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Thread: living at home rant, blowing off steam

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    Senior Member manchester's Avatar
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    Default living at home rant, blowing off steam

    i absolutely hate it

    the only reason i'm still here is because i can basically do whatever i want (outside of the home, of course) and although i do pay all my bills, having one less bill (rent) comes in handy.

    its just the fact that living WITH my mom is the biggest nuisance known to man.

    today

    the second she comes home from work, i get bitched at about cleaning up the basket/straw shavings in the living room from one of the dogs that ate it.

    fact 1
    we do not own a vacuum

    fact 2
    my mom hires cleaning people to clean our house (because she would rather pay someone else to do it than pay me, because apparently i "wouldn't do it". um, okay, if you pay people to weekly clean, why should she, or i, have to clean, ever? and if she wants to pay someone to clean, she could just pay ME to do it instead??) - but thats another story) and the cleaning people are coming TOMORROW.

    does it make any sense for me to get on my hands and knees to pick up these tiny little shreds of crap all over our floor, when she is paying people to vaccuum the SAME ROOM tomorrow??

    so i get screamed at, etc etc, about how i need to do it, when i tell her why do i have to do it when they're vaccuming tomorrow? first thing my mom says, walking through the door, i shit you not. no hi how are you, just bitching. i don't have a problem ever helping her out but it makes no sense!!! and i'm still getting yelled at as we speak!!

    my boyfriend is coming over in a minute to go swimming, and i know she's going to tell him to pick it up, because her favorite thing in the world to do is give my guy friends chores whenever they come over... that's why my boyfriend is the only person i ever invite to my house.

    please. if we owned a vaccuum, maybe, or if people she is PAYING weren't coming over TOMORROW, to vaccuum the same FUCKING ROOM, then MAYBE i'd be more than happy to do it for her. but no. she's freakin STUPID, and makes no damn sense. this is not me being a spoiled brat, this is me being LOGICAL against someone who has no rational thought process....

    i want to get out of this house, but i'd have no idea where i'd want to live. no idea what part of my city, or if even in this city at all. being only 19 i'm not exactly in a big rush to get out either, there are lots of things i want to save for/obtain before i move out (like buying furniture, etc) so this is probably in my best interest to stay here at least another year.

    i love my mom to death but she's the most annoying person in the fucking world to ever have to live with, and there are many many more stories.....

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    ugh i hate it when the first thing a family member/SO says to you when they/you get home is bitching. So rude.

    Still though, you're 19, you're way old enough to be out on your own. It's not that hard to get an apartment, or maybe they have COOPs there? I moved out at 18, on a MUCH smaller salary than you've probably got, considering I wasn't dancing yet. Are you in school? Do you have any other jobs? It sounds like you are just procrastinating thinking about it; you should just buckle down and figure it out already.

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    I'm guessing that her blow up over a small thing might be due to her frustrations over larger things. Maybe she's frustrated that you're a full grown adult living rent free in her house. Actually, when I was 19 I lived at home for the summer. I drove my mom crazy because I just lounged around her house all day when I wasn't working.

    Or maybe she's just the type that feels embarrased if her house is messy when the maid comes. My friends mom used to clean the whole house before the cleaners came so they wouldn't think she was messy!

    I get that this is probably meant as just a rant though. And I also would be going crazy if I had to live at home again.

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    Well, I don't agree with her making your bf or friends clean, or with not having a vacuum either! But, crap all over the floor is no good either. I would just go and buy a vacuum, clean it up and take it with me when I moved out.

    If she's just a neat freak, there's nothing you can do. It's not necessarily logical and it's pretty normal to lock horns with the parentals when you are of an age to move out. It'll just get worse if you spend the next couple of years living rent free, hanging on to teenage-hood and fighting with her. My best advice is work more, save for what furniture you need (though I bet half of us moved out with only bedroom furniture and some ikea tables at best!) and move out. You'll figure out where you want to be, as you experience it.

    At very least, I'd offer to pay rent.

