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Thread: Am I Wrong?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Hidendragon75's Avatar
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    Am I Wrong?

    My friend recently had a messy exit from a 5 year relationship from some asshole who was emotionally abusive and neglectful. She's started seeing someone new. I don't like it.

    This new guy was actually a former co-worker / friend of her now ex. She went out one night and ran into this guy who said to her "Hey how is so and so doing?" she said "Oh we broke up" and this guy perked up and was like "Oh really?" and now they are seeing eachother. All before everything was fully over with her ex.

    I feel the move this guy made is rather cheap and opportunistic. I think he took advantage of her situation which indicates to me he's probably self centered so obviously he's not thinking of her best interest from the begining. I don't think it's good for her to get all involved with the very first guy that comes around. I mean thats not very smart shopping.

    I have met him once and I found him to be annoying, bland and generally uninteresting. I know its not just me, I've had indepdenent verification of that from 1 person so far.

    This has been going on about two months and I've got a bad feeling about all this.

    So tell me, am I off base with my thoughts, or do I have at least have some kind of valid argument that this guy might be slime?
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
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    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Yeah, he might be slime. But he might not be... Do you really know? I understand having a feeling about something but sometimes love blossoms under strange circumstances. He may have been hoping and praying for the day that she broke up with him, just as you had been. Too bad he beat you to it Doesn't excuse the opportunistic angle, but it does explain it.

    I'd say the real question here is this: Do you love her or just like her? Cause the vibe I'm getting from your post is that you either have romantic feelings for her or you are pretty much her best friend.

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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    you don't have a valid argument because you've only met the guy once
    you never know if he was having a shitty day or whatever...
    leave judgment until you've chilled with him on a few more occasions

  4. #4
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    I would say you need to get to actually know the guy. Not jump to conclusions based off of one meeting. I have a feeling you are going to hate anyone she tries to date for a while.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  5. #5
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Perhaps you're subconsciously being overprotective because she had a difficult time with her ex? Give her (and him) a break. She needs a friend, not a dad.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    There is a lot to be said for not burning up emotions and having stress or anger over things that our not our problem to solve or monitor. I'd say it's her life, not yours, and unless she actively seeks your input, let it go. It's just not worth stressing over.

  7. #7
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hidendragon75 View Post
    This new guy was actually a former co-worker / friend of her now ex. She went out one night and ran into this guy who said to her "Hey how is so and so doing?" she said "Oh we broke up" and this guy perked up and was like "Oh really?" and now they are seeing eachother. All before everything was fully over with her ex.
    As soon as I saw this I thought, He knew, he was playing dumb to get some poosay.

    Next time you talk to her, mention how guys can be opportunistic and predatory in the pursuit of the elusive and delectable Pink Pocket.

    (&Yes, you have a valid reason to be concerned. Men know how other men are....)

  8. #8
    Featured Member short skirts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Sounds like he's definitely slime.......to you. She sees something in him. She probably won't listen to you. People go blind when they fall in love. If you want to keep your friend, I'd keep my mouth shut, get to know him, and be there for her.

  9. #9
    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Yeah, this might be a really, really bad course of action. But it's her decision. I hope everything's fine, but it'll be a learning experience if it doesn't work out.

  10. #10
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hidendragon75 View Post
    I feel the move this guy made is rather cheap and opportunistic. I think he took advantage of her situation which indicates to me he's probably self centered so obviously he's not thinking of her best interest from the begining. I don't think it's good for her to get all involved with the very first guy that comes around. I mean thats not very smart shopping.
    Ok, this is just out of curiosity, but I'm going to ask, it really has no effect here, but I'm just getting a vibe:

    Are you waiting for her to get over her 5 year messy exit appropriately so you can date her?

    ---

    On topic, no matter what, you called her a friend so I'll work from there

    People have friends. Loved ones. Family. Lovers. They all have lives. They all have problems. STAY OUT OF THEM.

