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Thread: Am I BF or what?

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    Member Smith's Avatar
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    Default Am I BF or what?

    As some of you may remember me, I have quite a history of being played by dancers OTC. (e.g. white knight con once, etc.) I’m sort of embaressed to have to ask the question, but I’ve fooled myself before. Am I a boyfriend, friend, or OTC customer?

    No sex:
    Spending part of nearly ever day (excluding 12-hour shift days) together with my new girl for near three weeks, there is lots of hand holding, kissing, and hugging with an overall feeling of being connected but no sex yet since we are taking it slow. Not having sex makes me insecure in relationships so I’m assuming that it is me paranoid about slowness not her playing me. I’m not always very smooth so she has given excuses to dates or arrangements part of a date with her staying over or us arranging specific “time together” alone that is not natural.

    LOTS of time together:
    This is a nice girl. She has another full-time job with significant responsibility. She isn't a druggie. I am surprised when we spend so much time together as she is very busy with two jobs and with a lot of friends/family wanting to do stuff so she is choosing me over sometimes 2-3 other potential plans. We often have to and do leave her phone at home so we are not bothered.

    Financial:
    I take her to nice places and we do fun things so that costs money as any dating would (like $100 a date). I worry that she likes the activities more than me? Girls do that right? I might volunteer or be asked to give her $20 occasionally to help her with something specific which she accepts a little too eagerly. She's never asked me to come to the club, but once I surprised her and showed up when she was sad so give her "a good start" to the evening (and $50 without hopefully screwing up the friendship). The first couple dates the subject of OTC dancing (not sex) was brought up by her, but I made it clear I wasn't going to pay her to see me or save up for her as if she was a prostitute or something. We did the first date anyway after I made it clear I was not going to pay her with anything but happiness.

    Outsider or insider:
    I’ve met her Mom accidentally, but often she does not refer to me by name when on the phone to others. Soon I will get to know her kids well as we are all spending the day together. I’ve already been introduced (and not accidentally) to her kids as a friend when they came to help carry groceries. I have not been truly introduced to her circle of friends through the neighborhood or her other job, but her two closest (that watch her kids too incidentally) know about me for sure and are nice and even respond to text messages from me if she is obviously sleeping or not there or something. I assume mainly to protect her kids she has not allowed me into her place, but has been at mine for short periods of time.

    So am I a boyfriend, friend, or OTC customer?

    Your fan,
    Smith

  2. #2
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Why keep doing this. It seems to go rotten time on time. Might try something else.

    You don't seem like a bad dude, man, try something else if you feel played.

    You gotta ask these questions, if they even come to mind you aint with the right woman. Fish, fish, fish in the sea. I can't give you no advice, i suck at women, but feel free to PM me to vent. You don't seem like no bad guy to me.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    THis is definitely one of the more strange posts I've ever seen.

    Why don't you ask her if she'll meet your parents? If she says no, you have your answer. If she says yes...then ask to meet hers too.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Highlighting the key points here:

    Quote Originally Posted by Smith View Post
    No sex:
    Not having sex makes me insecure in relationships
    so I’m assuming that it is me paranoid about slowness not her playing me.

    LOTS of time together:
    I am surprised when we spend so much time together as she is very busy with two jobs and with a lot of friends/family wanting to do stuff so she is choosing me over sometimes 2-3 other potential plans.

    We often have to and do leave her phone at home so we are not bothered.

    Financial:
    I worry that she likes the activities more than me?

    I might volunteer or be asked to give her $20 occasionally to help her with something specific which she accepts a little too eagerly.

    We did the first date anyway after I made it clear I was not going to pay her with anything but happiness.

    Outsider or insider:

    I’ve met her Mom accidentally, but often she does not refer to me by name when on the phone to others.

    Soon I will get to know her kids well as we are all spending the day together.

    I’ve already been introduced (and not accidentally) to her kids as a friend when they came to help carry groceries.

    I have not been truly introduced to her circle of friends through the neighborhood or her other job, but her two closest (that watch her kids too incidentally) know about me for sure and are nice and even respond to text messages from me if she is obviously sleeping or not there or something.

    I assume mainly to protect her kids she has not allowed me into her place, but has been at mine for short periods of time.
    Well, Smith, gotta tell you, You're really projecting that if you were getting laid out of all this, you'd be fine with this.

    Really Smith, it sounds like you have a girl that is, most likely, slowly incorporating you into her life on a very mature and/or natural basis. She has 2 jobs, a loving family, friends, and a personal life that has consumed 100% of her life, yet, she is slowly trying to make you a part of that without any sacrifice.

