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Thread: PI

  1. #1
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    Default PI

    anyone ever hire a private investigator? i dont think my bfs cheating on me but he might be...i just want to know for sure. maybe ill go on cheaters.
    anyway if you have done something like this how much did it cost and was it worth it?

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    If you feel the need to hire a PI, your relationship is probably already over. In my humble opinion, anyway.

    And about $200 (quoted, not paid) and it wasn't worth it. I caught the fucking bastard on my own.


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    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    If I ever found out my wife or gf hired a PI to check up on me, that relationship is over. Period. If you're that paranoid and don't trust him, leave.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

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    Default Re: PI

    LOL i thought this was going to be about public intoxication...

  5. #5
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    Default Re: PI

    i guess i am being paranoid but i just dont want to be lied to....i dont want to break it off either, especially if he really wasnt cheating which he very well might not be. but he might ugh i hate feeling like this.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    ^^

    then it may be a good option for you. it will confirm things either way.
    I dont know about cheaters tho. do u really want your private life aired on tv? we even get that show here in Australia.
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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    Quote Originally Posted by katie941 View Post
    i guess i am being paranoid but i just dont want to be lied to....
    Who in their right mind WANTS to be lied to? Honestly?

    If you are this paranoid go find out what he's up to.

    What is tipping you off to make you not trust him?

    Any relationship built off of doubts such as these is doomed to fail.
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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    Quote Originally Posted by MrChristopher View Post
    If I ever found out my wife or gf hired a PI to check up on me, that relationship is over. Period. If you're that paranoid and don't trust him, leave.
    Yeah, that was my thought too.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    A recent article in Psychology Today states that for those who think their partner is cheating up to 80% of the time they are right. There is a lot to be said for intuition.

  10. #10
    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    I have never hired one but I know one. Pretty expensive but she'll find out if he's cheating or not. And probably get pictures.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    Quote Originally Posted by MrChristopher View Post
    If I ever found out my wife or gf hired a PI to check up on me, that relationship is over. Period. If you're that paranoid and don't trust him, leave.
    That's a good point. Even if you DON'T find anything, you're going to have to keep mum about hiring a PI for the rest of the relationship.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: PI

    well yea i thought about it and i broke it off, because either way i just didnt feel comfortable in the relationship...i hope i did the right thing i really liked him. =(

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    Default Re: PI

    yea and to add to this he sent me a text saying "so that means i can take you out on a date" OUT OF NO WHERE, ='( i suck at guys....my last bf of 3 years cheated on me a week before my bday and a week before we were gonna move in together. im going to have trust issues for the rest of my life!
    Last edited by katie941; 08-01-2007 at 02:22 AM. Reason: spelling

  14. #14
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    ^ Trust me baby, you'll get over it someday. You'll find a guy you can truly trust to not cheat on you. I know, first hand. *hug*


    Look like a woman
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    Default Re: PI

    I really like the two DJ's who posted in here but WTF??!!!

    She has a gut instinct and all of the sudden she's PARANOID???

    That was just a tad condescending gentlemen.

  16. #16
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    So its condescending. She's paranoid and thats what we thought.

    Gut instincts are one thing. But to go to "I should hire a PI.".... fucking paranoid.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
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  17. #17
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: PI

    If you have a gut instict...you want it proven one way or another. It's one thing to leave because you THINK he's doing something....it's quite another, easier thing to leave when you KNOW he is.

    So you guys are saying that if you thought your wife was cheating, but had no hard evidence youd just drop her without finding out what the truth is? Nice.

  18. #18
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    If you have a gut instict...you want it proven one way or another. It's one thing to leave because you THINK he's doing something....it's quite another, easier thing to leave when you KNOW he is.

    So you guys are saying that if you thought your wife was cheating, but had no hard evidence youd just drop her without finding out what the truth is? Nice.

    And you got all that from what we said? Nice.


    Feeling you need to hire a PI, thats paranoid. Also not a very good sign for the relationship at all.

    Personally I think if you are hiring a PI its a failed relationship and you should move on.

    Though please explain where I said I'd drop someone without finding out the truth or wanting to. I just think going to a PI is definitely NOT the way to go, and consider it paranoid.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
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  19. #19
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: PI

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Machismo View Post
    And you got all that from what we said? Nice.


    Feeling you need to hire a PI, thats paranoid. Also not a very good sign for the relationship at all.

    Personally I think if you are hiring a PI its a failed relationship and you should move on.

    Though please explain where I said I'd drop someone without finding out the truth or wanting to. I just think going to a PI is definitely NOT the way to go, and consider it paranoid.

