Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 51

Thread: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    the dirty dino
    Posts
    126
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 16 Times in 3 Posts

    Exclamation coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    help ladies! i'd like some advice.

    How did you ladies come clean to your families and friends about your job, or how did they find out?

    Did you tell them straight up? Did you just wait for them to find out and dealt with it then? or are you just living a double life and still haven't told them??

    I'm not stripping yet...I'm moreso interested in porn, but I want to get some insight on how to break it to my family before I do it - I don't want to have my own website going, have someone stumble across it, then hear whispers. I'd rather it be out in the open...the good, the bad, and the ugly of it. I'm not even interested in their opinion - because I ultimately do what I want to do. I'm also never ashamed of anything I do either, so I don't want it perceived to be like a secret.

    hopefully that made sense, and you all can share your expert opinions

  2. #2
    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,012
    Thanks
    130
    Thanked 252 Times in 117 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I never came out. Nobody but one friend whom i work with (and of course the whole of SW!!) Knows my "dirty" secret. Not even my bf.
    call me a crafty bitch if you want but sometimes it's better for all concerned to keep it a secret.

    If you feel the best option for you is to tell then i would say definitely get it out into the open before someone else does. because other people tend to exaggerate that by the end of it you will be getting paid $1,000,000 to have sex with a rhino in the middle of church when mass was in session....
    well maybe a bit OTT but the point is people like to make it sound worse than it really is. The sit down and chat discreetly method would work best.
    Explain your reasons and your plans with them in a calm and adult manner.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    the dirty dino
    Posts
    126
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 16 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    ^^ wow he still doesn't know?? you are crafty! lol what does he think you do? are you planning on ever telling him? what are your reasons for keeping it hush hush?

    You can never go wrong when explaining your plan and just telling them straight up. great advice!

    anyone else? pipe in ladies!

  4. #4
    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,821
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    My family doesn't know and never will. I try to remember that I'm not telling them for their own good. I'm not going to tell them something I KNOW will cause them heartache. That would be cruel in my opinion.
    If you feel you should tell them, then do it. Just make sure it's because you genuinely want them to know...not because you want the weight off your own shoulders.

  5. #5
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    3,654
    Thanks
    942
    Thanked 892 Times in 354 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I think everyone in my family will be shocked, but the only one who will actually disapprove is of course, my father (which is ironic because he used to date a stripper lol). I'm not sure if he's going to lose it or deal with it, but either way I know it won't be good and he'll probably (and rightfully) demand to know where I'll be working at so that he will know and let all of his friends know NEVER to go there.

    I won't tell him till after I've got the job, and I'll break it to him in a very happy, excited, enthusiastic way. I don't want it to come out grudgingly or anything, because then he'll think I'm not happy about what I am doing. I need him to understand that I'm enjoying it, which will freak him out even more. He doesn't even like when I stand too close to a guy.

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I'm pretty damn tired of lying to my family and I'd like to come out with it, but it would really upset them. I don't think they'd be mad, and I know they'd still love me just the same, but they would worry themselves sick. One grandmother is quite ill with cancer right now, and the other is a very high-strung hysterical type who worries about everything, so I don't see the point in freaking them out. I know how the media likes to play it up whenever a stripper is hurt, and they would go nuts with worrying about me getting raped or killed. So as irritating as the lies are, I keep it from them.

  7. #7
    Newbie
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    Maybe some of the more experienced girls can chime and say of this is common or not, but at one of the clubs I was at a girls brother came in while she was dancing. He did not know before that what she did and it was a pretty big deal for him and her that he found out that way. As for me let's just say that I have never been close with my family so this issue was never really even a big deal for me.

  8. #8
    Member Fucking_Princess's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    funkytown
    Posts
    24
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I've told my friends and siblings, but not my mother. I have NO idea how she's going to take it, but I've been thinking more and more that I should tell her - soon. In my situation, I KNOW she knows I'm up to SOMETHING, and that I'm getting paid for it. So, whatever she's thinking is probably pretty bad by now.