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    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    HA! i completely understand! i just moved backinto my mom's house, i'm 21, pregnant, married, my husband's deployed, and i'm still going to school full time, so i definately need the help once the baby is born, but SERIOUSLY!! parents can be the worst after living out on your own and moving back in.

    my bro didnt have a curfew EVER, but as soon as i moved back in two months ago, my mom came up with a 10 o clock curfew! and if i'm not back in by that time, my 7 month preggo ass sleeps wherever i can find. and thats just the least of it.

    i dont really haev any advise, i've pretty much decided to tell her that i'm not going to take her yelling at me for things are not my fault. she can be upset about it but until she can talk to me like an adult and stop throwing fits like a 4 year old, i'll be in my room... she can speak to me with respect just like she'd expect me to do with her.

    parents i think have a hard time accepting their children are grown and aren't the little kids that they raised any longer, we dont need to be constantly yelled at to do something.

    or you could tell your momma, " your dog made the mess, you clean it up, its not my responsibility." but be prepared to take responsibility for your own stuff.

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    Sorry ladies, but while I was growing up, none of that cut it. Mom and dad worked that meant me and my bro cleaned, Pure.And.Simple. No excuses, No explanations. Another thing was, why should the parents have to pay for a cleaning service when there are able-bodied people already living in the house?

    You are living rent or mortgage free. it takes all of maybe 10 minutes to wash some dishes or (if you have one) even less time to put them in the dishwasher. clean up after your magazines, snack binges, sweep up your crumbs. Its just a matter of having a tidy living space - why live in clutter and filth? there are no "chores" that cant be accomplished in under an hour that will just simply be appreciated by teh people out at work supporting you when they get home - then the laundry, cooking, etc they have to do for you when they get there is more pleasant.

    Seriously. Less than 1 hour out of the day or the lounging about just to keep a working stiff happy (not to mention out of your hair) is no big sacrifice. I work and then I come home and cook for my family, and I do the laundry on weekends as well. All I ask out of my child aside from keeping her room clean (which is a mystery in quantum physics because I cant understand how it can go from spic and span to a pig sty in just one day) and that she does the dishes after dinner.

    What I cannot abide by is I will not come home to cook for a family where I first have to clean up clutter in order to be able to prepare a meal, prepare it and then have to clean up after it myself. No.Way.In.Hell. And Im not talking abuot a quick pot of spagetti either - Im cooking gourmet and big time - if they want nice food, I have to be able to walk in work it. If i cant work it, you can all go out McDonalds, and buy it yourself as well with the money your saving not giving me rent

    Sorry if this is turning into a parental rant, but this all sounds like a spoiled whining to me...cleaning service? get up off yer duff and clean it yourself - your living rent free and Im out there supporting the roof than you dont pay into and you cant give me 30-60 minutes out of your busy day of sleeping, eating, lounging, telephone and soap operas just to help me out? Get a job - oh wait you do have one....then pay some rent then to help offset the cost of the cleaning service I have to hire because you cant be bothered.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilyLove View Post
    Or maybe she's just the type that feels embarrased if her house is messy when the maid comes. My friends mom used to clean the whole house before the cleaners came so they wouldn't think she was messy!
    The less they have to do, and the less time they have to spend in the house, the less it costs for them to do what they are there to do. Kind of counter productive and a waste of money, cleaning your house before a house cleaning service comes to clean your house again - especially when you have people living in your house that help you do it that you dont have to pay for.

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    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    o no, i'm not saying not to help out around the house, but there is no reason that i should be yelled at to do it.

    i DAILY clean the entire house, my mom sits around on the couch and watches dr fucking phil and court tv all day, and then if i dont put away her dishes that she used while sitting on her fat but, i get an angry tirade about how i live there for free (untrue- i pay rent!) and that i could help out around the house just a bit.

    it was like this while i was in high school, i raised my sisters, who are now 8 and 5 years old, she "homeschools" them, which means that now that i'm living with them, i get to teach them while i go to school myself and raise a baby of my own and keep her house clean.

    i also cook all the food in the house, otherwise its chinese takeout from the same shitty restaurant every night because its "easier" i understand easy, but my mo mis just freaking LAZY. she says she's been sick for the past month, but i'm sorry, having a mild case of allergies doesn't entitle you to lounge around "resting" and calling the dr for more perscriptions every day.

