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Thread: how do i stop attracting assholes?

  1. #26
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    However unfortunate it may be that we look at it as a problem with ourselves that we settle on our wants to keep ourselves from being alone, and then question ourselves when the relationship doesn't work, rather than the opposite whereas we realize the problem is in the moment we settled.

    The solution, however, is to not forget that life is all about what YOU want. You deserve, at least that much, ya know? And learn to make your decisions without regrets. So ya slept with a guy ya like on the first date. No big.

    There is a MOMENT in EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE where, even if for a split second, you weigh the options. Make sure you take a deep concern for that moment. "I want to sleep with this guy, but I want to date him, and I think sleeping with him might fuck that up" If you sleep with him or not, develop the answer on your own, stand by your reasoning, and show no regrets.

    When you go after what you want unequivocally, and make no excuses for what you want, then and only then, you can live without regret in every decision you make. The hardest part about this is realizing what you want unequivocally. The rest will fall into place.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    hmm, i understand the prevailing thought that quiet guys tend to be "good" (why are only/mostly guys responding here? ) but that's not a trait i would hang your hat on. there's "work" to be done there (quiet types) but frankly, that's what ALL relationships are about imo.
    Thanks for the well thought out additions. I was not implying that ALL good guys are quiet. It was just to make a point that just because a guy may not come off as being a forward or assertive person does not mean he is not a confident, or strong guy. Perhaps if he seems nice and is decent looking, maybe you should give him a longer look. Never know what you will find.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    i almost put this in LO but i wanted everyone's opinion, not just the girls...

    i attract and am attracted to assholes. i need to change this. anyone who has read my posts about guys can see that. i have never had a healthy relationship and i don't know how to find a NICE guy.

    lately my thing is liking guys with girlfriends. i know better, for christs sake.

    i went out with a guy that might actually be really good for me, and i sabotaged myself. i got drunk, slept with him, and started to cry afterwards. (yup, im that pathetic girl.) my friend who knows both of us suggested that i might wanna wait til im dating someone to sleep with them. duh. except i know how to subconsciously mess up anything good that might happen to me.

    so how do i stop getting these guys? i'm like a magnet for assholes!
    1. If the establishment you are in, serves alcohol, do not give out your number.

    2. If you cannot talk over the music, this is not much of a first impression.

    3. Don't shave your legs,and wear mis matched underwear and bra. You highly unlikely to jump into bed, this unprepared.

    4. Never sleep with anyone unless, you have viewed them in direct, natural sunlight.

    5. Make a list of mature; and adult intellectual traits. Ask questions to find out if the target has any you desire.

    6. I cannot stress this one enough. Do not fuck musicians.

  4. #29
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Ask yourself what do you do to attract them in the first place



  5. #30
    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    First, you need to define for yourself what an asshole is.

    Then, you need to define for yourself what a nice guy is.

    Write these things down on a piece of paper somewhere. Use examples of past assholes that you've dated, and past nice guys that you know (they can even be relatives).

    Then decide what "other" traits" you must have in men. These are things like looks, wealth, status, ambition, or what have you.

    The next step is to studiously avoid men who exhibit traits in the asshole category, while seeking out those who have traits of the nice guy category and who also have traits in your "other" category. If you found you have accidentally met and went out with an asshole, politely end the date as soon as possible and do not go out with him again. Put a minimim number on the amount of dates you'll have to have before you sleep with someone.

    I don't think this is that hard. Nice guys are all over the place. They vastly outnumber assholes.

  6. #31
    Featured Member short skirts's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Sometimes I wear a T-Shirt that says "NO ASSHOLES".

    It doesn't really work. I got one in disguise. He is an undercover asshole.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by short skirts View Post
    Sometimes I wear a T-Shirt that says "NO ASSHOLES".

    It doesn't really work. I got one in disguise. He is an undercover asshole.
    off to the signaure thread with you!

  8. #33
    Featured Member short skirts's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    off to the signaure thread with you!

    Haha thanks! I wanted to post that but didn't want to be mean. After I drank a bottle of Shiraz and 1 drink at the bar and the asshole called to let bartender know he was on his way and I had to leave my OWN fuc8ing bar I decided it was totally appropriate....and sooo true!!!!

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Don't waste your time "defining" an asshole or a good guy. We all know the difference. I could sure "define" a blue sky and a thunderstorm, but I already know the difference and I will get just as soaked with or without a definition.

    Look, Britt, it's not that you're attracting assholes. You're attracting a huge range of guys, from certifiable psychopaths through the most nauseating momma's boys. You are just actively selecting the assholes. Reaching right out into the crowd and hand-picking them.

    I'm not going to tell you that there is anything wrong with you. Assholes can be attractive, funny, exciting, successful and really hott. You think they haven't learned how to push all your buttons? They look one hell of a lot better than any nice guy because they really work at pulling you in.

    I also need to say that I'm not a big fan of "nice guys" to start with. I think the whole idea was concocted by guys who are timid, indecisive, resentful, physically diminutive and generally a nightmarish catastrophe in bed. For God's sake, stay the hell away from them.

