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Thread: What to do?

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    Senior Member Hidendragon75's Avatar
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    Default What to do?

    So I became acquainted with a dancer that I am/was a regular customer of, well a few months ago she gave me her e-mail, phone # and real name. I didn't ask for any of this, this was something she initiated. During our conversations in the club she said she wanted to hang out and I thought that was a cool idea. We've talked briefly 3-4 times on the phone. She even called me when she got sick and had to stay overnight in the hospital (shes okay now)

    Anyway, without going into a great amount of detail after not hearing from her since the end of June I called her last night and a male answered her cellphone, I asked for her, she got on the phone, asked who this was and I told her, she cursed once out loud and hung up the phone.

    My gut reaction was to call back, but I didn't. My next thought was to email her and tell her as nicely as one can I thought that was pretty rude, and uncalled for as far as I know. But I haven't...I'm thinking I may just wait until I see her at the club and see if she comes up to me.


    So would it be better in this case to wait till I see her at the club and see how she acts or be a bit more proactive in confronting her? When I say confront, I mean email because I just want to find out what her deal is and let her know what I thought she did was shitty.
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    Default Re: What to do?

    go into the club and wait until she talks to you first.....if she does

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Did you stop for a minute to think that maybe she wasn't intentionally being rude, but that someone who isn't aware of her life as a dancer answered the phone? Or that maybe it was a signigicant other or friend that doesn't know she gives out her number to customers? I'm guessing it was self-preservation, not rudeness. Don't feel so hurt. If you send her an e-mail, I'd advise you to simply ask her if everything is ok rather than jumping to conclusions.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    ^^^
    agreed.

    A girl I work with gave her phone number to a good regular and he called her and caused a lot of trouble between herself and her fiance. Her fiance did not know she gave her number out and they nearly broke up over it.

    I'm guessing that u phoned at a bad time when her SO was around and she tried to cover it up.

    Also, the fact that she gave u her number does not necessarily mean that she was interested in anything more than a business relationship with u. Of course it's possible that she likes u but it's also very common for dancers to give their numbers to regular customers.

    Try not to take the call to personally and I would wait til u see her to see whether she apologises.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    She called you when she was sick but the 3-4x before that did you call her or did she call you? If she called you the red flag to me is she suddenly stopped then had a negative reaction when you called her.To me that says she lost interest in whatever.If she liked you she changed her mind.If she was hoping it would turn into an OTC biz relationship I'm guessing it didn't.I'd agree you could have called at a bad time but I'd think if that was the case she would have called you back as she as she could....If she still had any interest.This is why IMO mixing ITC and OTC relationships is not a good idea unless both are very clear on what they want or expect

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I've considered many options, but those are just assumptions at this point. I'd like to think it wasn't intentionally rude but it feels like it was. Which is never a good feeling when you havent done anything wrong. You are right though, I don't know whats going on on the other end, but being hung up on is never a warm and fuzzy feeling.

    I'm going to hold off on email, I plan on going into the club around the end of the month, perhaps I'll see her there and see how things go.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilyLove View Post
    Did you stop for a minute to think that maybe she wasn't intentionally being rude, but that someone who isn't aware of her life as a dancer answered the phone? Or that maybe it was a signigicant other or friend that doesn't know she gives out her number to customers? I'm guessing it was self-preservation, not rudeness. Don't feel so hurt. If you send her an e-mail, I'd advise you to simply ask her if everything is ok rather than jumping to conclusions.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
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    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Thanks

    I'm a pretty easy going type, if she wanted to hang out, I'm all for that, if she just wants to leave the interaction to inside the club, I'm not gonna have a big problem with that either, but I just don't like not knowing where I stand. So if I can come to an understanding with her and whats up, thats all I need. So next time I see her hopefully that will give me an answer.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    ^^^
    agreed.

    A girl I work with gave her phone number to a good regular and he called her and caused a lot of trouble between herself and her fiance. Her fiance did not know she gave her number out and they nearly broke up over it.

    I'm guessing that u phoned at a bad time when her SO was around and she tried to cover it up.

    Also, the fact that she gave u her number does not necessarily mean that she was interested in anything more than a business relationship with u. Of course it's possible that she likes u but it's also very common for dancers to give their numbers to regular customers.

    Try not to take the call to personally and I would wait til u see her to see whether she apologises.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    - Jack Handey

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

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    Senior Member Hidendragon75's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Well we first started out with a few texts back and forth, she had an issue with her phone and lost my # and calling was sporadic at best. I usually was the one to make the first call.

    I agree ITC moving to OTC is tricky territory, but she warned me she could be flaky...I'm fine with flaky, I can tolerate that...but being hung up on crosses a line in my mind. It just isnt cool.