    there is NO reason that after everything that i do around the house, i need to be yelled at to clean up someone else's mess. if her dog shits on the carpet, she gets mad at ME for not cleaning it up, when SHE WATCHED him do it! and i'm not allowed to talk on MY CELL PHONE THAT I PAY FOR after midnight, and i'm sorry, if my husband calls, i'm going to talk to him every chance i get.

    my dad is leaving for a "business trip" (he seems to go on a lot of them lately... and getting home late from work for various reasons, is never in his office... etc) in a few days and she whines to me about missing him and how its so hard with him gone. FUCK THAT! i told her, "mom, my husband has been gone for 6 months, i'm pregnant and i have to deal with all the drama here on top of school and raising YOUR children, i DO NOT want to hear about how bad you miss dad when he's 1-not even gone yet, 2-only goin gto be gone for 2 days"

    she got pissed off, but i just walked away. she thinks she lives a hard horrible life, the woman hasn't had a job in over 20 years, and does the least bit possible to raise her children. yet she'll volunteer at church to lead youth group and raise OTHER PEOPLE'S kids, and take them out to dinner and to do fun things. but if the girls want to go to the park she can't because dr phil is on.

    i swear to god i'm gonna kill this woman.

    O! also, we have 6 bedrooms in this house, and only 3 of them are being used. the other three sit completely empty in another side of the house, and i asked if instead of having the bedroom i have (which is the room they use for storage-boxes and old things they dont want to throw away) if i could take 2 of the bedrooms on teh other side of the house and paint and carpet them myself so i could have a room and the baby could have one. one of them is my old bedroom! and they threw a fit, told me i was taking up too much room in the house, and that i need to be happy with what i get.

    so please, 200, do NOT tell me about cleaning for one hour. or that i need to help out around the house. its her house, she should take some responsibility for it. but since i've moved back in and like i said, pay rent and bills, she expects me to be her live in maid that she can abuse verbally. THAT is what doesn't cut it.

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    manchester,
    could you leave the house for a little while? just a quick vacation or something. your absence may be able to tell your mom just some of the issues you mentioned, i.e. cleaning up for herself, it's not entirely your fault or responsibility for the dogs.

    i say "not entirely" because i do agree with 200 that as housemates you share some of it. especially if you live rent-free.

    almost the same suggestion to blayze except for the rent part, obviously. but taking an extended break may show blayze's family how much they're putting on her. you're friggin 7-mos. preggers, you shouldn't be hassled let alone "working" imho. i mean, you can if you want but i cut preggies a lot of slack. heck, if i knew i had to poop out a football in a couple of months i'd want some slack given to me!

    also, blayze, could you videotape some of the interaction that goes on? on the sly, of course. then you can look at it from a 3rd-person perspective. not saying you're off but if the same thing is what you're describing you can maybe show it to your mom. i'm not talking about evidence or anything nefarious like that, just an honest different pov for the parties involved. hth

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    Well then Blayze, sounds like your holding up your end of the deal as well as some of your mom's. My rant obviously does not apply to you, and was directed more towards the people who agreed with the OP. 20 years not working ofr your mom? AND you kick in rent? Id say she doesnt really have much to say or yell about, and as someone else mentioned, is probably a sideways-sign about a different issue, and it isnt unreasonable to set up the bigger room seeing as how you offered to do it yourself anyway.

    Although, Id have to say that if the dog shit on the carpet and I walked passed it, Id pick it up. Id also expect anyone else who walked past it first and saw it to pick it up - what sours me would be... "Dad, Roofus pooped on the floor!".....yeah and? are your hands broken? or are you waiting for me to do it? Its like - YOU DO LIVE HERE TOO, YOU KNOW.

    If the room is far away from their bedroom, they'll realize it would have been a good idea when those 2-am screaming-for-a-bottle starts - My wife did the child care during the day, so it was my gig to handle it at night (though she did help with bottle prep while I changed the soaked diaper). FINALLY after a year, the child slept through the night - I didnt even notice until one morning I woke up and it was daylight outside.

