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Thread: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

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    Default i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    ok, so i have 2 cats. kittens, really. jasper is probably about 9-10 months (dont know for sure) and olivia is 3 months. jasper was so scared and stuff when i first got him, if you remember reading about that. but he finally came around and he was so loveable and perfect. i was nervous because i was moving to an apt from my parents house, then a week later leaving for a 2 week vacation. i didnt want him to feel abandoned, and i had considered getting a kitten for his companion anyway. i ended up getting 2, but decided to give one to my brother so the 2 little ones wouldnt leave jasper out(and they do, when theyre together.)

    anyway, jasper and olivia were getting along, but jasper wont play. i feel so bad because he doesnt get the time he needs with me. he *wants* to play, you can tell, and he'll start to, but the second olivia joins in he stops and walks away. i feel so so bad for him. especially since these last 2 weeks both kittens have been here so the catsitter could only go to one place instead of my brother needing her too. louie (olivias brother) is going home tomorrow, but even when it's only jasper and olivia, jasper wont play! i dont know if i'm just sad for him, but i swear i can tell he's sad.

    any suggestions for what i can do? i feel sooo guilty for having gotten olivia now because it's made jasper go back to how he was when i first got him after he made so much progress

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Cats don't get the concept of equality. Whenever you have more than one cat, they will establish a hierarchy and the dominant cat gets to do whatever s/he wants first. If the sub cat is eating and the dominant cat walks up, the sub cat will immediately stop eating and wait until the dominant cat leaves before eating some more. If the sub cat wants to play with you but the dominant cat jumps in, then the sub cat will walk away.

    It seems sad to us, but that's the way cats operate. Olivia is the dominant cat here, and she's young enough to want to take up all the playtime. (As she gets older, she'll tire out more easily.) The best way to make sure Jasper gets to play is to distract Olivia with food or even shut her up in another room for a few minutes. It won't bother her, she'll probably just take a nap, and you can play with Jasper all you want when she's out of the way.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    it just sucks for jasper because olivia wants all the attention, all the time. i think i am going to have to start shutting her in the bedroom so he gets some playtime, i'm just afraid she'll make a mess. she gets into everything, obviously. i definately wasnt prepared for a kitten! jasper was about 5-6 months when i got him and he was just never like that. its so new to me!

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Is it cat adolescence? Maybe he's just being a bratty teenager. I remember their cute little photos; hope they learn to play well with others.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Wow, reminds me of when I was fostering an adult grey kitty Nell, and just got my little baby Cinco who was prolly 5-6 weeks old...she was such a terrible bitch! I got really annoyed at her female cattiness....yes I had to put her away in a room sometimes. She eventually got adopted.

    OTOH, there was a time with another male cat and Cinco...both of them had serious personalities, and neither one of them let the other dominate, really. But then someone (I think my ex FRIEND) stole Thomas.

    It sucks that he's going back to his old ways...I'd def put Olivia away for a little while at a time.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    i really hate this. jasper cries when he does come out now. night time was usually when we would snuggle and he would sleep on my pillow. noooot anymore.

    i'm considering giving up olivia. she *isn't* very nice. she uses her claws for literally everything, including leaping up to attach herself to me when i'm sitting on the computer. she digs her claws into whatever to climb up. i have so many cuts and now scars from it.. they arent scratches, either. she really digs in.

    i would feel awful giving her away, because she can be sweet. i dont know what to do but i just feel so so so terrible for getting her now because of jasper. i thought he'd be happier with somebody to play with.

  7. #7
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    A long time ao, I had 2 adult cats, they weren't very playful, pretty lazy, but they got along well with each other..

    Then I brough home a kitten. My male cat started shitting on the floor, and he turned into a complete bitch. It was obvious to me that he did not appriciate another cat in the house. I felt absolutly horrible, I had to take this beautiful, sweet kitten to the shelter. To this day, I feel guilt over that. Just liek i asn't responsible as a pet owner, and possibly caused this sewwt kitten her life, as she probably got put don at the shelter. I feel so terrible.

    Anyway..what Yek said was true...but what you said about the kitten climbing up thigs..that's just kitten behavior. It hurts and she digs in cause first of all, she don't know better, and second of all..kitten claws are tiny and sharp!

    but she really just don't know better yet and is just behaving like a normal kitten. It doesn't sound like Jasper is adjusting to well to having a new animal in the house....maybe your brother could take the baby so she could be with her brother? Then all the animals and people would be happy.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    ^ i asked my mom and she said no my brother is only 17 and lives with them. they already have 2 dogs and now the one kitten. my dad would freak out if my mom let the other kitten come live there.

    im gonna give it a little time, since we did just move, too. hopefully he will get used to it!

