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Thread: A question for the guys

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default A question for the guys

    Can you "be friends" with a girl who you went down on ? Can you value friendship so much from a girl that you can indeed put it behind you and move on if you had a bit of fun with her ?

    Just curious as to your experiences and the male psyche as such in relation to something like this....


    The guy in question and myself are still good mates if you are wondering We both acknowledged it was a bit of alcohol, loneliness and horniness that made that event come about .. and have both seemed (or well from my viewpoint) moved on and still been good friends without any weirdness.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    depends on if you can both deal with it - if you can, then its FWB - woohoo!
    however, if either one gets too caught up in the idea of "hey Ive known you for 10 years and we just tried the sampler menu - how about we try out the main course?" then it gets a bit wobbly

    one very close friend of 6 years and I decided we were Ok with casual making out here and there and we "sorta dated" so progressed to FWB.... it was fun at first, but after the second time, it got....strange, and then she moved away, and I moved on.

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    Veteran Member thefrog's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    YES with out a doubt. been there done that.

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    Veteran Member BmiWMT14's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Yes you can most certainly remain friend with out any weirdness.
    You Cant Quit until you try, You cant live until you die, You Cant learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie.You Cant Breath Until you choke,You gotta Laugh When your the Joke, Theres Nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive! Will you swear on your life, that no one will cry at my Funeral!
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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    It certainly can be done.

    However everything needs to fall into place.

    Both parties need to agree that they are just friends.


    It tends to usually be a bit harder for the guy to get back to being just friends. Though it isn't always the case. Just do what you need to do and be completely honest (and hopefully he'll be completely honest as well) and you will figure out what the two of you need to do.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Forthwith, here is The Rule:

    A man cannot be friends with a woman in whom he has a strong, overriding and unfulfilled sexual interest.
    So what that means, is that if you've already had sex with him, it's not a problem in his mind to be platonic going forward because he doesn't have to wonder what it would be like to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Not according to "Blind Date". All the guys who are turned down as a lover are issued the phrase "Can we still be friends?"

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Depends on how good the sex and chemistry is. Some people you really connect with sexually and emotionally , those type would be difficult to become just a friend. But if it's just some monkey love see you later relationship then yes I could still be friends without benefits .
    How do you feel around this guy is the question .

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    hmm, i am friends with girls I've gone down on and vice versa, does that count? or maybe not, since there is no chance of relationship between us?

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Can you "be friends" with a girl who you went down on ?
    That depends on personal taste...

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    Veteran Member Santos's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Sure, but if the guy has real feelings for you it probably won't work out too well. I don't know if that is the case, but I think we men have trouble being friends with someone who doesn't have the same feelings of attraction that we do.

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    Veteran Member Melvis's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Can you "be friends" with a girl who you went down on ? Can you value friendship so much from a girl that you can indeed put it behind you and move on if you had a bit of fun with her ?
    Heck yeah! Been there, done that. Didn't even have to go the whole FWB route... (because that eventually leads to a quandry unto itself).

    At least it was good you both came to the conclusion it was moreso a means to an end than something deeper.

    (Slightly on a tangent -- I think both genders are usually curious sexually about their opposite gender (well, sometimes same-gender too, if that's how you roll) friends to some extent at one point or another. Sometimes they want that experience and then poof... mystery revealed, secret uncovered, move along.)

    All in all... I think it's easier to be "just friends" after one isolated incident. More than once? Something will give sooner or later.


    "In life, we DO a lot in order to accomplish mundane trivial things before we die, but it is in death and after death in memories that we will truly live, because it is in the level of care and detail that a person paints of us with stories from their memories and experiences with us that give us meaning."

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    CO's rule nailed it. If I were really attracted to her, eventually the friendship will fail. Every time I see her I'd be thinking about how much I want to have sex with her. If it never happens, I'd fester and simmer with the "why doesn't she like me" bitterness until I can't take it anymore, and/or my foul mood drives her away.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
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    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Yeah, of course you can.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    If I went down on her, yes. But I draw the line at tossing salads.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Yes it can be done.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Can you "be friends" with a girl who you went down on ? Can you value friendship so much from a girl that you can indeed put it behind you and move on if you had a bit of fun with her ?
    .
    GCG:
    Upon reading the above, I was reminded of this observation by Woody Allen:

    "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best."

    Your question (please correct me if I'm mistaken) is based on at least one of the following assumptions:

    1) In order for a platonic friendship to "survive" the heightened intimacy of a sexual encounter, it's necessary for both of you to practice some kind of selective amnesia.
    2) Neither of you were involved in any "committed relationships" at the time--and would prefer to keep it that way.
    3) The juxtaposition of tongue and twat occurred as a result of some aberrant mood or circumstance that fleetingly made oral sex an urgent priority for one or both of you.
    4) "A bit of fun" refers to a level of arousal falling well within the limits of ordinary sex.
    5) James Spader's character from "Sex, Lies & Videotape" was correct: Once two people have sex, they can no longer be honest/open with one another.

    I believe that the biggest obstacle to resuming the agreement to "be friends" is the failure of Jack & Jill to discuss one or more of the above openly after "it" (sex) happens between them.
    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    The guy in question and myself are still good mates if you are wondering We both acknowledged it was a bit of alcohol, loneliness and horniness that made that event come about .. and have both seemed (or well from my viewpoint) moved on and still been good friends without any weirdness.
    Treating the sex as an isolated episode may make it safer for the "friends" to put it behind them without acknowledging the needs & emotions which might have preceded the sex or the possibility that their relationship has evolved. "Alcohol, loneliness and horniness" seem like tidy ways to categorize what amounted to at least a temporary agreement between two people to take their emotional and/or intellectual bond for a test drive through the sexual realm.

    If the sex itself was a somewhat blurry and indistinct experience stemming from the inadvertent convergence of booze, blues and a boner, I understand continuing a friendship without "weirdness." However, magnificent, off-the-chain sex with the added hook of trust and familiarity is potentially addictive and cannot be easily overlooked.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Sure, why not.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Heh, I chuckle, GCG, there is soooo many weird strings attached to your involvements (just observing), that I couldn't even begin to relate.

    To answer your question directly: Of course!

    But for you to ask or be concerned about it with a direct scenario in mind suggests that there is an nonequivalent set of feelings going on here. My 2 cents.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    thats how i met most of my male friends LMAO
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    You'l probably find out the answer when one of you moves on to somebody else. Everything before that is hypothetical.

    Until you see/hear he's with another girl you won't know how you feel about him. Likewise for him.

    Unless both of you have other sexual partners already floating around. Then that'd put the whole thing into 'not a big deal'.

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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    thats how i met most of my male friends LMAO
    Q: "Excuse me, miss, may I butter your muffin?"

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    well i was joking.hmmmmm kind of. when i was younger there was some truth to it
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  24. #24
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Can you "be friends" with a girl who you went down on ?
    I don't know. It's not that I think sex has any inherent meaning beyond procreation, but I'm a believer in the notion that it's all just stuff, and it's up to us to give it meaning or make things interesting/special. In that light I've reserved my sexual experiences for relationships where we were past just being friends. Shoot me for being old fashion. I occasionally visit an SC for some fun, but no extras for me. As dumb as it probably sounds in today's society, I prefer to limit sex (including oral) to relationships with someone I already care about.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: A question for the guys

    Absolutely. Because we are guys, we are already thinking about you going down on us. Whether you have or not just further fuels that fantasy. The level of friendship itself doesn't need to be effected by it.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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