    As for the phone thing - well you pay for your phone so thats good - but I dont want ANY phone in my house to ring after 10:00pm for ANY reason (unless its my kid and she's out and needs a ride or something). I dont give a shit - Now.....with your husband stationed away, thats a different story, but as far as local people go, everyone else we know is at home and not wanting their phone to ring - there is nothing that anyone has to say to anyone in my house at 10:00 at night that cant wait until the next morning.

    No, my rant was more towards the ones who feel that because they are "home" they think they are getting a free ride - and yes - that 30 minutes to an hour is very realistic, because when I have to do it for them when they dont do it, that is all it takes me to do it - Im not talking about Cinderella getting on her knees and scrubbing floors and chimneys, just pick up after yourself and wash a couple of dishes.

    Pisses me off no end that you can take the time to make yourself a sandwich and some soup or whatever, but you cant take just 3 minutes to wash the knife, spoon, pot and bowl - why does it have to sit in the sink waiting for me to do it? Why do I have to pick up the trail you leave behind? grab the fucking dustbuster and scoop up the friggin crumbs you made and chips you dropped

    Im not asking a whole lot here, just asking for you not to leave it for me to have to do it for you.

    I watch just movies and TV series DVDs - I barely watch television so I could give a shit if I have cable - if the TV watching becomes that big a problem that you cant tear yourself away from trailer-trash TV for 30 minutes out of a whole day, Ill just stop paying for cable. Its amazing how quickly the room gets cleaned when the TV is off.

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    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    i just went to visit my mother in law in west virginia for a week, got back two days ago, nothing changed... *blah*

    the house was a DISASTER! although my dad did start cleaning up some, i just cant stand to see my baby sisters living in a mess like this! they do a pretty decent job of cleaning up after themselves, its just my mom goes through a room and its trashed. i dont get it!

    since i 've been back, i've not cleaned up after her though. shes still yelling at me for it, but i told her yesterday, its your mess, you clean it up. i have stuff that i need to get done. she looked at me like in complete shock so i just walked away. she didnt clean it up... but i'm not going to. she can put a few dishes in the dishwasher and press a button to start it, its not THAT hard!

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    Senior Member manchester's Avatar
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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    Quote Originally Posted by 200singles View Post
    why should the parents have to pay for a cleaning service when there are able-bodied people already living in the house?
    fyi 200?

    I'm not the one who hires them. It's not MY FAULT that MY MOM CHOSES to hire cleaning people. I never once suggested it or asked her to do it, and they have been working for us since I was still in high school. Yeah, there are able bodied people (me AND her) that can do it. Obviously, she choses not to do it herself, and obviously doesn't think I'm "capable" so she hires someone to do it. No matter what I say to her or argue with her about it, it's HER choice, NOT MINE.

    Quote Originally Posted by 200singles View Post
    but this all sounds like a spoiled whining to me...cleaning service? get up off yer duff and clean it yourself .
    I am not responsible for her decision as the homeowner to hire people so do not try to ride your high horse and pin my rant for "spoiled whining". I find this remark not only judgemental but definately unfair. A 19 year old, an only child, only one year out of high school who still lives at home, one bill away from total financial independence? That's being spoiled? Please, I am 19 years old, chill out. If I was 30 years old and living at home, maybe then you'd have room to criticise. If I was so spoiled, why would I pay my all my own bills, like I mentioned in the beginning of the post? My mom can pay whoever the hell she wants to DO whatever the hell she wants and it's laughable how you think that makes me spoiled.

    Quote Originally Posted by 200singles View Post
    The less they have to do, and the less time they have to spend in the house, the less it costs for them to do what they are there to do. Kind of counter productive and a waste of money, cleaning your house before a house cleaning service comes to clean your house again - especially when you have people living in your house that help you do it that you dont have to pay for.
    Our cleaners get paid the exact same amount every week regardless, so how amusing it is, that you say this, because when I made this exact same point in my post, I get written off as "spoiled".



    UGHK.

