Ok, so I've been struggling with leaving dancing for the past year now..well this summer is when I really have been getting serious about it. I've been on interviews, getting my resume together, I check Craig's list EVERYDAY and look for something that will interest me. But still it is really hard.
I don't make that much money anymore..I know it is summer and it is slow but it is very discouraging to take your clothes off and just GET BY. It is not that I'm not pretty or a bad dancer..I've been dancing for five years...it is just Mpls sucks for dancing..or maybe my club just sucks..I don't know...there are hardly any guys coming in and spending like they used to and I guess I just have too much respect for myself to tolorate their crap. When I do make money off of a guy in VIP I drink so much to deal with him and I have to fight a hangover the next day...it seems like a vicious circle. It isn't that I hate dancing I like sexiness and music and fun and all of that...it is just how much my club and all the clubs for that matter have gotten so seedy..it just is depressing me now...I've been getting so depressed where I am in my life now that somedays I can't get out of bed or make it into work which only stresses my finnacial situation even more. I loved dancing, I love to dance and party I always took the job seriously and treated it like a job..I loved the freedom and hours and being independent and self motivated. But not it just isn't the same to me. I don't know what it is but I find it really stressful even DEPRESSING. I would never trash dancing, it has helped me so much and given me so much it really is my dream job but I'm really sick of the innconsitancy of the money, the cheap guys that act like you should practically beg them to get dances from you, putting in all this effort and perverts not looking to be entertained but just trying to harrass you to go back to their hotel room. The pay out is WAY too high it isn't even worth my time anymore.
I feel really angry about it because I was so emotionally attached to that job...for the first time I felt like a somebody now I feel like I have to go out in the world and be a nobody again. I really want to prove I can make it in the real world again this time more mature and wise but I miss know I'll miss the limelight that dancing will gave me. I always knew I'd have to leave dancing eventually but I didn't know it would be so sudden.![]()
Sorry I don't mean to bitch but I just wish there was something eles out there that gave me as much happiness and dancing used to give me...and I don't know what that is yet..I know I am an intelligent woman who can fit into different enviroments and act professional but being kind of your own person and getting to have fun for a living? How do you top that? But the truth is I feel really burnt out and even feel degraded by some of the guys and I just can't tolortate it for what they are willing to give me.
I've even considered waiting tables again...it is alot of physical work but I like to be busy, like talking to people, and like cash on hand...this seems like a logical transition but I started dancing to get away from waiting and better my life but now I feel like I can't move forward..I feel like I am running in place in my life. I get so pumped to start a new career or adventure but I'm so comfortable dancing and the freedom that it is hard to let go of that even though being there makes me depressed and stressed out. I don't know what my problem is...but when I hear what some servers make in nice resturants around my area I am shocked! Sometimes it is on par with what some dancers make.
I guess I'm just blabbaling...I guess my question is how did you girls that retired, how did you find the strength to walk away from something so comfortable and what are you doing now? How did you not revert back to it?



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