    What you want is a good man. A simple term, but one that allows for the fact that "nice" doesn't always work. You'll do better with somebody who has spent at least some time on the underbelly of life, who can and will physically protect you and who knows from long experience exactly how to treat a woman well. And in ways that will surprise and enthrall you. This should be what you seek.

    One of the many differences between an asshole and a good man is that a good man will always place you first. He is a gentleman to a fault, but also tough and sometimes unyielding. He is not very "nice" around people who disrespect you.

    Several years ago, Soloflex took the phrase, "A good man is hard to find," and flipped it around to read, "A hard man is good to find." Both phrases are equally true.

    At the slightest sign of disrespect, you know you have an asshole. If you are attracted to strong, successful, interesting men, and you refuse to stand for any disrespect at all, you will quickly filter out the assholes and improve your chances of finding a good man.

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    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Stop dating men.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    Stop dating men.
    hahaha

    im just stuck in the same pattern over and over again with guys. too, i really like what you said about not necessarily wanting a "nice" one. you're right about that. that's something i'm gonna have to keep in the back of my head.

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    Senior Member WoodyLV's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    slow down. most aholes only have so much patience and will show themselves soon enough if you just give it a little more time.

    dont make excuses. there will probably be hints here and there that you recognize from pervious experience but pass it off or rationalize it.

    communicate. let it be known that you are interested in a committed relationship. then watch the aholes run!

    yeah ive pretty much had nice guy liking bad girl syndrome.

    HTH

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by short skirts View Post
    Sometimes I wear a T-Shirt that says "NO ASSHOLES".

    It doesn't really work. I got one in disguise. He is an undercover asshole.
    I have one that says, "I'M EASY"....doesn't really work either. I guess the value of T-Shirt slogans has plummetted...

  14. #39
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by WoodyLV View Post
    slow down. most aholes only have so much patience and will show themselves soon enough if you just give it a little more time.
    ding-ding! this is something i've learned too. the hard way.

    aholes (male or female btw) can put on an act to fool you (e.g. skirts' ahole-in-disguise ) but their one failing is that they can't keep the act up for a very long time.

    but the $64,000 question is "what's a long time?"

    is that a week? is that a month? is that a year? longer?

    i think most of us know this is the basic question/answer but our impatience (or lust) tends to wins over and then we find ourselves stuck with an 'asshole'. (male or female)

    my suggestion is to take the time in a relationship to know the person before committing. now that doesn't mean no sex or whatever, i'm just saying give the relationship(s) time to form and see what both of you are getting if you can.

    nothing wrong with a purely physical relationship (imo) but if you can't separate the two types then think hard about slowing down like the others suggest. hth

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Sting your finger in their pooper.

    If you can. Dump em.

    If you can't. Rob em.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  16. #41
    Featured Member short skirts's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Sting your finger in their pooper.
    The only problem with that is that true assholes love the attention!

  17. #42
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    .

    3. Don't shave your legs,and wear mis matched underwear and bra. You highly unlikely to jump into bed, this unprepared.
    Does that REALLY work? I almost never wear matching bra/panties as is, and most men really don't care about a little stubble if they have the chance to get me in bed. Really horny trumps smoothly shaven. Besides, you can always jump in the shower and shave right beforehand.

    As a matter of fact, I think any man who would much care about these things is an ASSHOLE. Now I'm not talking about a man preferring a woman who shaves her legs, that cultural. But a little stubble as a dealbreaker for hot chick pussy? ASSHOLE!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    Does that REALLY work? I almost never wear matching bra/panties as is, and most men really don't care about a little stubble if they have the chance to get me in bed. Really horny trumps smoothly shaven. Besides, you can always jump in the shower and shave right beforehand.

    As a matter of fact, I think any man who would much care about these things is an ASSHOLE. Now I'm not talking about a man preferring a woman who shaves her legs, that cultural. But a little stubble as a dealbreaker for hot chick pussy? ASSHOLE!
    Nah, It is Women actually who get hung up on this. As you noted men want the hot chick pussy. This was cited not long ago by anther member of the board. Something to do with getting preggers I believe. Anyway, the article mentioned women were more statistically unlikely to engage in spontaneous sex if their underwear mismatched.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    You may be a commitaphobe. You may get involved in relationships that are doomed from the start (Dating losers, abusers, unreliable, and untrustworthy people, etc.) because you're afraid of a real commitment.

    Birds of a feather flock together. Not that you're an asshole, but usually, people date other people who are in the same range in looks, physique, and self-esteem, and you could be attracted to guys who are also commitaphobic who sabotage their relationships by being assholes.

    Every guy exhibits some assholish behavior from time to time, you have to work through it. Relationships aren't all fun and games.

    Try to find someone who's loyal, trustworthy, reliable. Check out his background: Does he get along with his mother, does he have long term (many year) friendships, did he cheat on his exes, how did he get along with his exes? The past usually determines the future.