    Quote Originally Posted by Triton View Post
    She called you when she was sick but the 3-4x before that did you call her or did she call you? If she called you the red flag to me is she suddenly stopped then had a negative reaction when you called her.To me that says she lost interest in whatever.If she liked you she changed her mind.If she was hoping it would turn into an OTC biz relationship I'm guessing it didn't.I'd agree you could have called at a bad time but I'd think if that was the case she would have called you back as she as she could....If she still had any interest.This is why IMO mixing ITC and OTC relationships is not a good idea unless both are very clear on what they want or expect
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    - Jack Handey

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

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    Default Re: What to do?

    this is not something i would usually say but i would seriously not give her any money next time u go to the club.

    for whatever reason she had to swear and hang-up it was a very rude way to handle the situation.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Why are you defending her? She gave out the number, she made her bed. When I danced and had a serious boyfriend, I had a phone for business he didn't know about. The poster doesn't seem like a jerk. However, to the OP, write her off for now. If you see her, then ask........

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    Senior Member WoodyLV's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    if it was some bizarro cover-up and shes truley a nice person and one that would treat you well then she will make it a point to find you and apologize. i wouldnt spend time 'wondering' because that will tell you.

    i dunno, from past experience i have made excuses for people initially wishing and hoping they would get better and 'maybe i just dont know them well enough' but that rarely happens.

    i would not bother trying to pursue her... unless you like being treated like that? bc it prob wont be the last time.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Overthinking things can kill the fun and add some unnecessary unhappiness. What will you gain from calling her to check on where you stand?

    There could be any number of reasons why she responded the way she did. Just remember that your relationship was built on business. Could there be more? Possibly, but doubtful.

    I have exchanged numbers with many dancers. Heard from very few. No big deal. I have never called them unless the call was solicited (i.e. - she called and requested a call back). The reason I do not call is that I do not really know her, nor her personal life. More than likely the number exchange was for business reasons.

    If you are fine with ITC, then go see her ITC and forget about it. If you are truly not fine with just ITC, then for your own well-being you should think about moving on.

    Take care.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Complexity, thy name is Over-Analyzing
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    Default Re: What to do?

    If it was me, I wouldn't give her the time of day, unless maybe she approached me and begged my forgiveness--and I sure as shit wouldn't go to her club to see her specifically.

    But that's me.

    Don't forget, there are a zillion women out there who won't hang up on you when you call.
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    Default Re: What to do?

    What if her water for dinner was suddenly overboiling at that time? SHIT!

    Happens. :x

    I had to run and hang up on my partner today because the train came early, and I just simply forgot to call him back.


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    Default Re: What to do?

    The good thing is I've been a customer at this club long enough that I do have other dancers that I can spend money on and bullshit with, but the drawback is I did have a lot of fun with that one. Oh well...I'll know soon enough.

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    If it was me, I wouldn't give her the time of day, unless maybe she approached me and begged my forgiveness--and I sure as shit wouldn't go to her club to see her specifically.

    But that's me.

    Don't forget, there are a zillion women out there who won't hang up on you when you call.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    - Jack Handey

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I would like to think your optimistic assessment is the most accurate one, but I'll know soon. I'm going to the club in a week or two and I'll see how things go. I will be hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst!

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan View Post
    What if her water for dinner was suddenly overboiling at that time? SHIT!

    Happens. :x

    I had to run and hang up on my partner today because the train came early, and I just simply forgot to call him back.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    - Jack Handey

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Right, if it's your hangout and you have other women you can hang with, then by all means go. But don't ask for her, or about her when talking to the other dancers, etc. or wave her over or make a big fuss over her, whatever you do. Spend money on the other dancers you know and have fun. Wait for her to approach you. If and when she does, don't make an issue about the hangup, just be cool to her.

    Either it was an accident, or more likely she didn't want to be called by a customer right then--more likely the latter, sorry to say. Either way, the more you shrug it off, the better off you'll be. Plenty of fish in the sea.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hidendragon75 View Post
    So I became acquainted with a dancer that I am/was a regular customer of, well a few months ago she gave me her e-mail, phone # and real name. I didn't ask for any of this, this was something she initiated. During our conversations in the club she said she wanted to hang out and I thought that was a cool idea. We've talked briefly 3-4 times on the phone. She even called me when she got sick and had to stay overnight in the hospital (shes okay now)

    Anyway, without going into a great amount of detail after not hearing from her since the end of June I called her last night and a male answered her cellphone, I asked for her, she got on the phone, asked who this was and I told her, she cursed once out loud and hung up the phone.

    My gut reaction was to call back, but I didn't. My next thought was to email her and tell her as nicely as one can I thought that was pretty rude, and uncalled for as far as I know. But I haven't...I'm thinking I may just wait until I see her at the club and see if she comes up to me.


    So would it be better in this case to wait till I see her at the club and see how she acts or be a bit more proactive in confronting her? When I say confront, I mean email because I just want to find out what her deal is and let her know what I thought she did was shitty.

    The moment that happened, she would have been purged from my consciousness, and wouldnt be an issue anymore.

    Persuing her to tell her "That was fucking rude" will not change what she did. It would merely be a way to satisfy your ire at her. It will be highly unlikely she will be chagrined.

    Dropping it and moving on will accomplish more personally for you, in my opinion.

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