    It isnt always paranoid. What if she is right? You are saying that because she has a bad feeling...the relationship is over without finding out for sure.
    I'd rather KNOW for sure. I mean..if my gut instinct is telling me somethings going on...it prob is...but who knows. I may not be interpreting signs correctly...my hormones might be out of whack right then and making me more paranoid. Either way..I'd want to know before I made the monumental decision to end the relationship over, what may be nothing. I dont like looking back and thinking "what if"

    So I say find out for sure. If you dont think he'll be honest..follow him. Put in writing the reasons you are suspicious and have a conversation with him...see if he has an explenation for them that adds up.


    If you wouldnt drop someone without finding out the truth...and you think hiring a PI is paranoid...how would you find out the truth withOUT being paranoid??

  20. #20
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: PI

    I think hiring a P.I. is pointless. Either you trust him, or you don't. Hiring a P.I. means you don't trust him enough to be honest with you, so why stay in the relationship? It doesn't matter what the P.I. finds; the bottom line is that you can't trust him. I agree, the relationship is already over at that point.

    I too would end the relationship if I found out there was a P.I. involved. I am a very open, honest person and I would be deeply offended if my partner hired an investigator rather than trust my word. Just as I wouldn't want to be with a man I couldn't trust, I wouldn't want to be with a man that didn't trust me.

  21. #21
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I think hiring a P.I. is pointless. Either you trust him, or you don't. Hiring a P.I. means you don't trust him enough to be honest with you, so why stay in the relationship? It doesn't matter what the P.I. finds; the bottom line is that you can't trust him. I agree, the relationship is already over at that point.

    I too would end the relationship if I found out there was a P.I. involved. I am a very open, honest person and I would be deeply offended if my partner hired an investigator rather than trust my word. Just as I wouldn't want to be with a man I couldn't trust, I wouldn't want to be with a man that didn't trust me.

    Exactly.

    Cameron, its nothing to do with eventually finding out or wanting to find out whats going on. Its all about the PI.

    Involving a PI is just disrespectful to the entire relationship despite what the other party may have done.

    I'm not addressing whether or not the guy is or isn't disloyal. I'm addressing that the lack of trust needed to want to hire a PI is indicative of a failed relationship that will blow up whether he was unfaithful or not. Either they find out he was cheating, or he'll find out she hired a PI. Not good either way.

    You can do the what ifs all night, however you are not addressing my point, a PI is just too much, stop over thinking what I'm saying as well as assuming what I mean when I'm telling you exactly what I mean.

    PI = Bad. Get it?

    If you are just going to try to put words in my mouth this discussion has no further merit. Ciao.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
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  22. #22
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: PI

    Well..if you dont ttrust you'll get an honest answer by asking him(which I would assume at this point you would not or a PI wouldnt even be a consideration), then how DO you get the truth?

    I agree that if you have to hire a PI...most likely either he IS cheating and your instict is correct,or your trust isssues are so out of hand the relationship wont survive anyway.

    But if you ant to KNOW for sure...what would be your suggestion?? Hiring a PI, while extreme and expensive...will at least give you a pretty good shot at finding out the truth.

    So what would YOU do? Thats what I am asking.You suspect your spouse is cheating...you ask and they deny. You still suspect. What would you do? Would you try to find out the truth? How? Or would you leave, assuming that your paranoia and distrust have already destroyed the relationship?

  23. #23
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    I'd trust their word. If I can't trust them, then I wouldn't be in the relationship. If they say they aren't cheating, then I'd trust them on that.

    If evidence shows up later, then my earlier suspicions were true and I'm out. If it doesn't, then what happens happens.

    If someone isn't honest with me, then I don't really see myself in a relationship with that person, nor if I can't trust them. Simple.

    Its a risk to take on someone being truthful with you, however I believe relationships take honesty and faith in each other. If those aren't present then its done.

    If I suspect that highly that a PI would even enter the logical thought process, its a doomed relationship in my mind.

    Its all a risk, however life goes on and eventually we find someone who we don't have trust issues with.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  24. #24
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: PI

    I would look at what is causing the mistrust in the first place.

    What makes you think he is cheating?
    What makes you not trust his answer when he says he is not?

    And if you hire a PI, find out he is not cheating, does that turn your trust in him back on?
    No, because something still caused the mistrust in the first place.

    The issue isn't with the PI, and it isn't with is he cheating or not, the issue is with trust. You do or you don't, you can trust or you can't.

  25. #25
    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: PI

    I agree that what I said was misinterpreted. My whole point, as was Machismo's I believe, was that hiring a PI is ridiculous. Sit down, have a conversation, hell...follow him yourself. The point is, if you don't find out anything, you're not only out $, but you'll have to hide the fact you hired one in the first place. It is, to me, skipping any number of important steps someone in a relationship should take. I meant mainly that if I ever discovered my SO had hired someone to check up on me, without telling me, we're done. That's a giant breach of trust. I hardly meant "just drop him". I've been with MrsC 15 years as of a couple of weeks ago. There are many reasons we still get along so well, but being honest and open with one another is a huge part of it. My original post certainly wasn't meant as a condescending comment.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

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