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Thread: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

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    Default My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Well now that I am 23, and I am not her dependent anymore, this shouldn't bother me, but there are a number of things going on. First some background information:

    My mother works as an office manager for a well known physician in the Northern NJ area. Gets paid well, works about 35 hours a week, and has all the bells and whistles with her job. Recently though she's been complaining about patients giving her a hard time, and not getting along with the receptionists as well. Even more recently she's been getting into fights with the physician over petty little things that I can't even be bothered to remember. The physician is a family friend of ours so I really do have a very difficult time believing my mother, since she is known to make up stories from time to time.

    Fast forward to today, less than two weeks later, when I was woken up at 10 a.m. by my mother banging on my front door (I worked last night too, got home at 5). She moved all her things outside of her and my father's house in a neighboring town. She says that she's sick of it all and wants to divorce my father (who thought that there was nothing wrong with their marriage until today). It really sounds as if she actually had a mental breakdown...

    Another issue. I have a brother of who is handicapped and reliant on my parents and their income (my parents are not doing well financially at the moment either, so this comes at the WORST possible time) for support. Medical insurance and basic needs such as food and clothing. Now my brother, my father, nor her have any medical insurance. If you have ever had to live with a handicapped child who is on seizure medication and various others as well, you should realize how serious this issue is. That's not even including my her or my father's medical conditions as well that require constant attention.

    I really don't know what to tell her! Part of me wants to support her, but I feel that she actually needs help, and she refuses to talk to me after I told her that she should not have quit her job! Anyone here have something similar happen to them? Any advice will be cordially appreciated.

    Just before I was supposed to go away too...
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Menopause?

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    Veteran Member Rockette's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Menopause?
    She had a hysterectomy 2 or 3 years ago, so I highly doubt it's that. Plus it would be less of a sudden change as well (I think), especially in all aspects of her life.
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockette View Post
    She had a hysterectomy 2 or 3 years ago, so I highly doubt it's that. Plus it would be less of a sudden change as well (I think), especially in all aspects of her life.
    Correct me if I am wrong. The hysterectomy was the removal of her uterus. This would have left the Ovaries intact, so the ovaries could continue to make hormones?

    Is she taking any medications? Some of those could really be affecting her. Last, well you could be correct shem may have had a breakdown. Seek a mental health professional.

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    mid-life crisis? i think you should hang in there but really i think she might need some counseling. maybe the physician can recommend some colleagues in the psychiatric field.

    as for your brother, you might want to check out social services (medicare or state programs). i believe they have some programs that help partially or at least maybe get him qualified for such to ease some of the burden.

    btw, call the doctor's office anyway to get her COBRA coverage activated asap. even if your mom declined it i think you might be able to get it re-instated by claiming mental illness. (i'm sorry if i'm making wild accusations but i believe you need to handle this in triage mode before the legal wheels grind out of control)

    i don't think i would mention some of this to your mom though. no telling how she will take it but you need to get your family insurance coverage asap (or continue their coverage).

    your mom might be experiencing some trauma so i'd take it easy on her but i do think she needs help beyond just you. good luck!

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Correct me if I am wrong. The hysterectomy was the removal of her uterus. This would have left the Ovaries intact, so the ovaries could continue to make hormones?

    Is she taking any medications? Some of those could really be affecting her. Last, well you could be correct shem may have had a breakdown. Seek a mental health professional.
    Many times the overies and fallopian tubes are removed as well.

    This does sound too sudden to be menpause. I'd check and see what meds she is on and the side effects. If nothing there...then demand she see a mental health professional

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    If you love somebody you encourage them to do what you think is best, but love them no matter what.

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Well there is no excuse for just shucking all your responsibilities (ie. your brother,) just because she "doesn't feel like it anymore." Tell her she is an adult and she needs to deal with her responsibilities in a grown up way. She'd regret it later on down the road if she just left it like this.

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Try to speak to your mother, and approach her non-judgmentally. If you listen to what she has to say, you might find out there is more going on than you know about.