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Mine act the same way! I've had Jade for about 3 years, and Gypsy for about a month. They didn't get along at first, but now they'll play. But, every time I'm petting Jade and Gypsy comes up, Jade will walk away!

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    We're going through something similar. The two baby scamps play non-stop, and try to take all the attention. Katya is putting up with them, but she isn't playing much anymore. The moment we start to play, the monsters storm the fort and go for it too. But Katya gets outside time, and they don't.

    I don't know what to say, except can you play with them each, alone, and in separate rooms? That's what I do, so that Katya doesn't see me giving the babies attention, she is soooo jealous.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    About the digging in with her claws, you have to teach her not to do that. Kittens DO need training; it's a common myth that they don't. They use their claws until their mothers teach them not to, and now you're the mama, so teach. Whenever she scratches you, bap her on the nose and hiss. Give her a stern glare, looking directly into her eyes, and do NOT blink or look away until she does. Once she looks away, you can pick her up and love on her, whatever you want, but you have to be consistent. Every single time she scratches you: Bap, Hiss, Glare. She'll learn quickly how to retract her claws around you.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Yek I was just about to post the fact that cats need to be trained too not just dogs. It's very easy to train cats and you can actually get them to do behaviours that aren't natural per-say.

    For instance, I trained Bibs (RIP) to stop whenever I was walking towards her or near her. It took a little bit of persistance in this training yet all her life she would stop whenever she could see me walking up to her or near her. Good cat

    Bibs (RIP) also learnt what certain motions of mine meant as well.

    Train your cat. Do not give up on it so easily. Would you give up on a child because it didn't do what you wanted it to do (or expect it to do naturally with no training)? Yes I did just compare a child to a cat. It is still responsibility of another life even if it is animal.

    Also... sometimes... some cats just do not get along with each other for whatever reasons. I know Bibs (RIP) never totally got along with Puddy. She tolerated him just never really wanted to interact with him. Puddy was the one who wanted to be friends. Bibs (RIP) wouldn't have a bar of it.. just wasn't her thing.


    Oh just one last note about training the cat. Do the bap, hiss, glare THE MOMENT the cat does the behaviour you do NOT want it to do. Just like dogs, cats live very much "in the moment".. so punishing it even 30 seconds later for a behaviour it did will not work. You have to 'punish' the cat as soon as it does that behaviour you do not want it to do.

    Also remember to reward the cat with pats, soothing talk etc when it DOES do the desired behaviour.


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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Yup, cats are pack animals and you have to be the alpha male of that pack, even if you are female.

    Every new cat changes the pecking order, and so they are all a bit tentative until the new order is established. When the Louie leaves, they will have to establish the hierarchy all over again.

    On Jasper not playing--do you mean he is not playing with you, not playing with Olivia, or not playing by himself?

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Train your cat. Do not give up on it so easily. Would you give up on a child because it didn't do what you wanted it to do (or expect it to do naturally with no training)? Yes I did just compare a child to a cat. It is still responsibility of another life even if it is animal.
    i know. i dont want to give her up, and i wont. i was just frustrated when i posted that. its just so sad for me to see my jasper being so depressed. he was making so much progress and now it's like all that is gone.

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    On Jasper not playing--do you mean he is not playing with you, not playing with Olivia, or not playing by himself?
    he doesnt play at all. he wont play with me, he starts to and then she jumps in and he walks away.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    he doesnt play at all. he wont play with me, he starts to and then she jumps in and he walks away.
    it looks like you need to separate them when you want to go play with him for a bit. you need to put her someone or put him somewhere with you where she won't interrupt for a little while... give him the opportunity to learn that he will get that time to spend with you.

    it is just like if you introduce a new cat to a household... putting them together straight away and letting them "work it out" is not the best way (and i know from personal first hand experience). it is much easier and better for the animals to be separated at first and then gradually introducing the new cat to the house and thus the other animal(s).


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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    ^ the problem then is getting him to come out. the other night i did shut her in my bedroom and tried to play with him, but he wouldn't. he's a very difficult cat, haha.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    With cats, time solves most problems, but not always the way you would want them to work out.

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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    Don't just do it once and give up. I agree with Mike.. give it time. See if he does eventually realise that at a specific time (cats love routine so make it a daily part of both of their days) he will have time with you UNINTERRUPTED .. he may come out of his shell a bit more at least during that time.

    Remember, cats love routine.


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    Default Re: i feel so bad for my baby - kitty question

    well, i did close olivia in today and played with just jasper.. but only for a few minutes. theyve been both playing for over an hour! she's sharing, so thats good, haha. but ive been flicking around this one toy (they both LOVE it) and theyre both playing with it. yay!

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