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Thread: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

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    Default I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    My situation is unusual, but I really need advice. I have been dancing just over 2 years (part time, 2x/week). I graduated Uni in ‘04 and have been working a career/full time day job since before I began dancing. I started stripping not because of money but more because of curiousity. Stripping worked out so surprisingly well & I make great $. Because I am not your typical stripper (short hair, no tan, small boobs), and because I already had a job I kept it secret from most of my friends and all my family all this time.

    I’ve been dating a great guy for about 4.5 months and I never told him about the stripping – because I temporarily had quit when I met him since I was getting caught up in the drugs & booze. But, I’ve gone to work a couple times since being with him, and am not completely ready to give stripping up altogether.

    I feel like I must tell him so that he truly Knows me and my life, and in case he finds out about it or if I decide I want to do it again regularly.

    But I’m afraid that since I kept it from him for so long he will lose all trust in me and ditch. Or, that he’ll decide I am dishonest, flakey, dirty, guilty for stripping & lying.

    Any advice how to tell him? I think I want to get serious with this guy. I never meant to be a bad person or dishonest, but I fucked up. Thanks!

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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    I don't think that's a very long period of time. So, if you said something about how you'd stripped before and you were planning on going back, that seems like it would be fine. You don't need to let him know EVERYTHING. Personally, I'd be more worried about the common hurdle all of us must jump as we get into a relationship... will he be ok with the actual JOB or not. Either way, you do need to tell him if you plan to start stripping again.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    Thanks, Bella. It takes me so long to feel comfortable with someone so I didn't think it was that long to wait either. I don't want to give up dancing, but I am prepared to (I think), since I know I need to take care of myself and stay away from drinking, etc.

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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    I think you should be completely honest with him and tell him why you kept it, since it is a sensitive issue to most. He should be forgiving, understand and let it go. If he distrusts you or holds it against you in the future then maybe this person wasn't worth the trouble being with anyway. Good Luck!
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

    "Be The Best, F!ck The Rest"- P.P.


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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    4.5 isn't too long. Just give him plenty of time to process the info after you tell him. Chances are, once he processes it, he should be pretty cool about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by kikiwiki View Post
    He should be forgiving, understand and let it go.
    ^^Yes, this is the sign of a good guy.

    Just be prepared because first he has to process the past (you danced), and also the future (you want to go back). The second part might bring up some issues later on. Just be prepared. (I only speak from my experiences, sorry.) But it's definitely best to tell him. I've got my fingers crossed for you!

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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    Tell him as soon as u can. 4.5 is not long but u dont want it to get to the one yr mark without telling him.

    I think u should pretty much explain it to him as u have to us in this thread.

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    Featured Member short skirts's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    That's good that you want to tell him. If you trust him, you should just let him know because he deserves to know. There's no easy way around it, it's going to be awkward and he may take it well or hard, that's the circumstances. You just have to do it and be prepared for any outcome and do damage control later if need be. If you plan on staying with him, he should at least appreciate your honesty. Otherwise, you can wait and hope he never finds out that you did it in the first place.

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    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    Mans perspective is the same as a womans. If you are going to tell him, as you probably should, you should tell the whole truth. It is how you would expect to be treated...

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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    Quote Originally Posted by KatGrrl View Post
    I feel like I must tell him so that he truly Knows me and my life, and in case he finds out about it or if I decide I want to do it again regularly.
    The absolute second you think that there is another way to do this without being 100% honest and direct about it is the second that your fear of his response allows for lies of misinterpretation come in and potentially end anything worth building.

    Seriously. Be direct. Be straight. And put it out on the table in a way where he either accepts it, or you both stop wasting your time ya know?
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: I am a liar. BUT PLEASE HELP.

    Thanks everyone. I know what I need to do!

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