styles I end up drinking more then normal, thinking I better drink as much as possible since after tomoorrow/nextweek/next month I'll never drink again.

    Now I think I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I'm just as comftorable in most situations drinking, as not drinking. But it took a long time to get here. I used to freak out my friends would stop hanging out with me because i'm so much more fun when im drunk, or that customers wouldnt like me straight. But I have more friends/make more money then ever. Of course initially that wasn't the case.

    Different things work for different people. Seven days is a good start.

    Good luck
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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Woo! I didn't drink at all last night. One down, six to go!

    I took the night off, knowing I needed time to adjust to the idea. I went over to my boyfriend's and explained to him that I think I have a problem. We sat down and watched a movie and ate ice cream. He was a little taken aback, but when I explained that I wanted to be healthier, safer, make more money, drop this 10 pounds I've gained, etc... he understood. He seemed a little upset that he wouldn't have someone to drink with and joked around a little bit about "Want a glass of wine? A beer? Just one? I can't drink alone" and I got very stern with him and he got it. He doesn't understand that I can't do it in moderation, that I'm an all or nothing drinker (at least for now), so I'm just not going to drink at all. I told him about how I get around my club's breathalyzer and he was like "Whoa, you DO have a problem" Later, we had really really good sober sex.

    I wonder what life is going to be like when this mental fog lifts, when I start to live up to my money making potential, when I really get my shit straight.

    Thank you all for your support! Keep it coming!

  26. #25
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I have a drinking problem :(

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    You can so do it! You of all people? I have total faith in ya. I also suggest meetings if you want to go totally sober.
    You know how I am. I have to be drunk to be able to deal with some of these people! I guess maybe I should just learn to focus on the customers I can get along with sober, and move on from the asshole ones that I need to be drunk around.

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