    Based on your facts, you're involved with a woman who is mature, and responsible, has (or is getting) her shit together, busy, and is also doing her own thing. Honestly bro, sounds like she has no time for you at all...but she's choosing to anyways. That should say something to you that trumps everything.

    You're manufacturing an insecurity because you're not getting laid linked directly to a fear that you think she needs money (eagerness) and wants to maintain getting it from you. You need to find out if it's true or not. Doing so may piss her off or you, but if it's a healthy relationship, you'll get past it.

    Personally, I'm dangerously attracted to women like this. If she's like you say, I know EXACTLY how she feels. Women like her are so hard to find, and then it's a rarity you'll even show up on their radar. IF you do, there's never a guarantee you'll be there long. ALL relationships are about choice. Painfully selfish choice that bear sacrifice and work to simply satiate a desire to be with another because of how we are treated by them. When I choose someone to be in my life, I'm making a shit ton of waves to accommodate that because really, she has to be someone worth doing that for. It takes time, patience, understanding, care, communication, brutishly undeniable attraction backed up by purely unexplainable emotion, discipline and respect, and comes with one hell of a pay off to do it right. The only women that have truly met me as an equal and understand this is the one I found that finds me valuable enough to do the same for me. And I thank her for it, with every spare thought I'm allowed.

    Mast.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  5. #5
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    No idea. Honestly man, my advice is as simple as there are better ways to meet GFs then by trying to make one out of a dancer in a club. I guess it could work out, but the whole thing just strikes me as a screwed up from the very beginning.

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    Senior Member WoodyLV's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only women that have truly met me as an equal and understand this is the one I found that finds me valuable enough to do the same for me.
    thats right

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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    THis is definitely one of the more strange posts I've ever seen.

    Why don't you ask her if she'll meet your parents? If she says no, you have your answer. If she says yes...then ask to meet hers too.
    I have to disagree. I would not want to meet a guys parents who I have been seeing for 3 WEEKS!! I dont like things to move that fast. I would also not have slept with the guy. I only like sleeping with men who I have developed very strong feelings for - I dont have to be totally in love but I must be falling in love so I dont think 3 weeks is long to wait for sex. Why do people expect to be so intimate straight away?

    I think it sounds like you are both developing a relationship.

    As for money in the club - my good friend met a customer at work who she is now dating OTC. But he still comes into the club sometimes and gives her money. Why? because he respects the fact that she is at work and her time is valuable.
    Why does she accept it? Well for the same reason and also because as a dancer no one wants to end up going home with shit money, it makes you feel shit and if someone is offering you money, even if it's a guy you truly have feelings for, you are going to take it.
    She does feel funny about taking it though.

    Anyway I dont know whether I am right or wrong but I dont think you are being played.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Member Smith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    I'm very happy and reassured by the responses. Thanks all for all the input from both the guys and the gals. Seems mostly input from guys so any more gals want to give their input? Thanks in advance.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Dude, its only been 3 weeks! There is no reason for you to meet each other's parents. How old are you? As far as referring to you as "friend" in front of her kids, that is to protect them from getting too attached. This relationship is in its nascent stages.

    So, who asks for the $20 and who offers it? Personally, I think you are nickle and diming this. If she is volunteering what little free time she has to be with you, then she likes you.

    If you are concerned about spending $100 a date, take her for a picnic in the park , or something cheap.

    You've been hurt before, and you're applying it to the situation. Take a look at it from a fresh, open mind. And also, listen to your heart. Not the one in your pants!

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Jesus am I a moron. I totally did NOT see the three week marker.

    You shouldn't be concerned at all...

    Christ, I was afraid I moved fast....
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    I think this is a conversation you should be having with her, not a bunch of internet strangers.

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    Veteran Member Christian*Doll*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    If you were her boyfriend you would know

    and if you have to ask then your definately NOT her bf
    I Luv my Daddy

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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by Christian*Doll* View Post
    If you were her boyfriend you would know

    and if you have to ask then your definately NOT her bf
    CD, blunt as always, you're spot on. Dude. You'd know. But don't give up hope, its still so early. Don't jump the gun on this.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    I didn't see the three week thing either.

    My answer of bringing the parents in is now changed to...settle down dude, you barely just met her.

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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    this situ may b 2 much baggage 4 ur mind

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    how the fuck can you even THINK you are her boyfriend? she would have told you if you were... actually you'd just KNOW if you were.

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    Senior Member tronie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    its not uncommon for women in the sex industry to not be quick into the sack. Actually I think its very common for them to be just the opposite. If you are gonna stress the "its not for money" thing don't be a hypocrite and stop acting like its "all for sex".. thats just as superficial.

