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Thread: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member couturechick85's Avatar
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    Default I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    Ok my husband and I are about to have to go to court again over my 13 year old step-son. We have custody of him right now and Have for about 7 years. His mother doesn't ever and hasn't ever wanted him. Before William had custody of him and his mother had custody she didn't even have her with him then. He lived with his grandma. Our son hasn't been wanting to go over to her house on weekend and about a year ago when he did go over there she and her BF beat him so bad that when they dropped him of at school the next day DFS was called!!! She told them that he was out of control and that they were just trying to restarin him. ( He had bruises on her back scratch marks on his face and a huge knot on his head. there were lots of bruises on arms legs and back) Keep in mind that she is 5'10' and weighs at least 240 and her man is 6'1' and weighs over 200. Our son was was about to turn 12 at the time and weighed about 100 and was shorter than me and I am 5'4". So long story short. She has used drugs in front of him drank and drove when he was in the car with her and also beat him. She told him about 2 1/2 months ago that she didn't want anything to do with him and that she didn't want him even in her house. She told him that she was writing him off. She also told my husband and I that. Well My brother-n-laws ex knos her and has told her now that I am huge whore and that I am nothing but a 22 year old whore,skank,cunt. (whatever she can think of) She tells me that I have no right to interfear with her relationship with her son and that she can't wait to take us to court to tell the judge I'm a ditry stripper. I don't think there is AnYTHING WRONG with what I do. I support my family very well and I also and going to pay my way through dental school to be a dentist by doing this. I also have paid to start my own buisness by doing this. SO I guess my point is... Do u think what I do for a living is going to cause problems with us in court??? I know I don't do anyting bad and I know that she does HORRIBLE things. I just wanted to know if there are any moms in here that have been trough this? I know that I am not his biological mother and that she is. But I love him like he is and I take damn good care of him. He flunked school this past year. Despite the fact that I grounded him when to school with him and even took all his clothes away except for the old walmart ones that he owned. (not that there is anything wrong with Walmart but at there age it's all Hollister and Abercrombie and stuff like that) When I did that he broght his grades up form f's to straight A's in a month and a 1/2. He is jsut really stubborn and didn't want to do it. So she also has that as ammo. But whe have sent him to Therapist and they all say that all his problems stem from his mother. I just don't know what to do I love him so much and I don't want him to get stuck over there! Any suggestions??? PLEASE HELP!!!

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    Veteran Member Alia_of_the_Knife's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    All I can say is try to get the best lawyer you can afford. (And I am sure you can afford a better attorney than his bio-mom.)

    If she has a criminal record against her, including abuse against her son, and you two are clean, that should really help you.

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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    I think it depends on the state, how they handle custody. Is she actually suing for custody? I believe at 13 he has a say in who he stays with, stripper stepmom or not! He may have to testify, but I know after a certain age, kids have a say in who they stay with. Get a good lawyer, learn your rights and the laws of your state.

    That being said, you might want to save what you can and be willing to quit dancing for a bit if it does become an issue. Like if she starts trouble with you at work or something. Unfortunately these things happen.

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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    You should probably request an independent custody investigation (different states are different - sometimes they're called guardian ad litems, but usually they're custody investigators). You definitely need to have the therapists, the school, and the DFS caseworker there to testify. Of course, the best thing to do is get a good lawyer who knows the judge and is known in your area and do whatever he says.



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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    Do u think what I do for a living is going to cause problems with us in court???
    Thanks to the publicity generated by Anna Nicole, the Duke Rape case dancer, and a host of others, the unfortunate answer is YES.

    Family court judges are charged with making decisions based on their own opinions as to what is 'best' for the child. Family court judges are also free to use their own judgement as to which parties are lying vs which parties are telling the truth. If there are convictions or formal charges on file against the ex and/or her boyfriend, then the judge can't ignore this documentation that the ex and/or her boyfriend truly represent a bad environment for your step-son. However, in the absence of such convictions or formal charges, in the eyes of the judge it will boil down to a credibility issue between the 'story' that you and your husband will tell, versus the 'story' that the ex and her boyfriend will tell. I don't mean to disappoint you but here's my point ...

    If you bring up things in court such as the ex using drugs in front of your step-son, or the ex drinking and then driving with your step-son in the car, where's the proof that any of this really occurred ? If you bring up the school calling DFS because of your step-son's bruises, where's the proof that your ex or her bf were the source of those bruises vs you or your husband being the source of those bruises ? If the ex decides to bring up speculation that you yourself use drugs, have sex with club customers etc., where is your proof that you don't ? If the ex decides to bring up speculation that your interest in her ex-husband is based on 'gold-digging', and that you may very well decide to leave your husband at any time if a 'better deal' were to come along, where is the proof that this is not the case ?

    However, when the ex brings up the point that you are a 'stripper', that point isn't open to argument. When the ex brings up the point that your step-son flunked school last year while in your custody, that point isn't open to argument either.

    My point here is that, depending on the particular family court judge, depending on what sort of 'manufactured image' the ex can project in court, depending on the sentiment of the general public in your area in regard to 'strip clubs' and 'strippers', in the absence of HARD PROOF it is entirely possible that the judge may accept the ex's 'story' over your own 'story'. It's also typically true that family court judges will favor the biological mother over the biological father, all else being equal. It's also typically true that family court judges will buy into the mainstream media 'Stripper Stereotype' being based on a grain of truth.

    It is also true that at age 13 the judge will listen to what your step-son has to say. However, there is no guarantee that the family court judge will accept your step-son's testimony as being true and free of coercion. After all, the ex could potentially claim that you have convinced your step-son to say certain things in exchange for sexual favors - yes I know this is absolutely sick, but such a claim by the ex IS a possibility - and in point of fact you would have nothing but your own word to dispute such a claim in court.

    I agree that the best thing you can possibly do is to retain the best local family court attorney that you can find.

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    Senior Member couturechick85's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    OMG this is horrible. I think our son will be ok though b/c I he VERY VERY smart! I do know that I can get proof that she does drugs b/c I can require a hair sample from her if I want. I don't know I just think I am going to go and throw up or something!

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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    Yeah, get a lawyer. A good one.

    My SO has a kid and he was in pretty much the same situation. They got to court and the kid's mom threw up the 'stripper' step mom thing, and it was downhill from there.

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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    Hi Couturechick85,

    I'm so sorry to hear about this situation and want to send my support. I'm not sure I can add much here beyond a few thoughts. I am glad that Melonie and Ginger are taking a hard, realistic look at this, because it is certainly what you need to do--you need to prepare for this with your eyes open and, as Melonie says, remember that throwing accusations without proof will backfire on you. But it seems to me that there is also reason for hope. When the DFS investigated, they were told by this woman that they "were just trying to restrain him," and I'm sure the DFS didn't buy that--some report in this way must have been filed, and it would seem to me that a judge would rather a boy be in a safe situation, regardless of what he or she thinks of the profession of stripping. I'm guessing, of course; but between this and the boy's wish to be with you, I think you have some things on your side, some reason to keep your chin up. I agree with everyone to get the best lawyer you can, and to think this through in a cool, rational way--gather proof on your side, and present yourself as organized and ready to take on the challenge. It seems to me that the perception you create here--as a collected individual--will help tilt things in your direction, too.

    I truly wish you luck with this.
    JK Jim

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    Also. I don't want to drum up unwarranted worries, but I found this tidbit under Missouri family law ...



    Since you and your husband are a large part of 'custodial arrangements', it's entirely possible that the ex's attorney will request, and the family court judge will grant, an investigation of yourself and your husband. This could include criminal records, IRS records, credit rating, hair samples for drug testing etc. Of course your own attorney could request that exactly the same investigation be conducted re the ex and her boyfriend, beginning with the DFS incident.

    The reason that I point this out is that if there is anything in your 'paper trail' that won't come up squeaky clean, be prepared for things to quickly get worse instead of better. Hopefully you don't have any club busts on your record. Hopefully you have filed plausible income tax returns for your dancing earnings for the past few years. Hopefully your own hair samples will pass a drug test.

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    Senior Member couturechick85's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

    Yes thanx Melonie, She might do that but I doubt it b/c I know that she does drugs for a fact and yes there was a report filed on the DFS ordeal. She also confessed to the juvenial officer that she did drugs the weekend that she beat our son. There is so so so much more so I think we will be ok. I'm just worried about it al little I guess. I have decided though that I'm going to offer to take a drug test b/c I would be just fine. And I'm just going to tell them that I have just been dancing this year since Jauary. Although I have been for about a year now. But they wont know for sure. and the worste thing that would be on there for my husband and I is bankruptcy. But we have a really nice house now and two brand new cars and have started our own buisness. So I don't have anything to worry about on that area. She and her BF on the other hand have repeted drug charges on them and assault and things like that. She has never keep a job for long that 6 months up until now and she has work there for about 3 years I think. She is 30 years old and when it comes right down to it I am not sure that she will really take us to court b/c in all honestly she doesn't really want our son she is just throwing a fit b/c she isn't getting her way. This is what she always does when she gets mad. But either way we are going to take her. I hoping that the Judge can see that there is no reason to take a child out of a house that he is doing very well in and put him with someone that has told him she doesn't want him and beatin him. She has NEVER EVER had him living with her except for when He was young and my husband and her were together. But as soon as they split up she left our son with her mother and just collected the check on our son. I don't know I will keep you all posted tough. thanx for your help.

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