    Find someone who's NOT a nice guy (booooooooring), but someone who's in between a nice guy and a bad boy, but someone who's responsible.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    ok after reading my answer again and thinking about it, I've changed my mind on my answer. My new answer is...

    stop going out with assholes.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    My big tips are:

    1: It's not excitment making your tunny jump it is FEAR. When you can tell the difference you stop deluding yourself that you are falling in "love" and realise that you are just freaked out by this weirdo...

    2: If you want a long term relationship meet his mother (or other significant women in his life) and judge him on how he treats them.... is that how you want to be treated? (Lol I know that sounds really dorky but sheesh you might end up like me and get pregnant to one of the MEGA losers, best to stay clear before you chain yourself to an Ahole for the rest of your life...... (BTW I dumped his stupid ass a long time ago, but the consequences linger))

    3: Dont date someone just because they are a "nice guy" it gets really boring really quickly and then you end up feeling like a bitch and not respecting them any ways.... there are heaps of sexy interesting men out there that wont treat you like a peice of crap. I guess we just need to chill out and be ok with spending time alone instead of jumping into things too quick.

    And just to quote because its so so true:

    "6. I cannot stress this one enough. Do not fuck musicians."

    Lol, except I am being a hypocrite bc my fiance is a drummer... but believe me he had to work hard to prove that he didn't have the latent musician wanker gene that seems to be awakened when most musos get to thinking they are talented.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    3. Don't shave your legs,and wear mis matched underwear and bra. You highly unlikely to jump into bed, this unprepared.
    This actually works for me! Heh.

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    Oh boy; I debated even posting... *sigh*

    Are you being honest with yourself about your priorities?

    Nice guys are easy to find; they're everywhere. Very good-looking, charming, confident, rich, muscular, bachelor-of-the-year nice guys? Not so much.

    I do know quite a few well-educated, nice, sweet, single, average-looking nice guys with a decent, stable job who are looking for relationships. They're the ones you catch looking at you who blush and look away, too timid to approach you.
    Tons of them!
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    There's been a lot of replies to this, so I only read the OP (I'm pressed for time!)

    Perhaps, you should stop dating guys for awhile. Maybe leave it at flirting and that's it. Focus on your friendships, your job, your school (when you go back), your family.. once you're genuinely happy with the way everything else is going, a guy can just be the icing on the cake. Plus, when everything else is going great, you won't feel the need to give an asshole a chance. You can wait for that fantastic guy, who you deserve, lady!!

  25. #50
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    Default Re: how do i stop attracting assholes?

    My friend Brandy wrote this and it makes so much sense:

    "Don't Date this Guy"
    I've done my share of dating. Hell, I fall in love every weekend. (Every other weekend if he's lucky!) So I will no longer be referred to as "The Dating Bandit," as I am now an experienced expert in the masterful art of dating. My bad dates are now considered RESEARCH and I would like to submit to my readers that the douche-bags, I mean "subjects" (work with me!), I had to pay for should be a tax write off. Either way, I have compiled a list of attributes that, when spotted in a potential dateable guy, should send up a red flag, and LADIES: DON'T DATE THIS GUY...
    Don't date a guy who:
    1. Wears colored contacts...seriously. Have we learned nothing from Cisco?

    2. Tans in a tanning bed...unless you LIKE the man-lines under his butt
    cheeks.

    3. Doesn't get along with his mother...even if she is a bitch. He should smile and nod.

    4. Has a cat.

    5. Takes shots at dinner...unless he has a gun in the woods and is hunting for your dinner. If you're at a nice restaurant and he orders a Jagger-Bomb, grab your phone, text your girl under the table, have her call you and do that "Oh my girlfriend is upset and I have to help her" thing that I think most of us have down.

    6. ONLY listens to one type of music

    7. Wears Timberland Boots but doesn't work in the forest industry

    8. Wears shorts short enough you can see an inappropriate amount of his thigh...Ew.

    9. Asks you out by saying, "What are you doing after this?" You will most often hear this when you are ALREADY OUT and the douche...I mean guy doesn't have enough to say to make it through lunch.

    10. Does ecstasy...or any other drug for that matter. Especially if it's a pill he washes down with alcohol on a Saturday night but says it's okay because he could get a prescription in his own name because he has whatever disorder the drug is actually intended for but he doesn't want to go to the doctor.

    11. Does the "Raise The Roof" air pump when he gets excited...unless he is trying to hold up actual foundation and help is on it's way

    12. Doesn't watch sports...or is a Duke fan.

    13. Fights because "Hey, that Dude was looking at me" unless he is a US Soldier and "that Dude" is Osama.

    14. Watches "That's So Raven" by himself...and by himself I mean it's still not cool if his buddies are with him. I mean without the presence of pre-teen cousins or sisters (the only acceptable company) who he offered to baby-sit because he's just that kinda guy

    15. Drinks out of the tiny straws you get at a bar...bad mental images every time!

    16. Doesn't return your phone call or text by, at the very least, the next day, (Yeah, I said it!--THE NEXT DAY. What?!) without some sort of stitches or cast.

    Sometimes the smell of Strawberries and Vinegar isn't always as apparent as it should to be to spot the Douche-Bag. It is advisable to print this list, fold it and carry it with you as a form of reference in questionable times. Thank you and good luck.

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