  18. #18
    Tart
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Ill echo everyone else here.

    It's been 3 weeks.

    Most people wait 3 months before deciding if they want to label it. But if you come across as clingy and pushy about moving forward on here...I can only imagine how you are in person.

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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    I've known several dancers outside of work as friends for a number of years now. Some feedback thereon.

    (a) If they like you as a person they tend to gradually make it clear they're uncomfortable dancing for you/in your line of sight. Her studiously ignoring you when she dances at work is a good sign.

    (b) They'll split bills. OK, they like to be taken out for a meal at my expense every now and then, but in general we'll share costs.

    (c) Expect to meet her friends, but not all of them. Basically the divide is those who know what she does for a living, and those who don't.

    Some of the nicest people I know happen to be dancers, but you have to develop the ability to switch off from what they do.

    Phil.

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    Veteran Member Star Player's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Your not her BF by any stretch of the imagination - your roadkill. I think you are being played big time. Unbelievable!
    I date strippers, especially if they love to model for me.



    Parker

  21. #21
    Fairbay
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    If you have to ask, the answer's no.

  22. #22
    Member Mr.B's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: Am I BF or what?

    Quote Originally Posted by Christian*Doll* View Post
    if you have to ask then your definately NOT her bf
    As clear as day. You're just a friend at this point.

    Also...MAN UP!

    No offense, but you are setting yourself up to be the "nice guy" who will inevitably get to babysit the kids while "Joe" takes her out for an exciting night on the town on his Harley (and something else).

    Hey, if you think she's the one for you (which you seem to already), then fine. As a man though, show some resolve and do the things that will have her wondering if you are her boyfriend. Respect her boundaries and let her have and maintain her personal space.

    Take the advice of a great man: Don't be pussywhipped. Whip that pussy!

    (oh yeah, you haven't gotten as far as the second part yet...nevermind.)
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  23. #23
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    I don't understand the need for titles in relationships. Either I want to spend time with someone or I don't. Calling them a friend vs. SO makes no difference in how I feel about them. It's just a word/title.

    When I feel the time is right for sex, I have it. Forcing the issue or putting it off is akward. If you feel the time is right, make your move. If you feel it's too early, then wait.

    The person who asks the other person for a date should pay. If she's making the dates, she should be fronting the money. This fades over time as the relationship goes on. Eventually, it should be pretty much split. I don't worry about who pays, sometimes I do, sometimes my date does, I don't keep tabs. Also, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone I've known for only 3 weeks to spot me a 20. I'm an adult with a job, so I have my own. You said she has two jobs, she should have money and not need yours. I would no interest in someone who isn't responsible enough to manage their own funds.

    I don't have kids, so I can't comment on keeping a date away to protect them. I can understand how someone wouldn't want their kids meeting a new guy every week though. However, why doesn't she spend much time at your place? If you're wanting sex, good luck getting it at a restaraunt, a house is pretty much the best spot. If she doesn't feel comfortable at your place, she probably doesn't have that much interest in you.

    Quit worrying about what your relationship with her is. If you enjoy it, then continue. If the no sex and not meeting her friends/family bothers you so much, then end it.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    In my experience, in the absence of the woman being willing to call herself my SO or being willing to have sex with me, she's just keeping her options open. I might (mistakenly) commit my heart to her, when she has not done the same for me. So, I tend to prefer a woman who is up-front about either being willing to be my SO, or refusing to be my SO. If instead she asks, "Why do you need a label," I take that as a "No" and move on, because the reason I need a label is so that she can't mislead me (and perhaps herself) with her deliberate ploys of waiting and ambivalence. If it hasn't fallen together that we're screwing like rabbits by about the fourth week, then I know that she's playing at being interested in me just for other gain -- maybe to please me because that's her job at a strip club, in which case I don't really resent it, and I know I'll open my wallet for it; or maybe because she likes having me fawn all over her but doesn't think of my pathetic fawning act as masculine enough, or dominantly uncontrollable enough, for her to want to date me. Either way, I'm going to understand that if the sex doesn't happen then the SO status isn't going to happen and therefore she's saying "No" and I'm moving on. If she resents my "need for a label" then she's fooling herself into believing that all those men who fawn around all over her WITHOUT having sex with her are "just friends who don't want to have sex with me" when they really do.

  25. #25
    Veteran Member RC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I BF or what?

    Dude. She introduced you to her kids. Enough said.



    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    How to pick up a stripper- have a thick cock, don't talk too much, and fuck like Satan. That is all.

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