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    Senior Member manchester's Avatar
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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    Quote Originally Posted by austinatalie View Post
    Still though, you're 19, you're way old enough to be out on your own.
    General question to all. I turned 19 in June. Why do you guys think I "too old" to still be living at home? Isn't it smarter to stay at home as long as possible in order to save and prepare myself, so I don't fall into crippling debt and struggle because I moved out unprepared? So many older friends have advised me "live at home as long as you can" and "make sure you're ready". I just bought myself a new 2007 vw bug with the money i've made dancing, because my 97 POS grand am was needing expensive repairs once every two months or worse. A nicer car is something I NEEDED, and it would have been a harder thing to do if I was also paying rent. Someone please explain how is 19 "too old"? Gees...!

    I understand that many people my age may move out, then move back in, than move back out again, because not many people get it on the first try. I'd like to be just moved OUT. for good.

    Quote Originally Posted by austinatalie View Post
    Are you in school? Do you have any other jobs? It sounds like you are just procrastinating thinking about it; you should just buckle down and figure it out already.
    Natalie - No, I am not in school. I do not know what I want to do. My family consists of one person - my mom. We are not wealthy enough to afford school, and I do not want to make it her finiancial responsibility to put me through school, if I chose to go I want to do it myself. I am not going to indebt myself to student loans, not to mention waste a lot of time and effort into going to school if I have no idea what I want to do. I'd also like to ask how many people my age actually KNOW what they want to do with their life, or why I should be in such a rush.

    Honestly I'd love to be a housewife and never, work, ever. I am also interested in way too many things to decide on just one thing. School will always be there, but my youth will not, so why rush to settle down? I don't even know what city I want to live in (because I do not want to live in St. Louis my ENTIRE life). So I'd like to travel and try out some things (like modelling for example) and when the time is right to make such a big decision I will know.


    Quote Originally Posted by LilyLove View Post
    I get that this is probably meant as just a rant though.
    You are correct. livejournal was down for the count.

    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    manchester,
    could you leave the house for a little while? just a quick vacation or something. your absence may be able to tell your mom just some of the issues you mentioned, i.e. cleaning up for herself, it's not entirely your fault or responsibility for the dogs.
    Yes, I try to take as many mini vacations as possible I love travelling and I love getting out of the house.

    Ughk, don't even get me started on the damned dog!!! The reason why Sid (we have 3 dogs - one is old, one is Sid who destroys everything, one is my new puppy that me and my boyfriend share custody) destroys everything is my mom's fault!! I was an only child raised by a single mom who was always terrible at discipline, and as a result I was always defiant and probably a big pain in the ass, and to this day I'm stubborn and love to get my way But she raised the dog the same way. He does nothing but bark and destroy everything in sight. She goes to garage sales and buys $10 worth of toys (she finds people who are selling bags of small stuffed animals for like 10 cents a piece) and then puts them in this HUGE tub for the dog to play with. NO DOG NEEDS 50 TOYS. not only that, but small stuffed animals are not built to stand a dogs play, so every day i have to pick up at least 4 disemboweled stuffed animals, and or their stuffing. As a result of having SO MANY toys that he can destroy at whim, he thinks that EVERYTHING on the floor is his toy. I've lost hundreds of dollars of makeup (because my mom does not shut my bathroom door after she uses it and he gets into shit), I've lost count of the underwear that's been destroyed, he's ruined various possession of both of ours and he's been doing it since we got him 5 years ago. It's impossible to discipline a dog when only one of the residents in the house ever enforces it.

    Anyway. This is why I KNOW it was HER dog and not my puppy. My puppy has not eaten anything in month because she has stopped teething, and besides, she likes to chew on hard things like CDS, DVDS, video games & magazines. The other one chews EVERYTHING, and he finds something to destroy every single day.

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    Default Re: living at home rant, blowing off steam

    In general, I think the population here on Stripperweb probably moved out at a younger age than the average, so that may explain why people think that 19 could be pushing the envelope. Besides, living on your own is much more fun!

    Also, there is nothing wrong with getting loans for school. They don't really hurt your credit, and the money is so cheap anyway, and you could pay them off easily dancing. The process of going to school helps you figure out what you want to do anyway. You take an intro class in something you're interested in and see if it works out for you, and if not try something else. I can't tell you how many people "decided" what they wanted to do and then when they started classes for it found it wasn't a good match.

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