    So yeah - definitely tell them before someone else does! Is there another family member who you could trust to maybe help you break it to your dad? Reinforcements might be helpful so it's not all on you when you have to tell him. Just don't get the whole family or he might think it was a big secret against him, that everyone else knew.
    Hope that helps.

  9. #9
    zxcire
    Guest

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I told my mom about my new job about 2 months after I started. I was working a 40 hour week at my day job and dancing Sat. and Sun. so she was starting to wonder why I was never ever ever around. I let her know because I don't like to hide, lie, etc. and I'm not ashamed of what I do. She didn't say much when I told her, but called me a few hours later with the inevitable questions. I answered her questions and am open about it now.

    Same with my in-laws...I told my husband's parents about it just last weekend. Luckily, they are both very non-judgmental people, and after the initial baffled-ness, seemed to react very well. I just don't want to lie to anyone who is important to me. I'd rather tell everyone and let them form their own conclusions than lie, lie, lie, and get found out.

    I know that I have it easier than a lot of people, what with understanding family and such.

  10. #10
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Where the cool kids hang out.
    Posts
    4,103
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I didn't tell my family when I first started dancing, because I knew all the lectures and hateful things that would be said if I just told them at first. I danced a month or so and decided that I didn't really give a shit what they thought, so I straight up told my family. My sister thought it was cool, my stepdad wasn't upset, but my mom acted like I told her I was a serial killer. She *still* gives me shit about it and tries to talk me out of dancing every time I talk to her.

    When I started porn I told my SO and my friends, but I didn't tell my mom. Considering how she acted when I told her I danced, I knew she would disown me if she knew I was doing porn. I got away with it for 3 months and somebody in my home town took a magazine I was in to my mom and showed her. I have never heard somebody yell as much as she did, and she didn't talk to me for a couple months after that. I was talking to her a couple days ago and she told me that some guy that's friends with my sister had a video with me on the cover, and asked if I was embarrassed about it because she was. Uh, no, I'm not, sorry.

    My family is *really* Southern and uptight though, so that plays into their reactions to my job.

  11. #11
    cameron_keys
    Guest

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    My family is on a need to know basis. And when it comes to my profession..they simply do not need to know. I'm an adult, I do not need their approval and why tell them something I KNOW will upset them? If they find out I'll cross that bridge...but until then honestly..it's none of their business.

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    the dirty dino
    Posts
    126
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 16 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    wow i see tons of different yet very strong opinions, and everyone's right in their own way!

    if and when i venture into porn/stripping I feel as such; I'm an adult - and if i'm grown enough to do it, then i'm grown enough to own up to it. I'm too old to be sneaking around or stepping on eggshells. I don't need anyone's approval, and I'm not gonna go out of my way to accommodate them and whatever judgments they may posses by lying to them or hiding the truth.

    BUT i know my family will lecture, and lecture, and lecture, and treat me as a child/the black sheep. I mean, if that's what they decide to do, so be it. But that's not what I want. so maybe they need to be on a need to know basis - even if that is just prolonging the inevitable.


    I think i'm just gonna be straight up. if they're really family, they'll love, accept, and support me no matter what. if they don't, good riddance

  13. #13
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Schlong Beach, Cauliflower
    Posts
    2,558
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    Damn!!!! People are a lot more secretive than I assumed! (and that's fine, of course- whatever works in each different case.)

    Everyone knows. My parents knew (I told them) two months after I started (I had to explain how I could suddenly afford my motorcycle) and all my friends know. I'm pretty open about it as long as I trust the person... It's just a part of my life right now, and I really don't have anything to hide. I am extraordinarily lucky to have rather liberal, open, trusting, and wonderful family/friends.

    My sister (16) does not know. Come 18, I'm sure she will.