    Really. That's not callous, just, be a GOOD friend, respect her decision. Voice your concern, and just BE there for her if shit hits the fan. Don't try to protect her, it's really not your job. Let it work itself out, just be available if she needs you. Trust me, she'll respect you more for it cause when everyone is voicing their opinions of this guys douchebaggery, they're going to alienate her and make her feel comfortable. If you voice your opinion, soft and once, she'll feel like she can talk to you about it. THAT'S what friends are for.
    So tell me, am I off base with my thoughts, or do I have at least have some kind of valid argument that this guy might be slime?
    Well, you're her friend. Based on your motives of course, if you get the feeling the guy is slime, he probably is. But really, just be supportive and stay out of it. It's really not your place. If the guy turns out to be slime, you'll probably be the first she trusts, ya know?

    Hell she's probably just rebounding anyways.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Hidendragon75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    If I really had to answer this I'd say that I just like her, but Im also very logical and try to put that aside when sorting out the situation in my head. I kind of doubt he was yearning for her all this time. He's one of these frat boy types that puts more effort into doing shots than thinking. Not the most sincere bunch o people on the planet.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilyLove View Post
    Yeah, he might be slime. But he might not be... Do you really know? I understand having a feeling about something but sometimes love blossoms under strange circumstances. He may have been hoping and praying for the day that she broke up with him, just as you had been. Too bad he beat you to it Doesn't excuse the opportunistic angle, but it does explain it.

    I'd say the real question here is this: Do you love her or just like her? Cause the vibe I'm getting from your post is that you either have romantic feelings for her or you are pretty much her best friend.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    - Jack Handey

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

  12. #12
    Senior Member Hidendragon75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    I would date her, but its not really something thats a priority to me, but given the opportunity, I would like to go out with her. But the thing is I've seen plenty o girls do this to themselves over and over, I gets tired of it. If I see a friend is on a sinking ship, I'm not gonna sit on my hands and let them figure out for themselves, Im gonna say something at some point.




    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Ok, this is just out of curiosity, but I'm going to ask, it really has no effect here, but I'm just getting a vibe:

    Are you waiting for her to get over her 5 year messy exit appropriately so you can date her?

    ---

    On topic, no matter what, you called her a friend so I'll work from there

    People have friends. Loved ones. Family. Lovers. They all have lives. They all have problems. STAY OUT OF THEM.

    Really. That's not callous, just, be a GOOD friend, respect her decision. Voice your concern, and just BE there for her if shit hits the fan. Don't try to protect her, it's really not your job. Let it work itself out, just be available if she needs you. Trust me, she'll respect you more for it cause when everyone is voicing their opinions of this guys douchebaggery, they're going to alienate her and make her feel comfortable. If you voice your opinion, soft and once, she'll feel like she can talk to you about it. THAT'S what friends are for.


    Well, you're her friend. Based on your motives of course, if you get the feeling the guy is slime, he probably is. But really, just be supportive and stay out of it. It's really not your place. If the guy turns out to be slime, you'll probably be the first she trusts, ya know?

    Hell she's probably just rebounding anyways.
    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
    - Jack Handey

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
    - Jack Handey

  13. #13
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Now you are just coming across as the jealous guy that is pissed because someone beat him to the punch.

    There's always more to people than what meets the eye, just because you don't trust/like someone doesn't necessarily mean that others agree with you or that you are right.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  14. #14
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I Wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hidendragon75 View Post
    I feel the move this guy made is rather cheap and opportunistic. I think he took advantage of her situation which indicates to me he's probably self centered so obviously he's not thinking of her best interest from the begining. I don't think it's good for her to get all involved with the very first guy that comes around. I mean thats not very smart shopping.
    You're right on all counts. He was interested before and now he has an opening. It's glaringly obvious. I'm sure the girl knows this to some degree if she has a brain at all. I'd bet a months worth of dollar bills that she's in this new "relationship" for her own selfish reasons as well... to help her get over the ex. This other dude is just rebound guy. It probably won't last more than 6 months. (Unless you say something and she gets defensive and holds onto it for longer.)
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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