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Thread: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

  1. #1
    sun child
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    Default Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Today a customer (after asking me about this mole near my asshole that I hate being asked about) asked me, "How do you get your vagina lips to stay together? You know, so I can't see inside?"

    WTF? Oh yeah, then he asked me for a hug and touched my ass.

    Haha, I just realized that labia is plural, so yeah. Sorry my labia don't flap in the wind, asshole.

  2. #2
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    That's cute. He must think they are wings.

  3. #3
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Hahahhahahahahah!! Yes, they stay open all the time... waiting for some pervert to take a peek. Wow, that made my night. Yay for this thread!

    PS: Please tell me that you told him that the secret is super glue. Oh, please.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  4. #4
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by sun child View Post
    "How do you get your vagina lips to stay together? You know, so I can't see inside?"
    That's like a quote from a weird Halloween party moment of someone trying to be funny. It would go excellently with a scary Halloween mask. If it were my best friend, we'd be best friends for life.

    In fact, I plan to ask some chic in the near future.

  5. #5
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    There's a story at my club about a girl who once super glued her lips together to stop her bits from sticking out. We were discussing it the other day... according to all the older girls that work there, it actually happened.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    ^^^
    Rofl
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Yea va-jay-jay flaps stay open because I use the magic words: "open cunty"
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  8. #8
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    ^^




  9. #9
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    "open cunty"... that could well be my new favourite phrase hahaha.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    A customer seriously asked me once "do all the girls use glue or something?"

  11. #11
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    I once had a guy tell me the opposite - that all labia should remain together, regardless of posture unless they were parted by a finger. Anything besides that equaled a "loose, sloppy vagina".
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  12. #12
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    Yea va-jay-jay flaps stay open because I use the magic words: "open cunty"
    OH LORD!!!!! I love that one!!
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    I have the opposite problem. My labia are inside out- the outer ones are almost nonexistent and the inner ones are all out there and hanging. I guess I have a loose sloppy vagina. I think it weirds some customers out, but surgery is expensive and scary. The doctor I consulted said "oh yeah, this is strange...I can fix it for $4500 though".

    I can't get mine to stick together if I try. I once tried shoving it all up there to stop hanging out, but it doesn't stay once I move around. Whattttever.

    It pisses me off when men think they can criticize female genitals though. Come on. There is only so much we can change for their liking.

  14. #14
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    It pisses me off when men think they can criticize female genitals though. Come on. There is only so much we can change for their liking.
    I agree. It's like, the vagina is supposed to be our 'special' place or whatever, and 99% of chicks out there don't show it around like we do, and it pisses me off when men think it's okay to criticize the most intimate part of our bodies when they should be fucking grateful that we're showing it to them at all.

  15. #15
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    ^^
    just start insulting their manhood...lord knows how much guys like that.
    I have such a paranoia about my vagina after going to nude clubs with my bf and hearing how he and his friends and every other guy like to talk about our ladyparts...fuck em I guess.


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    Boner Man, Boner Man,
    Here comes Sweatpant Boner Man,
    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

  16. #16
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Guys have NO clue about female anatomy let me tell you!!! I cant tell you how many guys I've had ask me to to make my pussy jump. WTF??And when I tell tehm it is anatomically impossible..they look all confused...

    Who are these women with magical labia muscles that can flex them at will???

  17. #17
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    I have the opposite problem. My labia are inside out- the outer ones are almost nonexistent and the inner ones are all out there and hanging. I guess I have a loose sloppy vagina. I think it weirds some customers out, but surgery is expensive and scary. The doctor I consulted said "oh yeah, this is strange...I can fix it for $4500 though".

    I can't get mine to stick together if I try. I once tried shoving it all up there to stop hanging out, but it doesn't stay once I move around. Whattttever.

    It pisses me off when men think they can criticize female genitals though. Come on. There is only so much we can change for their liking.
    Oh, word. I thought that guy was a total tool. In fact I was trying to reason with him - like "look, when she's sitting there with her legs splayed open...."

    TMI warning

    Actually, I have one inner labia that is like 2 cm longer than the other. I decided the hell with worrying about it - like, what am I meant to do? Start mucking about with my intimate nerve endings so that bizarrely perfectionist guys will be all "okay, that's acceptable"?
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  18. #18
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    I once had a guy tell me the opposite - that all labia should remain together, regardless of posture unless they were parted by a finger. Anything besides that equaled a "loose, sloppy vagina".
    i hate people...

  19. #19
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Actually, I have one inner labia that is like 2 cm longer than the other
    Same here. And I don't give a fuck at all. I can't believe some guys make some of the comments they do.

    The doctor I consulted said "oh yeah, this is strange...I can fix it for $4500 though".
    And, Mollyzmoon, that is ridiculous. "this is strange". What an asshole. "Strange". That seriously pisses me off. Like we're all supposed to look identical.
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    ^^Oh, I know. He was an asshole. He also tried to 'show me where my gspot was', and that was weird. I thought "I am talking to you for medical reasons, so why are you trying to finger fuck me and talk about my sex life?". Creeepy. And he is supposedly one of the best cosmetic surgeons in Canada.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Actually, I have one inner labia that is like 2 cm longer than the other.
    yeah me too, and it just dangles there... glad i don't work nude!

  22. #22
    Featured Member Sinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Regardless of what our vajayjay's look like....nicely tucked, or hanging out like a box of cow tongue, men are still paying us to see it. We always get the last laugh, and their last dollar!

  23. #23
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    OMG, the OP's post made me

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    I decided the hell with worrying about it - like, what am I meant to do? Start mucking about with my intimate nerve endings so that bizarrely perfectionist guys will be all "okay, that's acceptable"?
    Thank you! I've never seen the point of cosmetic pussy-surgery for that reason alone.

  25. #25
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Sorry my labia doesn't flap in the wind

    I'd just like to say that this is my new favorite thread title.

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