  14. #14
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,427
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    my brother was the first person in my family who knew, i think. i can't say for sure, but i used to go on SW on his computer and i'm pretty sure he heard me on the phone a few times talking about auditioning when i was changing clubs.

    my parents found out after i'd been doing it almost a year. this was like a month ago. my mom always joked about it but then all of a sudden she got serious about it and said i was lying to her and she knew thats what i was really doing. when my car got hit, i admitted it in the middle of the fuss. "ugh, you know im dancing, its not a big deal right now, im freaking out over my car!" they didnt say anything for a few days, but my mom reacted badly. a few days after my car thing, she said we "needed to talk" and sat me down with her and my dad and basically said no one will ever have respect for me and stuff. my dad didnt say anything

    it's better that they know, though. its weird when someone else asks and i keep lying and my parents are around. my aunt asked me some questions about bartending the other day when we were all at my parents house for crabs. i felt super awkward. but its easier not having to make up lies and excuses all the time. it wouldve come out anyway because i got my dui, and when i go to court, my job will come up. my parents want to be there at court, soo..

  15. #15
    Featured Member PuertoRicanPinup's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    1,408
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    My sister told my mom that I was a stripper when I first started. Every time I talk to her she asks me if I still dance, and I don't lie to her. So my immediate family knows, sister and mom. My dad passed away.

    Some of my extended family knows. Honestly, I feel like you do Sammi, if they're family they'll love and support you no matter what. I hate lying, I'm comfortable with what I'm doing with myself and my life and if they can't understand that, too bad.
    "I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy. -Anais Nin"

  16. #16
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    1,019
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    My mom, sister, bro-inlaw,boyfriend,and a few close friends know. My 2 aunts may suspect something....ah that bartending question....they always ask me about bartending and i always feel so weird. I am going to tell them because it is too annoying.....i do not really care anymore what they think.
    The only person I am concerned about is my dad.....he would FLIP...i have been thinking recently about just letting him know so he does not get hurt. His brother walked in years ago and saw me but never said anything.
    I would not care as much if my dad did not help me so much with school before i started dancing and some time when i was dancing(although i was very shy and did not make much money at all during that time....so i didn't feel like some freeloader. He offers me help for certain things no while i look for a "dayjob"...but i would never ever take it, considering i am at the peak of my career and now know how to hustle.

  17. #17
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2007
    Location
    Somewhere cold
    Posts
    2,175
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 33 Times in 17 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    My mom, my sister and brother in law know. I told them when I 1st started, without fear of judgement, because I know how they are. All of them are happy as long as I'm happy and being safe. I think my mom thinks its kinda cool now actually...she brags about me...ha! As for my older brother and his wife...they will never knw unless they somehow find out...which is pretty slim. I have one of those big protective older brothers that would probebly just die. As for my sister in law...she bitched about what a horrible parent my mom was when she let me read Teen and Seventeen and Jr. High...and about the clothes I wore...so we're not even going to go there....


    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    Boner Man, Boner Man,
    Here comes Sweatpant Boner Man,
    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

  18. #18
    Member atheena's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Portland
    Posts
    16
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    my mom is a dancer and all my life it has been talked down upon by my family, and actually by her too. when i decided to start dancing my mother had nothing to do with my decision, she actually had no idea. i got the oppertunity to do an add for the local adult magazine and thats when i finally decided to tell my mom, she was so upset and after she found out i hid it from her for three months she didnt talk to me for just as long. then she realized that there was nothing she could do about it and now she never brings it up and we talk everyday. i kept it a secret from the rest of the family but two years later they found out on their own (from people seeing the same type of adds) they have been very rude and think im the worst person in the world and its my husbands fult for letting me dance. all i could do is express to them that im not going to change because im doing what i like to do and i only need to worry about making myself happy and not anyone els. and i told them that i kept it from them for so long because i did not want to be judged by them.

  19. #19
    Veteran Member BlueJeanBaby's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    362
    Thanks
    18
    Thanked 24 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    I have a question that pertains to this topic.....the main reason I haven't been able to start dancing is due to my inability to come up with a good way to hide this from my family. I'm 21 but moved back home with my parents as right now that's all I can afford.

    I've come to the conclusion that i'd at least have to do the day shift....but I still don't know of a good way to keep this from my intruding family. (and go figs i'd be using one of their cars)

    Ladies who have had success in concealing their occupation from their family, did you live at home for a time when you pulled this off?? What's a good, but believeable lie?
    "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."
    -anne lamott

  20. #20
    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,821
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueJeanBaby View Post
    I have a question that pertains to this topic.....the main reason I haven't been able to start dancing is due to my inability to come up with a good way to hide this from my family. I'm 21 but moved back home with my parents as right now that's all I can afford.