    She might really need help, and the best thing you can do is be supportive, find out the whole story, and take it from there. It sounds like your mother is really in a bad place right now, and she might just need a shoulder to cry on and someone to help her out.

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Quote Originally Posted by NatalieFRPhilly View Post
    Well there is no excuse for just shucking all your responsibilities (ie. your brother,) just because she "doesn't feel like it anymore." Tell her she is an adult and she needs to deal with her responsibilities in a grown up way. She'd regret it later on down the road if she just left it like this.
    She might not be rational right now, so telling her to suck it up would be the worst thing to do. She's overburdened and a hairline fracture somewhere just broke. She feels condemned to this and is lashing out against what she feels is a lifetime trap. She needs help, not "get over yourself!"

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    This ain't menopause.

    Having a handicapped kid at home and being the responsible one for everything can be distressing.

    Ever notice most men have a "mid life crisis" when the kids have moved out?

    Most people have already said what can be said. Mom needs someone to talk to - a support group of some kind if not a therapist. A part time nurse might be in order also.

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Perhaps she will get another job soon?

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Thanks for all your responses, I just went to the gym and had a long heart to heart with her there while working out. She doesn't plan on working for awhile, and the health insurance issue will "sort itself out" according to her. I hate to say it, but she really isn't her normal and rational self, and you can tell it by just speaking to her.

    Next step is to talk to her boss (the physician) to talk about COBRA continuation. Thank you Snoopy for that advice! I currently pay for my health insurance entirely by myself so there would be NO WAY I could take my entire family under my current HMO plan. I pay way too much as is... I'll talk to the physician tomorrow, and hopefully she didn't alienate him entirely.
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Quote Originally Posted by NatalieFRPhilly View Post
    Well there is no excuse for just shucking all your responsibilities (ie. your brother,) just because she "doesn't feel like it anymore." Tell her she is an adult and she needs to deal with her responsibilities in a grown up way. She'd regret it later on down the road if she just left it like this.
    Have you ever raised a handicapped child? If not, don't judge a woman you don't even know.

    When you deal with something like that day in and day out for years, and know there is NEVER an end in sight, you do want to run away sometimes. And everyone has their breaking point, it sounds like hers was probably coming for quite some time. So judge not. The woman is entitled to handle her life in any way she chooses, I'm sure she has her reasons.

    As for the insurance, any handicapped person can get coverage by Medicaid and other state services. They don't even go by income on that.
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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    As for the insurance, any handicapped person can get coverage by Medicaid and other state services. They don't even go by income on that.
    I just confirmed that with my father, that was probably the thing I was most worried about.
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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    I'm so sorry this is happening.
    have you suggested to her rather than quitting to work just one or two days a week? Or transfer to somewhere else?
    that way she can keep insurance?

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    To me, it sounds like she just got burnt out at her job.....I have though about going to a coworker who thinks he better than everyone, tell him to fuck off, go the Boston Glove/Herald, and the client to tell them whats really going on and how scrwed up things are and leaving......I have my boss who is a great guy, and acts as a buffer....

    if your mother doesn't i could see how she could just get burnt out/stressed out.....

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    Default Re: My mother quit her job, I really am at a loss for words here.

    To me, from what you've posted here, Rockette, it sounds like your mother does not feel she has a place to escape to--that parts of her life which used to be a refuge now are difficult, and as she begins to feel like things are against her, she actually compounds the problem. I think what she needs to feel is that there is an escape somewhere--somewhere where she can let her hair down and rest. Maybe bringing this up directly will help her open up about it, and that alone could be a release valve. It sounds to me like she has had to handle a lot over the years, and I suspect maybe there has been even more anxiety within her than her family knows--that she hid this.

    I'll have you in my thoughts. I'm glad you've had the good suggestions here to prepare for different scenarios. I think that there will be help out there for your family, and that you need to be careful about not taking everything, all at once, on your shoulders. Deal with one issue at a time so the thing does not overwhelm you. Good luck with all of this--my heart goes out to you.
    JK Jim

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