I called out again. after calling out the last night i was scheduled. And going home early the night before that.
My dad has cancer, and he's going in for surgery tomorrow. I just couldn't bare the thought of spending tonight at a bar dancing instead of being with him.
I feel so weak and useless. I just can't seem to pull it together and go in for a full night of work. I used to love going to the club, seeing my friends, dancing, feeling so good and happy and stable when I counted my money at the end of the night. It made me feel so capable for the first time in my life. This is the first job I've been good at, and now I feel like I'm fucking it up like everything else. I keep trying to tell myself that when I do go back I'll be better again. But I feel so ashamed when I call out, and I hate myself for not being able to pull it together.



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