    I've come to the conclusion that i'd at least have to do the day shift....but I still don't know of a good way to keep this from my intruding family. (and go figs i'd be using one of their cars)

    Ladies who have had success in concealing their occupation from their family, did you live at home for a time when you pulled this off?? What's a good, but believeable lie?
    Honestly, I think there is a difference in hiding your own occupation as an adult from your family, and living with your family because you can't afford to live on your own while deceiving them.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member BlueJeanBaby's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    362
    Thanks
    18
    Thanked 24 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    ............yeah. I'm aware there's a difference.

    Am I to believe that as a 21yr old adult I can't consider dancing as a means to get on my feet while paying tuition and bills out the ass?

    There's also a difference between a 18yr old high school student living at home and decieving her parents and an adult in her 20's with her own life going to work and trying to get on her feet.

    Do they need to know where I work/want to work? No.

    There are plenty of women who have been in my situation as well, and I'm asking them how were able to keep there personal business private.
    "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."
    -anne lamott

  22. #22
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2007
    Location
    ATX
    Posts
    3,502
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    ^^^ I don't think she was trying to be rude.

    Personally, I don't see a problem with you dancing while you are living in your parent's house, just as long as you save all your money to move out as soon as possible. I don't know what the earnings and cost of living are where you are, but here that would take about 2 weeks. Then you could move out and do whatever the crap you want! The moving out part is important because this lying situation would undoubtedly be very stressful and best to be minimized.

    What I do see a problem with is those girls who mooch off their parents while dancing indefinitely and waste all their money on stupid shit. No point in dancing then, IMHO.
    Note that this does not include girls who have children or are paying off debts.
    I think if you are dancing then you can afford to take care of your own damn self!

  23. #23
    Veteran Member BlueJeanBaby's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    362
    Thanks
    18
    Thanked 24 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    ^^thank you, exactly.

    I just want to save up some money to get my own car and then move out ASAP like you said.

    I had a decent amount of money saved up from working a 'normal' job, but allllll that money ends up going to tuition and books, bills, things like that.
    My education took priority over getting a car of my own which put me in a very dependant situation. BUT it doesn't have to be like that so I'm taking steps to get myself together. yay
    "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."
    -anne lamott

  24. #24
    God/dess
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,170
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 16 Times in 11 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I'm pretty damn tired of lying to my family and I'd like to come out with it, but it would really upset them. I don't think they'd be mad, and I know they'd still love me just the same, but they would worry themselves sick. One grandmother is quite ill with cancer right now, and the other is a very high-strung hysterical type who worries about everything, so I don't see the point in freaking them out. I know how the media likes to play it up whenever a stripper is hurt, and they would go nuts with worrying about me getting raped or killed. So as irritating as the lies are, I keep it from them.

    This is pretty much why I won't tell them. I know they would be upset at first, but forgive me and love me anyway....but they worry enough about me as it is. Telling them will only add more stress, and my mother doesn't need that. I love her, and I don't want her to worry about me EVEN MORE than she already does.



  25. #25
    Member evey's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    with a god
    Posts
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: coming out to family about job...tips, help, and advice

    number 1
    Never Ever Say its about the money
    becasue theyll offer to help even if they cant afford to
    that is the worst thing you can do becasue theyll feel like they need to provide for you

    im not at all close to m family ( most of are not on speaking terms becasue i got married)

    but the worst way they can find out is by coming to your club

    my step father came in once and asked me for a lap dance when i said no i told him cuz were related and it took that for him to sober up and realize who i was he FREAKed

    if your going to tell sooner rather thatn later is good

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 37
    Last Post: 11-19-2011, 01:38 AM
  2. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-21-2011, 09:19 AM
  3. Need family advice--asshole cousin dissed me from her wedding
    By PhillyDancer1982 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 11-21-2006, 03:32 PM
  4. Your family hates your job
    By madmaxine in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 05-18-2005, 05:32 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •